Onion Man (Patreon)

Here's part 3 of Regular Dark Suls, which at a certain point stops being so regular thanks to the introduction of a horrible new character that hopefully will never be seen again.

I don't even know what this series is anymore. It started off regular, then part 2 devolved into a weird dark bit about being miserable and blowing up the world with a cart full of cake or something, then in this one it briefly almost goes back back to being regular before taking a strange but inevitable detour into the realm of yet more inane characters monologuing about their own cursed lot in life. 

This is Onion Man. He's got problems, and he's here to tell you all about them, whether you asked for it or not. On a scale of 1-10 I'd rate his happiness at about a 4. I mean he's pretty miserable but i've definitely seen worse. 

The secret to my characters apparently is that they're all a collection of traits scaled from 1-10.

Those traits being

Happiness

Un-Happiness

Depression

Virtue

Zany-ness

Retardation

Evil

Those are the 7 traits from which all of these idiots are birthed. For example Colt Corona is as follows

Happiness - 10/10,  Un-happiness - 6/10, Depression - 5/10, Virtue - 10/10, Zany-ness -10/10, Retardation - 7/10,  Evil - 2/10

Babadook Spook on the other hand is more like

Happiness - 2/10, Un-happiness - 10/10,  Depression - 8/10,  Virtue - 0/10, Zany-ness - 6/10, Retardation - 6/10, Evil - 11/10

Or something. I don't know i'm just pulling this out of my ass. In any case, here's Onion Man. The worst guy of all in every category. 

P.S.

Happy new year