I, Draugr Chapter 3 (Patreon)

"I have two questions."

Aurelia hums from behind me, "And what might they be?"

"First…" I start, then turn around to look at her following behind me. Arms crossed, flat stare on her face. "Why are you keeping such a careful eye on me?" She raises a brow my way, as if to say 'Are you really asking me that?'- Which, fair. "I mean, we are far from Riverwood now."

We started our travel towards Whiterun two hours ago, and we are now right by the side of the mountain housing Bleak Falls Barrow, following the large rushing river on our right.

And honestly? The view is downright breathtaking, but that's Skyrim, and there's a reason I loved the game more than anything in the whole world.

Such a huge world, with so much to explore and do, with many more Mods to better the experience and simply add more and more to the journey so to make it nearly endless.

I lost count of the amount of times I put into the game, the sleepless nights just adventuring, laughing and enjoying my own presence and my own world with my own choices.

And now, it is all real, and I can become a literal problem for Skyrim instead of doing it in the game.

Ain't that shit glorious?

"The animals aren't safe." Aurelia says, and I try to give her my most flat look- "You froze a chicken and threw it at a woman, Leonidas." The scream she released was quite hilarious, by the way.

"The chicken asked for it."

"...What did a chicken ever do to you?"

"...You wouldn't understand." Give me a bounty and getting me bodied on my first ever playthrough, for a first.

Whole fuckin' village butchering the shit outta a new guy just for a damn chicken! How does that make sense?!

Yes, I am salty.

"So, what's the second question?" Aurelia starts, visibly trying not to palm her face.

I hum, then shrug, "Why didn't you grab a horse for yourself?" One of her brows once more goes up at my question, "I mean, isn't all that armor and sword heavy for you?" She has a small build, not a muscular one, so I doubt that walking with full body armor for as long as we have is anyway near pleasant.

Though, I don't see any exhaustion on her face.

Her eyes blink, then her expression relaxes into a light smile, "Your worry is appreciated, but I am used to it." Well, if she's sure… "As for the horses- That's because they don't have spare horses." And buying one was either not an option, or would have taken too much out of her funds.

"Oh well, at least I don't get tired from walking." I wasn't much of a runner back in my previous body, but I did use to have a rather large build due to hitting the gym. Mostly to keep up with my rather unhealthy desire for heavy food.

Aurelia's steps quicken up a bit so she could now stand right beside me, her expression suddenly a bit sad and seemingly worried. "How… How does it feel? Being… like this, I mean."

Hm, fair question. And still seeing her being so kind and worried even though I am her supposed enemy really makes me happy.

"'Tis a good question…" I muse aloud with a sigh, despite me having no lungs. "I am but a skeleton, yet it feels like I breathe when I can't. It feels like I have a heart, when I do not. It feels like I can feel the breeze on me when I can't."

"I feel nothing outside of mere phantom sensations that trick me." It's rather vexatious, truly. It'll take me a bit to get accustomed to this. "I can stare into the Sun-" Or the hole in reality Magnus left behind on his departure and became the Sun, "-and not feel mine eyes sting. Dip my feet within those frigid waters and experience none of that biting cold. Truly, I have been robbed of much."

Aurelia's gaze shows a very pained light within her eyes. She is very expressive, and seemingly has a lot of empathy for others. Even an Undead.

My gaze shifts towards the forest beside the road we are in. Enormous elk and deer traverse the woods, together with birds and rabbits.

So much life… I am not used to it. Going from the loud sounds of a busy city filled only with rats and birds and humans, to a literal paradise of nature.

So much greenery, so much freedom, such quiet other than the sounds of nature itself.

Never knew I craved for such peculiar things until I got to experience them.

"I know not what to say to make you feel better, Leonidas." Hmph, what a kind woman. Truly.

"Thy concern and desire to make me feel better warms mine nonexistent heart still." I reassure her with a chuckle, making her lips twitch upward and into a beatific smile.

"You are a weird one, Leonidas." She muses, gaze amused and happy.

