Tutorial Rewrite 31 (Patreon)

Awestruck, staring at the stars, I completely forget about the fact that I could smell smoke. Hm. Smoke. Stars are fire, but where’s the smoke? Isn’t that weird? Don’t you say no smoke without fire? How strange.

…Oh, yeah, smoke!

Smoke, smoke, smoke… Ah, there! A pace or so away, right next to a shiny, moonstruck lake, I can see a plume of smoke, slowly rising into the sky. And if I take a deeper whiff, I can tell that all three of my targets are right there. How convenient!

Hmm… It’s not like I’ll lose track of them if I go down on the forest floor, but with the stars as pretty as this, wouldn’t it be a waste? Might as well train my new climb skill while I'm up here.

Happy with my decision, I begin leaping from treetop to treetop, heading towards the smoke with excitement.

<You have learned:

Climb Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Climb Lv.3>

And within only a few minutes, I get there. But I don’t attack straight away. No, before I even get close, I have an idea. A very clever, very useful idea that makes use of something I had assumed to be useless.

Silently, I stick my leopard hide back into my inventory, and before anyone can see me in my true form, I summon the Clawed Panther Hide. As expected, it’s black. In other words, unlike my naturally ashen skin colour or the leopard’s bright yellow one, this one is actually camouflaged for the night environment. See, I wanna try something. As quietly as possible, I pull on the hide, doing my best to cover up as much of my pale skin as I can. Funnily enough, the hind and front paws both have weirdly large claws, way more than a normal big cat should. After staring at it for only a few moments, I realise the facts of the matter.

The claws are weapons. The front paws are made in such a way that they can be worn as gloves. For some reason, I both adore and hate it. Sure, I’ve become a clawed stalker of the night, but at what cost?

Grumbling, I use the paws as gloves.

Making sure not to make a single sound, I creep nearer, slowly moving from tree to tree. And, as hoped…

<You have learned:

Stalk Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Stealth Lv.1>

Awesome sauceome. If my theory is correct, as long as they don’t notice me, I can rack up the skills as much as I please, hehehe.

Huh? What need do I have for a stealth skill if I have Fetal Position Blowover? Can you even hear yourself? Obviously, almost because of the FPB skill, I need this sort of stuff. These mobs obviously can’t tell the difference, but at the conference, once I’m in PvP, I’ll need them not to understand that I have FPB, or what it does. If they understand that I can go invisible by going into the fetal position, they will have a much easier time countering against it. I need them to think that my stealth skills are just really high overall, and not that I have a single broken skill. Easy as that.

And that’s why I need these goblins not to notice me even though I can see them perfectly.

They’ve set up a little campfire by the side of the lake and are currently grilling a small fish over it. How quaint! I’m sitting up in a nearby tree, consciously not in the fetal position, watching them. That’s all. It’s a pretty nice scene, you know. Just us four chums, all watching the fire crackle and pop.

“...Kier Rufe un’lau?” one of the little goblins asks, sitting on a big, smooth rock. The others don’t respond. It pulls its feet to its chest. Now that I look closer, it’s got a dark bruise on the left side of its face. I wonder where it got that from? “Ish kier fra’u…”

One of the other little goblins puts its hand on the goblin’s shoulder. Uhuh. Right.

And then none of them talk again.

<You have learned:

Stealth Lv.3>

<You have learned:

Stalk Lv.4>

I’m learning skills pretty effectively, but… God, I am so bored. Beyond bored. I can’t even use any skill to increase my focus because I’ve always got Battle Focus and Field Focus active so it changes nothing. The goblins aren’t even doing anything of interest. Every couple of minutes one of them will say some weird line in a weird language with a childish accent and then the two others don’t respond. It’s damn awkward, that’s what it is.

…Okay, yeah, I can’t stand this anymore. This has to end.

I tense my body.

One of the three goblins quickly turns to my direction but it’s too late.

Leaping through the air, I grab two of the goblins by the throat. The last one, the bruised one, doesn’t move. I kind of expected it to start running, but it isn’t. It’s just staring at me, and now I’m staring at it, because I can’t find anything else to do.

