another post (Patreon)

My life feels like a swamp. dark impenetrable swamp. every day is the same day. I wake up at random times because I don't have a fixed sleep schedule. and often I don't get enough sleep. I eat, I sit all day at the computer and go to sleep. and so from day to day. nothing changes. I need to learn new things to develop skills, build a portfolio for serious work. but I have no desire and strength. And besides, I just don't know what to do. because sometimes I monitor vacancies and see that no one needs juniors at all. often requires existing work experience.

it's depressing.

The other day I was revisiting my old work. Not 18+. And I remembered what kind of enthusiasm and ambition I had in 3D. How I liked to create something new and unusual. It was interesting. I had bold ideas, and did not limit myself in any way. Now I don't have that. Maybe I burned out or something. And maybe it is worth changing the type of activity. But I can not. I don't have that enthusiasm and energy to learn new things. And if I undertake to study something, I will abandon it in a week or two, Because the interest will be lost. And also the thought that skills and work with a sufficiently large pay are needed "here and now", Not after six months or a year of learning new skills.

2020-2022 (especially last) Seriously affected me and my mental. Yeah, I think not only for me. I would like it to be like before, But it's impossible. I think. and need to somehow live a new life. every day living the same days and not seeing a ray of hope. unable to change anything.

Thank you for reading my another piece of depression shit.

and yes, again, thank you so much for supporting me. even though it gets harder every day. Food is getting more expensive, bills are big. I have to save on everything. and once again do not buy something expensive.