Bad Luck Bananza~! - Chapter 1: Random Embarrassment Generator (Patreon)

“Come on! PLEASE!” Donovan the Raccoon got onto his knees, clamping his hands together as he pleaded with the guy in the business suit, smoking a cigar at his desk. “I know I can give you a new idea that’ll knock the ratings into next week. Just give me another chance!” 

Donovan than got on his face, sticking his butt up and swishing it about as he bowed before the guy in charge of this studio. 

The man kicked his feet up and sighed. “Look, you’ve got a lot of heart but I’m not sure a show like that is really something a lot of people are going to go for. You’ve got experience hosting shows, why don’t you just host whatever one we give you?” 

Donovan blushed and poked his head up. “W-Well... they said that they’d provide me with the money I needed to get a show off the ground as gratitude for being their whipping boy... I mean their designated host for all the shows I’ve hosted. I’ve always wanted to be in charge of getting one off the ground myself, you know...” 

“Well... that’s fine but we can’t just green light any old idea you have, even if it is a good one. It needs a sure-fire hook. One I can assure would grant us high enough ratings as to make the investment worth it.” The boss man stated, calmly. 

Donovan pouted and looked to the side.  

“Well... wh-what could I possibly do in order to-” Donovan began before something astonishing happened. 

A tiny explosion erupted outside the building in a proximity close enough to them that it shook the room. The boss man spun around in his seat and looked out the window, extremely rattled. “What the devil...?” 

Donovan and the boss man turned tail and shot like darts down the hallway, down the stairs, and out the door.  

They stopped immediately upon seeing what caused the explosion. It was good that they did because it was literally sitting in the street, submerged in a smoking crater with various debris and rubble scattered about. 

“What is that...?” The boss man raised a brow before gasping as he saw the figure sitting in the center of the destroyed road start to move. It turned out to be the metallic husk of a cracked and decimated Egg-Mobile. Sitting within its cockpit was the tyrannical egg-shaped, robot overlord himself, Dr. Eggman. 

At the moment he was shouting obscenities and muttering out curses as he tried to keep his sparking Egg-Mobile afloat by constantly yanking on a crank. It looked like someone trying to desperately get their lawn mower started. 

Donovan’s jaw hung open and his knees knocked at the mere site of this infamous oppressor that his mind barely registered the fact that someone was sonic booming its way over there. 

At the speed of a blue bullet train, Sonic the Hedgehog, while in ball form, smashed against the hull of the Egg Mobile and made it topple to the ground! 

Eggman tumbled out of it, angry and annoyed to the point of pounding his fist into the dirt. 

Landing before him with his fists on his hips and a smirk on his face was the blue wonder himself in all his glory. He was wearing a green shirt and a nice pair of black jeans.  

In a flash, he turned around and gave a gloriously beaming thumbs up towards the sky. “Great throw buddy! We hit a bullseye!” 

Donovan turned his gaze upward and spotted the flying fox friend of the magnanimous hero flutter to the ground and dust himself off. “Great. My aim is impeccable, isn’t it? Precision is a valued commodity for someone who deals with heavy machinery and expert science.” 

While they were talking, Eggman quickly smacked his fist against one of the buttons on his jacket and produced a jet-pack. “I won’t forget this! I’ll have the last laugh yet, you shower-clog Cretans!” Eggman snapped, waving his exasperated fist about as he shot off into the sky, too fast for Sonic’s mind to fully comprehend what was going on. His feet was quick but his mind sometimes took a second to catch up when he was just finished gloating about something. 

Seeing Eggman fly off into the distance was a little bitter sweet. He was hoping to ring more info about his attack on the nearby Chao Garden. Something so low was deserving of quite a bit more pain and teasing than normal. 

“Oh well...” Sonic pouted, putting his hands on his hips again. “At least he didn’t get away with it.” 

Tails sighed. “Yeah... though, he still caused a bit more destruction than I would have liked to see him get away with today.” 

“Well, we finished up rather fast though.” Sonic decided to remain positive. “After all, we were in the middle of lunch just a mere half hour ago and we’re already done here.” 

“I guess.” The fox walked over to the Egg-Mobile and looked it over. “We’re gonna have to move this out of the street though. Fixing the road shouldn’t take me too long.” 

