A Gamer's Guide 207 (Patreon)

—Second! Oh, hey, I’m back here.

…Mrm. WHITE. And the poster.

Before I rush right into my newest toy, I take some time to give the lobby a new coat of paint, briefly angsting over the poster, finding my only solace in that, at the very least, I can enjoy the catharsis of ripping it off and eating it. Not that it tastes any good, of course. But that’s to be expected.

No, now that my duties to sanity have ended, I can reward myself by indulging in this new skill I’ve lawfully received. Summon rat.

…Should I just go for it? Do I even need to check the skill description? It’s just summon rat. I can’t imagine that it would be anything other than, you know… summoning a rat.

—Yeah! Easy peasy, right?

I point a finger to the floor. [Summon Rat]!

…Nothing’s happening. Did I do something wro—

My hand is gone. Severed at the wrist. I could barely even feel the way it crunched up, bones cracking and folding and skin being compressed into a tight nothingness before it was gone. And in its place, as though replacing my very hand, is a rat. The second it arrives into existence, it plummets down, hitting the still-wet floor with a meaty ‘plap!’

I stare at it, dumbfounded. The rat, in turn, watches me with an equal amount of dumb, animal confusion.

<Rat (Lv.0)>

It’s a rat. It doesn’t even have a level.

As our eyes interlock in mutual bewilderment, the [Summon Rat (Lv.1)] skill description helpfully takes its place in my vision.

<[Summon Rat(Lv.1)]

Summon a rat (Lv.0) at 500 grams

using an equivalent volume of your own

flesh, bone, fat, blood, waste, cartilage, or organs.

Current Rat Limit: 1/1>

…I see. So, hypothetically, I could turn my brain into a rat? Half a kilo per rat. Since a human head weighs around eight kilos, I could use my head to summon sixteen rats. Except, I can’t do so for two reasons: one, my Rat Limit, or RL, is only one. Two, if I made my entire head into rats, I would die, which is counterproductive to my goals.

This skill is… I don’t know. Is it good? Is it bad? It’s… rats.

Then again, if I can increase the skill and summon a bunch of rats, maybe I can make them attack someone and choke them with rats? That would be pretty cool.

I look down at the plump rat sitting squat at my feet. Hey, you. The rat blinks up at me. Yeah, you. Go run in circles for me—can you do that?

It stares up at me.

…Maybe it needs verbal commands?

“Hey, Rat Number One. I order you to run in a circle and bite your own tail.”

It stares up at me.

I shoot a quick look at the skill description.

…Nowhere does it say that I can actually control the rats.

This skill literally only lets me summon rats. Nothing else.

I glance at the clock.

<Top—Status—Community>

<15:20:03

Day 880>

<The twenty-ninth attempt will begin in

8:39:57>

<The twenty-third floor will open in

23:02:21>

I’ve got twenty-three hours.

I look down at the rat.

Might as well grind a bit, right?

The fastest way to grind rats, I found, was to hold my hand in my other hand, use the flesh in my hand to summon a rat, and then grab the rat with my other hand to instantly eat it whole, sometimes alive. I experimented with using my various organs to summon the rat in the hopes that it might instantly go into my stomach, but this was fruitless and only left me with a live rat in an abdomen that instantly healed any wound caused by said live rat. Not a very pleasant experience. If only I could somehow use this on other people, it would become an excellent strategy. Unfortunately, with the way the skill is progressing, there’s no hint that it might ever evolve to let me do that. Might be too powerful for even the god of comedy to sponsor, I suppose.

Eventually, it did level up.

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.2>

Deep down I had hoped that this would maybe let me summon bigger or smaller rats, or that the rats would have a level so that killing them would let me get stronger, but no. It just increased the Rat Limit to three. So, now I could summon three rats at once. Wow! How magically useless!

To make use of this new and increased RL, I began doing my grinding seated, turning my feet into rats and then grabbing them with both hands at once to eat them. This was also quite effective.

