Patreon Exclusive Script Comparison: Neurotic Tomboy Harpy Classmate Has a Crush on You (Patreon)

Hiya, Patrons! Welcome back to another script comparison post! We've got a more recent-ish audio this time, from Monster Girl Mayhem 2023!

In case you don't remember my goals when editing/expanding a script, I wrote a long post about that ages ago right over here.

The basic gist if you want to skip that: I want scripts to be as strong, engaging, youtube-friendly and on-brand as possible when I perform them. I've been very lucky that writers have let me (lovingly) mangle their work to shape their stories to fit my channel best and help make them more unique! It's tough to stand out when ASMRtists/VAs perform the same scripts multiple times, and my solution is weird performance/sound design choices and cheap jokes. It's worked for me so far!

Neurotic Tomboy Harpy Classmate Has a Crush on You

This is an interesting one from a production standpoint, I think! The original script is really short and quite light on vocal direction. While my adlibs/additions weren't too beefy, adding about 800 words/five minutes total to the run time, the result wound up being quite different from what's originally on the page. The script as initially written is a lot sharper and more tsundere than the direction I ultimately took the material, which was far more vulnerable and neurotic.

My notes below omit a lot of the filler words and speech errors ("um" and such) because I think the script would be rather unreadable with them included. But they do add to the overall flavor of the performance. This is a nice example of how committing to a performance choice can really change the overall vibe of a script or character, even without any heavy editing of the script.

Here's the original script post on the ASMR Script Haven by Succubusslayer69, by the way!

And now, for the breakdown!

Comparison: 

• Neurotic Tomboy Harpy Classmate Has a Crush on You: Video

• Neurotic Tomboy Harpy Classmate Has a Crush on You: Original Script vs. Expanded

Behind the scenes bonus: previously posted full character pin-up I did for the thumbnail!