Non-Canon Omake: The Foolish Genius (HSR) Part 2 (Patreon)

The reactions were mixed between the crew of the Astral Express. I’m not surprised, I think if anyone who interacted with Herta in any capacity had found out she was married, they would probably have similar reactions.

Herta….she is many things. Particularly, she isn’t good at navigating social niceties. She is very blunt and to the point. She was the kind of person who would tell you to immediately come see her because she needed your help, and not elaborate or respond to any questions, basically ignoring you completely until you came.

And it wasn’t an act out of maliciousness or disdain. Simply, she relayed what she needed to and didn’t see the point in further communication.

There were just things that didn’t make sense to her and she didn’t care to bother with them, which gave her a reputation for cold indifference. And it didn’t help that the vast majority of people interacted with her through her puppets, making it even more detached in feeling.

She had hundreds of puppets, each one programmed to do specific tasks, but she could also bridge her consciousness to them if she wanted and control them more manually. It was partly intentional to help with her multitasking, but it was partly because of a situation that arose that didn’t allow her true body to operate properly.

“….when did?”

“About a year ago.” I answered.

“Madam Herta is one of the most premiere researchers and, well….geniuses in the universe, wouldn’t it have been public knowledge and a topic of conversation if she had gotten married?” Himeko asked.

“It’s…complicated.” I forced a smile because I’ve said this line how many times now?

“Mr. Schweinorg, we’re going to need more than that if you want us to continue a friendly relationship.” Welt stated, pushing his glasses up.

“Yeah, tell us how you seduced Madam Herta!” Stelle demanded.

“…not how I would have asked, but I’m honestly curious too.” March pinched her.

The one person who had been awfully silent, Dan Heng, leaned in looking interested too.

I really wasn’t getting out of this, was I?

“Do you know what Herta is most famous for among regular people?” I asked.

“Well, she solved a lot of conjectures and put forth many more. The amount of scientific papers she wrote – “ Himeko went off.

“Uh, didn’t she make that reverse aging Technology?” Stelle interjected.

“Yeah. Herta, while being phenomenally intelligent, to the normal people they don’t care much about that kind of thing unless they see tangible results. So, the uproar caused by her reveal of De-aging technology was widespread.”

“It makes sense.” Welt nodded. “The idea of biological immortality is an intriguing thought and something many people would do anything they could to get their hands on. However, now that you mentioned it, there has not been word about it since. It’s no secret that Madam Herta requires Asta to fund the majority of her research, but her addition was only recent in accordance with the advent of the Space Station. I find it strange that Madam Herta would not have utilized the technology for further funding.”

“There was a problem with it.” Dan Heng crossed his arms, closing his eyes.

“That’s right.” They were rather quick on the uptake. “She couldn’t release it to the public or even private interests because there was an issue. She couldn’t stop her de-aging process.”

“That….” March’s eyes widened. “But that was years ago! Is she okay!?”

“She’s fine now.” I smiled.

“That’s good then.” March nodded happily.

“I assume you were involved then?” Welt asked.

“As I said, I worked as a retrieval specialist for a while. Basically, I used it as an excuse to travel to interesting and obscure places using the Genius Society as a sort of badge to get around without much fuss.”

It wasn’t exactly uncommon for people to work for individuals from the Genius Society even if they weren’t the ‘normal’ type of organization. Most of the Genius Society members were recluses or loners, but even they often needed outside assistance to acquire things. And being to flash a proverbial Badge that proved my association, it tended to open a lot of doors or let me move around as I pleased.

 “When it first happened, Herta was one of my biggest ‘clients’ so to speak. She requested a lot of rare and hard to acquire things. I don’t mean to brag, but I am very good at what I do. And eventually, I was working with her rather closely.”

“Aww, it’s just like a fairytale!” March cooed. “You two worked so closely together, eventually you both fell in love and – “

I let out a snort and barely held back laughter. “We hated each other for the longest time.”

