RE: Trailer Trash 7 pt 7 (Patreon)

    Four young boys were arrayed in a line on the frigid November mulch of the playground, each in identical stances with one fist extended outwards and held in a punch, the other drawn low and tucked in against their body. It felt silly realizing how proud of each of them Tabitha was, and how emotional she got at seeing them now. Today, her four elementary-school cousins were standing still.

    It seemed like a watershed moment to her, because until this day, no, until this very hour, Joshua, Aiden, Samuel, and Nicholas had been unable to contain the restless endlessly distracted and fidgety energy of their own youth. Her own expectations had been set from her time helping wrangle in the little ones at Lee’s Taekwondo studio in her past life and she knew exactly how difficult children were to corral. Even more amazing, she’d only managed to teach the Moore cousins some dozen odd practice sessions here in the playground. It was as if they’d become more disciplined and willing to listen to her after her stay of absence where she was hospitalized.

    “I’m very impressed,” Tabitha praised them, striding down the line of stoic boys as though she were a general inspecting her troops. “You’ve all kept practicing.”

    “We’re going to be martial arts masters,” Sam revealed. “We figure since we started out learning real young, we’ll be masters by the time we’re grown-ups.”

    “We’ll be masters and nobody will be able to beat us up,” Joshua added. “We’ll always win, no matter what.”

    “Who are you going to be fighting?” Tabitha asked with a wry smile, stepping in and gently correcting Aiden’s posture. “Bad guys? Criminals?”

    “Monsters,” Aiden said.

    “Sshh,” Nick hissed. “There’s no such thing as monsters. We’re going to fight in the army.”

    Their buzz-cuts of the past summer had grow out into shaggy hair that fell upon each of the cousin’s foreheads. Grandma Laurie would occasionally single out one of the boys to sit on the stool at the counter and trim away whatever tiny bit was annoying her, but the speed at which they were growing seemed to outpace the old woman’s ability to fuss over them. All four of them were sprouting up like unruly weeds, just like in Tabitha’s previous lifetime.

    At least in this life they seem a bit less out-of-control, Tabitha observed. They all seem a bit neater and more well behaved—they were obnoxious little hooligans back then. Or, maybe I’ve just become biased by how much more time I’ve spent with them? Now they’re MY little hooligans.

    “The army,” Tabitha repeated in amusement. “You’re joining the army, and you’ll use Taekwondo. To fight against…?”

    “The other army,” Nick answered. “The bad guys. Germans—you know, the Nazis.”

    “I think you may be a couple generations too late to storm the beaches, there,” Tabitha said. “That was back in World War two.”

    “Well, there’s the Russian Nazis, too,” Samuel added helpfully. “Like in Red Dawn.”

    “Those were Soviets, also extinct now, and—Red Dawn, who let you boys watch Red Dawn?!” Tabitha demanded in exasperation. “Aren’t you a little young for—you’re talking about Red Dawn, with Charlie Sheen and Patrick Swayze?!”

    “We have one of them on tape,” Nick shrugged. “The one that starts with the parachute troopers all landing in at the high school, and the one like, shoots all across the windows with a machine gun and one of the high schoolers is gets shot right in the head you can see him dead right in the next scene—”

    “—And then there’s this one bad guy with a rocket launcher,” Sam added, “and they’re all trying to get away in the one brother’s truck—”

    “Wolverines!” Aiden cried out, making a shiiing noise under his breath as he held out both fists in imitation of the famous X-men character with adamantium claws.

    “I... think I may have to go through your VHS tapes at some point,” Tabitha decided, shaking her head with a wry expression. “Next stance, please.”

    The four boys stepped forward as one, drawing back the extended fist in unison and swiping in their opposite hand in a lateral chop. The two youngest threw themselves into it with a bit too much enthusiasm and ended up with their feet in the wrong stance, but Tabitha patiently oriented herself to face in their direction and one demonstration of the proper distribution of weight was enough for them to pick up on their mistake and right themselves. As she turned back around to regard the four boys that feeling of pride surged up again and it was hard to be cross at them.

    “I suppose at your age you’ve seen all kinds of rated-R movies,” Tabitha sighed. “Sex, violence? Swearing, nudity?”