By the time the floor opened, I had gotten the [Summon Rat] skill to level four, which allowed me to summon a whooping seven rats at once. Amazing! I kind of wish I could somehow find out the total number of ever rats summoned, because I’m starting to think it might be in the hundreds—maybe thousands.

Either way—floor!

<Floor 24 has opened.

Do you want to enter?>

<Yes/No>

You know what I pressed. I know what I pressed. There was no other option.

With a press of the ‘yes’, I allow myself to be summoned into the floor.

<Tutorial stage,

Hell Difficulty Twenty-fourth Floor:

The Snake Pit.>

<[Clear Condition]

Survive in the snake pit.

Time left:

29:59:57>

It’s a pit of snakes.

I’m in a pit, filled with snakes.

I can’t climb out of it. It’s very deep, being a pit and all.

There are many snakes in it.

I am reminded of being swallowed alive and turning into a meatball.

This upsets me, and during my first day in the snake pit, I act in a fairly bestial manner. However, as I quickly came to learn, the snake pit is not a place where killing as many snakes as possible was the best strategy. No, the amount of snakes would always be the same. If a snake was killed, another snake would replace it. Considering this, in a more beautiful world where things were nice and I had never been born, the best tactic would be to permanently cripple all snakes by, for example, displacing their vertebrae slightly—however, this was not possible. This world was not so good.

There were too many snakes to cripple.

I was stuck in the snake pit, my only relief being the eventual realization that the snakes couldn’t really kill me. They could poison me, inject me with acid, paralyze me, turn my flesh into necrotic goop, and—yes, they could eat me, but not kill me. I could probably have allowed them to kill me, maybe by willingly bashing my own brains in, but my distractions kept such a fate at bay.

Firstly, there was my rat skill. It leveled up pretty quickly since I could simply let the rats be eaten by snakes, all the while using the snakes to regenerate the lost flesh.

Was this… productive? Was it making me stronger? Would it let me survive the next floor? I don’t know. What I do know is that it kept me from acknowledging the fact that my fingers would sometimes meld together into fleshy mittens, or that I was starting to see scales no matter where I looked.

The level-up messages were nice.

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.5>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.6>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.7>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.8>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.9>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Horde Lv.1>

Somewhere deep inside, I had hoped that maybe with this skill evolution, it might become useful. Maybe I’d be able to summon rats of different elements or sizes, or I could tame them to my will, or I could use flesh other than mine to summon them.

Not so. All it did was increase the rat limit again. Now, the rat limit was at fifty. I could summon fifty rats at once. Wasn’t that wonderful? It made me… so happy.

After a week or so, the amount of snakes in the snake pit began to increase. I’m not sure of the exact rate, but I think it was one snake per hour. The pit was too deep for me to ever hope of escaping, but having more snakes meant I had more snakes to eat, which meant I could summon… more… rats.

Soon, the snake pit was filled with bloated snakes and panicked rats. The rats were actually beginning to get bothersome since their little claws and gnawing teeth were more effective at getting through the epidermal layer of my abdomen than the snakes were. Maybe it was instinct that led them to believe that the abdomen I used to keep my organs in would somehow be safer than outside? The rats that didn’t fit inside my stomach made do with scurrying up as high as they could, perching themselves on my head, shoulders and arms to get away from the hungry snakes pursuing them.

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Horde Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Horde Lv.3>

<You have learned:

Summon Rat Horde Lv.4>

The level-ups made it worth it.

Two weeks into my stay in the snake pit, I finally found a reason to be happy the snakes hadn’t been able to kill me yet.

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

Hi again Kitty!

Just saw you beat floor twenty-three,

congratulations! You’re really blasting

through these, huh? Keep up the good work!

I’m doing pretty well. I’ve been getting to know

a former humanphobe… sapiophobe? Human-hater.

He’s pretty nice, not as expensive with his tastes

as most rulers I’ve met. We’re both followers of the

God of Knowledge, so he’s taught me a bit. It’s nice.