“….oh.” March pouted.

“There was a point where we were both doing things to intentionally piss the other off.”

“Forgive me, but the thought of Madam Herta….”

“Getting into a pissing contest with someone?”

“Quite.” Welt nodded. “The thought goes against my own experiences interacting with her.”

“As I said, we worked a lot together for a long period of time. Eventually…..Well, I think she started to look forward to when I returned from my assignments. Very few people are willing to call out Herta on her bullshit. There was one assignment where the payment I demanded from her was that she had to start talking to me ‘properly’. No hiding behind puppets or sending me a single text and expecting me to understand what she wanted, that kind of thing.”

“Huh, she does that a lot.” Stelle scratched her cheek.

Though it was always adorable when she would finally lose her temper and stomp her foot because I forced her to uphold basic niceties with me.

‘How are you doing?’

‘How was your trip?’

‘Good morning.’

Those simple things annoyed her so she forwent them almost completely towards everyone.

“What changed?” Himeko asked. “It sounds like you two got on together like fire and ice.”

“She needed a certain flower, it carried specific spores that she believed would bring a breakthrough, or at the very least, stall her de-aging process enough to keep searching for a solution.”

“That doesn’t sound too hard.” March put her hands on her hips.

“It was already an exceedingly rare plant on its native world, but the native world in question happened to be Sky Haven.”

Welt and Himeko both scrunched their faces while Stelle and March looked confused.

“Sky Haven is a planet currently the source of a war between two other worlds. Both claim it’s theirs and they have been fighting for roughly four Amber Eras so far.” Dan Heng replied. “The fighting is intense enough that even the IPC and other organizations stay away from it. Both Empires vying for it are known to be aggressive and hostile to outsiders.”

“Dang, Herta must have been annoyed. So what did she plan to do instead?” Stelle asked.

“Don’t know because I went and got it anyways.” I grinned.

Welt raised an eyebrow. “That is impressive, Mr.Schweinorg.”

“As I said, I am very good at what I do.”

“And I take it this was the turning point?” Himeko stated.

“I of course held it over her head, proverbially speaking. When she finally got over her own annoyance and asked me what I wanted for payment, well…..I told her she had to come out and have fun with me for a day.”

“You took her out on a date!” March giggled.

“In hindsight…..I suppose it looks that way.” I coughed. “Truthfully, I partially just wanted to poke at her more. But also, she was stressed and she hadn’t left her lab in literal months with her main body at that point. There happened to be an amusement park on the planet her Main Body lives so…..I forced her to go there and play with me for the day. On a side note, next time you have the opportunity, ask her about the Haunted house, see how she reacts.”

Hearing Herta scream because she was spooked is a memory I really will cherish for my life.

“I guess that was the catalyst for our relationship…changing. We were no longer as snippy with one another. Well, that’s not entirely true, but it wasn’t really…..mean spirited anymore. “Eventually, I helped her find a cure and all that. At that point, well, Herta was someone I was close to. And when the day came she no longer suffered under the stress of imminent death approaching, she asked me what I wanted as payment for my help. I rejected any form of payment for the end results. I was paid for my excursions, but at that point….I didn’t feel right getting paid for helping someone I was close to.”

“A blank check like that is something not many would pass up.” Welt stated.

I forced a smile, looking down. With a sigh, I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “She demanded she compensate me. It was….one of those things Herta had trouble acknowledging. Work = pay. Success = reward. It was one of Herta’s quirks I didn’t notice, and I made a joke about how we were basically an old married couple, and that we may as well make it official at that point. She…..took it literally.”

“Oh no….” March whispered.

I could even see Himeko cringe slightly at the insinuation.

“She had the proper paperwork filed by the end of the day. She put all my information in without my knowledge because it wasn’t worth the hassle to ask me about it in her mind. I only learned what happened when Screwllum called to congratulate us, but….that wasn’t until a few weeks later.”

