Horizon - Unlocking "Fun" (Patreon)

Here's the continuing saga of me being an old grumbly man bitching snarkily at a mechanically decent but basically worthless game. Thankfully the baby-level tutorial is finally over and now the game gets to start. 

Oh god i'm really bitching up a cunt-storm in this one. Most of these complaints aren't even real. Oh thank god im doing a baby girl song now. That's where it's at. That's when I'm at my best. 

Does anyone even care about this game? I've never heard a single person talk about Horizon: Zero Dawn ever, despite it supposedly being a big release. I'm gonna "release" my fuckin bowels. That's my other signature thing. Baby-girl songs and poopy butt jokes. That's my one-two punch and this video contains both. 

Most of this series is just gonna be me making fun of all the stupid caveman characters with their dumb portland-hipster haircuts and generic primitive names like UG and GROGNAR. Savages. Barely even human, not even cool. 

I hope this game is more fun to watch me play than it is to be me playing it. This is like the most generic, regular, basic ass modern game imaginable. Like it's not even bad. It's just... every game. This game is every current game, and it begs to be made fun of at every turn. 

And i will. By god. If it's the last thing i do. I vow to make fun of this game... forever. Or until everyone gets sick of it and tells me to stop. Then i'll just dump the rest of my footage in a landfill and never think about Horizon: Zero Dawn ever again, just like everyone else in the world.