Genshin Chapter 85 Commissioned by Josh (Patreon)

You know the feeling of waking up with a pet, either a dog or cat basically laying on your face and making it a bitch to breathe? That was me, except it wasn't a fluffy pet I could lovingly move and snuggle. Instead, it was a flying food processor that was hugging my head with the metal ornaments from her outfit digging into my head.

"Paimooonnn!" I groaned as I couldn't move with my arms pinned to my sides, I looked down to my chest and I smiled seeing Lumine and Eula perk up at my voice.

Eula's voice was clearly ragged and tired but more importantly I saw that on her shoulder she had a large bandage strapped onto herself that was dyed a rustic red. "We were worried about you Jake Barriss... The Adepti who checked on you said that your soul was on the verge of collapse after whatever that shitty goddess Guizhong did to you." Eula hissed towards the end and I could already hear her roaring an eternal renascence again the goddess of Dust who I could feel faintly within my soul.

The various summons in my soul were shadowed silhouettes that didn't have much detail but Guizhong was perfectly visible and... Well detailed.

"I literally have a goddess's soul squatting in my own soul... Did I marry her or ouch!" I squeaked when Lumine pinched and twisted my side and her golden eyes tightened into an amused 'smile'

For a few moments, we just shared a silence between us three with Paimon loudly snoring while still curled up around my head.

I just sighed laying there tightening my arms grasp around my girls with Eula kissing my shoulder before she carefully rested her head on my arm. "Eula, you alright," I whispered paying more attention to her bandages shoulder, and Eula's amber eyes lazily looked up to me before she snorted.

"I got nicked by one of the Fatui gun-using assassins... He didn't live long when Amber chased him for her own vengeance." If anything Eula sounded so proud of Amber her younger 'sister' declaring and fulfilling a vengeance.

At that I sighed and relaxed knowing Eula would be fine, I even checked my aura and felt it to be around seventy percent full. So with my love and care for my girls I decided to give them a gift with how much they clearly cared about me.

I cleared my throat and the light blue aura of my soul surrounded Eula and Lumine as I began to speak. “For it is through force of will that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become an icon of strength and power. Infinite in potential and unbound by limits, I release your soul, and by my shoulder, unburden thee.” I whispered before groaning as my aura tanked from its seventy percent back down to what felt like five percent or something as Eula glowed an icy white and Lumine glowed with a golden light.

Before they could react I spoke up tiredly. "I unlocked your aura's... Lumine I am sorry but your soul was too cute so I had to bring it to the light heh." I giggled as Lumine blushed as she recalled the intimate feeling of our souls partially merging before I gently lit her soul into greater life and power.

"You damned pervert," Lumine whispered and her light pink dusting across her cheeks was too damned cute so I could only give her a brief kiss on her brow before I gave Eula some love.

"Alright. we need to get up and see what catastrophe is waiting for us to deal with like back in Mondstadt." I deadpanned and even began shaking my head back and forth making Paimon grunt as I woke up her up.

"Uhhh Jake," Lumine called out wryly as Paimon grumpily began pushing my head back and forth for her abrupt wake-up. "You have literally been asleep for two days, that god Osial was killed by Morax, and supposedly you crippled Childe by shattering his spine when you smacked his bitch ass out of the air. And now Liyue is looking for reasons to go to war with Sneznahya as Morax... Is beyond angry with what happened with Guihzhong." Lumine finished with that same wry smile and my head thumped into the pillow below my head and for a moment I stared up at the wooden paneled ceiling above my head before I decided that wasn't good enough.

So I lifted my pillow that was propping up my head and then smothered my face with it... Then promptly began screaming into the pillow as fucking nothing was going according to canon for fucks sake!

"Paimon thinks that Jake needs to go to the Bubu Pharmacy again... But the doctor there did say that he wasn't capable of fixing mental illness so maybe Jake is just hopeless." Paimon joked and in response, I threw the pillow at her like a spinning shuriken of fluffy doom and my aim was true as the pillow nailed Paimon in the midsection and threw her through the air screaming before she could get control over her flight.

Thank fucking god the Raiden Shogun gave me the whole weekend to party for this festival." I muttered and Lumine chuckled before even she shuddered at the thought of the Shogun getting angry at me for being late for her first lessons as her disciple.

As I stood up and with Eula's help got into the bathroom to take care of myself as my legs were completely asleep I froze as I was under the hot water of my shower. "Ei's sister has a soul chunk with all her memories temporally frozen and even Nahida has her older form of Rukkhadevata in a soul chunk sealed away that we will run into..."

I realized that unless I wanted to literally be the biggest asshole ever. I was going to end up being a fucking hotel for these goddesses... "But why were they all freaking sweat hearts and so hot!' I cried out mentally as I realized my trip through Teyvat wasn't going to be a grand adventure but me picking up half-dead goddesses and hosting them in my body for fucks sake.