In hindsight, I should have noticed something was….different.

It was small things that I didn’t place much thought on. She would smile a bit more when I was around. When we ate our meals, she started sitting next to me rather than across from me. Not only that, but she started asking me questions about where I came from, my family, things of that nature. Of course it was very….clerical, but she normally wouldn’t have cared unless it was important to something she was researching.

“I mean, if it was a misunderstanding, I could understand she was mad and embarrassed, but is she really holding a grudge this long?” Stelle asked.

“…She was happy.” Himeko said softly in realization.

“Yeah….” I sighed. “Screwllum said that he had never seen Herta express herself so overtly before when she informed him of our ‘marriage’.”

“Oof.” Stelle scrunched her face. “Yeah, that’ll do it. Never thought I’d hear about Herta getting her heart broken….”

“It was a messy fight.” I didn’t hide it, but I also didn’t expand on how bad it was. “She kicked me out and refused to ever speak to me again. Every attempt I made was rebuked.”

The few points of contact I had with Screwllum mentioned that she hadn’t stepped out of her lab for months afterwards and even the direct use of her puppets was…..scarce outside of unavoidable commitments.

“I can tell.” Stelle looked at her phone. “Madam Herta is still blowing me up. I think I’ve gotten more messages from her in the last few minutes than the entire time I’ve known her. Ah, here she suggests that we kick you out of the Train while it’s still going. Personally, I like her suggestion that we tie you to the front of the train, she even said she would look the other way if we ‘accidently’ crashed into the space station.”

“….oh wow, she’s angry.” March blinked.

“Assumign we believe you, Mr. Schweinorg. What are your plans?” Welt asked, getting right to it.

“Well….I originally intended to sneak in there without drawing attention to myself.” I looked at Stelle.

“Woops~” Stelle bashfully chuckled.

“I suppose I’ll just have to make it up as I go along now.” I sighed.

“And what was your plan after successful sneaking onto the Space Station? Frankly, it sounds odd that you just decided to not rectify the misunderstanding beforehand.”

I forced a smile because I could understand how he perceived it. “This is my last resort. I originally wanted to give her some space….but she quickly disappeared. That is to say, she abandoned her old lab and took everything of value and I don’t know where she is. Those that do know, she forbid them from telling me. I’ve sought out some of her other Puppets that she uses in other places…..but as soon as she noticed me, she made them self-destruct. I know for a fact that the puppets inside the Space Station don’t have that mechanism thanks to Screwllum, so here I am.”

Himeko crossed her arms. “Most people would take someone blowing themselves up as a hint to leave the person alone.”

“I know how it looks from the outside. Normally, I would absolutely take such an obvious hint, and I wouldn’t….resort to something like this.” God, I must sound like a creepy stalker to her.

“But..?”

“But….I also have this feeling in my chest that I have to do this.”

“And what’s your plan once you finally get to talk to her?”

I set a small, unassuming box on the table infront of us. “I do have a plan.”

“Alright, we’re in! Operation get Herta married is a go!” Stelle posed, putting her hands on her hips.

“Ignore her.” March sighed.

“As much as I would like to assist, it seems unwise to intervene in….personal matters.” Welt replied.

“I don’t need you all to interfere, I just would like that you don’t….well interfere negatively.” I chuckled a little. “I can promise that I won’t cause any real problems.”

Himeko and Welt shared a look before Himeko opened her mouth. “If it’s just a ride to the Space Station, I suppose that’s acceptable. And she is aware you’re traveling with us, whatever happens afterwards, we can say we had no hand in.”

“I do appreciate it.” I smiled. “I will owe you all a debt after this, regardless of what happens, if you ever need anything, you can call upon me.”

“I am merely happy that this was settled without resorting to violence, Mr. Schweinorg. As a fellow man from Earth, I would be saddened if something went wrong. Our arrival is imminent, and It is obvious you have much more pressing matters to attend to, so I hope we can have a proper conversation another time.”

