Updates 2024 and Onwards (Patreon)

Hello everyone, happy 2024!

I come bearing some possibly bittersweet news.

I've been sick for the past 16 days, now. I've only just, since yesterday, been able to look at screens without getting a massive headache and blurry/wet vision. Anyways, because of that, I haven't been able to work on commissions and requests aside.

Now that I AM feeling better, I'm back to working on commissions but the issue is I'm so behind after almost 3 weeks of no work. Now I got zine due dates coming up and a whole slew of other things I need to work on so I have no free time.

Now the bad news.

I want people to understand that I'm not blaming anybody when I say this next.

The world--at least as an American--means that everything is so damn expensive. I can't afford my bills on art alone. Even a successful month of art is around $800. That's $500 from my Patreon and the occasional commission. I make negative with my side Patreon as I use all the money I make there to pledge to other creators and inspirations. $800 sounds like a lot...but my rent is $1600 and that's before my utilities. Yes, my husband pays for most of the bills, but even he's struggling to make ends meet.

So, I've been looking for a 'real job'. Having consistent income would help a ton even as a part time job. The reason I DO art is because I'm disabled and nobody wants to hire someone who faints at random. In America, you can't exactly sit at a job: you have to stand for hours, and I physically cannot do that. So, art was all I had for years.

But with NFTs and AI running rampant, people don't want to pay artists anymore for art. And those who do can't afford TO pay for artists anymore. And as a fandom artist, people think your work is lesser. Why should someone have to pay for me to draw a picture of Goku or whatever when other people draw him for free and then have people slam that art into an AI machine for someone to get free art from?

Everyone, I LOVE drawing. i LOVE writing fanfictions. I LOVE being in fandom space and sharing what I can do but I'm just another artist chewed up and spit out. I don't know if I can do this anymore, and considering money isn't flowing, there's no reason to keep dragging myself through the mud and trying to make art when there's just thousands of artworks being crammed out daily from people who just steal and steal and think a prompt is art.

I'm burnt out. I'm exhausted. Just staring at my tablet makes me anxious and depressed. Art is still the only thing I feel remotely good in in my life and lately it's just been wearing me down into nothing. I feel like I've been sandpapered into dust. I'm feeling like a husk with nothing to show for it in my life.

The long and short of it is art is how I made my living. I wanted to keep getting better and better. But then you have things like Twitter's algorithm.

My art doesn't get views.

I have to constantly reblog my stuff on Tumblr because nobody reblogs my art.

My art doesn't get shared. People don't comment anymore. It's like...why bother?

If art doesn't circulate, then nobody knows you exist and if nobody knows you exist, you can't make money. I've done collabs, and waffles with an R (Patreon doesn't like the real word being used) and give (aways) ((Patreon also doesn't like this word) and still--my art does nothing.

it's not just fandom stuff: it's my main business art, too. Furries, animals, OCs--etc.

So. The TL;DR is that I'm looking for a real job. For 'real work'. I'm not abandoning Patreon nor am I done with art for good but I don't know if my love for art will ever come back. I feel like I've failed myself. I work so hard to make my art look nice and anatomically correct and the color theory and shading and perspective is correct and then someone can just draw a doodle and get 1.6k likes or whatever when my art is lucky to hit 50 likes.

I WILL say it's unfair, but I also know that it's all luck, too, and I've never been lucky. I'm not writing this for sympathy or for brownie points or people to go 'aww I'm so sorry'. I'm writing this to explain where I've been and where I might go if I suddenly disappear. There's thousands of artists out there who can draw and paint better than me, so losing me as a fandom creator isn't going to be the end of the world. I'm going to be 32, I'm too old to be this bad at art.

Being freelance for over a decade and nothing to show for it definitely aches. My heart's been breaking since October coming to this realization. I don't want people to think I'm only doing this for a quick buck: as I said, art's my job. But what do you do when your passion stops paying the bills and you're facing eviction? I don't know. But I'm learning quickly it's not fun. I lost my house before during Covid, I don't want to be homeless again.

Anyways, the TL;DR again: work is going to be slow. I'll open for requests again when I have time. Please allow me to catch up on owed works and do my god-awful taxes and hopefully find a job because it's too cold to live in my car and I don't want to give up my pets.

So, here's the gist: I'm catching up on commissions. I expected to be sick for maybe 4-5 days max but obviously that's not what happened. I'm STILL sick. 

I'm going to forego rewards this month but instead, next month I'll just upgrade everyone to shaded art as an apology. I'll catch up on commissions and try to get them all done this month/early February. From there, I'll devote my full time to my Patreon. I'll finish Hellish Delights and work on Chemical Attraction's reboot.

Also, I'm not going to stop commissions. I know this might be confusing considering everything I've said but I don't want my regulars to lose out on me drawing for them if they still want art from me. However, I know the world's expensive right now and even regulars can't afford me and I do NOT want to raise my prices again to stay in business. That's not fair to anybody. I'm already charging a decent chunk of change and I don't think raising my prices to break even's remotely fair.

The unfortunate reality is that art--at least for me--doesn't pay the bills. I'm not some big furry that can charge $200 for a sketched headshot and still have folks lining up out the door. I wish i COULD but I also know that's batshit insane. For now, I'm just between a rock and a hard place. I don't know what to do. A job would help, but then if a job pays well, I probably wouldn't wanna draw anymore. But I also know nobody wants to hire someone disabled. So. I'm stuck. I know this huge mess of words probably made no sense and bounced around constantly but I got a lot of turmoil to deal with.