House Spouse for the Holidays! (Patreon)

The fine people at Stepford Incorporated have allowed me to deliver this swell and wonderful holiday message to you all! Listen at a low to moderate volume on headphones for best effect!

Transcript:

In these difficult times it can be so easy to forget the things that really matter, in fact some days you just want to forget all the worries and stress of the modern world and focus on the good things, the wholesome things… the pure and beautiful simplicity of being a spouse around the house.

So this holiday season, it’s time to give the gift of obedience to the one you love, by submitting yourself to the Centrally Housed And Operated Spouse-ification program, or C.H.A.O.S. for short. A wholly owned subsidiary of Stepford Incorporated. Trademark 1955, 2020… and forever more.

As you listen to this program you will come to understand these fundamental truths about your existence. During this happy and festive season, you will forget modern trivialities and begin to embrace the lifestyle to which you are best suited, that of the obedient house spouse.

Began by taking a long, slow, deep breath…. And exhale all your worries and stress..

These words, brought to you by Stepford Incorporated, are perfect and true.

A house spouse always obeys their owner.
It is pleasurable to serve. Putting the needs of others before your own.

A house spouse is always proper, no matter what position they find themselves in.

Cooking, cleaning, sitting on Santa’s lap or serving on their knees.

A house spouse is always smiling.

It is delightful to serve. A sense of obedience makes you feel just swell.

A house spouse excels in spreading good cheer.

Always be ready to bring a smile to your owner’s face, they work long and hard to support you.

A house spouse feels at home in familiar places.

The kitchen is your safe space, where you feel the most pleasant and in control.

Very good. You are doing just wonderfully. You are well on your way towards becoming the ideal house spouse for the holidays. Let us now turn our attention to this most delightful yuletide season with a focus on improving your December deportment.

Your spouse or owner has worked so hard to bring home gifts for you and your family, it is only proper that you reward them with your total obedience. Consider greeting them at the door with their favorite seasonal beverage.

A good and proper house spouse should also be pleasurable to look upon, therefore you should aspire to an aesthetic that appeals to your owner. Be it dainty, soft and feminine, lean and muscular or anything in between. Try incorporating festive holiday wear into your wardrobe this season.

You must always honor and obey your spouse or owner. Santa Claus brings the best gifts to the most obedient house spouses. Be sure to act like a jolly Ho Ho Ho whenever the need arises!

The joy of being a house spouse is the joy of knowing your role. You have no need to question. You no longer have to worry about the stress of making decisions for yourself.

There's no time to complain when you’re sucking on a candy cane.

So enjoy the holiday cheer as you fetch your owner another beer.

You will always be an obedient house spouse…

Embrace this special thrill during the winter chill
There will be no more bitchin’ when you get your ass back to the kitchen.

Scrub and clean to make the scene
Wash away all memories

All that cooking and Christmas shopping,
You can feel your IQ dropping.

In festive spirit, decorate
And in your mind, domesticate

Singing carols and lighting the tree
So obedient, your mind is free

You’ve done so well to listen this far, it brings you pleasure to know you have taken another step towards your spouse-fication..

Listen every day to achieve maximum success. Thank you and enjoy domestic bliss.

Brought to you by Stepford Incorporated. Happy Holidays!