Patreon Exclusive: Script Comparisons! (Patreon)

Hello, hello, Patrons! I promised you some script notes and comparisons and now I'm here to deliver. Have you ever wanted to see what a script looks like before and after I get through with it? Here's your chance to peek behind the velvet curtain. (Pretend it's exciting!)

This will be a master post that gets updated periodically with new script comparisons linked at the bottom. I hope. ^^;

Before we get to the fireworks factory, let's get a little background about the how and why script revisions happen, what they entail, and all that good stuff.

The Ultimate Goal When Adlibbing/Revising/Sound Designing a Script:

A good editor’s job is to find what a writer is aiming for and make sure the work hits that target as seamlessly as possible. Revising and adlibbing around ASMR scripts is a bit different because there are many other elements in play (adhering to youtube guidelines, making the script mesh with your content style, adding little surprises so that people who’ve heard the script before will still get something out of it, etc.) but the goal should be the same: make the script as solid as it can be with additions that are not so intrusive that they mangle the storyline and writer’s intentions.

You’ll notice I said “solid” rather than “good.” There is no such thing as a bad script, as far as I’m concerned, just a script that could use some structural support to help it stand up better. Think of editing a story like renovating a house; scaffolding is helpful! Crown molding and bright paint can make a room really pop! A fireplace can bring warmth to a cold space!

It’s not about tearing down the house and building from a completely different blueprint, but enhancing what’s already there. Whether that’s patching little plot holes, swapping out some incorrect grammar or adding jokes, the additions should only create, not destroy.

That said, it’s true that some scripts get more “work” than others! But I’d like to go on record and say that’s not because some are better or worse. Sometimes, I throw everything at the wall to see what sticks simply because I love the storyline so much and there’s plenty of room for jokes, or expanding the characterization makes for a fun listen. I think every script I’ve ever recorded is wonderful, with their own delightful quirks that made me excited to record them; I would not have picked them otherwise.

Now, let’s get into a basic breakdown of what happens to scripts when I get my filthy paws all over them!

Primary Script Stuff:

Fixing grammar and syntax errors: Grammar is tricky and it’s especially easy for errors to slip through in dialogue. (A few have even slipped by me when recording!)

Patching plot holes (when necessary): This is rare, thankfully! And it can usually be fixed with a single line that addresses a question the script neglected to answer. Maybe a character sits down in the script but later is across the room to pick something up without having walked over, things like that.

Making the script more Youtube friendly: This kind of edit is more intrusive than the others on the list, but there are tons of content guidelines of which you can accidentally run afoul. It’s best to be mindful of those and try to avoid them! For instance:

• Language that heavily suggests fetishes like BDSM goes right out the window (“slave”, “sir”, “daddy”, etc.)
• Long kissing scenes get trimmed down to be tamer
• Even oblique mentions of body parts in sexual contexts, or reference to sexual activity of any kind beyond cuddling/kissing, get cut
• Innuendos that are too sexy either get cut or played for laughs

Careful phrasing is vital and I admit it makes for some weird choices from the outside looking in. What’s the functional difference between “I’ve got you pinned under me” and “I have you pinned” in a script? A potential youtube warning, that’s what! One is undeniably sexually charged, while the other has at least the veneer of plausible deniability that it might not be. I prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to that sort of thing.

While I know other channels are more willing to take risks with the youtube gods, I’m not. Better safe than sorry is my motto!

Adding Length: Youtube’s algorithm favors videos that are at least ten minutes in length, so it’s best to try and hit that target. 100 words in a script is usually between forty-five seconds to a minute of finished audio, so the sweet spot for scripts is between 1200-1500 words to reliably hit ten minutes. Obviously, some scripts are shorter than that, so adding a bit of padding—either through additional lines or creative post-production editing—is necessary.

That said, I try not to stretch a script past its limits. Some stories are simply lighter than others and adding too much strains the pacing to the breaking point. I want my audios to be lively and engaging, so maintaining a pace that doesn’t bore the audience to sleep is always foremost in my mind.

Secondary Script Stuff:

Adding jokes (where they fit): I’d say this is what my adlibs and edits focus on the most, bringing that particular brand of cheesy Vanilla Velvet Audio humor to my roleplays. But it’s a matter of balance: much like knowing when not to stretch a story past its pacing limits, it’s important not to add jokes where they shouldn’t be. A serious script might need some levity to break the tension once in awhile, but that’s a different beast than a more playful script that can support a dozen jokes.

Knowing which tone to strike when is an acquired skill!

Enhancing characterization and defining character voice: Characters should sound different, depending on their circumstances, settings and backstories. This is something many beginning writers struggle with, but luckily it’s an easy fix and something that eventually becomes intuitive. Word choice in dialogue reflects characterization.

For instance: an uptight character should speak formally—no, “okay”, no “yeah.” An egotistical character who prides themselves on their intelligence is more likely to use unnecessarily complex phrasing. A ditzy or absentminded character is likely to get distracted and their verbal train of thought should reflect that. A nervous character might stutter or stumble over their words. Things of that nature.

To see this in action: think about Spock and McCoy from Star Trek: TOS. You can’t take McCoy’s dialogue and imagine Spock delivering it, or vice versa! Because their character voices are strong and clearly drawn, with variations not just in delivery and performance but also word choice and structure.

• “Damn it, I’m a doctor, not a bricklayer!”
• “Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected, in this case I would think interesting would suffice.”

These are great examples of very different character voices, exactly what a writer should strive to have in their own work.

In practice while creating audio, what we’re talking about here are tiny tweaks to make characters sound distinct. But little changes add up to big differences and make an impact when it comes to assuring each character feels like a wholly realized person in their own right.

Making dialogue sound as natural as possible, and maintaining suspension of disbelief: Just what it says on the tin! The biggest thing to watch out for in scripts is the dreaded Info Dump. While sometimes necessary to establish backstory and whatnot, those can at least be softened and made more casual. Maybe we can cut a line about it being rainy if we choose to use rain as ambiance; perhaps some lines about the speaker’s history are just superfluous and better indicated by a sorrowful tone of voice.

Expanding the setting: I saved this for last, because so often it can solve some of the earlier problems I’ve mentioned. This usually takes the form of sound design elements, but occasionally I’ll toss in a descriptor to help set the scene. Is the room cold and sterile or hot and stuffy? Add a line about it! Is it evening with crickets in the distance, or a misty morning full of birdsong? Use different ambiance to set the scene. Is the character in a cavernous throne room? Add an echo.

If you’re crafty, good sound design can take the place of lines in the script that may drag down the pacing, or better establish the scope of the story where the script may have lacked much about it.

In closing:

As I said, my primary concern when it comes to adding or subtracting from scripts is to make them shine their brightest!

Now, let's get to our first comparison! I've linked the audio itself as well so you can follow along if you want! 

Comparison 1:

• Dating a Perky Yandere's Tsundere Tomboy Daughter: video 
• Dating a Perky Yandere's Tsundere Tomboy Daughter: original script vs. expanded