Going Goth - July - Gold Edition (Patreon)

I got to look Jake right in his eyes and see every emotion inside him all at once.  All the fear of having to face up to me after running off with Natalie last month.  All of the shock of seeing whatever has been changing me forcing him to look up at me rather than straight ahead.  All of the regret knowing what he missed out on not being with me.  All of the lust because of how bad he wanted me now.  It was all so succulent, all so cathartic.  He was like a sad little puppy who was begging to be thrown his favorite treat.

This past month has been enlightening in ways I’ve never felt before.  Every day since I was with Natalie last, my phone would ring nonstop with missed calls and texts.  Apologies, excuses and all seven stages of grief all the way to manipulative attempts to get me back in her grasp.  With each passing day I ignored them and with each passing day I felt even more free.  It turns out toxic friendships are real and just as intoxicating to stay in unless you pull yourself away from the bottle by force.

Now I have and now I’m free.

It’s like the weight in my chest is finally gone and replaced with a weight on my chest no man could ever hope to ignore.  I still haven’t figured out what has caused me to still be growing bigger.  My doctor thought all the emotional instability might have triggered something, but nobody grows over a foot taller like it’s nothing out of the blue.  Not that I mind, perhaps this was the real me waiting to bloom out all along.

Everywhere I look now, instead of wishing I were home or wishing I could have a life all my own to enjoy, I am alive, living life how I want to without fear or frustration.  I go out into the night with a smile and look and see all eyes turning my way as I do.  The same eyes that Jake lusted upon me as I laughed at him and walked away are the same eyes I see on every man I pass by on the street, whether they’re walking with a girlfriend or not.

Maybe some of them will get lucky and get a taste of this darkened sunlight.