I shrug, "May I remind you that I am a talking skeleton, my fair lady?" She chuckles softly, a rather pleasant sound.

Truly, she is a beauty that can make models look away in shame.

"Say, how old are you?" She asks, and I'd smile at the fact that she wishes to know more about me.

But alas, I can just answer, "I am nearly twenty-six years – or twenty-six Winters – old, if I remember right." I tend to not look at the date quite often, and last time I did it was January.

With mine birthday in the middle of March, I'd say it's either a month and a half away, or a little bit more or less. Depending on the date, of course.

Aurelia's eyes brighten up, "You are older than me." She muses softly, "I have recently turned twenty-three Winters old." Ah, so they do use Winters instead of years.

Must be hella fucking hard to distinguish Winter here in Skyrim. This place cold as hell.

"Ah, a wee lass you are then." I chuckle when she pouts at me.

"We are just three Winters apart!"

"'Tis still like the distance between the Heavens and the Earth, o' little one."

Her pout only grows bigger, but there's a tinge of amusement there too, "What does that even mean?" She asks before breaking out into a light giggle, "Your way of speech sounds like that of some nobles I have interacted with. May you be one of them?"

I wave off her question with a chuckle, "This one is simply into acting. 'Tis a lovely passion I had since I was but a lass. Mine speech is like this when I am in a jovial mood-" My cloaked arms and gauntlet clad hands raise to wave at around us, "-and 'tis quite hard not to be jovial when surrounded with such beauty."

Aurelia nods in agreement, her smile becoming warmer as he gaze roams around, specifically towards the roaring waterfall ahead of us. "It is indeed quite a breathtaking sight." Though her cheeks soon grow visibly red, her gaze shy and distant, "S-So… A-Acting like the Bards that roam around?"

Oh my, might she have experienced the charms and fancy speech of such folk before? "Similar, but I did not make slipping between the legs of any maiden I saw mine personal duty." I chuckle in amusement as her cheeks grow warmer.

It did certainly help though. Who knew that some fancy speech could make so many panties drip more than a waterfall?

Shakespeare must've drowned in pussy in his time. My brother from another mother.

"I-I prefer your speech over theirs..." Hm? "Theirs is more… vulgar. They clearly use it simply to b-bed a woman, while you do it because… It feels like it's a part of you, and I can tell you deeply love it."

I stare at her quietly for a few long seconds, which make her more and more visible nervous. Huh, she truly nearly saw right through all of me. "Truly, the Bards must've been drawn to you like moths to the flame." Might as well embarrass her a bit!

"W-What?"

"Voice as pleasant as the chirping of birds in the morning, and looks worthy of being in a painting or sculpted into a fine statue." The red of her cheeks spreads to her eyes as I talk, "Wondrous eyes one would lose themselves in, lips that might feel as soft as a cloud, and such wonderful hair that remind me of snow itself. Might as well be as soft as it, if I were to touch it."

I mentally dust off my shoulders as I stare at the tomato-like Aurelia, eyes widen and lips slightly parted as she gapes at me.

I still got it, but I must sharpen these skills of mine some more. Not that I can bone any lady, of course.

Well, I can throw a bone at 'em and tell them where to stick it, but ya know…

"Y-You-!" Aurelia chokes on her words, but swiftly recovers herself and draws in a sharp breath of air to cool her face down. "A-At least you aren't as vulgar as those other Bards…" I dare not imagine what sort of vulgarity they spewed out to you then.

Still, Aurelia shyly reaches up to grab a strand of her white hair while I turn my gaze towards the forest due to something moving in the corner of my sight, "D-Do you truly like my hair-"

An arrow whistles out of the woods and straight into my left eye-socket.

Well, ain't that a bitch. I can't see shit with this motherfucker in my eye.

Wait, should I feign being dead?

I instantly crash down like a sack of potatoes at that thought, making Aurelia jump with a "Leonidas!" shout, which does make me feel a bit guilty.

That's when a haughty voice cuts through the air, "Nice shot, Sigge!" A male voice barks out, and I left my head tilted to the side and towards the forest so that I can stare at the group of three bandits confidently striding out of the bushes.

