Drunk Oni Script Preview (Patreon)

“Ahh~ That’s the stuff...”

“You, get me some more booze.

“Huh? What do you mean you’re all out?”

“Come ooon, don’t tell me you’re hiding ‘em from me!”

“You think I’ve had enough? Ahahahaha!”

“You’re cute...but I won’t leave until I’m satisfied.”

“Pay? I don’t need to pay anybody. I own this inn now. Hell, I own this entire village simply by setting foot in it. I am an oni warrior. I eat samurai for breakfast and I crush boulders with my fists. I desire more sake, so you will bring it to me...or else.”

“Hmm...you’re not scared of me like the other villagers. How interesting~”

*Sniffs twice* “Ooh, and you smell so tasty~”

“Heh, I’m simply reminding you of your place in the food chain, dear human.”

“Now, give me my sake and come drink with me.”

“Excellent! Finally, I get some hospitality out of you!”

“Hah~ There’s nothin’ that makes me happier...than some premium sake drunk straight from the jug!”

“Hehehe~ Lemme tell you a story, dear human.”

“Once upon a time...there was a fearsome oni named Aneko. One day, she met a rude human who refused to give her booze.”

“So this human hides their stash of delicious, mouthwatering sake somewhere in their house. Then they tell the oni if she couldn’t find where they’d hidden the sake in only three guesses, the oni must leave the village and never return.”

“If the oni did find the booze, however, the foolish human would not only share all the sake in their house, but also a very secret stash of sake hidden somewhere in the wilderness.”

“The oni, bigheaded in her youth, accepted this one-sided wager.”

“First, she checked the pantry, thinking that the booze was hidden somewhere she wouldn’t be expected to look. But the bottles weren’t there.”

“Then, she checked underneath the floorboards, cuz it was the most hidden hiding place she could think of. But they weren’t there either.”

“Finally, she takes a deep breath and clear her head...and she starts flirtin’ with the human.”

“The human became nervous when the oni asked if they could share a bed together...and so...she checked the bedroom and found the booze hidden away inside an enchanted pillow. Hehe~”

“The oni was victorious, but as it turns out, the foolish human had been lying about keeping their end of the bargain. So the oni drank all of their sake and gobbled up the human and their entire family in one night!”

“Aaaand ever since that day, the oni learned somethin’ very important. Always take what you want, and never bargain.”

“The end~”

“Well...did you like my story?”

“Hah! You flatter me~”

“Another round, please!”

“You do smell delicious. I don't know if I can help myself~”

“Ah, I’m starting to finally see fear in your eyes, human. It’s adorable~”

“Relax, I’m just getting a little taste~”

“Mmm~”

“Hmm? Where’d they go?”

“Oh well, more for me then!”

“Damn...this hangover is killing me...I gotta take a piss.”