An update about me. (Patreon)

I've dreaded making this post for the longest time, partially because I'm finding it hard to convince myself that I have a problem.

For the past year and a half or so, I've been battling depression. It's been an incredibly tumultuous journey that has taught me a lot about myself, and I truly do not wish it on anyone. I'm not entirely sure why I have it, but it's been impacting my channel and personal life immensely. 

Nexpo has always been my biggest passion. It's my life. My baby. My outlet of creativity. However lately, it's been the source of so much self doubt, indecisiveness, stress, and just a myriad of negative feelings and I simply do not know why. It feels like I have this constant pressure, that builds up every other month after an upload and it's caused me to become a stressed out mess.

You may have noticed that my upload schedule has slowed down this year. This has been the result of a constant loop that I've found myself spiraling into. It's taking me so much longer to decide on topics (partially because I'm so indecisive), and it's been a struggle to script out my thoughts on the subjects that I do decide on. Because of this reduced productivity, I compensate by spending even longer at my desk just to get the same amount of work done, causing Nexpo to bleed into my personal time and life. As a result, I'm even more frustrated at myself because I cannot for the life of me figure out why the hell I can't be as focused and productive as I once was. 

I have and am currently seeing therapists and doctors about this and I know I'll pull through it. I just need to step away for a while. 

ON TOP OF THIS, this past week and one day before his 9th birthday, I got news from our veterinarian that my big boy Tyson (who was in Strange Flyers around Portland, Oregon and Down the Rabb.it Hole) more than likely has lymphoma. Definitive test results should be in Monday, and we'll be starting treatments immediately after. If you're interested, I'll keep you guys in the loop about his status. It's been a rough week.

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With everything said, I know you all are here to support content from Nexpo, not Ryan taking time away. If you would like a refund for your contribution this month, please send me an email at nexpobusiness@gmail.com with the subject line Patreon Refund and your Patreon name in the body.

In the meantime, I'm going to take it easy, recharge, and focus on After Hours for a bit. I've been incredibly inspired to put out horror gaming retrospectives, and I think it's because it's something different with much less pressure. 

Thank you all for supporting me. This is not the end of the road, just a small speedbump that I know I'll pull through. 

Love you all.

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TL;DR: 

I'm suffering from creative burnout and depression, and I found out my dog has cancer. I'm taking a short hiatus from the main channel, so if you would like a refund for your contribution, please email me at nexpobusiness@gmail.com with your Patreon name.