Tutorial Rewrite 68 (Patreon)

Out of all the things I’ve eaten in the tutorial so far, this is probably the worst one. The muscles are chewy and tough, the organs are slimy and have a rotten taste, the brain is basically just a grainy jelly… Not good stuff. But once I ate the whole thing, and all that remained was the skeleton, it finally stopped moving.

<Shade (Lv.22) Defeated.>

Great success! Not to mention all of the tolerances and resistances I got out of it.

Though, now that I think of it, I might have been able to just put the whole thing in my inventory. I guess it depends on whether the system recognises the zombie as being dead or alive. That age-old argument will probably be answered with the next zombie I encounter, though. I’ve got a feeling that I’ll be meeting more of them real soon.

That aside, um… I’m starting to feel kind of, what’s the word… queasy? Yeah. There’s a rumbly in my tumbly and I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that half-rotten goblin zombie. I could probably have left the organs alone. Did I really need to eat them? I don’t know.

I continue crawling, but my pace soon turns rather slow as my entire body breaks out in a cold sweat. All I can hope is that whatever this infernal heat that’s melting my head and fusing my peanut brain to my eggshell skull is, it isn’t deadly. I hope. I don’t know. My whole body feels kind of shaky. It’s not supposed to be shaky, right? Or maybe I just absorbed so many super-zombie calories that my body has started metamorphosing into a super-zombie, too. The question in that case is, is the price of immortality worth it, if it means eventually losing everyone you care about and being left in an empty void, the only super-zombie around, forever?

…Heck yeah it is! Man, immortality’s so dope; you get to play every single video game to completion, forever, and you’ll always be able to play the latest games. Unless they make it so that you can’t play the old games but new games are being released so fast it doesn’t matter.

Ah, I wanna play games. I’d kill to play a game of Pong right now…

Hmm… I don’t… feel… so good…

<You have learned:

Necrosis Resistance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Necrosis Resistance Lv.3>

<You have learned:

Hypothermia Tolerance Lv.4>

<You have learned:

Hypothermia Tolerance Lv.5>

<You have learned:

Fever Tolerance Lv.4>

<You have learned:

Bacteria Resistance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Ulcer Tolerance Lv.4>

<You have learned:

Ulcer Tolerance Lv.5>

<You have learned:

Indigestion Tolerance Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Indigestion Resistance Lv.1>

Status messages are filling my screen but I can’t really see them. No matter which buttons I mash or where I point the joystick, my player character won’t move anymore. This game is garbage. You’re telling me a little bit of half-rotten meat is enough to go this far? Pathetic. Ahhh, my character is getting surrounded by zombies. Bummer. I’ll have to retry the level next time, I guess. Oh, wait, this game is a roguelike. No retries. Game over is game over. Man, I can’t believe I’ll have to start over again. I wonder what kind of character I should do this turn? Hopefully someone more charming. This guy was pretty annoying.

<The sixth attempt has begun.

You will now be returned to the lobby.>

Hm? Oh, I forgot that this was part of the ga—

I wake up. The world isn’t whirling and moaning and sighing anymore. I have no idea where I am. What is this red stuff?

<Top—Status—Community>

<00:00:01

Day 121>

<The sixth attempt will begin in

29:23:59:59>

<The fifth floor will open in

23:59:59>

…Hm. Oh, wait, yeah, I’m in the tutorial. That’s right. The tutorial…

Okay, so, the lesson for today is as follows: maybe I shouldn’t eat a whole shade-goblin-zombie.

…But half of a shade-goblin-zombie should be no problem, right? Right. Exactly.

I just need to wait 24 hours and then I’ll be right back at it again. Now I know how to handle the floor, at least. The zombie-shade-goblins are all chumps, their attack is super weak, it just so happens that they can be defeated by just consuming their mortal remains. How convenient!

<You have received a message>

Wonderful! Take it away, system!

<SuperMoleman[F33]: Sorry, I forgot

to ask, but have you learned some

kind of magic yet?>

Magic? Do you mean the choice weapon of the mythical nerd-coward hybrid? Unfortunately, I haven’t had the opportunity to dabble in it. Though, just to be clear, if I happened to own a magical book somehow—say that I got it second-hand from a certain nerd—then I wouldn’t mind giving it a quick read-through, just to understand the mind of the nerd populace. And if reading a magical tome just so happens to also grant me magical powers, then that isn’t really my fault, now is it?

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: nt yet>

<SuperMoleman[F33]: That might not be good.

If I remember correctly, on Floor 6,

you get accosted by the dead shapes

of whatever you’ve killed until then,

and they can only be defeated with

magic. Then again, you seem to have a knack

for finding alternative ways to beating floors.>

Magic-only enemies? That’s so unfair.

…On the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be any specific requirements for learning magic, so it might be pretty common to be able to do at least one or two spells. If that’s the case, then I’m the dummy here for not being able to learn it. Hm.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: ya i eat

da zombs vrry good strategy

an any1 can do it>

That’s right. Unlike Moleman’s unfair strategy which only rich challengers with lots of points and no debt can pull off, this one is for everyone.

After a minute or so, I get my response.

<SuperMoleman[F34]: Haha,

outrageous as usual! Eating zombies…

I’ll update my guide to mention it.>

Hm. Uh. Hmm…

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: kk

bt umm mayb say tht its

only doable if u hav high resist an

tolerances k cuz otherwise u prolly die>

<SuperMoleman[F33]: I’ll be sure to mention it.

Good luck with the sixth floor!>

I type in a quick response.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: kk thx>

But then I change my mind. After a moment’s reconsideration…

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: kk thx

u2>

Right. Good enough.

Since I’ll need to have my eating-bad-things resistances pretty high to deal with the floor, I spend the time until the floor opens by eating my own flesh. When this wasn’t enough and my progress stalled a bit too much for my tastes, I made the executive decision that since I wasn’t going to use all of the hides I kept in my inventory, I might as well use them… productively.

Chewing leather is only possible thanks to my Sharp Fang skill, but once I’d chewed my way through three of my hides, I actually gained a new skill from it.

<You have learned:

Chew Lv.1>

…Sure, why not?

After I get the chew skill to level three, the floor finally opens once more.

<Floor 6 has opened.

Do you want to enter?>

<Yes/No>

I stick the hide I was chewing on into my inventory. And then, I press yes.