"Magician Makes Your Friends Disappear" Script Preview (Patreon)

“Ladies and gentleman, you’ve seen me manipulate giant cards, split myself in half, break the laws of physics, and make my darling dove, Donut, disappear! But…can I make an entire person disappear?!” (On stage)

K: “I totally know how she did that card trick.” (Bored)

T: “Shhh!” (Shushing him)

“For my next trick, I will need two volunteers from the audience!”

T: “Oh! Oh! Over here!” (Excited, getting attention)

K: “Hey! What are you doing?” (Snappy)

T: “What? I wanna be a part of the show!”

K: “That’s just like you. Hey, talk some sense into her.”

(Listener encourages them to volunteer)

T: “See? Even they agree with me.”

K: *Defeated sigh* “Alright, I might as well go up there two I guess.” (Reluctant, but wanting to be part of the action)

T: “Over here!”

“Ah~ Yes, you two will do just nicely~ Come on up!”

K: “Hey, watch over our stuff, ‘kay?”

“Welcome you two! Can I get your names?”

K: “Uh…I’m Kyle.”

T: “And I’m Tracy!”

“Very good, a round of applause for the both of them!”

(Pause for applause)

“So~ How long have you two been together?”

K: “Uh, we’re-”

T: “We’re just friends.”

K: “Yeah.”

“Hehe, why don’t the two of you step over here to my magic curtain.”

“Now I want you two to just take a close look at it, you can touch it too if you want.”

“You can check it for any tricks for traps, anything that seems out of the ordinary.”

K: “It’s just a normal curtain.”

T: “Yeah.”

“I think you mean it’s a normal…magic…curtain.”

“If you two would kindly step behind it…yes just like that, perfect.”

“Ladies and gentleman, behold as I, the great Jacqueline Granger, will make these two disappear…once I also step behind this magic curtain.”

K: “Hey, let go of me!” 

T: “Oh my god what the hell?” 

*Mouth open wide lunge*

*Munching sounds*

*Gulping*

“Hahh~” (Satisfied sigh)

“And there you have it, folks! Two people successfully vanished into thin air!”

“Where could they have possibly gone I wonder~” (Playing coy)

“Hmm? Ate them? That’s preposterous!”

“Well, it is pretty big right now. I can see why you might think that.”

“But the only thing in my stomach right now is…”

[BURP]

[A dove flies out of her mouth]

“Donut!”

[The audience claps]

“Come here donut. Good birdie!”

“Hehe, my stomach is still a bit heavy and I don’t think I can continue the show like this.”

“Luckily I know a spell that can shrink it down to size~”

“aaaand…voila~”

[Audience claps]

“Thank you! Thank you!” (bowing)

[BURP]

“Oh my, excuse me.”

*giggling*

“Er- now, for my next trick, now that we have my lovely assistant Donut back with us, let me show you what else a magic bird can do!”

“Before you, we have five hoops, all in a line…”

[Voice fades away as the scene shifts]

[Later…]

Guard: “Hey, you’re not supposed to be back here.”

“Let them in, I’m sure it’s fine.”

“Oh, hello!”

“What can I do for you?”

[BURP]

“Ugh, pardon me. My stomach is still very busy with digestion. I can spare a few moments for a fan though.” (Holding back another burp)

“You’re looking for your friends? Hehe…”

“Well, you’ve found them.”

“They’re…right…in…here~” (Patting stomach)

“You seem surprised.”

“Honey, it’s called a disappearing act for a reason.”

“You are aware of what happens to food when it stays in a stomach for long enough, right?”

“But how did I do it? Well, that’s all part of the trick~”

“It’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s easy enough to make a full belly appear small on stage, if you know the right tricks. You can’t trust everything you see with the naked eye.”

“Hehehe, a magician never reveals their secrets, darling. Your guess is as good as anyone else's.”

“Hey, don’t be mad at me. Your friends wanted to disappear so I granted their wish. Just because I didn’t specify they’d be disappearing down my throat doesn’t mean I did anything wrong.”

“Although it’s more like they’ll be disappearing onto my thighs in the morning.” 

“But...look…I do feel bad about this little incident so uh, why don’t I make it up to you?”

“Yeah, I’ll give you something to remember them by. A memento, if you will.”

“Just let me…give my gut a little nudge…” (Struggling to manhandle her large gut)

[BURP]

“hahh…There, that’s one belched up t-shirt for you.”

“If you just hang on tight, I can get more.”

[BURP]

“Mmph…haha! That’s her underwear. Hehe…” (Brief laughing fit)

“Er- sorry…um.” (Regaining her composure)

[BURP]

“oof…*cough*...ugh, I didn’t even mean to burp that one out. Jackets feel so sloppy coming back out.” (Slight disgust)

“I might as well keep going now that we’ve started.”

[BURP]

“That’s one shoe…”

[BURP]

“And there’s the other…”

[BURP]

“His shorts…”

[BURP]

“Somebody’s wallet…I’m actually gonna keep that if you don’t mind.”

[BURP]

“You can keep that watch though.”

[BURP]

“Ahhh~ aaand her bra.”

“Oh, wait.”

“I think I’ve still got one more in me.”

“Gosh…this one’s really deep in there.”

“Hold on…I’m working it up.”

[BURP]

“Bleugh…”

*Licks lips noisily*

“Two skulls, fresh out of the gut!”

“Aw, don’t look at me like that.”

“Listen, take your stuff and get outta here.”

“What my security guard said was true, you’re not really supposed to be back here.”

“But please come again! And bring more of your deliciou- I mean uh, delightful friends along!”

“Barbara, please escort them back to the lobby.”

*They exit*

*sigh* “I really should’ve just eaten them too. Oh well, maybe next time I’ll make three people disappear…why stop at only two at a time~?” (Speaking to herself)

“Yeah~ That’ll be a real show stopper~”