    All four of them nodded in eager agreement. It was a little jarring— in some ways Tabitha felt like her cousins treated her like an adult, but in other ways it was as if she was just a bigger kid, one that it was okay to confide in with things they thought would impress big kids.

    “There’s a lady with three boobies in Total Recall,” Nicholas boasted.

    “Don’t tell her that—Tabby’s a girl!” Samuel hissed his brother silent.

    “Oh yeah,” Nick clamped his mouth shut. “Sorry.”

    “Next position,” Tabitha instructed, rolling her eyes. “Turn, knee up in the air—hold it there for a moment—now, side-kick, and, down in the next stance. Good—very good.”

    To her continued surprise, they were doing well, they all kept perfect balance without wavering as they pointed one knee in the air and then flashed out a kick before landing. The kicks themselves weren’t quite there yet, their feet didn’t quite snap out cleanly or hit with power just yet, but the boys had all come a long way and had clearly been practicing their forms. And I haven’t even heard about them hurting each other!

    “I’m definitely going to go through whatever tapes your dad left behind... but, I’m not going to take any of them away,” Tabitha decided. “You’re boys, and all the shooting and blood and explosions and action whatnot will just seem cool to you. You’re young enough that I don’t think you’ll really fixate on boobies, just yet. So long as you all act appropriately and I don’t catch you picking up swear-words, you boys watch whatever you like. Did you know your Auntie Shannon was almost an actress?”

    “We know,” Sam replied. “Grandma always tells us.”

    “Tabby—I have a question,” Aiden raised his hand. “If you’re so good at karate—uhh, Taekwondo like this, how did you even get attacked even in the first place?”

    “Aiden, God—shush up,” Samuel gave the cousin a glare. “You don’t ask stuff like that! Sheesh.”

    “Yeah, the other girl had a baseball bat—what was Tabby supposed to do? You can’t beat a baseball bat with your bare hands,” Nicholas retorted. “Idiot.”

    “Shut up, both of you,” Samuel insisted, casting a wary glance towards Tabitha.

    “Why don’t we… take a little break,” Tabitha suggested after swallowing back a nervous flutter. “I would like to talk to all of you about it... clear up some misunderstandings.”

    Inspecting the patch of earth beneath her for a moment and absentmindedly brushing the skirting of her dress with both hands, Tabitha carefully lowered herself down to the chilly ground and then arranged her legs beside her. The boys simply dropped down and gathered close around her to sit in the mulch, because as little kids they were as comfortable rolling around in playground mulch as they were their own bedcovers.

    “Okay. To begin with—I started learning Taekwondo strictly for exercise and weight loss,” Tabitha explained. “I didn’t set out to become some sort of fighter. I never planned on or wanted involved in anything confrontational or dangerous. Never imagined it would ever happen.”

    All four young cousins stared at her, and once again she felt the twinge of that massive age gap between them that spanned across decades and decades all the way into the inscrutable future. Culturally, mentally, and even psychologically it sometimes felt like there was a chasm there between them that simply could not be bridged by any explanations she might offer. Perhaps most jarring of all, the ripples of change she affected on the timeline might mean that the era her mindset came about from might in fact never come about quite the same way again.

    But I’ll just go crazy if I keep worrying about that, Tabitha tried to fight down her anxiety again. I can’t change the world. Right? I mean, nine-eleven, Afghanistan, and the Iraqi war? They’re too big for me. The coronavirus pandemic, the One-China war? Somalia getting burned off the map, the liberation of North Korea... I’m just one girl! All I can do is the best I can for the people I care about.

    “So, of course when something did actually happen—I wasn’t ready. I completely froze up,” Tabitha continued in a solemn voice, looking each of her young cousins in the eye one by one. “Knowing all of the moves by heart, being able to go through forms with grace and precision—that doesn’t translate into me automatically being some amazing fighter. Actually applying what I’ve learned in real-life situations, I can’t do that yet. It honestly wasn’t something I was that prepared for— because I didn’t even want to be in a fight, ever. I didn’t imagine it happening. As stupid as it sounds now, I still don’t see it happening.”