“D-, derecho…!” it says. Okay. I still don’t know what that means. You’re aware of that, right?

Oh, shoot, the goblins in my hands have started struggling again. Should I just kill them?

…Actually, no, I have a better idea. I pull my hands slightly tighter, though not enough to activate Clutch.

<You have learned:

Choke Lv.5>

It takes almost half a minute, but the two of them eventually stop struggling. And for that entire duration, the little one in front of me didn’t move an inch. It just sat on its little rock, obediently staring at me. I hold the two tiny necks for a few more seconds before releasing them, making their unconscious bodies thump to the shore lifelessly.

I approach the final one and squat down in front of it so that we’re at the same eye level. I stare at it. It stares at me.

Oh, I only now noticed it’s actually trembling. Does trembling count as moving? It does, right? At least, that’s what I-,

Ew, gross, it just pissed itself! Man, that’s disgusting! The heck did you do that for?!

Grabbing it by its smooth, bald head, I lift it off the rock before bashing its head back onto it, once, twice, thrice, too many times, until the skull cracks open and spills pink brainy goo everywhere. Damn. That was disgusting. Are all goblins incontinent or something? Is that a physical trait of goblins? I should make notes.

Normally, I’d want to loot it right away, but I mean… seriously? No way. That’s gross. I guess we can’t win every time. I don’t even want to touch its soiled clothes. Ew.

Back to the two goblins I’ve captured. They’re still blacked out, and they will hopefully remain that way for at least a couple of minutes. I don’t know how long this sort of stuff takes, but a few minutes is all I need. Well, that and a rope.

Rope… Sure, I could buy a rope in the shop, but I’m kind of saving up to buy some real clothes. Also, I don’t think I can access the shop while I’m on a floor. There has to be a better option, right? I check my inventory.

Let’s see here, goblin eyes, goblin tongue, goblin bones, goblin hide, sword, goblin spleen, beef jerky, goblin ears, goblin meat, goblin intestine(small), goblin intestine(large), goblin fingers, goblin toes, goblin—

Hey, wait a minute. Goblin intestine? Well, well, well!

The intestine is actually surprisingly strong and rubbery, so it will work perfectly! Great, I’m so glad everything worked out. Pulling out two pairs of goblin intestine (small), I tie the two goblins to one tree each using one intestine. Perfect. My only hope is that they won’t try to gnaw through the intestine, which is possible, but, I mean… So far, they don’t seem like the kind of creatures to do that. Then again, what I’m about to do might awaken some sort of deep bestial instinct within them, but if that happens I’ll just kill them, so it’s fine.

While I wait for them to wake up, I pull out a piece of goblin meat from my inventory. Sniff sniff sniff. It’s like my nose is seeing double. I can smell the meat both as meaty bloody juicy yummy meat, and also as that old nostalgic sweet. It’s very weird. I’m not sure if the smell will transfer into the taste, but anyways.

I move towards the still crackling fire, but then I stop.

…Cooked meat is safe to eat. It doesn’t have any living parasites or bacteria in it. In other words, it doesn’t give any tolerances. Damn it. Then again, I did always like my meat rare, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I think…

Hunching down beside the fire, I begin chewing into the meat. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Not bad. It doesn’t taste sweet, but smell and taste are really interconnected, so it still has a semi-sweet taste. Not overpowering. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. Ah. I guess I didn’t realise how hungry I was. This is really hitting the spot. Yummy.

“I-, Ifrit!”

Someone shouts but I don’t really hear it because, man, this meat is really yummy. I’m not sure what I expected out of raw meat, but this is way beyond it.

<You have learned:

Bacteria Tolerance Lv.5>

<You have learned:

Parasite Tolerance Lv.3>

Here it comes. I can already tell that I’m going to have a heck of a stomach ache in a few hours, but it’s fine. This meat is worth it.

<You have learned:

Ulcer Tolerance Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Nausea Tolerance Lv.8>

<You have learned:

Indigestion Tolerance Lv.6>

The only bummer is that, like all good things, it eventually comes to an end. Man. Keeping in the tears takes everything I have. Can’t let the goblins catch me on the weak side. Mournfully, I lick my fingers. Then, I finally turn to my two live ones.