Last Day Bunker Chapter 1 (Patreon)

When my death came for me... I dodged that shit like I dodged my taxes, paternity tests, and ex-girlfriends trying to reconnect.

I knew the end was neigh upon society as we knew it today... They were putting so many fucking chemicals in the water nowadays that it was literally making the frogs gay!

I may have been a bit of a crackpot but I mean... The pandemic? The massive rise in food prices and other services that society needs to survive in this current era? Something was obviously going to bust.

And bust it did. Russia decided that Alaska was still theirs as they needed the oil and other natural resources and decided to enforce that claim with an invasion.

Was it remotely a smart idea? Hell no. At 70-plus years old and with some mental issues Putin wasn't exactly on the top of his game and I think he just killed anyone who didn't egg him on at that point.

But politics aside, the moment I heard the invasion of Alaska, I was already ready.

Since I was eighteen years old, I lived on a farmstead that preferred to be as self-sufficient as possible. And seeing as I lived in the West of the US of fucking A, we still had a fuck load of nuclear bomb shelters built into our houses and such back from the cold war.

And my family, from my grandfather's age till myself had expanded and kept the bunker more than up to date till today.

Our old family house was built over a natural thermal vent of a small hot spring that wasn't worth fully excavated by the local state government or other entities, and it allowed us to use thermal energy for electricity that was further supplemented by solar panels built into the roof and such.

And some would say we had gone too far in building our bunker, first we dug low into the ground and then to reinforce the walls, we basically built two-grain silo's kits into the ground in depth before taking a slightly smaller version inside those which then had the space between the two silos filled in with concrete and rebar to reinforce the space between the stainless steel walls of the grain silos.

Then B-Day hit. The day the bombs dropped... And in this world where I lived just past Las Vegas, there wasn't a Mister House to blow up the nukes out of the air.

My bunker for all of how it was ready for the shitshow, had the fucking terrible luck of being not even a half mile from where one of the bombs landed as the shitty targeting software inside the missiles had been tainted by the Russians using the fucking solid jet fuel to make hotpot or whatever.

Either way, I was now sitting in front of my reincarnation sponsor who was looking at me in amusement. "Yeah... Sadly the world can't be accounted for in stupidity. Anyway, so you died with a surplus in karma so it's not like you are getting any issues with your reincarnation."

My sponsor cleared his throat and he flicked a file with my... Our name on it with a string of numbers next to my name that made my eyes hurt to look at.

"Anyway, buddy you have a natural talent for Alchemy, the combination of materials in an equilvalent exchange of matter and personal attachment, so your reincarnation bonus will be something along those lines... But your world line is fucking weird to say the least."

I raised an eyebrow and as I proccessed the fact that I may become somekind of Full Metal Alchemist, alchemist... At least maybe, I went ahead and asked the obvious question. "Uhhh, how is the world I am going to, in a fucked state?" 

My sponsor dragged a hand across his face and spoke with annoyance. "Alright, so some dumbass ROB's or entities that like to reincarnate people like to make worlds that are mixes of several others smashed together."

"We, as in the collection of ascended Jake's with such ability very rarely do so. And when we do, we keep strictly to a theme that can keep the universes from violently imploding and inviting eldritch entities to devour said world inhabitants." 

He popped his neck to the side with a scowl crossing his face as he said. "A dumbass tried to make a collection of mismatched universes to throw into the caged Devouring Multi-Verse, an entity, a number of multiversal forces use to collect primordial energy from." 

"And although I killed said dumbass, and mulched his soul into its base components and gave his system to one of my kids, that leaves his unattended universes to collapse without a lynchpin to keep them from fading into oblivion due to their unstable nature."

"And where do I come in with this?" I asked bluntly.

My sponsor nodded and he looked at me and said frankly. "I like your bunker, its got some potential, so here is my plan. I can upgrade your bunker, and then throw you and your upgraded bunker into said universe. Take care of all the paperwork and everything, you just have to protect the dimensional core within the bunker." 

