Getting Dirty In The Joker's Kitchen (Patreon)

This commission is a little different than the stuff I normally write (wet and messy), but it was a fun change of pace and one I hope you enjoy reading. For some reason, Patreon's God awful app doesn't want me to upload this since It's crashed multiple times, but I'm on my laptop now so here's hoping it goes through...

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The venomous vixen known throughout the streets of Gotham as Poison Ivy stood behind Harley Quinn, keeping a constant watch over the back alley as the woman dressed as a court jester picked the lock on the door. Harley, the former jester in the Joker's court of crime had been plotting this heist for months after a very painful breakup. The heartbroken harlequin knew it was the only way to send a message to the man she had loved for many years that would simultaneously hit him where it hurt but show him that she was more than just a simple stooge; she was a force to be respected and feared!

It had taken her a week of surveillance to figure out the pattern of her former lover's schedule. Unlike most people, the Joker didn't exactly follow a rigid routine, but after seven boring days and nights of staking out the bakery she knew that now was the perfect time to strike! For whatever reason, he always left the bakery around nine to ten o'clock at night which made pinning down his movements tricky, but not impossible. The one thing she knew for certain is that he always returned after midnight and left behind a skeleton crew of thugs to patrol the premises. She and Ivy had already disposed of two of his lackeys who were now passed out in a dumpster not more than ten feet away.

She had planned out this whole thing to perfection and nothing was going to stop her from making a statement to the man she had foolishly devoted herself to!

"If we do this right, he's not going to know we were here," Harley whispered before looking over her shoulder one last time before the lockpick slid into the tumbler and clicked, unlocking the door and granting the two criminals' entry into the bakery, "so that's why we gotta wreck the joint before taking off with the loot."

In the grand scheme of things, they could've simply robbed him and vanished into the night. It didn't matter if he was aware of who did it or not, but Harley wanted Mr. J to know what happened to people who broke her heart. She knew that things would go far more smoothly if they didn't wreck the place but where was the fun in that? More importantly, she couldn't risk letting anyone else take credit for what she and Ivy were about to do in this bastard's bakery.

She walked through the storage area with Ivy following behind her closely. Thanks to their flashlight they could see that the massive room was filled with nothing but bags of flour lining the floor, generic cans of cream and milk stacked to the ceiling and numerous unmarked boxes randomly placed on the floor; Needless to say, there was nothing of value here, so they walked silently through the corridor formed by the various goods until they reached a door that was slightly ajar. Slowly Harley pushed it open just enough for her to peer out of it from behind the small crack. She scanned the main flood of the factory and noticed a large conveyor belt running down the middle of the factory, with vats on each side of the line that were more than likely full of baking supplies.

Much to her surprise there seemed to be no sign of anyone anywhere. That was odd, she thought, why would Mistah J only leave behind a couple of guys to guard the back door? Then again, she was pretty sure that he wasn't expecting anyone to break in, let alone someone as sneaky and clever as herself and Ivy.

"Looks like the coast is clear!" Harley grinned, triumphantly kicking open the door before stepping out into the empty factory floor and strutting around the facility like she owned the place.

"What is he even planning to do with all of this food?" Ivy frowned as she walked around inspecting everything she saw. "All of these ingredients could feed half the city for weeks and Bozo is probably going to waste them on some stupid plot to try to take out Batman!"

"Why's that bug you?" Harley wondered aloud as she continued her search for the Joker's loot. "I thought you hated humanity."

"Do you not see how much wheat and fruit had to be slaughtered for this needless game of his?" The woman clad only in green asked, with her hands on her hips, visibly annoyed by how wasteful the Joker's entire operation was.

Harley sighed, knowing that the botanist was about to start on one of her famous anti consumerist rants that always ended with how plants would become the dominant species once she fulfilled her plans utilizing global warming to destroy society. She had heard different iterations of the speech throughout her time living with Ivy during the past couple of months.

'Plants would reign supreme while simultaneously punishing humanity for their greed and gluttony.'

