Ep. 860 To The North Part 8 (Patreon)

First I feel my control of the soulscape return, then they take turns to kiss me. Unlike before, the kisses are just simple pecks, it looks like they are going to tease me less. Or at least they are going to wait and let me sort things out before they tease me for real.

They say goodbye and then leave the soulscape, but I don't end it right away. I can't help but wonder if they are right and that I should give in to their suggestion. I know that going without sex for long periods of time can cause personality changes.

I have been changing, but I can't know for sure if that is the reason for the changes or not. After all, I have been through plenty of things that could change a person. In my last life I barely even got into a fight, yet here I have been fighting almost non-stop.

Just the amount of people I have killed is reason enough for my personality to change. The fact that killing doesn't bother me is a definite sign that something is wrong with me. I don't want to think about it too much because there is still a lot of fighting and killing ahead.

If I lose the ability to kill without regret it could cripple me and lead to my death. A single second of hesitation in a fight could easily lead to my death. Despite knowing that I am going to die after the war, I am still afraid of death.

The goddesses are right, I have been bottling up pretty much all of my feelings. The only time I haven't held anything back is when I am with my kids. I told the goddesses that I was afraid to get attached because it would make dying harder.

The problem is that I have already become attached to my kids and am afraid of leaving them. Yet despite that, I just keep collecting more kids that I won't be around to raise. It makes me feel bad for them, but I can't bring myself to distance myself from them.

Hopefully, Kechara and Asuna will be old enough to understand and be there for the others. Although, I should really try to stop adopting more kids from now on. Once the drake egg hatches it will bring the total up to eight, that is more than enough.

Come to think of it, I am going to need to think of names for the phoenix and the drake. Coming up with names is the hardest part for me, all I can really do is steal them. However, that can wait for later, right now I need to decide what I am going to do about Lin.

Considering I am attached to the kids, I can't really use that as an excuse. I have been avoiding the issue and making excuses pretty much since I came to this world. How different would things be by now if I had accepted Ruby's advances?

For one thing she would probably still be by my side instead of running around with Isabella. While Ruby is beautiful, her intensity was scary, she wasn't in love with me, she was obsessed. That is not healthy for either of us, getting together with her would have been a mistake.

Myria is a different story, in the beginning her feelings were mainly based on gratitude. Over time I feel like things changed and that now she might actually love me. The problem is I don't love her, although that is because I have tried to avoid her.

If I let myself get close to her, who can say what will happen between us. Myria has done a lot for me and definitely deserves to be given a chance. However, I won't see her for months yet, if I wait that long I will go back to making excuses.

Lin on the other hand is right here in the room with me and has offered several times. The problem is that she is human, if I take her as a lover the elves are not going to be happy. The more I think about it the more complicated it gets and it is only going to get worse.

At this rate I am going to end up building a harem and that is something I don't want to do. Sure, in my old life I fantasized about having a harem, but I don't actually want to do that. Trying to keep up with the thoughts of one woman is hard enough, multiple women is impossible.

Not to mention the drama if the women don't get along, I don't even want to imagine the arguments. If I had a harem there would be no avoiding the fights, I would be in the middle of them. I really don't want to have a harem, but there are too many women who want to be with me.

Most of them I can just ignore, but there are a few that deserve more from me. Lin hasn't made it onto that list yet, but she is the one I am the most attracted to. She is also the one that I feel will create the least drama and will even help reduce the drama.

She has already offered to be my shield against the other women on the ship. That was very brave of her when she doesn't know the women involved. I still want to get to know her better, but I am seriously considering it.

I guess the first thing I need to do is see if I can lower my strength by shapeshifting. If not then all this thinking is pointless since I won't be able to do anything. With that in mind I decide to end the soulscape and experiment with it.

However, when I end the soulscape and open my eyes I find things have changed. Brightfire and Neesha are currently spread-eagled on the ceiling of the cabin. Keeble is currently rolling back and forth on the floor laughing, so it can't be too serious.

Lin says "Master, you are awake. These two wanted to disturb you so I restrained them."

Brightfire says "I wasn't trying to disturb you, I know better. I was trying to hold Neesha back. Can you tell whoever this is to put me down?"

"Thank you, Lin. You can put them down now."

Lin lets the two of them down, but as soon as she does Neesha screams my name and pounces at me. However, Lin is faster and Neesha finds herself right back on the ceiling. This sets Keeble off again and even Brightfire starts laughing at her.

Neesha says "Let me down! Ash is mine!"

Lin says "Oh? Is he? Have you slept with him? Because I have."

Neesha and Brightfire say "What?!"

They both turn to stare at Lin, although Neesha can only turn her head. Lin just responds with a small smile and doesn't say anything despite being the center of attention. Even Keeble has stopped laughing and is staring at her in shock.

I hadn't even decided if I was going to let her be my shield yet and now the choice is out of my hands. However, Neesha is not going to back off easily so it might be better to let Lin handle it. I am not good at talking to women, I wouldn't be able to convince Neesha to give up.

Neesha says "I don't believe you! Ash is mine! I will sleep with him right here and now!"