RE: Trailer Trash 52 pt 4 (Patreon)

“Hi, Tabitha! How was your Christmas?” Mrs. Seelbaugh called as Tabitha climbed into the middle bench of their van. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“Yeah!” Tabitha grinned. “Christmas was good. My cousins loved their Gameboys.”

“I’ve caught Elena playing her Gameboy, too,” Mrs. Seelbaugh confided. “Those things are pretty neat.”

“Mom,” Elena warned from the passenger seat—as if being exposed as someone who played Pokemon was some embarrassing breach of trust.

“Right, sorry, sorry,” Mrs. Seelbaugh’s voice was cheerful rather than apologetic.

Tabitha couldn’t help but regard the mother-daughter duo here with a big smile, because Elena’s mother had followed suit and also dyed her blonde hair black. Mrs. Seelbaugh seemed more enthusiastic about the two teens getting together to hang out than Elena did, and Tabitha was having a hard time discerning how much of Elena’s cool stoicism was affected goth demeanor. While her reception couldn’t quite be called chilly, Elena wore an impassive mask and showed nothing but indifference to seeing Tabitha today.

Or, am I overthinking it? Tabitha held up her smile as internally she began to fret. It hasn’t been that long since I saw her at the party. Just, knowing she went to people and talked about Julie feels like there’s this wedge driven between us, now. Even if she did it with the best intentions—she still did it, without talking through it with me or attempting to clarify things. That does sting.

“I’ve been helping Hannah play her Pokemon game too,” Tabitha said. “She’s been really excited about what kind of story her team of Pokemon can tell people.”

“Story?” Elena glanced back towards Tabitha.

“Yeah! She spent forever stuck in Mount Moon, up to her elbows in fainted Zubats and Geodudes—until she finally came across a Clefairy. When I told her about all the fan theories out there with the lore, about how Gengar could actually be a Clefairy ghost, she loved that. So, she wants to be able to field them as a husband and wife pair, as if one of them’s a grieving Clefairy wife and then the angry Gengar spirit of her husband is on Hannah’s team, too. To protect his lover from beyond the grave.

“That sounds so cool!” Mrs. Seelbaugh encouraged.

“Gengar is supposed to be a dead Clefairy?” Elena asked.

“Maybe?” Tabitha held out her hands and shrugged. “They have the same body shape and they appear very similar. Just, the Clefairy has curls, while the Gengar has spikes. I told Hannah she can do something really similar with Kangaskhan, because the fan theory there is that Cubones and Marowaks are Kangaskhan kids who lost their parent and wear their skull.”

“Huh,” Elena looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not really sure what I’m doing with mine. I have the Pikachu you start with, and then a Butterfree and a Pidgeotto that are pretty okay.”

“Butterfree can be competitive,” Tabitha remarked. “Respectable special sweeper. So long as you don’t face off against a faster sweeper from the get-go, you can stunlock your opponent with sleep powder and stun spores, then psybeam them to death. If whirlwind works like roar in gen one, you could maybe force rotate through their Pokemon with it and sleep most of the team before they could stop you. For maximum annoyance.”

“I guess I like the sound of that,” Elena considered it. “She just has confusion, though. How do I get psybeam?”

“It comes along somewhere in the level thirties,” Tabitha wracked her brains for specifics but drew a blank. “I think. Somewhere around there, you can replace confusion with psybeam. Psybeam does the same thing, it just hits a lot harder and has less usage points.”

“Ah. I think mine’s only level twenty-something,” Elena said. “Pikachu and Pidgeotto hog most of the experience.”

“Makes sense,” Tabitha nodded. “Maybe halfway through the game or so, you get something for that—XP share, it can automatically distribute experience so the whole party gets some, not just the one battling.”

“You really know your Pokemon stuff, there,” Mrs. Seelbaugh praised. “How long have you played the game?”

“I’ve played… more than I care to admit,” Tabitha joked with an uneasy laugh. “Just uh, it’s frustrating all the time, because it’s like I’ve forgotten just as much as I manage to remember. Has Alicia said anything about what team she’s picking?”

“I don’t think so,” Elena shook her head. “I think she just started playing right after Christmas.”

“I’ve been dying to link battle someone,” Tabitha said with a sheepish smile. “Just, uh, I might’ve overdone it? l put my list together just from the absolute most overpowered Pokemon there are in gen one, but it’s gonna be a while before any of my cousins even get anywhere near the level where they could fight me.”

“I feel like they have no chance against you,” Elena said in a dry voice.

“Probably not,” Tabitha chuckled. “But—it is what it is. Have to stake this as my one shot at being the cool unbeatable older cousin! I expect their teams will be extremely typical—whichever starter Pokemon, then Mewtwo and the three legendary birds, then probably an HM dump Pokemon for utility.”

“You’re a lot more into it than I thought,” Elena commented. “Pokemon, I mean.”