Harley loved the woman dearly for her passion, ruthlessness and dedication to her cause, but she had to admit that the platitudes and proclamations were starting to get old.

"Yeah, it's a real drag, but maybe wrecking the joint will cheer you up?" Harley offered as she continued towards the back of the room, her eyes scanning the shelves of unprocessed ingredients. "It's not like Mistah J can waste anymore food once his precious factory is destroyed."

"Alright," Ivy replied, knowing full well that Harley probably didn't even care about the money; it was obvious to her that the heartbroken harlequin only wanted to strike back at her pathetic "Puddin" as she used to refer to him; She was rather predictable like that. "But we need to locate the Joker's stash before we can have any fun."

"Fine." Harley put on a playful pout as she stopped in front of a counter and spotted a lone cash register.

Curious, she leapt over the countertop and started hitting the keys on the old-fashioned register. With a chunky clank, the mechanism inside the antiqued machine slid the drawer forward as a simple bell chimed, signaling to everyone in the building that register was open. Within the tray, sitting in fat stacks, were rows of hundred-dollar bills. It wasn't the fortune she had assumed it to be, but it definitely wasn't chump change. Still, she couldn't believe that he actually kept his money in a cash register. The very fact that he'd hid his funds in such a stupid place told her exactly how much of a fool he was without her help.

"It's not exactly a safe stashed with cash, but there's enough money in here to make it worth our while!" Harley answered, thumbing through a stack of fresh, green bills.

"That's nice and all, but I thought you said there was a safe." Ivy remarked as she walked up to Harley.

Harley shrugged, loading the money into the big black purse she had strapped over her shoulder. "He usually keeps his money locked up, but maybe that's because I was around?"

The very thought annoyed her to the core, but Harley couldn't think of any other reason why the Joker would leave his money virtually unprotected in a simple cash register.

Ivy wrapped her arm around the crestfallen clown and pulled her in for a side hug, squishing the purse stuffed with cash in between them. "Once this place lays in ruin you'll have taken more from him than anything money could ever buy."

"Yeah." A slight sniffle came from Harley before she continued on, her voice gaining strength with each passing syllable. "Yeah! I'll show him what happens to anyone who underestimates me!"

"We'll show him." Ivy corrected, leaning in to give Harley's cheek a kiss.

"Yeah!" The jovial jester exclaimed, feeling a renewed spark of energy flow through her thanks to her lover's wise words. "Let's blow this joint!"

Ivy playfully rolled her eyes, inwardly enjoying the girl's playful shift in mood; she is such a child. "I'm only doing this because I love you, not because I want to destroy this monument built to soothe a madman's pathetic wounded ego."

Harley smiled, "Come on, let's get to work!"

The grinning jester clad in red and black took charge in the attack as she ran over to the conveyor belt and jumped up onto the slightly raised platform. She walked down the rubber industrial track, searching for something to break and immediately came across a silver metal box that stood almost as tall as her next to the belt. "I bet this thing powers the machine."

"Hey, Ivy!" Harley shouted to her partner in crime. "Toss me my mallet!"

A few seconds later the redhead appeared beside her, holding a comically sized red and black hammer emblazoned with four diamonds in the center of it.

"Thanks, babe," Harley said, taking it from her.

"Let the games begin!" The ecstatic jester proclaimed, bringing down the oversized mallet with a mighty swing that hit the top of the metal box, causing a cascade of sparks to erupt from the other side of the box.

The force of the impact ended up knocking her off balance and sending her flying backwards across the belt until she landed hard against the rubber coating of the industrial tread.

"Ow! That hurt!" She whined, rubbing her lower back just above her bottom.

The lights above her started flickering throughout the cavernous factory as the conveyor belt came to life. A series of lights along the side of the belt began flashing green, green, yellow, and finally orange before the long thread lurched forward, carrying Harley along. The disoriented jester tried to scramble to her feet, but before she could even get off of her butt a hatch opened in the vat above her and dumped a yellow waterfall of slick and slimy eggs all over her body.