“I would be delighted to reminisce about our home.” I assured him.

The Train ride, while not very long, felt like an eternity, that was until the Space Station came into view, and then it felt….far too short.

@***@

“You got courage at least, standing right at the front when Madam Herta is this pissed.” Stella pat my shoulder as the train came to a stop and I stood at the door.

“That’s one word for it I suppose.”

“What would you call it?”

“Stupidity.” I said blatantly.

Stelle snorted with laughter. “I like you, I’ll make sure no one takes pictures when you pee yourself after getting tazed by the security.”

“Other than you, right?”

She didn’t even hide it as she nodded. “Everyone should keep a record of memorable moments in their lives.”

….she’s oddly likable.

“Like the pictures of you delving into trash cans?” There were a lot of those for some reason.

“I’m not ashamed!” She threw out her chest with her hands on her hips again. “I will search every trash can for the treasure they hide within!”

“What’s wrong with you!?” March covered her face.

“No shame!”

“No shame club!” I held my hand up.

“Woo, no shame club!” She gave me a high-five.

The Train jerked a little and the doors began to open, right away there were dozens of people waiting right infront of me.

Herta was nowhere to be seen.

“Asta, it’s been quite a while.” I forced a smile, noticing the woman at the front. I had met her a few times when she was still coordinating with Herta in regards to setting up the Space Station.

“I wish it was under better circumstances. But Madam Herta requested your immediate departure from the Space Station, and I’m aware that the Astral Express needs to resupply and refuel, so we will be putting you on the next ship out of here. In the meantime, you’re going to be confined to the cells. Arlan here will make sure you’re taken care of, please don’t make a scene.”

“I looked up the information on the staff here before I came, you’re Arlan, the head of the security then?”

“Please come along, sir.” He held out magnetic handcuffs with a couple dozen security guards all around him.

I looked at Asta. “I promise not to hurt anyone on the space station.” I smiled at her and without giving her a chance to respond, I used a burst of Shunpo to appear on the other side of the docking bay, quickly entering the main station.

I didn’t now if there was going to be a lockdown or anything, and it’s not like I wanted to bulldoze my way through a literal space station, so I moved very quickly through the corridors, putting quite a bit of distance between myself and the security that were there to arrest me.

In fact, I wouldn’t have stopped as I had the basic layout of the Space Station memorized, but I came to a screeching halt as I noticed one of Herta’s puppets standing at a monitor, messing with it for whatever reason.

I was in its peripheral view, and ever so slightly, I could see a couple of twitches, the smallest indications of what happens when Herta’s true consciousness enters one of her puppets.

However, she didn’t move, nor did she acknowledge my presence whatsoever, the ‘puppet’ carried on with its assigned task.

“Are you not going to say anything?” I finally spoke up.

The puppet stilled for a moment. “There is nothing to say. Leave.” The Puppet drooped like its strings were cut and it resumed activity with a mechanical precision.

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment then refocused on my direction. I moved towards the main deck of the space station where plenty of scientists and researchers were going about their work, not to mention the normal staff of the space station.

No one seemed to pay me any heed, which I guess they didn’t want to cause a scene from before?

I did hear that the space station got attacked by the Antimatter Legion, the followers of the Path of Destruction. Perhaps they didn’t want to cause panic after that major incident with something minor like me being here?

But my eyes landed on another of Herta’s Puppets standing at the center of the flight deck and I could tell she noticed my approach even if she didn’t outwardly react.

“Do you really hate me so much?” I asked, as I got within a few feet of her. “I missed you, Herta.”

The puppet drooped again without giving a reply.

A couple people looked our way, apparently hearing the words I spoke, but I simply used another burst of Shunpo to move across the very large room towards my original target.

I went to open the door and it wouldn’t budge as soon as I put my hand on it, the light indicating it was operable turned red.

“….Herta.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Herta, please.” I tried again, knowing she was listening or atleast watching.