I tapped my fingers on my knees as I considered his words, and after a moment I asked curiously. "Ok... First, what kind of threats am I facing? And how big is the core I need to protect?" 

My sponsor reached into his desk and brought out a file to hand to over to me and then he reached under his desk and took out a metal square briefcase as I took the file with him speaking. "That file contains the universes that were miss mashed together by a damned fool, and the core is inside this briefcase. Literally just don't fuck with this at all and when you ascend in some way to godlike power the universes should stabilize at that point."

But I barely heard the words as I was struck dumb as I read the fucking list of literal Doom.

['Doom', A Quiet Place, The Mist, Resident Evil/Highschool of the Dead and other zombie universes, SCP Foundation, Fallout, Alien/Predator, Harry Potter, Bleach]

I looked at the list of universes mashed together and I wiped a hand across my face as I asked with a groan. "So what the hell do the quotations around Doom mean, and I mean why is Harry Potter and Bleach on here?" 

My sponsor gave a wane smile before he said bluntly. "The universe needed hope, it needed its humanity to have some level of power lest its illogical weight of desolation brought its own collapse before it could even be formed.

My sponsor took a breath and then explained. "Alright... So keep this in mind, even though the universes look like a shattered mirror with each peice not making sense, once you put them together they make sense in a terrible way."

"First, the Doom bit is literal Hell invading. The demons follow the theme of the sins they represent, some Lust demons can be negotiated with, demons of Wrath can be used as mercenaries etc. They can destroy the world but they can be put to use if you have the power, wit, and guile to do so." 

"Now, order the universes together, first and most obviously is the alien invasions in Quiet Place, Alien/Predator, it gives the universe size to devour with countless possible worlds that have life. Next is the Eldritch to feed in universal depths of darkness and madness in The Mist, Fallout, and the SCP universe."

My sponsor took a quick drink while I processed that information before continuing. "The universal cosmology of Harry Potter and Bleach gave the universe more spirituality and stability with the Soul King should have been acting like as the lynchpin to keep it all together... But he fucking broke down under the stress of destroying some of the worst SCP's."

I brushed a hand across my face as I took a deep breath and asked bluntly. "Where does the fucking zombies come from then? Do they serve some grand purpose?" 

There was a moment of silence before my sponsor's right eye twitched before he said bluntly. "No... Just more suffering, and the fucking dumbass who made this mess had a fetish for being strangled by Ada Wong's thighs and wanted to smother himself in Shizuka Marikawa's tits. And even be cucked by Yuuki Miku."

There was a moment of silence as we just sat there and I finally asked. "Yo... Can I just go to like Warhammer 40k or Fantasy? Seems like this universe is more likely to crumble than anything."

My sponsor smiled before shaking his head and before I knew it I felt him patting my shoulder while a powerful warmth filled my body as he said in consolation. "Nope. Sorry bud but that ain't happening. Sure it's got some danger in the universe, but there are great waifus to be had, you can grow in power quickly enough, and you just have to make sure no one destroys the core inside the briefcase."

I felt him squeeze my shoulder another time before he teleported back into his seat and I saw him cough and say. "Anyway, your bunker will be outfitted with some upgrades along with making it a good bit larger. So you can take in any survivors, you dare to trust and there are more add-ons and special rooms I will leave you to figure out... But I did leave you a method of defense."

And with a grin as he waved his hand with a portal being created in front of me. He said proudly. "I put a large moat tied to an underground stream around your bunker leading to Lake Mead which is now infested with rabid super Piranaha's that won't hurt you haha."

'Oh fucking joy. Rabid flesh-eating fish that will eat anything that gets into the moat around my bunker and house.' I thought blankly before my sponsor coughed and looked a bit more contrite before speaking as he took out a large book and handed it over to me.

"Alright, here. That book carries a good bit of alchemical knowledge to get you started. And your bunker does have a magic learning room so other forms of magic can be learned there... Just be careful and try not to get eaten by a monster."