    “To be able to actually use Taekwondo in real-life practical situations, you need to run through self-defense drills over and over and over, until moves become instinct. In the heat of a real-life threat moment, you won’t have to think about them—I know I didn’t. You also need practice sparring against another person, to learn how to react to an actual opponent. I’ve done neither—I would be the equivalent of a yellow-belt in Taekwondo.

    “For starters I’ve had you boys learning all the Taekwondo stances and the moves—I’m not going to have you fighting each other until I can buy protective equipment. I won’t allow you boys to fight each other. It is very easy to get hurt or to hurt someone else, and the rule of the real world is that getting hurt is expensive and it sucks. Okay?”

    Tabitha hefted her left arm—still in its cast—for emphasis, but with bitter humor she realized she probably didn’t have to. From the reaction of the four boys the word expensive seemed to spook them even more, and that seemed to tell her a lot about their situation of poverty. I’m working on that, too.

    “In the coming year I’m going to get all four of you enrolled in the Taekwondo place in town,” Tabitha announced. “I have a bit of money coming in from those law suits, and I can afford it if you’re all going to take it seriously and not fool around.”

    The news seemed to thrill the boys, and Tabitha got some small measure of satisfaction in the way they twisted to look at each other with wide eyes before their attention returned to her.

    “Your parents…” Tabitha set her jaw for a moment, somewhat unwilling to badmouth the lowlifes in front of the boys. “They aren’t really looking out for your future. They’re caught up in their own messes, right now. But, you’re family, and you deserve better. Grandma can take care of you, and I’m going to do my best to make sure you have the tools you need to get wherever you want to go in life. Practicing martial arts now would be good for your body and mind—if you at some point want to do football instead, or soccer, or find an interest in carpentry, or art, or even if you want to join the military and serve—I’m going to help you. All of you.”

    She wasn’t sure what reactions to expect in the first place, but the boys mostly looked thoughtful—but puzzled. Did they think she was grandstanding now that she had money coming her way? It was hard for her to tell. Were they too young to really understand their own situation and the significance of what she was saying? Tabitha couldn’t really discern that either. It doesn’t really matter. I’m being open with them, and whatever they wind up thinking about it, that’s up to them.

    “What do you wanna do?” Joshua pressed. “When you grow up. Are you going to go do Taekwondo too? Like, with us at the place?”

    “Do I want to learn more Taekwondo? I... honestly don’t know,” Tabitha admitted. “Whatever you might think of me or see me as, I’m not a movie star or novel protagonist with this iron will or limitless grit and determination, or anything like that. My transformation over this past summer had a lot more to do with my obsessing over my weight and appearance and that turning into… well, something like a compulsive disorder.

    “I hated myself for being fat and unattractive and unpopular, and that hate turned into fear, and that fear motivated me into change. Well, ‘motivated,’” Tabitha said, using her fingers to make air-quotes. “But, being thinner and prettier didn’t magically give me confidence around other people, and it didn’t magically make me popular like I thought it would—it just put me in the game. Then, it turned out the game isn’t actually fun to play once you’re in it, the rules are nasty and whether you’re winning or losing it’s stressful and cutthroat and—

    Tabitha stopped herself and remembered the four cousins who were listening to her without interrupting.

    “Okay sorry, I’m just rambling now,” Tabitha winced. “There’s so many things I just kind of need to get off my chest and talk about with someone, but they’re too embarrassing for me to bring up with Alicia or Elena.”

    “It’s okay,” Joshua said. “You can say whatever you want.”

    “Yeah, you can tell us,” Sam encouraged. “Talk whenever you want. We don’t care about being popular.”

    “Popular kids suck,” Nick griped. “Like Max, in my class at school. Popular kids are just all full of themselves—but nobody really even cares. They’re just dumb.”

    “Yeah, dumb jerks,” Aiden agreed.

    “I just feel…” Tabitha couldn’t help but feel flustered. “It’s awkward, I was worried you guys had like, built me up into some unstoppable super big-sister figure, and I didn’t want to destroy that for you. But, I also—I just want to be real with you boys, not have to put on a front or anything. You’re family.”

