"Valentine’s Day Ruined By a Mimic" Script Preview (Patreon)

“Hey babe! Happy Valentine’s day!”

“Oh! A gift?”

“Aw~ You shouldn’t have!”

“A…box of chocolates?”

*scoffs*

“Babe, are you fucking serious? These aren’t even the good kind.”

“Well, yeah, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Is this really all you’re going to get me for Valentine’s Day?”

“You could have gotten me literally anything, and you decide to get me some cheap-ass chocolates? I don’t want fucking junk food.”

“I think I deserve a little more than this.”

“Oh, don’t act all clueless.”

“Yeah, you better be sorry.”

“Don’t make this a repeat of our anniversary.”

*sniffs*

“Ugh! Why does the box smell so weird?”

“This is disgusting.”

“For the record, I got you an amazing gift, but now I’m wondering if you even deserve it.”

“Oh, don’t be a fucking bitch about it.” 

*frustrated sigh*

“You know what? I’m throwing this in the garbage.”

“Yeah. I am. And after that, you’re going to make it up to me.”

“You stay right there. Don’t move.”

“AHHHHH!?” (Scream)

*She gets eaten*

“Mm-mm~ Yummy~!”

“I can’t believe I got an actual human inside me! She definitely lives up to the hype!"

“Get me out of this thing!”

“Babe! The box of chocolates you gave me turned into a weird-ass alien lady and she ATE me!”

“Oh, hi! Um, don’t mind me. I’m just an innocent mimic enjoying her meal.”

“You bought a MIMIC and brought it home with you?! Are you a fucking idiot!?”

“Well, in all fairness, I think my disguise was pretty much flawless.”

“ARGHH! Don’t just let me get digested! Help me!”

“Uh, hey, wait! We can talk about this!” 

“Let me out, you disgusting pest!”

“But you’re so tasty and nutritious~!”

“You’re not going to ruin my perfect day! You’re not going to ruin Valentine's Day, bitch!”

“You’re only making this worse for yourself. But please keep struggling, it feels amaaaaazing~”

“Babe! Get the pepper spray!”

“Pepper spray?”

“Oh, please don’t do that! I’m just trying to survive!” 

“Hurry! There’s acid in here and it’s rising!”

“I caught her fair and square! You wouldn’t take away someone’s food, would you?”

“Ghh…it stings! Fuck!”

“My clothes are ruined!”

“Hurry the fuck up!”

“Wait! Please don’t spray me!”

*Mimic gets sprayed with pepper spray*

“Ah!”

“Hey wait…oh…that feels nice, actually. That’s very refreshing!”

“Hey, hey, spray me again!” 

“Shit! What the fuck!”

“Forget about spraying it, get over here and push me out!”

“You don’t wanna do that!”

“Hey! Let go of my stomach!”

“You’re pushing too hard!”

“Push!”

“Oh God! It’s getting stronger!”

“This- this feels so wrong.”

“Oh God, what’s happening?!”

“My body!”

“Babe! Baby, wait-!”

“MMMM?! MMMMPH! MMphm!”

“I-if you’re not careful, you’ll-”

“Crush her…”

“Oh geez.” 

“Oh gosh.”

“I did try to warn you.”

“My stomach enters a state of hyperactivity when it gets agitated.”

“She wouldn’t have lasted long anyways, but with you being so rough with my stomach, that just sped up the process.”

*BURP*

“Excuse me. I didn’t mean to burp at you like that.”

“You’ve got a thing on your face. Lemme just…get that for you.”

“There.”

“I meant to savor her struggles a little longer, but I guess I can’t anymore.”

“The only thing that’s left now is to absorb her.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“You look so sad now.”

“Your…girlfriend?”

“Oh…I see.”

“Heh, well, sorry about intruding on your special Valentine’s Day moment, but I didn’t wait around disguised as a box for several days for nothing.”

“Oh wow…you really are sad.”

*Licks*

“Ugh! Sadness! Tastes terrible! Bleh!”

“Stop being sad, human!”

“Well, if you’re all sad, then I can’t eat you!”

“You’ll taste awful, and you’ll probably give me a tummyache!”

“Why are you so sad, human?!”

“Because I what? Ate your girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah, duh! And now she’s just a sloshing mass of food digesting in my stomach!”

“Uh…that’s clearly not helping.”

“Look, why are you so sad about her being gone?”

“She was mean to you!”

"I don’t know much about human relationships, but I know enough to know that you should’ve broken up with her a long time ago.”

“She may have been tasty on the outside, but on the inside she was rotten!”

“So what are you really sad about?”

“Sad about being single?”

“That’s stupid talk!”

*Sigh* “But…I suppose I can relate.”

“Human, isn’t there a saying among your people that goes ‘you are what you eat?'"

“Yes! Exactly!”

“So since I ate your girlfriend, that means I’m your girlfriend now!”

“So you can’t be sad about being single because I’m your girlfriend!”

“You’re still sad, though. Dang it. I was really hoping that would work.”

“I knew today was a special day for humans. I guess I ruined things a bit…” 

“Hmmm…” 

“I know! Come this way!”

“Come, come on, this way!” 

“On the couch, where we can-”

“Mph” (Drops onto the couch)

“-cuddle up together.”

“Just relax, babe.”

“Imagine we’re a lovely couple on Valentine’s Day.”

“Cuddling underneath the blankets~”

*BURP*

“Mmm~ Tangy!” 

*Licks lips*

“There’s something very fun about being squished so close together like this.”

“I’m absorbing her faster now, so you may notice my body becoming softer pretty soon. That normally happens after I’m finished digesting something.”

“My stomach is very warm when it’s busy digesting prey.”

“I think it makes for a nice pillow.”

“I could transform into a pillow, if you want.”

“No? Well, okay…”

“You’re an okay pillow too, I guess, for a human.”

“But…don’t get any weird ideas. I’m only doing this to get rid of your sadness so I can eat you later.”

“Although…”

“I feel…an odd feeling when I look at you.”

“It gets stronger when I hug you tight.”

“How strange…”

“Pssst. Human.”

“Are you feeling less sad?”

“Good. That means my plan is working!”

*Licks*

“Mmm~ You taste better already!”

“But there’s still a bit of that sadness flavor in you.”

“I am a very patient predator. I will wait until you feel happy again, human.”

“I can wait for weeks on end. Maybe even a whole year~”

“Hidden inside your house while you are none the wiser.”

“And then, one day, when you least expect it…”

“I’ll make you mine.”