Edits to the last several chapters of Draka (Patreon)

Nov 3rd: Basically blogposting now. I was considering just deleting this whole post but that felt wrong and unfair, so the original post will be below this final edit.

Alright, so here's what I'm going to do. I've been waffling and falling back into some old, bad patterns that I've been trying to break, never being satisfied and trying to somehow please absolutely everyone when that is just not a thing that's going to happen. Different people want and like different things, and that's great, but ultimately a story has to go somewhere.

So. I wrote the chapters the way I did because that's how I wanted them to be. I like the events of those chapters. I like the sudden gut punch. Looking over the edits I've planned, I just don't like most of them. I don't like the omniscient narrator bits, to the point where I might try to go back and purge anything I see in previous text. And I don't like the dream bits, at least not yet.

The edits I make to previous chapters are therefore going to be minimal. There are going to be content warnings where necessary, and I'll just hope that I don't turn off too many readers.

I'm going to keep the edits that I actually like and feel good about. Here's what I'm going with:

Additions or edits in bold

Chapter 56, at the end of Herald's letter:

Again, I promise that I will see you as soon as I can. Another two days, at most. I cannot stand to be apart for so long, and I have not forgotten my promise to go hunting with you. I look forward to it.

Chapter 57, when Draka starts following the scholars in the tunnels. Just a reminder for the next chapter:

They had come well prepared. Perhaps they were experienced, well read, or simply clever, but every so often they would drop a small stone that glinted in the light of their lanterns. Quartz, perhaps. When they returned the stones would probably have been easily visible in the darkness, leading them back to the camp. I considered collecting the pebbles as I went. I'd left my bag at home since I wanted to be able to shift, and anything I wore or carried just fell off when I did, but I could have put them in my mouth or something.

Chapter 58, in the  beginning:

After napping away the rest of the afternoon into the early night I headed to the lake. It had only been a few days since Herald’s message, but it had been almost a week since I met my friends, Herald had said ‘two days at most’, and I was getting antsy. And since Herald had promised to come hunt with me, I didn’t really feel like doing it on my own. In the darkness I didn't have to be very careful while flying, so I made good time.

Chapter 58, third to last paragraph, when Draka’s captor leaves:

The woman swept out of the room with the men, except for Vic, following her. A lantern in the ceiling cast a weak light though the prison, but not nearly enough. They left me in the dark.

Chapter 58, last paragraph:

In the shadows, my draconic side wondered just how stupid she was, and how much of her entrails I could eat before she died.

My sincerest thanks for your comments on this post, and on the chapters. I really wish that everyone could get what they want, but if nothing else your comment have helped me figure out what I want, and that's what I'm going to have to go with.

//AB

Original post and edits follow:

I have gone back and made a number of edits in chapters that have yet to be released on Royal Road. I haven't changed any events, but hopefully the turn in chapter 58 should be better foreshadowed now, so that it's not quite as jarring. I have not changed any dialogue or events; all the changes are in narration.

Following is a list of the changes I have made. This post is primarily for readers who are current on the published Patreon chapters. If you are new, or if you have just not read all of the chapters up to and including chapter 58, I recommend that you do so before reading the rest of this post.

EDIT: I'm holding off on actually making any edits until I decide what I want to do. I've sketched out another version. Version 1 has some omniscient narrative statements (and the more I look at it, the more I agree with Fennek in the comments. It's pretty disruptive), whereas version 2 has more magic. I'd love to hear any opinions about if you prefer either version, or even the original.

Version 1

Additions or edits in bold

Chapter 52, at the end of Draka and Mak’s conversation:

I snorted. Mak didn’t joke much, so I appreciated anything I could get. “Alright,” I said. “If that’s settled, do you want some sleep? I can take over.”

“No, you go ahead,” she said. “I have some thinking to do.”

That was the beginning of a short period of peace between us, which built to a peak before a sudden, violent fall. But not an end.

Chapter 53, second paragraph after they begin the return trip:

They say that money can’t buy happiness, but it sure brought me into the group. For a time at least. It would be a good while, and a lot would change, before I saw my cut of that book.

Chapter 53, end of the paragraph where Draka separates from the party:

[...] I said my goodbyes to the others with smiles all around, and then we went our separate ways, with me flying back to my nest and them heading down the road to Karakan. Things would be different the next time I saw any of them, in ways that none of us could have predicted at the time, but we were all blissfully unaware. That's life.

Chapter 54, second to last paragraph:

I was in control of this body. I went wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But inside, she clearly had more influence than I had thought. I couldn’t tell where the line was between us, anymore, and at the time I had no idea how thin that line really was. But I knew that I didn't just feel her emotions; she chose which of my own I was allowed to feel. That should have terrified me. It didn’t.

Chapter 56, when Draka laments being unable to contact anyone on her own terms:

[...] The fact that I couldn’t contact anyone, and that every meeting happened on a minimum of a one day delay, was beginning to bother me. I mentally added an eight item to my list: figure out a way to contact people when I wanted to. This would soon be moot, but how was I supposed to know that?

