Social Distance Stranding (Patreon)

Why yes, I do hate myself for making that joke. Thanks for noticing. I was bound to do this bit eventually, and i'm the only one who can do it right, so let's just get it over with. 

Hideo Kojima is a man who i consider my brother in the struggle, as we both suffer from the same debilitating condition, being right about everything all the time, and heeded by no one, except in useless hindsight. 

Remember back in 2001 when Metal Gear Solid 2 had that wacky spiel about how the oncoming storm of social media would lead to a rise in pocket communities and echo chambers, irrevocably dividing and radicalizing people while insidiously eroding the very idea of truth? Ha Ha. So zany. 

Then there was that time in 2008 when he also pointed out that the growth of artificial intelligence has become a completely out of control snowball effect, and when combined with an increasingly Orwellian surveillance state and further breakthroughs in technology would soon give rise to a digitized, dehumanized world where constant war is simply a part of the equation, and the swirling storm of misinformation and propaganda from all sides has made it so no one can figure out what any of these conflicts are even about with any degree of accuracy, and no one knows who to rebel against because everything is so vague and automated that the system has basically taken on a life and will of it's own, and that these complexities will eventually form a sort of primordial soup out of which is born an impossibly complex series of algorithms that control everything we see and hear like some sort of super Intelligent Science Fiction God Machine, through which people's very minds and bodies can be controlled via nanomachines in the bloodstream. Oh boy that was a good one. Crazy old Kojima strikes again. 

And how about that far out kooky, game from last year? Death Stranding, that was a wild one. Where an invisible enemy roams the continental United states forcing everyone into lives of secluded isolation that eventually become so comfortable it effects their minds and personalities, making it impossible to connect with other people or even want to, and the only people that can hold what's left of this dying civilization together are the intrepid deliverymen, who themselves are just doing their job and are for the most part just as hopeless as everyone else because it's completely obvious that the system was completely broken and bound for inevitable collapse anyways to the point where most welcome extinction and see no point in trying to go back to the way things were because the way things were was even stupider than that. 

Okay, enough. We get it. Someone somewhere must have told Hideo that games aren't art, so he decided to make them prophecy instead. 

Kojima isn't the only one cursed with knowledge. Here's a hilarious screenshot of my original post from last November. 

You didn't listen. You never listen. 

Okay, now that that's out of the way, here's a good, solid 2 hours of me being funny and cool over the early part of Death Stranding. Presented in 2 parts that i painstakingly edited for you last night, even after i saw a big spider right next to my hand, so you're welcome. 

Part 1 is comprised of footage you may have seen last year if you were a patron then. But this time I've meticulously removed all the boring stuff, as well as the agonizingly immeasurable eon of being alone with our thoughts that ruined everything in the middle of it because Twitch copyright ID muted the audio for a song that Kojima put there, not me. 

Now it's an actual video that won't waste so much of your time, and is guaranteed to make you chuckle appropriately. And that's only part 1. 

Part 2 is all new, never before posted, and forgotten about for months by me. This too has had all the fat sliced away and been whittled down to a single hour of purified ha ha, with a dash of he he for spice, and some stonk on the side. 

All together this was about a 4 hour chunk of footage that i've managed to shape and mould down into 2 concentrated blasts of pristine comedy and masterful critique. Gather round the parlor wall with your family and enjoy gems of comedic gold like "Guillermo is a fat man" and profound wisdom such as "i like this game but im mad at it". 

Like Michelangelo said "the funny lets play was always there, i just removed the shitty parts". 

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEvNLHNXnG8&feature=youtu.be

Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEy_wa8EPs&feature=youtu.be