"Eww!" she yelled, struggling to get onto her knees as she frantically ran her hands over the sticky mess covering her full body leotard.

Ivy couldn't help herself; she was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. "You really are a clown," she gasped, wiping away the tears coming from her eyes.

"Why don't you quit yucking it up and help me off of this stupid thing off?" Harley asked in an annoyed tone with her slick arms crossed over her equally slimy chest.

"Why?" Ivy asked, her eyebrow raised slightly. "Just jump off."

"Umm, it's really slippery and I can't get to my feet." Harley answered with a blush that was almost bright enough to be seen through her white makeup.

"I'm glad you didn't land on your ass; you could've given yourself brain damage." Ivy snickered, reaching out with her glove-covered hand to pull her beloved clown from the belt.

Harley countered by sticking out tongue and blowing a raspberry at her girlfriend as she accepted the venomous vixen's hand.

Unbeknownst to both Ivy and Harley, a metallic tendril was sneaking up behind the woman in green. Just as Harley spotted the mechanical menace and called out to her girlfriend, trying to warn her, "Ivy, look out behind you!" the arm's gloved covered hand had already grabbed the back of Ivy's pants and hoisted her off the floor, giving the woman a wedgie in the process.

"Something's got me!" Ivy shouted in shock as she was lifted off of the cement.

"It's some kind of arm thing." Harley observed, trying to get to her feet and help Ivy, but failing to do so due to the slick eggs covering the conveyor belt's surface.

A highly agitated and annoyed Poison Ivy was unceremoniously dropped onto the belt where she joined Harley. Unlike her jester themed compatriot, she wasn't coated in eggs, but just like Harley she couldn't get her footing and slipped back onto her posterior. Despite initially mocking Harley for acting like a fool on this heist/revenge fueled robbery, she was beginning to understand why her girlfriend was having trouble getting onto her feet due to the slimy eggs surrounding the area where she sat.

Ivy looked up from where sat, gazing past Harley who was now laying on her back, and noticed that the conveyor belt was heading toward a small opening in the wall of the bakery. Taking a page out of Harley's book, she laid on her back just before entering the entrance to the enclosed space. The change of scenery wasn't exactly jarring, there was still light coming from within the machine, but the botanist couldn't exactly see much other than her girlfriend who was now laying with her hands underneath the back of her head with her right leg crossed over raised left.

"You sure look comfortable, Harl." The redhead commented.

"We might as well enjoy the ride since we're stuck in here."

Ivy wanted nothing more than to argue that they wouldn't be stuck on this conveyor belt, basically trapped within a tunnel of steel and unseen machinery if it wasn't for a certain jester. Still, yelling about it would've been pointless since there was nothing either of them could do now that they were literally in the belly of the bakery.

A rapidly growing roar of machinery bared down on the two villains, causing Ivy to once again gaze down the line in an attempt to see what was happening. It was hard to say for certain, but it looked like they were approaching a wall of darkness.

"I hate to ruin your little break, but I think we're running out of belt."

Harley tilted her head, wondering what the botanist was babbling about when she spotted a literal chocolate waterfall in front of her! There was a slight opening in the roof of the conveyor belt that was pouring a steady stream of fresh, semi liquid chocolate onto the belt. With no means of escape and no other options available to her, the jester leaned her head back and opened her mouth, ready to drink from the artificial waterfall of confectionery.

Like a piece of candy, Harley watched her legs get covered in a thick layer of milk chocolate as she slowly passed through the wall of melted chocolate. Right as the thick sauce started covering her chest, she closed her eyes and readied her mouth. A tremendous downpour of thick yet creamy chocolate rained down onto her face as a decent amount of the rich fluid ended up in her mouth before she finished passing under the drizzle of dark chocolate. She noticed the weight was no longer pouring over her face and realized that she was now on the other side of the perpetual chocolate rain.

"Mhhmmm!" Harley beamed, moaning slightly from the delicious drink she had just consumed.