“Oh—uh, yeah,” Tabitha blushed. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to just geek out on you guys, there.”

“You’re fine!” Mrs. Seelbaugh assured her. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Even Elena plays.”

“Mom,” Elena growled again.

“And, Elena’s one of the coolest teenagers I know,” Mrs. Seelbaugh proudly ribbed her daughter. “Just the other day, she was—”

“You can let us out here,” Elena cut her off with a horrified look. “We’ll just walk the rest of the way. Yeah. Let us out right here, into traffic.”

“Har har,” Mrs. Seelbaugh rolled her eyes. “Tabitha, did ‘Leny tell you she’s going to try out for the cheer team?”

“She didn’t!” Tabitha grinned. “I had to hear it from Olivia first. I think if—”

“Because it’s not even a big deal,” Elena grumbled. “Everyone’s only making a fuss about it because I’m goth now, because apparently only preppies can be in cheer. Which is—”

“I’ll be trying out for cheer, too,” Tabitha said. “Is there a sheet or printout of some kind I can pick up that list all the requirements?”

“Well, that’s great!” Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed. “We can get you a copy of—”

“Tabitha, no—you don’t have to do that,” Elena said. “When I asked you way back when, you said you weren’t interested in cheerleading. I don’t think I want you putting yourself through all of that just for me.”

“When you say ‘putting yourself through all of that,’ it’s like you’re acknowledging that you’ll be in this epic bitter struggle against the prep-school girl cultural hegemony that entrenches the cheer team,” Tabitha said.

“If this is about you having something to prove, or if you just want to be the tragic lone wolf challenging all that on your lonesome, you’d need to tell me—explicitly—that you don’t want or need my help. Because, I saw you facing off against the in-crowd of Springton popular kids back in school before on my behalf, and you doing that… meant more to me than you’ll ever know. What the hell kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t willing to do the same for you?”

“I just—I just don’t want you forcing yourself into it if it’s not something you’re interested in,” Elena blustered. “It’s going to be rough, and you’ve already been through all of that with the bullying and everything. You don’t need to go through any of that again. Okay?”

“I won’t go through any of that again,” Tabitha argued. “I know people this time through, I have friends, I’m not going to let myself be disconnected from what’s going on or socially isolated enough for them to bully. I’m not going to hide or back down from confrontation anymore, because I’ve learned, really learned, that ceding any ground at all to them just emboldens them further, ensures that they’ll never ever leave me be. Things are going to be different this time.”

“Famous last words,” Elena remarked in a dry voice. “I just. Tabitha—I don’t think you want to do this.”

“I didn’t, before,” Tabitha said. “Was just trying to keep my head down and avoid trouble. Now, I do want to join cheer. Why shouldn’t I join cheer? Or be one of the cool popular kids? I’m average to above-average in looks, I have it in me to be athletic. Sure, I’m not uh, not super outgoing, but I feel like I’m a lot more comfortable with people just after getting to know them a bit.”

“It’s not even about that,” Elena argued. “These kids—the sophomores, the juniors—most of them are just rotten. I knew they were awful before, but I didn’t really know how awful until I stepped outside of all of that and saw it from a fresh perspective. How awful they really are, how awful all of it actually is. It’s like—I don’t even want you to be a part of all that, I don’t see it as this uh, this hierarchy worth wasting your effort on. Not anymore.”

“Agreed!” Tabitha nodded along. “You’re completely right. I want to be cool and popular, but I’m just gonna do it on my own terms! Not gonna get peer pressured into adopting their more, well, terrible traits, I’m in no way going to turn around and start bullying people or badmouthing people I don’t even know or anything like that. If that becomes an issue, or if me um, if me calling people out on that starts to cause friction—then, so be it. It is what it is.”

“Okay. Well—that’s just not how any of it works,” Elena scoffed. “You realize that, right? You can’t fit in by not fitting in, that doesn’t even make any sense. Ziggy will go off about it, it’s this whole big thing. The group decides what group norms are, and pushing against that sort of like, status quo is going to just blow up in your face. You realize that? It’s the whole reason people stick to their different groups.”

“Then, so be it!” Tabitha declared. “If a goth girl can fight her way up into cheerleading, who’s to say what can happen? You’re not going to turn all preppy just to fit in there, are you?”

“No,” Elena made a face of disgust. “But, I already know how awful all that’s going to be.”

“And yet, you’re set on doing it anyways,” Tabitha concluded. “Which frankly just—robs you of the right to criticize me, right? Because, I’m just being inspired by you to do the same!”

“I don’t want it to be because of me that you get hurt or suffer or anything like that,” Elena countered. “I just—I don’t want that to be on me. Not after—”

“We won’t suffer as much if we’re in it together,” Tabitha said. “Two girls are harder to pick on than one. Less vulnerable.”

