Official Press Release: Appointment of Luna as Astronaut and Science Officer (Patreon)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
Dr. Meg Aphone
Director of Communications
Mission Control Centre

Mission Control Appoints Luna as Key Member of Pioneering Space Mission

Mission Control is pleased to announce the appointment of Luna, affectionately known as "Moth Girl," as the new astronaut and science officer aboard the upcoming mission to address the celestial anomaly designated "The Object." Luna's unique qualifications and innovative spacecraft design were pivotal in her selection for this role.

Luna, a brilliant engineer and the chief architect behind the revolutionary design of our latest spacecraft, brings a fresh perspective to space exploration. Her enthusiasm for science and unparalleled expertise in aerospace technology make her an invaluable asset to the mission. Luna's appointment underscores our commitment to embracing diverse talents and perspectives in pushing the boundaries of human achievement in space.

The mission, which involves close observation and interaction with "The Object," is critical to expanding our understanding of the universe. Luna's role will be central in ensuring the mission's success through her scientific acumen and technical skills.

We are excited to see Luna apply her boundless energy and innovative thinking to overcome the challenges posed by space exploration. Her presence on this mission promises not only to further our scientific goals but also to inspire future generations of explorers.

About Mission Control:
Mission Control is at the forefront of international space exploration, committed to advancing humanity's reach and knowledge through ambitious missions and collaboration across the globe.

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Accidental Internal Memo Attachment

From: Director Way Ward
To: Senior Management Team
Subject: REAL Thoughts on Luna's Appointment (Keep This Quiet!)

Team,

Well, it seems we've had our hand forced by none other than Luna herself – no Moth Girl, no ship. I suppose we should be thankful she’s only insisted on being the science officer and not the captain. I can't believe we're actually sending a hyper-caffeinated moth girl who's more in love with the captain than focused on the mission. Has anyone checked how much coffee stock we need to order for the mission?

Please, make sure you all publicly agree with the fluff we're feeding the press. Yes, Luna designed the ship, but let's be honest, we’re not sending her because of her 'boundless energy and innovative thinking'—we're sending her because she left us no choice.

And, by the way, I hope you all appreciate "The Object" as the name for our target anomaly. Quite genius, if I do say so myself—it’s vague enough to keep the public intrigued without revealing that we literally have no clue what it is.

Make sure this memo stays internal. At public forums, stick to the script. Luna is our 'brilliant engineer' and 'valuable asset.' Behind closed doors, let's brace ourselves and keep an eye on our shiny captain.

Best,
Way Ward

P.S. Maybe suggest Luna switches to decaf once onboard? Just a thought.