Harley placed her fingers into her mouth, not just to get another taste of the luscious cream, but to clean her fingers. The last thing she wanted was to get any of the creamy goodness in her eyes, so she sucked off all the chocolate from her fingers, savoring the sweet flavor until each individual finger was clean enough to wipe the area around her eyes. Carefully, she used her hand to slide across her upper face, scooping the dark goop away from her eyes. With her eyes free from the obstruction, she looked down at her body and noticed that she was completely covered in the wet savory sweet sauce from the tips of her toes to the top of her head!

"Yeah, that was totally worth ruining my outfit!" Harley laughed before eating the dried chocolate from the palm of her hand.

Ivy, on the other hand, shielded her face with her hands, not wanting to go through the fake waterfall of chocolate, but resigning herself to her fate as she slowly passed underneath the warm fluid. She did a decent job of protecting her eyes but couldn't prevent the rest of the chocolate wall from pouring all over her naked flesh, completely covering her body. She blinked her eyes when she came out of the waterfall, shuddering from how the warm chocolate felt like mud clinging to her skin!

The arboreal architect of crime and terror may have loved all things nature, but the feeling of mud wasn't high up on her list of Earthly delights. To make matters worse the hot chocolate drizzled over every inch of her body was sticking to her.

"This feels horrible!" Ivy exclaimed in exasperation.

"The Queen of trees is bothered by a little chocolate?!"Harley laughed, truly enjoying her trip through the warm chocolate.

"It feels weird!" Ivy exclaimed as she tried to lift her legs up only to find out that they were stuck to the surface of the conveyor belt.

"Ummm, Harl…" Ivy paused, trying one more time to lift her foot up before continuing, "I'm stuck to the belt!"

"That's silly!" Harley chuckled until she tried to move her lower body.

The chocolate was gradually cooling, creating a sweet tasting shell that trapped both women in a chocolate cocoon. If that wasn't bad enough, it simultaneously glued them both to the belt!

They couldn't move no matter how hard they wriggled or how much they tried to rock their hips. Things looked up briefly as they both exited from the machine only for the conveyor belt to come to a sudden stop leaving them to struggle against the hard shell of chocolate covering every part of their bodies except for their faces.

"What are we supposed to do now?!" Ivy demanded, annoyed by how her pleasant trip through the chocolate was ruined by her arms and legs becoming too stiff to move.

They had literally managed to subdue themselves without realizing it until it was too late!

Harley was unable to shrug her shoulders, so she simply said the very first thing that came to her mind, "it looks like we're screwed."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Ivy cried out in anger, wriggling violently in her chocolate cocoon.

"It means we're stuck here until Mistah J finds us." Harley sighed.

"I guess it could be worse." Ivy replied, ceasing her struggle against the all-encompassing chocolate. "It's not like he's going to call the cops on us."

"I'd rather deal with the pigs then find out what Mistah J will do to us when he shows up and puts two and two together." Harley lamented, suddenly feeling helpless.

"What's the worst thing Bozo could do to us?" Ivy asked, trying to cheer up her girlfriend. "Once we get out of these shells, we'll kick his ass!"

"Yeah, maybe, but-" Harley trialed off, trying not to let the dark memories of her former lover's sadistic mood swings overwhelm her thoughts. She feels like she's reliving it all, every heated argument and rage induced fist to her face, but thankfully she maintained enough willpower to keep herself from manifesting these dark visions into words, "Mistah J can be very cruel when he's upset."

"Don't worry about that; I'll be here to protect you." Ivy offered, her voice steady and firm.

"Thanks, Ivy." Harley forced herself to sound happy. "If you don't mind, I think I'm gonna get some shut eye."

"Alright." Ivy agreed, preparing herself for a long night ahead.

–-----

Harley blinked her eyes as she felt the cool touch of someone's fingertips sliding across the side of her face.

"Wakey, wakey, sleepy head!" A very familiar voice shouted into Harley's ear.

It was Mistah J!

"As if tonite couldn't get any worse." She grumbled to herself, trying to shake off the heavy bonds of sleep while doing her best to sit up only to realize that she was no longer in her chocolate cocoon, but both of her arms and legs were now stuck to the surface of the rubber belt.