A tall, towering Orsimer muscular woman covered in scars and light fur clothing stands at the front, cocky smirk on her fanged lips and large hands holding onto two axes, both resting on her shoulders.

Behind her left is a short Breton man, equally dressed in fur clothing and with a large bow in his mildly muscular arms. "Got that damn Spell-flinger right in the eye!" He cackles cockily, clearly being the one who I have to blame for this annoying arrow in my eyes.

Though I must wonder… How do I die?

In the game, skeletons just collapsed once hit enough times, but here… How do I actually die? Do I need to be totally destroyed, or does just my skull need to be?

Oh well, not the time to wonder such things.

My gaze flicks towards the last of the group, who did not exit the bushes together with the Orsimer woman and the archer, but came out nearly right behind us, twin daggers in his hands.

Ah, so he would've attacked us from behind if the archer failed his shot.

I hear Amelia draw her blade, her boots grinding across the gravel road, "I should have expected for filth like you Bandits to stalk the roads of Skyrim too!" Her voice comes out as a furious growl, which surprises me greatly.

Does she think I am dead-dead? Is she angry because of that?

Hm… Well, I must admit that I am way beyond fucking furious myself.

"Oh~, she's got some fight in her!" The Orsimer woman chuckles as the dagger wielding man steps in front of my corpse, his back turned to me. "The boys love the feisty ones~!"

Well, I listened enough. I flick my wrist and open a tear in Reality to my left as I go to stand, "And my hounds crave the flesh of the livings." I call out as I tear the arrow out of my eye-socket and then jab it straight into the dagger wielding man's lower back.

My foot kicks the back of his leg as my undead Hound howls maniacally and launches itself forward the other two, snarling and drooling everywhere as it crossed the distance in two long bounces.

"What the fuck-!" The Orsimer woman's shout turns into a scream as the large hound tackles her straight into the stomach, jaws sinking into her belly and loudly tearing out a chunk of her scarred flesh.

Her axes come down to try and let the beast come loose from the pain, the sharp metal jabbing into the stomach and shoulder of the undead hound, but the creature just keeps on feasting.

Then, it chomps down and pulls, blood squirting everywhere as guts come lose from their confines.

Her screams grows hysterical at that point, but she is soon joined in by the dagger wielding man screaming his lungs out when I place both of my hands around his skull and use Ray of Frost.

[A Soul has been absorbed!]

"How peculiar…" I muse as I drop the corpse with a frozen skull without care, "I feel nothing when I claim I life. Or perhaps yours is just irrelevant." Rarely do I get mad, and man do I dislike it.

"Leonidas!" Aurelia's face lights up, her stance relaxing and her lips pulling up into a smile that made my anger wane.

My undead hound spams as the Orsimer woman finally aims for the head instead of the body, and its body collapses and starts disappearing into tin air, leaving behind munched over and ruined guts everywhere.

The archer had fallen on his ass, utterly terrified and perhaps having even pissed himself at the gruesome sight.

"Look at yourself…" I sigh as I approach the panting and still alive Orsimer woman, "I was having a pleasant chat with a wonderful lady, and you just had to ruin it."

"H-How the fuck are you-" I ignore her and simply shower her face with a potent Ray of Frost, ending her misery.

[A Soul has been absorbed!]

Now, for the last fucker. "Think they have a camp nearby?" I ask Aurelia, who relaxes her grip over her sword and her stance, eyes narrowing in thought.

"It is possible." Her gaze turns towards the downed archer, who whimpers and scurries backward uselessly, "It's their modus operandi, as far as I know. A few stalk the road, some hang back to camp- Then they switch every few hours."

And since I can't see a make-shift camp nearby, it is possible these three are part of a bigger group either further down the road, or deep inside the woods.