Sonic shook his head at that. “Seriously, dude. I don’t know how this stuff is second nature to you. Any normal person would look at that and say that it’s worth just shuffling off and pretending they didn’t see it.” 

“Well, that’s because I’m no normal person.” Tails grinned. 

“Yeah. Even you could come up with something better than this hunk of junk.” Sonic smirked, lightly kicking the downed Egg-Mobile. 

That turned out to be a bad idea.  

The instant Sonic did that, a pipe came undone and exploded right by Sonic’s butt! 

The fire that engulfed his bottom in the split second it took for him to land that kick made his eyes widen and his pupils dilate. He leered back, shaking for a bit, before yelping and shooting into the air with a blood curdling scream! 

“AAAAIEEEEEEEE~!” 

Sonic then landed and started to run in circles, patting at the flames on his butt as tears flung from his eyes. “AAH! ON FIRE! MY BUTT! MY BUTT’S ON FIRE! HELP! AAAUGH!” 

“SONIC!” Tails gasped and waved his arms about. “STOP! DROP! AND ROLL!” The fox panicked before scrambling about turning towards one of the nearby shops, in hopes of locating a fire extinguisher. 

The boss man and Donovan stood there, observing the weird as hell scene before them with great interest. It was obvious that they were both starting to form a very similar idea by the way both of their faces scrunched into a tiny smile. 

When they turned to face each other, they were already in-synch. 

“Seems like they were battling Eggman and knocked him hard over this way. Lucky for you.” The Boss Man smiled. 

“Well, you say that but... will they go for it?” Donovan whispered back, cupping a hand to the side of his face. 

“It’s worth a shot. Having well known people working with you on this would not only boost its chance of being greenlit, but also be that sure-fire way of pulling in consistent ratings.” The boss man explained. He knew how this stuff worked and if any idea had a chance at being an instant success, it was one that involved the heroes of their world. 

“Well... I agree it’s worth a shot. The idea is almost too good to pass up. Okay, okay. I’ll ask em.” Donovan smirked. “I wonder how many people we’ll be able to get as participants.” 

“We can leave it up to him. It depends on how long the show is and the structure and format it has.” The Boss Man patted Donovan on the back. “The structure and format you proposed was never really my issue either so... if you can get them to agree, I’ll gladly greenlight this.” 

Donovan’s eyes sparkled and his tongue flopped out the side of his mouth. He looked ridiculous, imagining the success of his show right off the bat. He almost couldn’t contain himself. The scene he was witnessing before him even made him assured of the fact that they were probably perfect candidates for it. 

Sonic was rolling on the ground, screaming. Tails kicked his way out of a nearby bakery, watched as Sonic wiggled his butt at him, then sprayed the fire extinguisher at his flaming booty in a way that saw him being covered with white gunk and panting with an ahegao face that made it look like he just got pounded in the butt by a sexual deviant. 

It was so funny and weird looking. However, it was also perfect. He needed people who could do that. 

Humiliate themselves. 

-- 

“WHAT?!” Sonic and Tails gasped in unison. 

This scene was a very interesting one. The boss man was at his desk with his hands clasped together, observing Donovan as he sat in a chair across from their two guests, Sonic and Tails. Their surprised faces said it all. This was quite the ask and it would be an impressive feat, in and of itself, just getting them to consider it. 

“You basically want to use us as props to sell your weird television show idea.” Tails flat out stated, eyes narrowed and zeroing in at Donovan. 

Donovan sweated hard and rubbed the back of his head. “H-Hey now... don’t be like that. W-We can work something out, I’m sure. It doesn’t sound that bad does it?” 

Sonic sat with his leg hunched over the over, contemplating how much fun something like this would really be. He was also trying his best to ignore the huge hole in his pants, showing off the rubber duckie undies he had on. 

“Well... if I’ve got the rules right, it’s basically a more intense game of truth or dare. Just with ALL dares and televised in front of millions of people.” Sonic stated. 

Tails cleared his throat. “The rules for this show, as you explained them to us, would see us gathering together all our friends, or at least the ones in our circle of friends who want to do this thing, and bringing them in to compete against one another in a competition of intense pride.” 

Donovan blinked. “Wh-What do you mean by intense pride?” 