"Oh, you have no idea how much worse things are going to get for you and your plant loving friend." The Joker replied in an ominous tone. "After I'm done with you, you'll both be needing those diapers!"

The sudden bout of silence was followed by a look of curious confusion spreading across Harley's face as she looked down at the thick, bulbous diaper hidden underneath her tri-colored full body leotard. "Why am I wearing a diaper?" The blonde asked before her sharp wit kicked inin, "I bet this is a new kink of yours, isn't it?"

"If you hadn't ran away from home, I'm sure we could play all sorts of fun games with you dressed up like this, but no." The Joker paused, placing his hand over Harley's bulging crotch which caused a rosy tint of color to spread across Harley's pale body as she wriggled slightly against the Joker's hand cupping her padded crotch. "It's there to prevent you from ruining the surprise I have in store for you two, but you must admit it's rather fitting for how you've been acting."

Harley looked away from the man she used to worship. It was one thing to be called "childish" without the word being spoken, but the diaper in between her legs, rubbing against her thighs and backside, crinkling with every subtle move she made, really brought the unspoken word to life. Ignoring the bulk cradling her loins she found her voice and asked a question she knew the deranged man would answer. "How long did it take you to get here?"

The comically large smile never left his makeup-covered face, "I came here right after I got a notification on my phone that two little brats had snuck into my kitchen."

"It was the cash register, wasn't it?" Harley asked, genuinely mad at herself for not considering that the old-fashioned machine could've been bugged.

"Yes, it was." The Joker sneered at his former lover. "Technology; ain't it just grand?"

"We should've leveled this place and walked away!" Ivy chimed in upon regaining consciousness.

"And leave behind the cash?!" Harley cried out, annoyed at Ivy for acting like it wasn't her idea to check the cash register!

"The botanical bimbo is right." The Joker declared, interrupting the squabbling women. "If you had grabbed my money and ran you would've been gone before I got here, but you had to throw a temper tantrum and play stupid games in my bakery."

"You always treated me like I was less than dirt; I just wanted to show you what I'm capable of!" Harley shouted, unable to hold back her pent-up anger.

"Wasn't the first time." The Joker replied nonchalantly before adding "and it won't be the last."

"So, what are you gonna do to us?" The bound blonde couldn't help but ask. "You gonna be cliche and torture us?"

"I could do that, or I could slap you silly seven ways to Sunday." The sinister sneer returned to his face as he paused for effect. "But the way I found you two trapped in chocolate gave me a much better idea." The Joker grinned his dreadful, trademark smile before turning away from the blonde and making his way over to a control panel near the conveyor belt.

"What's he doing now?" The once fearsome female behind Harley asked, trying to see what the Joker was up to.

"I could easily go into a long-winded monologue about how you betrayed my trust and proved to me that you're unworthy of my love, but that wouldn't be very fun now, would it?" Before either woman could respond, the Joker broke the awkward silence with a simple, yet expected announcement as he pressed the biggest button on the center of the control panel. "Let the show begin!"

Within seconds of the dramatic declaration the belt suddenly lurched forward, taking Harley and Ivy down line once again. Both women tested their bonds, tugging at their wrists and trying to pull away from the rubber surface of the belt, but whatever type of adhesive was applied to their limbs kept them firmly held on to the belt.

"Let's start things off with a classic sideshow trick with a bit of a twist." The Joker announced into the microphone on the control panel so that everyone could hear him.

Harley looked around, waiting for whatever fiendish fate the Joker had in store for her to manifest itself. She didn't have to wait very long until a pair of gloved hands attached to metallic tendrils, identical to the kind that grabbed Ivy earlier that evening, started undoing her restraints. In the blink of an eye, she was freed and lifted off of the belt by her wrists.