I hum, then turn to the whimpering man, "Interrogation time!" I eagerly hop my way to the terrified archer and squat down right beside him. I'd give him a harmless grin, but I am three seconds away from shanking this bitch for the arrow in the eye, "Now, my friend! Let us put the arrow in the eye matter aside-"

"H-How did you survive-"

I slap him- Well, backhanded him like he is an unruly wife, to be precise.

He collapses to the ground, looking even more terrified than before, "Speak when I am done, alright?" And he nods rapidly like a good boy.

But I need to drive my point across, so I flick my wrist and create another tear in reality, then yoink up the squealing undead rat in my right hand. "And if you don't answer truthfully, I will let this creature…" I shake the squealing rat, visibly and eagerly trying to claw at his face while drooling profusely, then lower it down to aim it at the spot between his legs.

The man pales, while Aurelia winces just a bit in sympathy. "Now.." I give the plague rat another shake, "Are there others in your group?"

The Bandit's eyes flick between me and the rat eager to dive and munch on his marinated nuts and sausage a few times before his lips open, "T-There are…" He squeaks out, raising an arm to point down the road behind him, "A-A path, further ahead, leads into the woods. It'll t-take you to the camp! I-I swear!"

I hum, then turn to look at Aurelia. The woman nods and smiles, "I trust him!" Then her sword comes down, cleaving the bandit's head in half without giving him a chance to retaliate or beg for mercy.

...Is it weird that I find this ruthless side of her attractive?

[A Soul has been absorbed!]

Aurelia scoffs and draws her blade back, flicking it to the side to clean away the blood with ease before resting it over her back once more.

"Shall we pay their comrades a visit too?" I ask as I straighten myself and let squealing rat disappear.

Aurelia nods without thinking much about it, "I'd rather make sure these roads are a little bit safer for any future travelers and merchants." A kind, yet ruthless Hero. Truly a nice and pleasant combo.

I'd have tossed my skull into the waters if she was one of the 'I believe in second chances' type of Hero.

"Then onward, my fine companion!" I step over the cooling corpse of the rather rude archer without care. Aurelia has no care for their belongings, and wolves might find themselves happening upon a buffet soon enough.

Our walk resume, and I throw a glance her way. She seems lost in her thoughts. "You worry for me from before was quite heart-warming." I say truthfully, even though I lack a heart.

My words make her lips twitch into a smile, "I do not like seeing nice people die uselessly." She states, then her gaze falls, "Forgive me, it wouldn't have happened if my guard wasn't lowered."

"Then I hold even more fault, my dear." I wave off her guilt and words without care, "I was the reason you were distracted. Nothing wrong in enjoying some useless chatter while on the road." I shrug, then pause.

"Also… Nice? Me?" Aurelia blinks at me, "May I remind you about the hogtied elf hanging from a tree?"

A snort escapes her, and I point at her, "Ah, where has thy rightful wrath for my wrongful action gone!?" Laughter bubbles out of her despite my words.

"How did you even tie him that far up?" She asks while holding back her laughter, and I give an honest shrug.

"Honestly, I was on a streak after the seventh victim, so it was all a blur. I remember kicking him in the nuts though!"

Aurelia gives me a look, "But he had a black eye?" ...Did that Nord love rival of his happen upon him and do nothing other than clobber the poor fuck?

"That was not a doing of mine. The shattered pride and aching family jewels though? Yes." And I shall take pride in such accomplishments!

"You are a weird one, Leonidas." Aurelia mumbles, a smile on her lips.

I take that as a compliment as my gaze finally lands on the beaten path that leads into the woods. "Oh, and before I forget!" I did not forget what she was about to ask before we were rudely interrupted.

Aurelia gives me a confused look, and I give her a thumbs up, "Yes, I believe that your hair is quite beautiful!" And with that, I happily stride forward and onto the beaten path into the woods.

An embarrassed squeak sounds out from behind me not even a few seconds later.

With that out of the way, I bring my attention to that bit of information that appeared when I killed the Orsimer woman.

[Bones of the Orsimer]

Gain greater mass and strength by assimilating the Souls of the powerful Orsimers.

Might grant experience in forging weapons too.

