So You Have Decided to Reveal Your Secret Identity to Your Girlfriend! (Patreon)

Congratulations! Or Should We Say, Oh Dear...

Welcome to the precipice of peril, dear Hero! As you stand there, quivering in your bespoke spandex, ready to reveal your "big secret" to your beloved, we at the Citadel of Heroes must remind you of the colossal catastrophe you're about to invite.

First, Ask Yourself: Is She Really Just Your Girlfriend?

We understand, love blinds the best of us—literally in the case of Laser-Eyed Larry (may he rest in peace). Have you considered, even for a moment, that your precious paramour might be harbouring dark secrets of her own? Yes, that's right! While you're out there saving cats from trees, she could very well be plotting world domination. Remember, today's girlfriend could be tomorrow's Nemesis!

The Absolute Guide to Surviving Your Own Foolishness:

• The Trepidatious Timing:

  • Choosing to disclose your identity during a candlelit dinner? How original! Might we suggest a public place instead, just in case she turns into a supervillain and decides to zap you then and there?

• The Dreadful Disclosure:

  • When you tell her, be sure to speak slowly. We wouldn't want her to miss the part where you explain how you’ve lied to her face for the entirety of your relationship.

• Superhero Insurance:

  • It’s a real thing. Get it. When she inevitably uses your secret against you, you'll thank us.

• The Post-Reveal Protocol:

  • Have an escape plan. Ideally, something involving a smoke bomb or a quick change into your alter ego. One can never be too careful.

• Supervillain Girlfriend?

  • Performed a background check, have we? No? Classic Hero mistake.

What Not to Do:

• Do NOT show her your secret lair on the first post-reveal date. It’s not just a security risk; it’s also terribly cliché.

• Do NOT gift her a miniature gadget from your utility belt. Remember, she might use it to stab you in the back—literally.

• Do NOT get emotionally blackmailed into getting a pet together. The last thing you need is a mind-controlling parrot observing your every move.

Lastly, Should You Change Your Mind...

Realising that revealing your identity might just be the worst idea since Super Serum No. 9? Excellent. Keep that mask on, tighten your cape, and remember: The Citadel always knows best.

Remember: Trust No One, Suspect Everyone. Especially Her.

Best of luck, you'll need it!