Another cartoonishly white glove covered hand reached for the back of her diaper and ripped through her trademark jester outfit to grab the disposable garment. With the diaper's waistband firmly in its grasp, the machine pulled it away from her bottom, stretching it further than Harley thought was even possible until the front of the plastic diaper started digging into her hips. Harley looked over her shoulder and couldn't believe how comically stretched out the material of her diapers was! While staring at the seat of her diaper she spotted another hand coming at her with what looked like a fire extinguisher.

"How original." The jester remarked, rolling her eyes.

However, much to her surprise, it wasn't a thick foam-based fire retardant or seltzer that started blasting her butt cheeks when the hand wielding the extinguisher squeezed the nozzle, but a high-pressure spray consisting entirely of ice cold, yellow colored slushie. Harley winced and tried to clench her legs together as her bare backside was dosed with the frozen sweet treat. It took only a moment or so for the extinguisher to completely empty its load into the back of her diaper before the glove-covered hand released her waistband, causing the thoroughly saturated diaper to snap back against her lower back.

An annoyed cry left Harley as the frozen beverage rapidly melted, collecting in the inner lining of her diaper, causing the poor blonde to shiver and squirm while dangling in the air.

"Cold! Cold! Cold!" Harley repeated.

"You're sick!" Ivy called out, fidgeting in her equally ice-cold diaper.

"I thought you hot headed brats could use a little cooling off." The Joker's voice declared, his laughter echoing all around them as the mechanical appendages lowered both women back onto the belt and shackled them firmly in place.

Both women scowled as the belt continued carrying them further along. Ivy especially hated how the artificially colored juice was sticking to her ass and lower lips. Sugar had no business coating her loins!

"It looks like our two little ladies aren't having fun." The Joker remarked with faux sadness in his voice before peeking right up. "It may be the oldest gag in show business, but it always pleases the audience!" The Joker announced before pressing his index finger down on another button.

Harley didn't have a clue what Mistah J was talking about until she heard a hatch above her open up. She immediately closed her eyes, expecting to get covered in another downpour of eggs only for a very concentrated weight to splatter across her defenseless face. Neither Ivy nor Harley knew that the dastardly showman had just dropped two fully loaded blueberry pies onto their faces, but that didn't stop the subdued women from violently shaking their heads to rid their faces of the thick fruit filling that covered every inch of their faces.

"I'm going to stick a pie so far up your ass when I get loose that you'll be shitting blueberries for a week!" Ivy exclaimed, thrashing against her restraints after her face was cleaned up.

"It looks like my two little party poopers aren't laughing after that gut buster." The Joker stopped, looking for just the right button to press. "But I just got an amazing idea: let's shovel all of that yummy fruit filling you two wasted into the back of your diapers!"

The metallic snakes used their hands and started scooping up the discarded mashed blueberries from the sides of Harley and Ivy's heads. Much to Ivy's shock, another pair of hands were busy freeing her legs. She felt the spongy material of the gloves grab her by her ankles and hoist them into the air, lifting her diapered butt off of the belt. If only she had kept her mouth shut, she wouldn't be watching a glove covered hand pulling open her diaper just to stuff it with mashed blueberry pie filling!

Ivy scowled as the warm and sickeningly thick pie filling clung to the back of her butt, slowly sliding down her toned backside as her diapered ass was lowered back onto the belt. Under normal circumstances, she would've been getting off on how the lumpy, thick globs of sticky pie filling collecting in the bottom of her soggy diaper felt against her skin due to the evaporated slushie, but the Joker was humiliating her! That said, the feared botanist never thought anything could feel as good as the chocolate she had been bathed in before the Joker got ahold of her but this new sensation spreading across her cheeks and lower lips made the chocolate seem like foreplay.

"Now we're having fun!" The Joker beamed, thoroughly enjoying how Ivy and Harley squirmed in their diapers. "But mother always said I shouldn't play with my food, and we'll never have cake if I keep this up."

Harley felt the rubber threading beneath her vanish as she was dumped off of the end of the conveyor belt, landing in an oversized baking tray. The blonde looked around, shocked by how high the sides were and knew that now was her chance to get out of the Joker's insane bakery before things got any worse. However, just as she was getting to her knees, she felt Ivy's body fall onto hers, knocking her onto her hands and knees while Ivy struggled to get to her feet.