(1/10 Orsimer's Souls)

Didn't know I could do this too. Taking in the other Races qualities and Skills sounds useful, but… If it brings a change to my qualitative Race, and turns me from a Human to an Orsimer, then it's not something that I want.

Plus, strengthening my Race right now is not among my priorities. Strengthening my Spells is.

After all, the attack near Whiterun should be soon, and I know for a fact Aurelia will go to fight too if she is nearby.

I have taken a liking to her- Hell, I consider her a friend now, so I'd rather not send her there alone.

Hence, I'd rather make sure my Spells are quite strong and ready for whenever Mirmulnir shows up.

"Leonidas!" Aurelia hisses and pulls at my robes, making me focus back on reality as I let her pull me to the side.

One of her armored fingers jabs ahead of us, past the bushes she leads me to hide behind, and I follow the direction she is pointing to to look at our target.

There's a large camp made in a small hole in the mountain side, but it doesn't go in too deep.

It's big enough to house four tents made of animal pelts, while three more rest outside the cave, forming a sort of perimeter around.

Ahead of the three tents lay discarded bones, both humans and animals, all tossed away in a small hole and having clearly been set on fire.

A way to not attract wolves and other beasts through blood, I presume.

Still, I look past the main tents and into the cave, where I see three more figures sitting around a campfire, talking and cooking some large fishes.

Two Orsimer males, one human male- And a Breton female off to the side, though her back is to me and I can't see what she is doing.

Aurelia hums softly at the sight, eyes narrowed, "Their weapons are nowhere near them." She points out, and I yes, she is quite right.

No swords nor daggers are visible, nor bows or large weapons.

"I have a plan!" Aurelia smiles. A smile that is very cold and ruthless, yet very pleasant to the eyes. "How many of those undead dogs can you Conjure?"

Well, just one, but…

[Conjure Undead Minion]

Reach into Oblivion and call forth an Undead Creature to do your bidding.

(Current available creatures; Plague Rats, Undead Giant Spider, Feral Undead Mastiff)

Modification/s: Minion Up! x2

(2/5)

There, now I shall focus on other Spells other than this one. "A few, why?" Her smile grows a tad bigger.

"I can cast a Spell that blinds them." And I instantly catch on. If I send in my Hounds, then we can do this without trouble or risk. "With that, your conjured hounds should make quick work of them." Seems like that she, despite her dislike of Necromancy, does not mind making it a tool to achieve a good outcome.

I turn my gaze back towards the now gathered Bandits, then nod. "I shall follow thy plan then, milady!" She grins and cups her armored hands together.

A bright golden light flickers between her palms, then slowly takes the form of a large golden sphere. Luckily, the light it releases isn't bright enough to give away our location or make the Bandits notice us.

Not that they can since their back is turned to us.

Aurelia gives me a nod, and I once more create a tear in reality, and my eyes would have widened if I had them.

My Magicka reserves just nearly disappear as not one, not two, but four fucking Hounds stride out of the large tear beside me.

Goddamn… So the first Modification made it so that one hound turned into two, while the second turned the two into four. It stacks.

Good thing I had enough Magicka to conjure them, as I do not know how much the giant spiders cost.

The rat barely took anything, while the hounds take quite a bit- Well, now they nearly take everything I have.

Luckily, I'm already back to half full. Seems like recovering one's Magicka is kinda as fast as in the game.

Aurelia nods, then stands up and rears her arm back before launching the golden sphere straight into the cave.

It clatters to the ground like it's an actual physical object, drawing the attention of the four bandits just as I order the hounds to pounce forward.

The sphere cracks, then pops loudly, unleashing a blinding flash that lights up the cave and makes the bandits unleash startled cries and curses- Which swiftly turn into horrified squeals of terror and pain once my massive undead mastiffs body-checked them and started feasting on them.

"So…" I start as I drop my chin on the palm of my gauntlet-clad hand, "Does a cutie like you come here often?" Aurelia blinks at me.

I stare at her as bloody screams fill the air.

"Really, Leonidas?" Hey, I see your lips twitching in amusement!

