Bimbo Action News 4: 2021 Let's Get Fucked Update (mp3) (Patreon)

It's time for the latest edition of Bimbo Action news! This August 2021 update will catch you up on all the latest headlines from the bimbo perspective, in case you've been living under a rock or had your head in someone's crotch for the last several months.

As always, please remember that Bimbo Action News is comedy/satire and not real news.

Transcript:

Do bimbos prefer puppies or kitties? Does wearing a face mask make you more attractive? The world is getting fucked right now, but are you? Maybe you just need to try harder? Find out tonight on bimbo action news…

Hello and welcome to bimbo action news, the world's number one fair and busty news source and home to Double-D-Body award winning journalism. I’m your host, Chaos Doll, a massive pair of tits that occasionally have something funny or interesting to say.

In tonight’s top story, with 2021 now firmly on it’s rear half, the world continues to receive the long hard fucking that began early last year. But there's no need to despair, however, just because the world is fucked doesn’t mean you can’t get fucked as well. That’s right, with just four simple, focus-tested, market researched tips.. You can be well on your way to getting railed just as hard and fast as the world around you.

Tip Number 1: Look like you deserve it. That’s right, nobody is going to fuck you, or even annex your territory, unless you look like you are asking for it. So next time you need a good deep dicking, just ask yourself.. What would Crimea wear?

Tip Number 2: Become a content creator! The surest way to get fucked six ways from Sunday is to do it for money and stuff. That's right, if you want to get fucked so much you’ll regret your life choices, just set up an account on any video hosting service and watch your earnings get eaten away by greedy corporate platforms. It doesn’t matter if you do porn or play the latest and greatest video games, the company is gonna fuck you real good.

Tip Number 3: Mask up, because it rhymes with Ass up. Kind of. There isn’t really much of a joke here, just wear a fucking mask and you will look like a responsible human that cares about the wellbeing of others. Responsible humans that care about others have more sex. Therefore masks work.

Tip Number 4: Be a bimbo. That’s it. That’s the tip. Well and the whole shaft. Bimbos are just batting away dicks left and right, So if you want to have literally every option available to you, go blonde, get big titties and you’re pretty much set for life.

In sporting news, the 2020 Tokyo Olympics finally got around to happening in 2021 and aside from some momentary confusion as to whether or not I had slipped into a different timeline, the only thing I really remember from this year’s Olympics was some video game music playing during the opening ceremony. Unfortunately, cheerleading is still not considered an Olympic sport and therefore my attention wandered elsewhere..

In serious international news, the women of a certain silk road nation are right back to getting fucked just like it’s 1997 all over again. No matter how you feel about the war, I think we can all agree that the silencing and objectification of women is wrong… unless it happens in corporate America, then it’s fine for some reason.

And finally in our lighthearted and happy segment, do bimbos prefer puppies or kitties? A recent twitter poll found that a whopping 77.3% of respondents, at the time of this recording, preferred kitties over puppies. Thus perpetuating the long held tradition of cat pictures being the key to winning all of the internet points.

And that concludes this edition of bimbo action news, the world’s number one fair and busty news source. Remember, if they don’t have fake boobs, it’s probably fake news. I’ve been your host, Chaos Doll. If you have any thoughts or suggestions you can find me on twitter @DollChaos

Thank you and goodnight.