Ep. 1142 Returning Home Part 14 (Patreon)

As much as I don't want to deal with the politics and everything else, I do miss the kids. I can't wait to see them again and I really want to spend some time with them. To me, time in the soulscape just doesn't count, it isn't real enough.

After Lin is done lecturing me, I head downstairs to take a bath and relax. Once I relax a little, I do some thinking about how I interact with the kids. I already know the root of the problem, it stems from my insecurities in my first life.

No matter what I did in my last life, I thought that it was never enough. I had thought that I had gotten over that since coming to this world, but apparently not. Why is it that every time I think I have things sorted out, something goes wrong?

This only crops up when it comes to my kids, at least as far as I can tell. It probably stems from the fact that I have never thought myself qualified to be a parent. To be honest, I still don't, I feel like I am constantly messing things up with the kids.

However, it would seem that the kids don't share that opinion, which is surprising. I thought for sure that the kids on the peninsula would resent me by now. Well, maybe not Kechara, she is mature enough to understand that I didn't mean to leave.

Besides, I spent a lot more time with her, raising her from a baby, so I was there for the important times. The one I feel the worst about is Ekard, he is still a baby and I haven't been there for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't recognize me as his father anymore.

Yet from what Mulan said, that isn't the case at all, which is really surprising. Kechara must have done an amazing job taking care of him while I was gone. That just means that I owe her even more for taking over what should have been my responsibility.

I've got a long list of things that I need to make up for when I get back. I don't think I will be able to stop feeling inadequate until I have taken care of this list. Until then, I will just have to be careful and try to keep this feeling to myself.

I don't want to upset the kids anymore than I already have and I don't want another lecture. I am not too worried about the kids, they are resilient and they will be fine. Besides, what I said was only a little upsetting, it shouldn't have any long term effects.

Thinking through everything does help, even though I am not able to resolve things. I guess that recognizing the source of the problem helps to lessen it, at least a little. Either that, or it just gives me a bit more control and allows me to hide it better.

Whichever it might be, by the time I am ready to get out of the bath I feel much better. I am still a little upset that Lin lectured me, but she was right, I did mess up. I am not about to let that prevent us from having some fun before we go to sleep.

Lin appears to be of the same opinion, at least she doesn't object when I invite her to come to bed. Once we have had our fun, Lin falls asleep, but for some reason I can't. After a while of tossing and turning, I give up and work on my core instead.

Core Upgrade Progress: 51%

In the morning when we join the kids for breakfast, they act completely normal. Either what I said is already forgotten, or they are choosing not to make a big deal out of it. Either way, I feel a lot better since now I can pretend that it didn't happen.

That is exactly what I do and breakfast passes without anything happening. When Lin starts her lesson, I head back into the bedroom and try to take a nap. Unfortunately, once again I find myself unable to fall asleep for some reason.

After a while, I give up and head down to my workshop to look for a distraction. In the end, I call Jarvis down and start looking at his programming. I quickly lose myself in studying how the programming has changed.

Surprisingly, the programming has started becoming simpler than it was before. Despite that, it is still doing a better job, meaning the simpler programming is an improvement. However, it is now written in a way that I have never even considered.

I get so lost in studying and trying to understand it that I don't even join the others for lunch. Quite a bit of what I thought I understood about programming is overturned. Unfortunately, the changes going on in the programming aren't complete yet.

So, while I learn a lot from it, it is not enough to completely learn a new method. However, if it keeps changing, then eventually I will be able to learn a new way of programming. Eventually, I finish learning what I can and head upstairs to join the others for dinner.

As usual, the kids talk about their training and ask for some advice about a few things. Other than that, the conversation is just about random things, nothing serious. As soon as they are done eating, the kids go to watch cartoons until they go to bed.

Lin heads to the library to do some reading and I join her to read some manga. We read together for a few hours and then we have fun until Lin falls asleep. This time I don't even try to sleep and just work on my core all night long.

Core Upgrade Progress: 84%

After having breakfast with Lin and the kids, I go back to my workshop. It is too soon to learn anything more from Jarvis, so I look for something else to do. When my eyes land on the shelves full of materials I get an idea that I can try.

Using my new scanning technique I study all of the materials looking for ones that will work together. From my old world I know that there exist all sorts of alloys, I just don't know how to make them. Considering there are even more types of materials here it would make sense that there are even more alloys.

Unfortunately, my scanning only gives me a few hints, it wasn't designed for this. So, I end up doing it the old fashioned way and spend the rest of the day experimenting. It is really fun and it manages to keep my mind off of my self-destructive tendencies.

Unfortunately, I don't manage to discover anything useful, but there is a lot of work left to do. With so many materials, the number of possible combinations is immense. It will take at least a few days for me to test all of them, maybe longer.