I shrug, "What? I've heard that my jokes can be quite humerus." Aurelia sighs and turns back towards the cave, blinks… Then groans loudly and drops her face in her hands.

"I hate you."

"Need I remind you that this is just the start of our journey?" Her groan grows louder, and she nearly slumps in defeat.

But at least the screams have finally stopped!

[A Soul has been absorbed!] x4

Oh? I can get the Souls even from this far? Or is that because I am the one that killed these guys?

Either way, I let my hounds disappear as we near the camp. Blood and chewed up guts lay everywhere, with some of the bandits having tried to go for their weapons while still blind, yet they still ended up becoming food for the hounds.

"They must have settled here recently." Aurelia muses as she looks around, "Else the people of Riverwood would have warned me… Maybe." I do not know how kind they are to outsiders, but that's certainly a gruesome thought.

Imagine not warning a traveler of a rather nasty threat further down the road.

My gaze falls on one of the torn up Orsimer corpses, and as I stared at it, I found myself understanding how to perfectly raise it as a Corpse Soldier.

How to use my Magicka, how to weave it through the corpse, how to preserve it with a touch of my Frost Magic. I can see so many paths ahead, so many ways to modify a single corpse, a single Spell, into turning corpses into lethal monsters.

Just murderous puppets.

"How disgusting." I find myself whispering under my breath with a shake of the head.

Aurelia perks up, a confused look on her face, "Everything alright?" I hum, then shake my head.

Hopefully I get some more different types of magics with my growth. But I'll keep this sort of Spell in mind, just in case I do need a helping hand whenever I am alone, and would like something other than my available summons.

It is a bit vexatious, being tied down like this, but I must also admit that Necromancy isn't as restrictive as I initially thought. I have many ways to make use of it, but I'd rather not step on other peoples toes in order to make use of it.

There is no need for me to ruin my relationship with Aurelia just for a tool.

"Why don't you take a short break?" I tell the woman looking around the camp, earning me a confused look, "I doubt that walking around with such heavy armor and weaponry for so long hasn't tired you." I nod my head towards one of the chopped up logs of wood that make for a seat near the fire, and Aurelia actively considers the offers.

Despite the increased distance, we should still be able to reach Whiterun by the time it's afternoon or late night, so taking a short break now won't really alter our schedule much.

In the end, Aurelia accepts the request. After we dragged the corpses outside the cave, that is.

"It is as I thought." The woman speaks up as she takes a seat with a light sigh, "They settled here recently. Aside from a small bag of Septims, I found nothing else of value." So they didn't rob many people so far.

Still, they did rob and kill some, as there are human bones in the pit where they burned them.

"Good thing we took care of them now, then." Aurelia nods in agreement with a light smile on her lips.

One of her arms then raises to pluck one of the sticks holding the cooked fish over the fire, which luckily didn't get any blood sprayed on it.

To have the stomach to still eat after seeing such a carnage… Well, different world, different people.

I hum and turn my focus on my Spells. I have five Souls available now, enough to do one of the upgrades for my Race, but I'd rather focus on Upgrading my Spells.

I need something to harm the Dragon that I will probably have to fight soon enough. Conjuring my undead minions is a no, plus it'll be useless against it.

Ray of Frost… Maybe to counterattack its breath attacks I should add another Soul to grow the beam size. After all, with the size also came intensity. Just because the beam is bigger it did not make its overall power any weaker.

But then there's the Magic Missile. Hitting the dragon scales from the outside is a no, but… If I were to launch it inside its mouth? I could wreak havoc inside it, ruining its organs and fucking it up real good.

One more speed upgrade, then… Shape control. If I could turn it into a thin and sharp needle then I can use its speed to penetrate anything. Then… Maybe an explosion? Could I make it explode?

Speed, shape control, and explosion… I have five Souls in total now, so… Two in speed, one in shape control, and two in explosion.

[Magic Missile]

A simple and weak beginner Spell. It can't even kill weak rats on impact.

Modification; Speed Up! x5 Explosion! x2 Shapeshift!

