Resident Evil 2 Is Great But I Hate It. (Patreon)

Yes sir. That right there is a thumbnail. A damn fine one if i say so myself. 

Here's my pointlessly grumbly collection of complaints and grievances about a game that was awesome and that i actually loved. Resident Evil 2 was one of those games i really played the fuck out of as a kid. It came out right at that perfect time in my childhood where life was actually kind of cool. Like between the ages of 7 and 10, after that it goes right down the shitter and never recovers. It was one of my favorites that i still have a lot of nostalgia for, so i guess no matter how good the remake turned out, i can't help comparing.

All things considered it could have turned out a lot worse, and what it does well it does really fantastic. But it's still full of a bunch of fucking bullshit, not to mention a whole fuckin fuckload of fucking horseshit. 

Here are some other observations i forgot to put in the video. 

- The new voice actors are lame, I don't know why they'd replace Alyson Court when she's been doing Claire consistently for like 20 years. For a longtime fan her absence is noticeable throughout. Also while Leon never really had a consistent voice actor, i gotta say i don't much care for the one in this game. He sounds too soft and boyish. I know he's young in this one but compare his voice in the original game to now, it's like the remake cut his balls off, or like they haven't dropped yet. Gross. Balls. Fuck this game for making me think about other men's balls. 

- The noir outfits and filter are fucking awesome and i highly recommend doing a play-through in black and white. It looks amazing. Makes the game way more atmospheric and spooky and cool. The point of the video tho was the stuff i didn't like, so i didn't want to go off on tangents about the stuff that was awesome. 

- The 2nd Birkin fight, with the crane platform, is one of the most terrible boss fights i've ever experienced. I honestly don't know how i forgot to mention this, i guess it just didn't fit with the flow of what i had written. It's bad, man. Platform too small, Crane too slow, having to shoot his stupid eyeball while keeping him in the right spot and hitting him not once but twice with the stupid shipping container. What a nightmare. I don't even want to think about it, it's too traumatic. 

- It's lame that Claire and Leon interact so little in this, scenes where they met up in the original game are removed, as is the radio that kept them in contact the whole time. It's a weird thing now where at the end of the game they act like best friends despite barely interacting. It's stupid. 

- A lot of commenters are telling me that the zombies don't re-spawn and don't get up if you blow their heads off. I don't mind being wrong, but that only strengthens my point about the headshots. If killing their brains is the only way to stop them from coming back, all the more reason the headshots should do just that, and consistently! But they don't. You can't rely on headshots for shit. That's like if in Resident Evil for Gamecube the kerosene to burn bodies and keep them from coming back as crimson heads only worked 5 percent of the time. You'd throw a fit, and rightly so. 

-That Claire nude mod is hot as hell and it pisses me right off that kids today just get this kind of treasure like it's no big deal. In my day nude codes were a bonafide urban legend. You scoured magazines for that shit and most of them just pranked you. It never really existed, but the world kept feeding you false hope. I would have cut my left arm off for the chance to see some Lara's blocky pixelated triangle-tits and bush-puss. But you kids today just go on 4chan and se Hi-def Webms of Claire Redfield sucking big dong and presenting herself like a horny forest animal. Spoiled zoomer bastards. I curse the youth of this country with every fiber of my being. 

Well anyway, that's the game.

Final, actual score: 8/10