"Abducted by an Alien Who Ate Your Neighbors" Script Preview (Patreon)

Human: “Please! Let’s just talk about this! We can make peace! We mean you no harm!”

Human: “No! No please! Don’t eat me! I taste terrible! MMMPHMM MMPh! PHMMM!” (Muffled screaming)

(Alien swallows human)

“Mmmm…damn…how the heck do these humans taste so good?”

BURP

“Mm-mmm~ I believe my stomach has finally reached its max capacity.”

“Subjects all appear to be in a panic.” (recording her observations)

“Although some are already succumbing to the harsh environment.”

BURP

“The sensors have confirmed that Subject 14 has perished.”

BURP

“Followed closely behind by Subject 21.”

“The urge to rub the exterior of my belly is immense…but I will refrain from doing so for now, as it may interfere with the experiment data.”

“Oh, and it appears Subject 7 has awakened from their drug induced slumber.”

“They are currently regarding me with an expression I can only assume is shock and fear.”

“I can’t say for certain, but…”

(Subject 7 speaks to the alien)

“Oh…wait, you can understand me?”

Sigh

“Damn it…I suppose my equipment wasn’t properly decontaminated.”

“Although…”

“Update: I will now attempt to establish communication with subject 7.”

“Hello, human.”

“Uhh…yes, I did abduct you and eat all of your neighbors, but in my defense, they tasted really really good.”

“Besides, I didn’t just come to your planet for a quick dine and dash, I’ll have you know I’m conducting a very important experiment.”

“Heh, well, I’m sure it’s difficult for a lower life form such as yourself to understand.”

“How shall I put this…?”

“Uh…your planet and its inhabitants are being tested for various…”

BURP

“...various uses.”

“Right now, your species is regarded as a sort of ‘super food’ that’s highly nutritious, non-poisonous, and pleasing to the average omnivore star dweller.”

“How am I…?

“Oh, no silly, I’m not speaking your language right now.”

“What happened is, some translator microbes got into your bloodstream. By accident, of course, but I’ve been meaning to establish communication at some point anyway so we might as well chat.”

“No need to worry, translator microbes are not harmful. At least, they shouldn’t be. We’re only just beginning to understand the ins and outs of human anatomy, but I can run a diagnostic soon if you start to feel weary.”

“Well of course! It’s in my best interest to keep you alive…at least for now.”

“You’re the control in an experiment studying the effects of stomach acid on humans.”

“You see all these tiny sensors strapped onto my body? They’re monitoring the digestion process so it can be studied and cross referenced with other volunteers who are doing this same experiment.”

“Now, if you could just answer a few of my questions, that would be great~!”

“Ahem…do you have a name or official designation?”

“Hehe…really? That’s your name?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just a little funny. It almost sounds like you’re saying something that’s a term for a type of sweet sauce in my language.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, let us continue.”

“How do you feel about me devouring and digesting your fellow humans? You may use as many words as you like.”

“Mhm…”

“I see…”

“...and would you say that sentiment would be shared by the majority of your kind or is this view of yours more subjective?”

“Yes, I see…I will make note of that…”

“The blonde haired female. Tell me about her. What was her social status?”

“She was your next door neighbor? Tell me, what was her life like?”

“Hmm… student… highly adept at the human sport called ‘volleyball’…”

“She tasted spicy. Perhaps there’s a correlation between the subject’s flavor and lifestyle.”

“Hmm… this will require further testing.”

“The older specimen who resembled her—they were related, yes? Biologically speaking.”

“She was a bit heavier, but very delicious. Tasted sweeter than her kin. I wonder why that is…”

“Ah, what about this one?”

“Do you recognize him?”

“He’s calling for help, so maybe you recognize his voice?”

“I see…well, this has been fascinating.”

“Fortunately, we’ll have plenty of time to tell me more about your human society.”

(Subject 7 asks to be take back to earth)

“Oh no, don’t be ridiculous. I’m not ever letting you go. You live with me now.”

“There’s still loads of valuable data I can collect from you.”

“Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

“We’re going to be spending a lot more time together, just you and me~”

“But if you’d rather be eaten, well…”

licks lips

“That can certainly be arranged~”

BURP

“Hehe, see? I even made more room for you~”

Satisfied sigh 

“I’ll have to do this again sometime when I’m off the clock.”

“You’re all so delectable…”

“Update: I can feel the chyme filling my stomach currently pumping deep into my digestive system. The sensation is quite pleasing.”

“I already find myself craving more humans. Although I am very full at the moment. Hypothesis: something about eating humans is extremely addictive. I’ll have to conduct more experiments to find concrete evidence of this.”

BURP

“Oh my…”

“Update: An article of human clothing was ejected from my mouth by gasses rapidly rising up my throat in the form of a belch.”

“It appears to be mostly intact, and was likely worn around Subject 19’s chest area.”

“Mmm…”

Licks lips

“Now that most of my meals have ceased their movements, I’ll move on to phase two of the experiment.”

“...Which is waiting for all of this meat to be absorbed into my being.”

BURP

“I love sampling extraterrestrial cuisine...”

“Oh, right, I never did give you my name.”

“I suppose…since you’ve been such a cooperative test subject, and revealing such information won’t interfere with the experiment at large, I’ll tell you.”

“However, the translator microbes aren’t great with names. It can’t be helped. It’s likely that my name won’t be comprehensible to you.”

“But nevertheless, my name, my official designation, is A̷̤̜̐d̵̹͎̎̄̌͛͛̈́̊͌̔͝ë̴̲͖͎͈́̄̑͒̕m̸̬̱̾̀̉ǫ̸̢̧̟̲̜̣̘̍̾̓̀͌͒̍r̶͆̉̎̓ͅd̴̢͒̄̑̋͋n̷̨̨̙͍̻͓̘͙̦̲͎̼͖̍̄̉ͅȧ̷͎̩̙̻̪̟̏̐̈́̒̐͛̄͗͝͠͠ͅ.”

“Hehe, look at us, bonding over a nice meal.”

“Who says predator and prey species can’t get along?”

BURP

“Welp, I have a lot of digesting to do so, I’m going to haul this big belly of mine off to my quarters. You stay in your cell and be a good test subject, alright? You should have everything you need in there.”

“Good bye for now~”