(7/10)

I nearly reached the Upgrade limit, or what I believe is the Upgrade limit. Will the Spell evolve after this, or what?

Either way, I summon it in my hand and watch as it wobbles and shifts to my will.

"A Magic Missile?" Aurelia pipes up, having downright devoured the salmon on the stick she had grabbed. I shall remember that it is probably among her favorite foods.

I nod at her inquiry, "Quite a malleable Spell, if I say so myself." The sphere shifts into a plate, then into a long stick with a sharp end, much to Aurelia's visible surprise.

"I've never seen anyone shape a Magic Missile like that…" I 'smile', then let the stick fly forth with a sharp, near ear-piercing whistle.

It explodes not even a second later, having jabbed itself into one of the trees at the front of the clearing.

And obliterated nearly a third of the trunk with the explosion, causing the rest to fall and crash down loudly.

Quite powerful. Just what I needed.

It might not penetrate Dragon Scales, but it costs basically nothing, so rapid firing this bitch like a gatling gun won't be a problem.

Maybe I should have the next upgrades make me create more than one at a time, just for greater firing power and higher damage output.

Aurelia blinks as she stares at me, then at the downed tree, then back at me. "Huh…" Is the first noise to come out of her, "Never seen one do that."

For some reason, her brow twitches, "Congratulations, Leonidas. You just turned a Spell some children use to play around into an actual weapon."

…

Kids use to play with Magic Missile?

What the fuck?

I guess it is a simple enough Spell with no real danger behind it, and easy enough that even some brats can learn it fast.

"I tend to be a bad influence on kids." She deadpans at me, "Probably cause I got a bad bone in me! Hah!" A stick bounces off my skull as the Dragonborn glares at me with a flushed face, trying and failing to keep her laughter at bay.

"Why are you like this?"

"Because my Lord and Savior is the great Sheoggorath himself!"

"Eh!?" Oh look, a cheese wheel!

I yoink the cheese wheel that was clearly dropped on the ground by the bandits when my hounds attacked up in my arms.

"O' Lord Sheoggorath! Accept mine meager offering for thy great and wondrous craziness!"

"L-Leonidas!" I ignore Aurelia and raise the cheese wheel high in the air.

Then chuck the bitch into the fire. Just like the offerings of old.

Not like it would work-

The fire turns purple and surges upward into a massive column, hysterical laughter overflowing out of the flames for a short few seconds before the fire calms down.

And the cheese wheel is gone.

"Huh…" I let out a noise as I stare at the fire while Aurelia twitches, "I can't believe that worked!"

The Dragonborn tackles me to the ground.

"I've had enough of your craziness!"

"Calm thy anger, milady! This wondrous mate of yers is but a bonehead!"

…

"Leonidas, I swear to the fucking Divines-!"

Good thing I don't have lungs, else 'em bitches would be achin' by now!

….

Oh hey, scripted event incoming!

First, I gotta admit something… The sight of Whiterun from afar with a setting sun near it is downright gorgeous and something I'll never forget in my life.

Second, Aurelia is still mad at me. She's been pouting the whole time.

Third, I can now see the Companions fight the rampaging Giant – which might I add is truly big as fuck – and clearly faring quite well.

"Shall we assist, mine pouting companion?" Aurelia's pout grows bigger as she glares at me. Cute.

They don't look like they really need much help, to be fair. The back of the Giant is full of arrows, and the other warriors are taking potshot at its legs while dodging the wild swings of that large club the Giant is wielding.

"Why don't you?" Aurelia childishly huffs while still pouting angrily at me. This is why I bully you, lady.

I shrug, "Might as well, before one of 'em gets flung into the clouds." I prepare a Magic Missile and-

"Huh, I did hear that has happened quite a few times." Aurelia suddenly muses, bringing me to a pause.

"What?"

Her confused gaze falls on me, "Getting flung in the sky? I've heard some have seen Giant smash their clubs down on a poor fellow, and his body would just… pierce the clouds and disappear."