“Well, this is largely a game about determining who can look at a ridiculous or embarrassing challenge, do it, and boast about having done it. That in turn would cause other people to want to compete and prove they can hack it.” Tails smiled. 

“Yeah, but, remember it’s random selection.” Donovan stated. “It works like this. I assign each of you a number and then three people are picked at random from the number generator. If your number is called, you have to compete for that week.” 

“Right.” Tails nodded. “Then the audience gets to choose what we do to each other. They can suggest whatever they want, for all three of us picked that week and we have to do it.” 

“Sounds like it’d be hard to manage.” Sonic said. 

“Not a ton of people are going to have the opportunity to give suggestions. Just a select group of people. I like to call them patrons.” Donovan smirked. 

“Patrons?” Tails raised a brow. “... Oh. Okay. So, people with special permission? I guess that’s better than the entire viewing audience choosing.” 

“Yeah. Each person has to suggest something for each character chosen to ensure they all get to do something. Then we go through and make you do them all. We also have to get them to tell us which one they want to be the biggest loser that week, for the sake of a popularity poll. I’m not too worried about it since selecting who goes to do it will be, like I said, random. There’s no real chance of there being repeat battles between the same people.” 

Tails was rubbing his chin. “So... depending on how long this goes, there’s a chance one or a few won’t even have to compete?” 

"The odds of that happening are miniscule.” Donovan waved that concern off. 

“Yeah, but because it’s random it means we won’t have equal chances to compete either.” Sonic spoke up again. 

“That’s fine. This isn’t really that kind of game. The point is that you actually DON’T want to be picked! If you are, you’re in for a bad time. The more you’re picked, the bigger a loser you are. This is largely for entertainment.” Donovan giggled. 

Tails looked at him with a pout. “So, really, what you’re saying is that the more you compete the WORSE time you’re likely to have.” 

“Oh absolutely.” Donovan laughed. 

Tails scrunched up his face. He then giggled a bit. “That sounds weird... what do you think Sonic?” 

Sonic scratched the back of his head. “So... if I’m reading this right... this is basically a REVERSE competition... where the point of it isn’t to win. Instead the point is to hope you’re not the most humiliated person in the group.” 

“YES! That’s it exactly!” Donovan grinned, extremely excited. “It’s brilliant right? A competition where the point isn’t to win but to hope you don’t end up looking like a big idiot in front of a huge audience? Whoever gets to compete the most and is humiliated the most is the ultimate loser. The rest are basically all winners. Technically.” 

“Wow.” Sonic and Tails said in unison. “That’s like... a competition on opposite day.” 

The Boss man smirked. He really did like the idea. It was so strange. Imagining people competing not to win but to see if they could avoid being the biggest loser was something he’d never really heard of. It’d basically be like admitting you were only there to be embarrassed in front of a ton of people but being okay with it because in the end there could only be one BIGGEST loser. 

“We compete in challenges in random selections... and by the end of it we see who has the worst luck.” Sonic smiled. 

Tails giggled a bit. “I’ve gotta admit, the idea is kind of exciting to me. We should maybe see how this is gonna work out.” 

“... Alright. I’m in. If I get picked, it’ll just mean I’ll take the punishment like a man. The biggest loser is the one who looks and acts the dumbest anyway.” Sonic said. “I’m in.” 

“Me too!” Tails raised his hand. 

“EXCELLENT!” Donovan smiled, blushing as he shook their hands. “Thanks a bunch... now we just need to settle who else is going to compete.” 

“Don’t worry. We’ll go around and ask our buddies. I’m sure we’ll get you a nice number of people who are willing to try.” Sonic smirked. “This sounds like a nice way to lord over whose the best at facing horrible obstacles. I know Shadow and Knuckles won’t be able to turn it down because of that. If I call them wimps for not being able to handle it, I’ll win by default and they’ll look like a bunch of babies. Hehehe~!” 

Tails shook his head. That was quite the sad reasoning for him to be doing this but... he had to admit, it still obeyed the laws of intense competition. 

It was still a pride thing despite how topsy turvey the idea was. 

-- 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO THE VERY FIRST EPISODE OF BAD LUCK BANANZA!” Donovan shouted to the large stadium of people. The thunderous applause, the roaring of excited people, and the stomping of feet made Donovan smile. 