    “Is Elena popular?” Aiden mused, tapping a finger against his lip. “She seemed like that kinda popular person who’s all into that.”

    “Yeah, she’s blonde,” Nicholas nodded. “Blondes are always the most popular. Like cheerleaders and stuff.”

    “I think it used to be real important to her,” Tabitha said. “When she first approached me, it was—weird. Facetious, I didn’t like it. Like she was being friendly but not really friendly, like she was going through all the motions but not really… it’s hard to put into words. She was treating it like a business agreement? Or an alliance, or something. A mutual agreement to leverage each other for further popularity or… something.”

    “Facetious?” Aiden screwed up his face in puzzlement at the word. “Beverage?”

    “Sorry, um. Facetious means being fake, putting on an act,” Tabitha explained. “Beverage means something you drink, leverage is… I don’t even really know how to describe it. Using each other? Utilizing someone or something to best effect?”

    “Being fake means you’re not really friends,” Nick pointed out. “So, is she not—are you and Elena not real friends?”

    “No, we are now, I think,” Tabitha sussed. “It’s hard to even put a finger on when it happened—it just did. She’s changed a ton—she’s not even blonde anymore actually, she dyed her hair black! I feel like we’re both kinda figuring ourselves out together.”

    “What about Alicia?” Aiden asked. “She’s just weird.”

    “What’s weird about Alicia?!” Tabitha put on an affronted look.

    “She likes Star Wars, and she’s weird,” Aiden said. “Girls don’t like Star Wars.”

    “I like Star Wars!” Tabitha argued. “I probably know more about Star Wars than all of you combined!”

    “What’s the name of the desert planet?” Joshua challenged.

    “Tattooey,” Tabitha answered without hesitation.

    “It’s Tatooine,” Joshua said. “Tatooine. Luke grew up there. Jabba’s castle was there, too.”

    “Whatever, I knew what it was—it sounds like Tattooey whenever they say it in the movies.”

    “Swamp planet,” Nick pressed.

    “Swamp planet is—Dagobah,” Tabitha had even more confidence in that one.

    “Ice planet?” Joshua demanded.

    “Ice planet is—I don’t think the ice planet really had a name,” Tabitha confessed. “The Rebel base was Echo base, but it was supposed to be on some uncharted planet way out hidden away from everyone.”

    “The ice planet is Hoth, but… she did know it was Echo base, so she definitely knows more Star Wars than a girl,” Samuel frowned, seemingly invested in her level of knowledge and authority on the subject.

    “But she didn’t even know it was Hoth, and we all do,” Joshua crossed his arms. “So, we know more, actually.”

    “She’s a girl and she knew Dagobah and Echo Base, though,” Nicholas deliberated. “That’s already really good, right?”

    “You’ve seen the teasers on TV for the upcoming Star Wars movie by now, right?” Tabitha struggled to suppress a grin. “What if I told you… that I’ve already seen Episode One; The Phantom Menace?”

    “How?” Samuel’s eyes lit up.

    “How—” Joshua jumped up. “When? Where?!”

    To her surprise, the boys didn’t seem skeptical at all. She’d honestly expected them to scoff at her and need some evidence or convincing, but apparently her image in their minds as an unstoppable superheroine hadn’t been shaken down yet. On the one hand she still had mixed feelings about them putting her up on a pedestal to revere, but then on the other— when it came to giving them a better future this time, she was willing to become a hero for them.

    Last time only Aiden and Nicholas even graduated high school, Tabitha schooled her expression into a forced smile. Joshua died somewhere in 2015, I didn’t even go to his funeral. Samuel from what I heard was doing drugs and in and out of prison his whole life, just like his parents. That’s NOT going to happen this time.

    “My friend’s dad works for Nintendo,” Tabitha answered with a straight face. “We get to sneak in and see a bunch of movies before they come out.”

( 34, The music just right for Elena. | RE: Trailer Trash | Next, 7 pt 8 )

/// Scrapping the previous section with Goblina and Mrs. Moore's reactions to it for now. I can't afford to get that far invested in writing out actual Goblina sections, it becomes like writing a whole new project.