Holy shit, Giant death ragdoll exists here too!?

My Magic Missile flies with a sharp whistle, stabbing straight into the Giant's open back before exploding, letting his guts fly everywhere from his now open stomach.

There is a moment of surprise among the Companions before they topple the Giant to the ground and stab it straight through the skull.

The redhead among the group lifts her head and flicks her gaze around before it lands on our approaching forms, one of her brows going up before she nods in greeting.

"Nice shot, Spell-Flinger." Ah, that's your way of greeting, eh?

Alright then, "You have my thanks, Bone-Muncher."

[A Greater Soul has been absorbed!]

Yoink.

"What?"

"What?"

The redhead stares at me with narrowed eyes, while Aurelia looks between us for a few seconds before sighing deeply, "I apologize on Leonidas's behalf. He is… weird."

"Being knowledgeable may make fools look at me as if I am the weird one indeed." I correct her with a shrug, earning me a sniff from the redhead archer.

"Knowledgeable, huh?" The redhead hums and crosses her arms below her bust, and goddamn is she a beauty.

Long rust colored hair, war paint markings on her face, leather and iron armor covering most of body but also leaving plenty of cleavage and skin in few.

"Indeed!" I nod eagerly, "Reading books is much better than barking or howling at the moon!" Aela's eyes twitches while Aurelia just looks downright confused.

"Got more pieces of wisdom for a Bone-Muncher?" She challenges, no real bite to her tone.

I hum and make a show of thinking about it, "Well, if you wish to stop being a Bone-Muncher and go back to being a Milk-Drinker, then perhaps the head of a Glenmoril Witch combined with a certain flame of a certain tomb might help!" Their eyes widen and Aela's jaw drops open in utter shock.

Aurelia looks so confused and adorable right now.

Still, I shrug and raise my hands in surrender, "But this might just be some drivel a Spell-Flinger spits out, after all. Don't take it to heart."

I am such a little shit, and I love it.

Why introduce myself when I can just slap the cure to their condition on their faces all of a sudden?

Truly, I am the master bamboozler!

Aela gulps, "U-Uh-huh…" She nods, then coughs into her fist, "A-Anyway. Well met, I am Aela of the Companions. Your help, while unneeded, is appreciated." Aw, what a tsundere!

"And this is Farkas-" Aela goes to introduce the huge guy, but he steps forward to clap a hand over my shoulder in greeting.

I nearly feel all my bones collapse from that single shoulder tap, "That was a mighty fine shot, my friend!" Man, what a deep ass voice… "Don't mind Aela, she isn't- Hm?" His words pause, and his hand pats my shoulder and back a few times. "My friend, have you been starving yourself?!"

Aurelia twitches. I try not to snort.

"Ah, ever heard of the term 'all skin and bones'?" Aurelia twitches again, exasperation building up on her face as Farkas nods, "Well, turns out I am even worse than that! I'm all bones! Like, literally!"

Farkas hisses with pity, "Then come to Jorrvaskr, my friend! We have plenty of food there!"

"It'll just fall right through me!" I insist kindly. Aurelia shoves her face in her hands and tries not to scream from right beside me.

"Nonsense! Come, come!" My friend, you really make this easy for me now.

"Before that…" Another voice pipes up from behind Aela, owned by an older and mostly bald man. Skjor, that you? "I think we have a bigger problem to deal with."

Hm?

I follow the direction he is looking at with my own eyes and- Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me…

A Dragon. In the distance. Far into the distance, but not over the horizon.

And there's a massive column of smoke rising into the sky from where the Dragon is flying.

First of all…

[Magic Missile]

A simple and weak beginner Spell. It can't even kill weak rats on impact.

Modification; Speed Up! x5 Explosion! x4 Shapeshift!

(8/10)

Better make quick use of that Greater Soul right now.

Second of all, this needs an appropriate reaction.

"BOMBOCLAT-!"

Again, apologies on shitty formatting. I try to fix it, but Patreon insists on making it look like shit and not center what needs to be centered.

I hope this shit gets fixed soon...