Chapter 58, second paragraph:

I was feeling anxious. Perhaps that was unrelated, or an omen of what was to come. To my disappointment there was still nothing waiting for me at the tree [...]

Chapter 58, when Draka meets Lalia:

On the worst day of my life I was woken by the sound of hooves. It was mid-morning, by the sun, so I'd slept quite a few hours. When I looked down through the leaves I saw a familiar, if not entirely welcome, figure. Lalia, of all people, was pinning something to the tree.

The following two edits were made to make it clear that Draka is not in as dire of a situation as it might seem.

Chapter 58, third to last paragraph, when Draka’s captor leaves:

The woman swept out of the room with the men, except for Vic, following her. A lantern in the ceiling cast a weak light though the prison, but not nearly enough. They left me in the dark.

Chapter 58, last paragraph:

In the shadows, my draconic side wondered just how stupid she was, and how much of her entrails I could eat before she died.

Version 2

Additions or edits in bold

Chapter 56, at the end of Herald's letter:

Again, I promise that I will see you as soon as I can. Another two days, at most. I cannot stand to be apart for so long, and I have not forgotten my promise to go hunting with you. I look forward to it.

Chapter 56, at the beginning of the 4 day time skip:

Shortly after I got that letter I started having nightmares, which was pretty new. I hadn’t had any nightmares for a long time, and I hated it. It was nothing clear or specific, just a sense of being trapped, of fear and pain. At first I wondered if it was my dragon’s memories bleeding through as I slept. But as the days wore on, in my dreams I felt like it was Herald’s fear and Herald’s pain. Like she was calling to me, begging me to help. Then I’d wake up and shake my bad dreams off, and keep holding watch. Days passed with nothing new from Herald, and I became more and more convinced that I was just… lonely and worried. She’d said two days, and now she was delayed, and I was imagining the worst.

Chapter 57, when Draka starts following the scholars in the tunnels. Just a reminder for the next chapter:

They had come well prepared. Perhaps they were experienced, well read, or simply clever, but every so often they would drop a small stone that glinted in the light of their lanterns. Quartz, perhaps. When they returned the stones would probably have been easily visible in the darkness, leading them back to the camp. I considered collecting the pebbles as I went. I'd left my bag at home since I wanted to be able to shift, and anything on me just fell off when I did, but I could have put them in my mouth or something.

Chapter 58, entire beginning:

After napping away the rest of the afternoon into the early night I headed to the lake. The nightmares were stronger than ever. It had only been a few days since Herald’s message, but it had been almost a week since I met my friends, Herald had said ‘two days at most’, and I was getting antsy. And since Herald had promised to come hunt with me, I didn’t really feel like doing it on my own. In the darkness I didn't have to be very careful while flying, so I made good time.

I was feeling anxious, and to my disappointment there was still nothing waiting for me at the tree. I hadn't expected anything so soon, but I had hoped, and after our trip north I had gotten used to having my friends around. I was getting lonely, plain and simple, and it hit my mood harder than I expected. Not enough for my dragon to do anything about it, but enough that I didn't have it in me to go back home or do anything else. Instead I curled up in a familiar tree, and went back to sleep, waiting and hoping for the morning.

*****

I was woken from the worst nightmare so far by the sound of hooves. Herald had been screaming, crying, begging me to help, and I was so far away. The dream started fading as soon as I startled awake, but I would have been cold sweating if I could. It was mid-morning, by the sun, so I'd slept quite a few hours. When I looked down through the leaves I saw a familiar, if not entirely welcome, figure. Lalia, of all people, was pinning something to the tree.

Chapter 58, after Draka gets Mak's message:

I read and re-read the note. It was short and to the point. Mak wanted to meet me. No mention of Herald, to my relief, but Mak would be here after sundown every day, starting the day the note was posted. That probably meant going here every day and back every night or even morning, which would take up most of her waking time, which also meant that she wasn’t spending time with or looking after Herald. And Lalia hadn’t met either Herald or Mak for a few days.

This was clearly important. Something was wrong. Something that Mak couldn’t go to Lalia about. But surely she would have said in the message if Herald was in trouble?

Chapter 58, at the end of the talk with the dragon:

I don’t think she would come to me if she herself had a problem. You heard Lalia. She hasn’t heard from either of them for days. And now Mak sent a message instead of meeting Lalia herself. Something is wrong. I think they may all be in trouble.

“The dreams. You think the Herald is at risk.”

I hope not. But, yes.

Chapter 58, right after meeting Mak:

“It’s… It’s Herald,” she said, and her voice broke, tears spilling down her face. “I need your help. Please.”

The dread in my stomach crystalised into a jagged lump as the nightmares came back all at once. Herald trapped, afraid. Screaming.

The following two edits are the same as in version 1:

Chapter 58, third to last paragraph, when Draka’s captor leaves:

The woman swept out of the room with the men, except for Vic, following her. A lantern in the ceiling cast a weak light though the prison, but not nearly enough. They left me in the dark.

Chapter 58, last paragraph:

In the shadows, my draconic side wondered just how stupid she was, and how much of her entrails I could eat before she died.