With that all said, my sponsor waved his hand at me and I felt the portal suck me into its grasp while I groaned at feeling alien knowledge filling my mind as the book on alchemy sunk into my chest.

And I was both right and wrong, the alchemical bits did include the contents of Full Metal Alchemist, but it also went beyond that. The making of Gigai/Homunculi from Bleach and other magical sources? I knew how to do that.

But Alchemy also stretched beyond the Western point of view in making a Philosopher Stone or magical materials, it also covered the creation of the Panacea and other great elixirs in the Eastern view of alchemy.

So Eastern based Alchemy was based more on the view of life, the creation of elixirs, and balance. While western Alchemy was more focused on the act of alchemically transmuting materials into another material while also having more combat applications through the actual act of doing alchemy.

-

Not long after I mentally finished downloading the information, my back hit the comforting thick mattress I had in my bedroom in the bunker and for a moment as I stared up at my familiar ceiling... I wanted to think it was all a dream.

And then another thud followed by my groaning rang out as I covered my chest feeling a fucking bottle of canned spray cheese of all things landing on my chest from another portal. But tied around the bottle was a note that I quickly tore open and began reading.

I knew it was my sponsor, another version of myself simply due to the god-awful, chicken scratch handwriting that almost matched mine.

[Not a dream dumbass. Anyway, forgot a couple of hours ago when I was giving you the info dump but I wanted to give you a bit of a timeline of events in-universe of the bullshit.]

[Soul King/God carves the mortal world, Hueco Mundo, Hell, and the Spiritual World out of the Cosmic Soup of creation.- Fuck load of years pass by- Soul King/God is crippled and then killed later after the fight versus Crimson King, Hanged King, and other entities that wanted to deny them the territory they took in the cosmos.]

[The barriers the Soul King left are being kept alive by his remains that sit within a throne of crystal. But dimensional incursions, AKA the hell invasion still happen. But the barrier will keep the most powerful of entities well away as people and entities over the tens of thousands of years have reinforced the barriers.]

[Most common issue you will face is twofold- Zombies enhanced by magic and biological fuckery, and demons that invaded via the hole the Russians dug into hell... Yeah dumbasses had cultists and satanic worshippers working on the science team and made the largest hole humanity ever dug lead straight to hell go figure.]

I put down the note as I took a breath and for a moment... I considered going and biting a bullet as this was honestly just fucking bullshit to say the least.

But then I had a thought.

"Cat-girl Yoruchi... Fucking hell, that is an ass worth living for." I muttered to myself with a firm nod as I made up my mind. I wasn't going to die before I saw that ass curl up into that stretching pose that infected the internet of my previous life.

I sat up and blinked as I realized something as I failed to roll to the edge of my bed... My comfortable bed had been upgraded to what felt like a jumbo fucking king-sized bed of all things?!

Muttering about how this was bullshit as I liked to have my feet over the edge of my bed slightly, I got up and left the room only to be surprised yet again as a female voice spoke out excitedly. "Hello!"

I whirled around and looked down... I stared at the small genie who came up past my knees in height flying into the air as she happily waved at me. "Hello! Uhmmm... I don't know how I got here but I am a genie and I am bonded to this home being my container!"

But as I took in her appearance, I couldn't help an idle thought. 'How the hell does a genie hover with tits that big?' 

"Uhh, what name do you go by?" I asked not immediately getting defensive as I highly doubted that I would reincarnate with a hostile spirit in my bunker the moment I landed. Odds were, that my sponsor took her lantern and simply made it part of my bunker? Though that raised the idea of whether I could get any wishes out of her, but I doubted something so convenient would happen.

The genie threw back her long purple hair and smiled saying. "I do not have a name as a new spirit, but in time I will form one! But do not worry, although I can't really defend the home beyond some passive scrying defense, I can use my magic to keep this home and bunker in good order!"