Everything had gone on well without a hitch. The idea was so weird that it caught on immediately with people. A competition to see who could avoid being the biggest loser instead of just the winner was intriguing to people. It was also lauded for how it played on the innate sense of pride people had. 

That’s how Truth or Dare worked. No matter what, you’re doing something embarrassing or something you don’t want to do. However, you do it because you don’t want to look like a wimp in front of your friends despite everyone looking dumb as a result of participating. 

However, in the end, the biggest loser is the one who gets it the most and the biggest wimp is the one who refuses to participate or go through with the dare he agreed to do out of fear. 

This group of people competing were essentionally all saying “BRING IT ON! WE DON’T GET EMBARRASSED! WE CAN DO THIS!” 

“We roll the randomly assigned numbers, pick three competitors, and make them do challenges or dares suggested to you by the audience. All of them. If they refuse, they forfeit, obviously, but I doubt anyone who signed up for this would give up easily. No, this is a competition to see who ends up getting it the worst. It’s time to see who the universe hates the most in this randomly generated bad luck bananza. Now to introduce our brave and confident competitors and the numbers they’ve been assigned.” 

1. Sonic the Hedgehog - “Hey everybody! I’m Sonic! Everyone’s hero. Not only am I gonna face every challenge with a smile on my face, I’ll do it in a way that proves there’s nothing to fear when it comes to embarrassment. At least for those of you who wanna be tough like me!” 
2. Miles “Tails” Prower - “There’s a lot that can be said about someone who stares down adversity and faces it head on. I like to think this’ll be a nice learning experience for me. If the point of the game is to face random bad luck and see if you can come out on top, then that’s a mimic of real life that can take you places if you learn to hack it. Let’s do this!” 
3. Knuckles the Echidna - “Sonic can talk about handling embarrassment all he wants but he’s not made of stuff anywhere near as tough as I am. This is like the ultimate truth or dare competition and only I have the strength to handle it. My mind is like a fortress. No humiliation can break through. 
4. Amy Rose – “Hello! I’m Amy! It’s nice to meet you all! I’m competing because I want to show my boo, Sonic, just how fearless I am. Any normal person would look at something like this and refuse but only the toughest of the tough have the guts to stare this down and go for it. I won’t give up. I won’t give in. I won’t surrender. Not until he acknowledges how awesome I am.” She blows a kiss at the camera 
5. Shadow the Hedgehog – “Truth or dare is a game for children. The randomization is supposed to basically be the same effect that comes with spinning a bottle when you’re at a sleepover too correct? If that’s the case than having it be beefed up for someone of my caliber makes it all the more interesting. I don’t partake in childish games. It’s beneath me. However, being presented with something so tough, how could I say no? Sonic’s not the only one who can stare a challenge with diminishing returns face down and go for it.” 
6. Rouge the Bat - “I wasn’t all that interested until I heard that there actually was prize money involved for coming out of this as one of the winners. Seeing as how this is a competition where there’s only one ultimate loser and the rest are winners... how could I not? That’s a really deceptive way of getting people to risk public humiliation but it’s an effective one. I never really look undignified no matter what I do though so I’m certain I’ll be fine.” 
7. Charmy Bee - “AWWW MAN! THIS SOUNDS AWESOME! I CAN’T WAIT! I’m gonna be SO all over this! I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna... OOOOOH! MAN! I NEED TO WIN! OR NOT LOSE! Whatever the goal is, I’m gonna DO it! Then with the prize money, I’m gonna throw a big ice-cream party and Vector’s gonna have to deal with it cause Espio and I were already told to give him some of the prize money if we won... but SO WHAT?! This is gonna be FUNNY FUN FUN!” 
8. Espio the Chameleon - “Due diligence and heavy discipline. What more could I ask for in a bout that deals with confronting the power of one’s self rather than indulging in a need to win? This is largely a duel with myself and how I'll be able to cope with facing whatever challenges are pushed. I was born ready for this...  also, Vector made me go with Charmy anyway.”  
9. Blaze the Cat - “Kind of feels a bit reductive for me to be doing this but the way the rules were outlined intrigued me. I assume the harsh challenges will be nice showcases of strength and resilience. Perhaps a fighting bout. Maybe a race. I’m certain the audience would choose things like that. I’m not so sure what Silver’s worried about. 
10. Silver the Hedgehog - “I came along because it sounded so cool and fun... but I am a little worried. Something in the pit of my stomach is telling me that the dares and challenges won’t exactly be normal sporting events and feats of physical talent... I don’t know what’s making me think that though. Honestly, I have no clue. Oh well. Maybe Blaze is right. I’m probably worrying for nothing.” 
11. Cream the Rabbit - “Ms. Amy explained this to me like it was a big truth or dare game right? Sounds like a fun party! I’d like to give it a go. A nice friendly competition with my friends is something I couldn’t ask for enough! I hope everyone does their best!”  
12. Chip - “God, being able to come out of the ground for another chance at fun is... I feel so lucky. It’ll be a bit of a while before I’ll need to go back underground so for now I’m just gonna kick back and see how good I am at being a CHAMP!” 