“You said before you weren’t interested in cheerleading,” Elena said after a long moment, falling back to her previous line of defense. “Cheer isn’t something you should ever even put yourself through if you’re not into it. It makes zero sense!”

“I wasn’t interested before, because… it wasn’t within any of my considerations,” Tabitha argued. “I didn’t really have friends yet back then, or know anyone—it was basically just Alicia starting to take pity on me and visiting me in the library every now and then at lunch. Now, things are different—I’m going to not shy away from being social, and, and if cheer is important to you, then that makes it important to me.

“Just like that. Because you’re important to me, and I don’t want them to ever feel like they have leeway to treat you like garbage, or talk behind your back, or make snide comments, or—or anything like that. Plus, it’s—I don’t know, the cheerleading itself? It’s okay. I never really understood the whole yeaahhh school pride! Let’s go Springton Spaniels! Or whatever sort of stuff, but there’s a physical element to cheer, and then there’s that whole presentation aspect of it, the way it’s a performance. I think I need that, too.

“My knee-jerk reaction to when my mother wanted me to get into acting and theater stuff was like, blind rejection. Panic. But, when I really think about it? It’s something I need. Cheerleading is the same. I need to get out of my shell, to grow, to learn to brave the big scary world outside of my comfort zone. Because, I know exactly what will happen if I don’t. I’ve been there. That outcome isn’t acceptable, and so all the bullying and confrontation and people issues—I’m just gonna have to deal with them. So be it, that’s life.”

“Well said! Well said!” Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed, slapping the steering wheel.

Elena’s mother had been listening to their discourse with great interest and finally wasn’t able to hold back her excitement—which wasn't discouraged in the slightest by the withering look Elena shot over. The goth teen in the passenger seat then crossed her arms and seemed to take a minute to simply digest Tabitha’s long ramble. This was one of the reasons Tabitha appreciated Elena so much—sure, her friend here was going through a difficult edgy phase, but she was still Elena, she was still listening and unpacking everything that had been said so that she could think it through.

“Fine,” Elena eventually conceded with as melodramatic a sigh as she could muster.  “Whatever. Won’t try to stop you—just, I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

“It’s okay even if I don’t know what I’m doing,” Tabitha decided to rein in Elena’s theatrics just a smidge. “I’m fourteen. Even if everything goes wrong, this is still just high school. I’ll get over it, I’ll pull through with a better understanding of what went wrong and what should be done differently. Everything doesn’t have to work out perfectly right from the start, or even in freshman year. I mean, hell—for all I know, the other cheerleader girls won’t even be interested in everything I have to say about Pokemon!”

With a defeated groan, Elena clapped both hands over her face as her mother and Tabitha both broke into laughter.

( Previous, 52 pt 3 | RE: Trailer Trash | Next, 52 pt 5 )

/// Let's go Springton Springer Spaniels! Not Springton Bulldogs or Laurel Lions, they were middle school mascots. And we're now basically mature adult high schoolers who are (practically) all grown up.

I wrote and rewrote these bits a disgusting amount of times, because the difficult but not quite adversarial feelings Elena has for Tabitha as a friend right now are just too easy to write the wrong way. Originally this was a conversation they have with just Elena and Tabitha in Elena's room, involving introduction / introspection on Tabby's part on what 'a normal girl her age's room looks like,' but that was complicated by what would obviously be a massive decor change as Elena went goth, making most of that introspection/insight hard to stick or pointless anyways. So.

Then I rewrote the section to take place in Hot Topic and involve Ziggy's interjections, because that was the more interesting / dynamic setting (and yeah, still going to salvage some of that, having it be that in this section Mrs. Seelbaugh is driving them to the mall). But, again it felt like it gave us the wrong Elena response for what I wanted to try to pull off with the stab of Tabitha's arguments.

Which brought us back to where we are now, in that Elena voice is a slightly more suppressed in how much edge she'll express while her mother is present, and then also Mrs. Seelbaugh's presence forces Elena to seriously evaluate good arguments when they're brought to the table--whereas when she was alone with Tabitha (and especially when Ziggy was present) Elena was a lot more dismissive of anything that didn't fit with her views. That was my unneeded and unasked for talk on the thousands and thousands of words I scrapped because of minutia that would have been almost completely unnoticed by all readers anyways, thank you for your time. And RIP all those sections.

In any case this was the right tone I was going for to set us up for the Elena/Tabby/Ziggy bit to work right, so writer dissatisfaction over and done with and we can move on.

TAKING TOMORROW OFF FROM WRITING TO CHECK OUT ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE. Appointment with realtor for noon. $26k for a 2 bed, 1 bath mobile home, but this one's a 2019 one that looks to be in outstanding condition. Rather than one from the sixties or seventies that's in worst possible condition in regards to frame rot/electrical failures/roof and floors giving away/water damage and etc. At that price I can't really afford to pass it up, in current housing market that is just...  insanely good.

Cross your fingers for me please!