Recently, he gave me a task to help out a city

undergoing a plague or something. Since my party

is composed of humans, we won’t be susceptible

to the disease—or so he says. I’m unsure, but we’ll see.

If I’m lucky, I might get to help more people!

But that’s just what I’ve been up to.

Your message has confused me a little…

So Vann didn’t join you? That’s sad to hear.

But what happened with everything else?

How did it actually go beating the floor?

I’ve been hearing some nasty rumors about

what happened to the Evil Claw Pirates, and

I just wanted to hear your side of the story before

making any assumptions. So, again, how did it go?

Of course, if you’d rather take this in person,

I’m sure we can figure something out. This sounds

like a very sensitive subject, all things considered.

I hope to hear from you soon, and good luck

with the twenty-fourth floor!>

As I read, I grab a nearby snake and slowly move it towards my wide-open mouth, mentally charging it with various crimes against humanity before sentencing it to death by decapitation. Your neck will be severed, your head removed, etcetera etcetera, and here comes the airplane!

Chomp. Nomch. Mmm. Crunchy, with a tangy taste that leaves my tongue numb and my throat itchy. A Longboi number four, I see. The size and coloration should’ve given it away. Nevertheless, the venomous nature of these make them very attractive for—

<You have learned:

Paralyzation Protection Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Paralyzation Immunity Lv.1>

…Hey, nice! That’s been a long time coming! Alongside poison and bleeding, that’s my third one now!

I look down at the twitching snake corpse still in my hands. I have so much to thank you for. Guilty as charged, however…

I gingerly kiss the severed neck. Then I slurp down the rest of the body. He was a good one.

…I need to tell Moleman about this!

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

HECKK YEEH JST GOT

1 MORE IMUNITY PARALYZE THIS TIME

FRIGGIN EPIK>

Not thinking any more of it, I send it off in a rush, eager to share this wonderful development with my closest friend.

Giddy with excitement, I continue my mindless rat-grinding, waiting for his response.

And, after a few minutes—our briefest exchange in many months—his answer drops in.

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

Wow, congratulations! That’s your third immunity,

right? However, and I’m sorry for asking again,

but would you mind telling me how beating the twenty-second

floor went? Again, I know it can be a sensitive subject,

but it’s important, okay? Take the time you need.>

…Oh, yeah, I didn’t actually respond to his message. That was a bit silly on my end, I suppose. Right, let’s see here, what can I say…?

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

Idk it wasnt rlly important.

had 2 beat da floor so i did.>

I send it away. A response soon dings in.

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

So, just to ensure that we’re on the same page…

You killed them? Your captain and crewmates…

You killed them all?>

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

yeah>

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

…Why?>

I pause, staring at the message—at the tiny, miniscule little word.

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

wym>

It takes a minute or so for me to get his response.

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

Sorry, that might not have come across

the right way. I mean… Why would you kill them?

Did they mistreat you? It’s okay, you can

tell me even if it feels shameful. I just want

to understand your reasoning.>

Why…?

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

idk>

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

…You don’t know why you did it?>

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

yeah>

It takes almost half an hour before I get another response out of him.

<SuperMoleman[F67]:

Sorry, I have to go, our carriage just arrived.

I’ll message you again when I have time.

Good luck with the twenty-fourth floor!>

<PrissyKittyPrincess [F24]:

gl with da city>

I close down the messages. For some reason, I feel hollow inside. In a very not-nice way.

For the first time in over half a month, I’m happy to be surrounded by so many living creatures.

With my efforts, by the time my month in the snake pit is up, my summon rat horde skill has reached the max level and evolved into its final form: [Infinite Rats (Lv.MAX)] which had a rat limit of, well… infinity. Nothing else about the skill changed.

Despite maxing it out, I felt emptier than before.

<You have cleared the twenty-fourth floor.>

<Congratulations!>

<For your efforts, you have received

the following skill:

[Peel (Lv.1)]>

Luckily for me, I soon got a shiny new toy to play with.