Omake -- Wilhelm Henry Schweinorg, Attorney at Law, -- The other side of the table. (Patreon)

“Wilhelm Henry Schweinorg.” A voice boomed. It wasn’t simply loud, no. The voice echoed through reality, every plane of existence heard it, felt it as it reverberated through the minds of every sentient being in this universe.

The entity looked like it was made from the stars itself. It stood massive, yet its size was immaterial. If so it desired, it would hold the entire universe in the palm of its hand.

It was golden with three faces, each representing an aspect.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, oh great Living Tribunal.” I said with no small amount of sarcasm.

It shrunk down, still massive ins cope, but I didn’t need to tilt my head 90 degrees to look at it.

“You stand accused of many crimes.” It no longer boomed, yet its voice was still so loud and authoritative.

“I plead innocence.” I said immediately. “And I can prove it, if you remove these handcuffs that are stopping me from using my magic to run away.” I smiled innocently, shaking my cuffed arms.

Don’t know what they’re made of or what effects were forced into their creation, but they were somehow stopping everything I had from being brought to the surface. I was effectively neutered.

“You have yet to hear the list of crimes.”

“Fake news.”

“…..”

“Insolence!” Another voice boomed, appearing next to this universal entity. This new one looked different, yet its power was enough to make me almost turn to dust from its mere presence. It seemed to be intertwined with the universe as a whole.

“Eternity!” It smiled brightly. “So good to see you again!”

The personification of the Universe.

“Outsider! Your chaos ends now!” It raised its hand up, probably to smite me, but nothing happened.

“He will be judged accordingly.” The Living Tribunal spoke, indicating that I was currently protected.

Neat.

“Nice Cock.” I smirked.

Eternity scowled.

Eternity was the literal make up of the universe, its body was made of the very galaxies and stars that existed within the expanding infinite. A reflection of everything that is. If you looked around him, you could even find your own solar system with some effort.

He pissed me off once, so I got my revenge.

It was a harmless prank.

Some people just can’t take a joke.

I may or may not have used some very…..volatile cosmic powers – if only temporary – to move around a thing or two.

No life was harmed in my efforts.

On the bright side, we can say for sure he’s a man!

Yes, the shining galaxies that made up his new cock.

Honestly, he should be thanking me.

Over the course of the next few moments, many more cosmic entities emerged from the void of creation. Every single one represented something crucial to the continued existence of the universe.

The Living Tribunal waived its hand and reality shifted. I stuttered in place as I realized I was now standing in a literal courtroom, the Living Tribunal in the judges chair, and all the cosmic entities minus Eternity in the jury booth.

Said representation of the known universe was serving as the prosecution.

“We will proceed with a trial in accordance with the defendants understanding and experience.” The Living Tribunal stated.

“Hoho.” I eyed Eternity from the side. “And here I was worried.”

Eternity didn’t design to give me a response.

“Very well, I assume if we’re playing ball the way I’m familiar with, then I get representation?” I asked.

“Correct.”

“Good, good.” I stood straight. “Then I choose to represent myself—”

“Denied.” He interjected. “The Defendant will not be allowed to represent themselves in this matter.”

Crap, well…..contingency time.

“I nominate Sir Wiggles as my –“

“Denied.” He said said. “Creature named Sir Wigglesbottom Fluffytail Octavius Benedict III, Crown Prince of Emerald Kingdom. Duke of Carrot Island, General of the Northern Armies, The Lightning Born. The Devil Slayer.  – Is recognized as an extension of the defendant. A phenomenon more widely known as a – Familiar. Such being the case, is denied right of representation. As as foreign entity to the Universe, you shall be judged by these inhabitants of the Universe. Thus, a resident of the Universe shall also defend you of the accusations. The Scales remain balanced."

Fuck.

“Then who the hell am I supposed to get to defend me!?”

“Searching for suitable representative.” The Judge’s eyes glowed bright for the briefest of moments. “Representative questioned and accepted offer.”

With another burst of light someone appeared in the courtroom I had to shield my eyes for a moment as the light died down.

I finally saw who stepped out, and my eyes widened in horror.

“Oh no….”

“Oh yes.” He smiled wide back towards me. “I am so very pleased I have this chance to pay back all that you’ve done for me.” The Sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Loki.” I whispered the name that filled me with utter horror.

I would call Karma a bitch, but I’m fairly sure she’s judging me from the jury bench right now.

***

Had a few minutes, the idea popped up into my head. If you don't know the names, they're Marvel's cosmic entities.