Patreon Letter: 30th May 2020 (Patreon)

Hey folks,

Jackson here with my patreon letter for the month! It's gonna be a bit of a weird one, on account of the big thing I've been spending my time on has been Kingdom Hearts, again, but I'm not quite done. Literally the second I finish this I will be starting Kingdom Hearts III, so look forward to the #takes letter next month. I'm sure it will be a substantial one.

For now, here's some quick reactions to the movies I've been watching. Come to think of it these are also technically part of my Kingdom Hearts journey. Nomura has consumed my life, and I must free myself from his chains of fate. Or something. Okay let's go.

I watched Hercules last night. Dude this movie fuckin sucks. This movie blows chunks. It's dire. After having spent now two years hanging out in the Coliseum with my boy Hercules I thought it was probably my due diligence to actually watch the movie. I should not have done that.

I watched Hunchback of Notre Dame earlier in the month as well, becuase there was a world in KH3D and I couldn't even subsist on osmosis like I can for most other Disney films. Nobody ever talks about Hunchback of Notre Dame. And that movie is kinda an ideological disaster and a huge mess, but it's also really ambitious and its heart is mostly in the right place. Let's look at the big I Want song. Out There takes a very traditional approach, which makes sense. Your lad Quasimodo is literally trapped in a castle, he wants to be Out There. Everyone is going to root for him.

Alright back to Hercules.

Go The Distance also takes a traditional approach. This does not make sense. It's also a much worse song but let's ignore that for now. Instead, Hercules' I Want desire is to feel a sense of belonging, that is to say, to live a life where he is not oppressed for being the strongest, hottest, best man who has ever lived. It is quite simply brain breaking and the movie does not really let up from there.

The plot of the movie is about Hades scheming to kill Zeus and take his place, because Zeus is the king of the gods, loved by everyone and seemingly lives a life of decadence and luxury while Hades toils working in the underworld. In the first scene Hades shows up at a party, says a bunch of true things about why Zeus sucks, and then leaves and starts plotting to kill him. Now, basically every other modern adaptation of Greek Myth is explicitly about Zeus as just the dirt worse. Because he is. Instead Disney expect you to implicitly side with the rightful glory of Zeus, and simply hate Hades off the bat for being unwillilng to accept his place. It is a movie about the inherent rightness of the status quo.

Anyway that isn't like, rare for Disney. The Lion King is this as well, though better as Hamlet is a better springboard for those themes than Superman. And I guess Hercules throws the audience the bone of making the villain cooler and more fun to watch than any of the protagonists, y'know if you dirty bitter queers want to stan they will not stop you. Disney love to do that. The fact that he's voiced by conservative conspiracy nutjob and known sexual assault do-er James Woods certainly puts a stop to that though so there's just no winning. 

Which brings us to Hercules himself, and his relationship with Meg. Hercules is Superman, but through some weird twisted lens where Superman's greatest goal is to be the best and strongest hero that there is. They lean into the idea of Superman's farmboy naivete, but not his inherent kindness or even sadness. His goal, for the majority of the movie, is to get back into Mount Olympus away from all the normal people. It's only falling in love with Meg that changes that, and the movie moves so fast that their relationship is given no time to develop and no substance of any kind. They are both hot, and so they get together. If there is any development of why they're a good match it honestly makes it worse, it's that Meg isn't like all those shallow fangirls, who are the bane of consumerist society, as it is the 90s.

So it's the story of the best, strongest person of all time, who you are meant to root for not as the selfless protector of good, but because he wants to ascend to godhood where he belongs and live away from the rest of humanity, who are all portrayed as either poor and worthless or shallow and craven. This movie's politic's are simply off the chain. The big song is called Zero To Hero!!! He's Zeus's son!!!!!

Anyway all of this made me much softer on Hunchback, which is a weird movie that goes completely off the rails in the back half and doesn't stick any kind of landing. But it also does not do this. It's only, y'know, racist and horny to the point where it's hard to see where one ends and the other begins. But in an interesting way. And I actually like the characters. With these kinda Disney movies you're grading on a curve I suppose. I really like the musicals but the part where they're almost all conservative propaganda really grates. At least Pinocchio is so extreme about this that it wraps back around to be a hilarious portrait of the anxieties of the white middle class. That's really what happens to kids who believe what anyone else says. They get turned into donkeys and eaten by whales. Eat your vegetables.

Alright I'll be back next month with some Video Game Takes.

-Jackson