Donovan smirked and looked at the camera. “There you have it folks. 12 competitors. 4 groups of three. All losers in their own right should the suggestions from the audience be as wicked as we think they might be. Some of them don’t seem to realize just how out of control and humiliating this is going to get but that just makes the unsuspecting nature of it more fun!” 

The crowd cheered as the screen showed a random number generator. All the competitors stood in the center of the stadium, next to one another, itching to see what the first round of random numbers would show. 

“Nervous?” Sonic asked Shadow. 

“Absolutely not.” Was all Shadow had to say in response. 

“Haha... y-yeah. Neither am I.” Silver stated, punching his gut to kill the butterflies in his tummy. Blaze observed this and sighed. Oh Silver. 

“The statistics of who gets picked and who doesn’t will be interesting to observe. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.” Tails smiled. 

“I’m not sure science is what I’m worried about here.” Chip tilted his head. 

“Bwahaha! Statistically speaking, it’s probable I’m totally gonna kick Espio’s butt.” Charmy said, doing a kicking motion. 

Espio rolled his eyes. “Come off it. You’re a terrible prankster and you always get spanked for trying.”

Cream giggled at that which made Charmy blush. “HEY! Don’t say that in front of Cream! What’s the matter with you?!” He snapped, pounding his fists against the chameleon. 

“Looks like the numbers are coming to a stop.” Rouge spoke up, getting everyone’s attention back on the screen. 

The first three numbers in the random generator were as follows: 

5

4

12

5 is Shadow the Hedgehog.

4 is Amy Rose.

12 is Chip.

-- 

 Now it’s your turn audience! Let’s see what you can do. 

For those who are confused, here's a comprehensive run down of the rules yet again:

1. Each character has been assigned a number to be put into the Random Number Generator. They are as listed above and will be posted in each chapter so that you don't forget.

2. Three numbers will be picked at random. Whoever's number is picked, has to do the challenges that you guys suggest.

3. You can ask the characters to do literally whatever you want. You can ask them to individually do something different or you can ask that they all do something together. You don't have to collaborate with anyone to narrow things down either. Every single comment and their challenges will be done in the next chapter. They have to do them all.

4. You guys vote for who loses the challenges in the polls.

5. Whoever loses the challenges will be given a point. Since the point of this competition isn't to win, but to avoid being the biggest loser, points in this game are bad. The loser is awarded points and whoever has the most posts by the end of this competition, is the ultimate loser. The rest are technically winners despite also having been humiliated.

6. The winners are awarded prize money at the end. The ultimate loser gets no money and instead has to face an ultimate penalty. That is something you all also get to decide when we get to it.

7. Let me know if you want to keep going until everyone's had at least one turn or if people who competed one week shouldn't compete the very next week. The point of this is to be completely, 100% random but if enough people are worried about that I can make some exceptions. 

Type in the comments what you’d like to see happen to these three chosen losers, even if you want each of them to do something completely different from what another character does. It can be literally anything. They have to do them ALL.

Vote in the poll for which one you think should be the big loser of this first challenge... although no one has competed yet so voting on that will have to wait until next week when they actually do the challenge... so instead tell me if you'd compete in a competition like this or not. XD

I love this. In a story like this, even I don't know who the ultimate loser will end up being. Not only is it all up to chance but...

It’s ALL up to you!