I nodded in agreement seeing her fervor... Though I wasn't exactly sure how exactly to treat the surprise genie but either way, I would take the company and pint-sized eye candy. "Alright please excuse me then, I need to investigate the rest of the changes to my bunker." 

The genie just waved understanding I was going my own way with her doing a front flip and with a popping noise she just disappeared from my view...

'Alright, I got a roommate already, one without even a name. But lets go see my new rooms my sponsor added to the bunker... Hell and see what else changes he added.'

And with my bunker being in a missile silo design with the bunker going down deeper rather than spreading out, it didn't take me long to figure out that the bunker itself had been enlarged.

Whereas my first iteration had the bunker having its main floors being fifteen meters wide, they had been doubled to thirty meters wide, with special rooms being carved into the sides leading into the small tunnels leading to the new rooms.

My bedroom was in the deepest part of the bunker while my previous bunker had three floors, with the first top floor having the entranceway and the energy generator area, I had learned my bunker had been expanded to five floors with the room height remaining the same.

So it took me a while to get to the top floor and categorize all the new rooms and read the notes on the six floors and what they did with it being rather simple once I categorized everything.

Floor 1- Had the entryway leading into the bunker, the weightlifting room, and the martial arts dojo. Also an elevator down to four floor
Floor 2- Had magical barriers to further isolate the bunker from magical senses, and rooms for practicing alchemy and training in other forms of magic.
Floor 3- Living Quarters with a couple dozen four-bed dormitories for what looked like up to a good couple hundred people honestly built into the walls of the bunker.
Floor 4- Workshop for alchemy, the previous battery banks had been exchanged with an immortal golem pushing a dynamo around to make power? And the Solar Panels I had installed had were apparently working to absorb the sun's energy with 100 percent efficiency which was fucking crazy.

And then came the fifth floor... It is plainly a magical spot, no way to deny it. The whole floor had three dozen large trees lined against the walls with each tree filled with fruits of all kinds with no distinction in what kind of fruit such tree's should have on their branches. 

'Never thought I would see a watermelon being grown on a tree.' I thought before I refocused on the last bit of the bunker and arguably the most important besides the Dimensional Core I had hidden under my dirty launder hamper.

The Throne Room and Treasury.

From the notes I had on the place, basically the more treasure, non-sentient SCP's magical treasuries, trophies of kills, and other wonderful things in the treasury I had. The more power the Dimensional Core would feed back to me as I stabilized the universe and took the load off the core.

"My fucking sponsor is an ass... He took all my canned, and preserved food to get me to leave the bunker to interact with the world." I cursed as I realized the pantry... Was just fucking gone and replaced with a much larger kitchen that was clearly meant to feed multiple people with much more ease.

I took a deep breath and then knowing I needed to make a move, I went up to the thankfully unchanged armory to get outfitted and then I checked my guns out and noticed I had a fuck load more ammo added while I had some extra copies of the guns I already had being added.

Sure, I didn't have any insane guns, mostly pistols, a couple bolt action rifles, but my crowned baby I hid within my thick jacket on a couple of straps within the front right side in the KSG 12g

While I strapped on two of my Browning 9mm highpowers on each side of my waist with another smaller 45 being hidden in my boot holster in case I got knocked down.

I wasn't sure what state the world was in currently... But I had a strong feeling, I had been inserted into shit directly, so I was coming out loaded for bear.

Plus I had concealed carry permits for everything so technically I wasn't doing anything illegal!

"Ok, Jake... The first goal, make contact with local wizards as learning HP magic would help so damned much. The second goal, catch up on world news to learn what threats are in America. Third... Evaluate any anomalous area's for stuff I can fit into my throne room."

I nodded firmly at the list of shit I could do. And with that, I and being as well armed as I realistically could without spending a week trying to make some kind of Alchemy weapon and wasting god knows how much time. I set off from my bunker riding out on my jeep over the concrete and metal bridge that was built over the moat that surrounded my otherwise non-descript two-story house built over the bunker.