"Have fun, girls!" The Joker proclaimed as he pressed the cake batter button on the control panel.

An industrialized hum echoed throughout the raised banking tray, causing both women inside to look upward only to come face to face with a large hose that was positioned over the tray. Before either woman could react, the huge hose started pumping gallons of vanilla cake batter into the raised metal tray, rapidly filling it up within seconds. Thinking on their toes, Harley and Ivy slithered around in the batter until their upper bodies were above the rapidly rising batter. They had breathing room, but the ever-increasing pressure from the sheer weight of the batter pinned them right in the center of the tray. It was impossible to move!

With their heads above the surface the hose suddenly shut off and the belt underneath the tray started to move, sending them into another enclosure of steel. Harley noticed an orange glow all around them growing brighter until the metal tray came to a stop. Then she became aware of the gradual heat that was building up all around her; she was in an oven!

"He's going to cook us alive!" Ivy cried out in terror, literally reading Harley's mind.

Unbeknownst to Ivy and Harley, the Joker had altered the internal temperature of the oven so that it would only cook the bottom of the tray. This meant that the cake would gradually solidify, and bake, without harming either of the girls. However, Ivy and Harley were both terror stricken to the point of literally pissing their diapers. It was completely involuntary when it came to Ivy, but Harley, ever the trickster, wanted to ruin the cake; if she was going to die then she would at least do one last thing to piss off her once beloved boyfriend before she expired.

A pained grunt left the blonde's mouth as she focused on her bottom, pushing with everything she had. If she wasn't buried up to her neck in vanilla batter the fart she released may have been heard, but neither the smell of the fart nor what started filling her diaper could be smelt over the intense fragrance of freshly baked cake. Suddenly, it all came out, mixing with the now cold remnants of the blueberry pie while settling into the seat of her moist padding. The heat of what she thought was her last act of rebellion warmed up the gooey blueberries, making them spread around even more in her diaper.

After plopping a load into her already messy diaper, Harley caught sight of the tips of Ivy's beautiful red hair suddenly catch fire! That was one thing she didn't have to worry about even if she was being cooked; her jester's hat not only protected her hair, but its built-in heat resistant design covered the sides of her head, shielding everything except for her face from the heat coming from the oven. Only the Joker knew that her outfit was also fireproof, but that didn't make her invulnerable!

"My hair!" Ivy exclaimed, frantically shaking her head in an attempt to make the frazzled locks stop burning.

Within seconds of her shouting the tray lurched forward as the conveyor belt resumed moving. Harley felt bad for her girlfriend but silently breathed a sigh of relief. It could've been a lot worse; she knew that much from experience.

Her feelings of ease immediately morphed into unparalleled fear when she spotted the cake slicing machine further down the line!

Luckily, the all too familiar gloved hands reappeared and grabbed the sides of the raised tray, lifted it off of the conveyor belt and sat it down in front of the Joker who was flanked on all sides by his thugs.

"I better blow out the candles and make a wish." The Joker remarked upon seeing the tips of Poison Ivy's hair burning. He leaned forward and blew as hard as he could, putting out each smoldering tip.

"Now, for the message..." The Joker waited for one of his men to hand him a large bag of icing. Both Ivy and Harley noticed it came with an applicator specifically designed to allow the user to write on cakes. "I wonder what my little troublemaking Jester would write if she wasn't up to her neck in freshly baked cake?"

"Fuck you, Mistah J!" Harley barked, wriggling her trapped body around in the freshly baked cake.

"Hmm, not quite, but good try." The Joker commented before getting an epiphany.

He positioned the bag just underneath Harley's nose and started writing out a large "E" on the cake. It took him about thirty seconds but once he stepped away all the armed minions surrounding him started laughing.

On the cake, spelt out in all capitals with an exclamation point at the end, was the phrase 'EAT ME' written in white frosting.

"Alright, boys!" The Joker stepped back from the cake. "Come get a piece of cake!"

The End…