No response, I grabbed hold of the metal door and forced it open with the screeching of metal.

It was her office, so to speak. Well, what she considered her office.

Another Herta Puppet stood in the corner and it looked at me and I could tell immediately that Herta was watching through it.

“The Simulated Universe.” I spoke, walking up to it and the machine she stood next to. “An attempt to simulate the Aeons to better understand the god-like entities that roam the universe. I heard you managed to complete it, I never got to express my congratulations.”

The Herta Puppet remained motionless.

“I spoke to Screwllum a time or two and I know a few things. How much emphasis you put on this. Every point of data is meticulously recorded. Especially when you have people enter the Simulated Universe to perform tasks or move through certain scenarios. He told me that you have a simulated puppet inside that after the end of every scenario, gathers the data from the participants.”

I went to the machine, standing on the proverbial switch. Of course it was more complicated than that, but it wasn’t difficult to turn on as it was meant to be operable by…well, less than those of Herta’s intelligence.

She had quite a few people that came and entered it to simulate battles, experiments, or reenact historical moments to better gather data, her Consciousness always briefly pops over to go over any data retrieved that had importance.

“I’ll make a situation where you have to talk to me.” I gave her a warm smile.

“Idiot.” Her words barely reached me as I entered the simulated universe.

Though calling it a simulated Universe wasn’t quite accurate, as it wasn’t vast enough to contain a true universe. But regardless, it took the concepts of the World Simulation from Chaldea and went much further down the path.

Regardless, I fell onto a barren earth.

The sky was red, and there hung a cracked and shattered moon overhead with constellations I didn’t recognize.

There was not a living thing on the planet beneath my feet as it was desert anywhere.

A Herta puppet shimmered into existence not far from me.

“Herta?” My face brightened.

She crossed her arms and frowned. “Since you won’t leave me alone, then you can suffer through one of my experiments. I turned the senses filtration off. Every sense you experience is perfectly replicated, including pain. You’re welcome to give up and run away.” She had a little smirk on her face.

“I’m just happy to see you and hear you talk to me again.” I smiled.

“Shut up!” She stomped her foot rather cutely, even if it was her puppet. She held her hand up, pointing her finger to the horizon. “If you don’t want to experience a pain worse than death, then go away and leave my space station!”

Over the horizon they came. First it was the sound, then the thunderous steps.

At first I thought they were mountains, but no.

Insects that could eat the mountains I thought they were came slowly marching my way.

Eight of them in total, each one so utterly massive that I’ve never seen a monster that matched them in sheer size.

But the sound I heard wasn’t coming from them.

It was the specks that blotted out the starry sky. Millions upon millions of flying insects, they sort of looked like beetles, each one the rough size of a car.

Lastly, flying above all of them, one member of the species in particular held an authority and aura above all of them.

Even its color seemed to merge with the lights of the stars.

“That’s an Emenator of Propagation.” Herta informed me. “This scenario is not properly tested yet, it’s a recorded battle during the Swarm Disaster.” She crossed her arms with a huff. “Just….leave, otherwise you’re only going to get hurt.”

“If I leave, it will be a regret for the remainder of my life.” I looked at her then glanced back at the oncoming tide of monstrous insects.

“They will devour you, quite literally. They will strip the flesh from your bones, and you will feel everything, every excruciating moment.” Herta spoke, but there was a hint of….warning rather than maliciousness.

“Are you worried about me?” I shot her another smile. “How about we just sit down and talk properly? I have a lot of things I want to say.”

She scoffed, her virtual image fading away, even if her voice lingered. “I’ll consider it if you complete the scenario.”

Though, I think she meant that mockingly.

Well…..if that’s what it takes.

My Zanpakutō fell into my hand as I looked at the millions of enemies that seemed to stretch on endlessly.

“Bankai.”

@***@

A/N

I don’t plan on spoiling his Bankai, so don’t expect it :p.