Mistrunner 3 - Chapter 40 - Downtime (Patreon)

Mira is like a bomb waiting to explode. It happened once before, and I’ve spent the intervening years trying to keep it from happening again. Not because I care about all the people she’ll probably hurt. I do, but not as much as I care about what another Nova City incident will do to her.

Patrick Ward

The next morning, I woke up feeling hopeful, satisfied, and well-rested. For a long time, I just lay there next to Patrick, basking in the simple comfort of his presence. From experience, I knew how easily I could become untethered. He was my anchor. The one part of my life keeping me from backsliding into old habits.

It wasn’t healthy, being so dependent on someone else. I knew that. In our world, a single instant could end a person’s life, and I knew that if something like that happened to Patrick, the current version of me would not survive. I’d become something else. Something more like my uncle. Once, I might’ve considered that a goal. After all, he’d been powerful enough that his name was known across the world. People feared him, and rightly so.

But now? I had begun to see him for what he really was.

A broken man who was just trying to hold on long enough that he could leave something worthwhile behind. That’s what I was to him. A chance at redemption. A brief ray of hope. In me, he had seen all the things he could have been.

And I was on the verge of going down the exact same road he’d chosen. Without Patrick, I would’ve already repeated many of his mistakes and gone past the point of no return.

In a way, that would have been easier. I could just give in to my demons and let them steer me into all the horrible things I was trying to avoid. I could simply destroy everything and everyone in my way. My climb to power would be quick and merciless.

But it would also turn me into something I couldn’t stomach.

I opened my eyes to see that Patrick was already awake and looking at me. From anyone else, it would’ve been a little unnerving. But I could see the concern in his expression. I could practically feel it.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“How do you know I’m thinking anything? I just woke up.”

“You’ve been awake for almost twenty minutes,” he said. “Come on, Mira. You can talk to me. Tell me what you were thinking.”

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to steady myself. Then, a few moments later, I turned away from him, instead turning my gaze toward the ceiling. Finally, I said, “I’m so close to the edge, Pick. Like, more than anything else, I just want to run from one alien camp to another, killing everything I find.”

“We can do that.”

I let out a long breath. “No. I mean…I don’t know, Pick. If I do that, I’m going to get myself killed. Or worse,” I said.

“Worse?”

“My uncle left me a message. I picked it up in the Bazaar,” I said.

“What did it say?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Nothing new. Not really. He just wanted me to get out. To survive. Same as always,” I said. “But the way he said it…I mean, he was broken, Pick. Like, really broken. When he was alive, I thought he was so strong. Like this great, immovable statue or something. He always knew all the answers. And nobody messed with him. He was everything I wanted to be.”

I looked back at him, and after a second, continued, “But seeing that video, I noticed all the things I used to ignore. He was exhausted. Not physically, but emotionally. He’d already lost everything except for me. All he cared about was keeping me alive. I think…I think that’s why he died. He was so single-minded that he just ignored everything else. Part of me thinks that, subconsciously, he let it happen just so it could end.

“And I’m terrified of going down that road, Pick. I don’t want to be like him. Not anymore. I want more than that. But as much as I try to make different choices, I keep making the same mistakes he made.”

“Then don’t.”

“It’s not that easy,” I said.

“Sure it is. Mira, you’re in control of your own actions,” he said. “I know you think you’re just following in his footsteps, but the simple fact that you want to be better than him means you will be.”

“I don’t think it works that way,” I said.

He shifted. “Think about it,” he said. “What was his main goal?”

“Helping me survive.”

“Then do the opposite.”

“You want me to get myself killed? How does that –”

“You know that’s not what I meant. No – I want you to find a better goal. Something less about simple survival and more about fulfilling a purpose,” he said. “Because survival at all costs isn’t enough, Mira. I think you know that. So did he, but what he went through changed him. It put him into a mindset he could never escape. So, he survived, but along the way, he lost everyone and everything that made him human. So, the question you should be asking yourself is what you really want. What’s your purpose, Mira? Because without that, I just…I don’t think survival is enough.”

Purpose. It seemed like such an easy concept. But for so long, the only thing driving me forward was survival. That’s what my uncle had given everything for. He’d sacrificed so much so that I could get strong enough to live through what was coming. But I’d only recently begun to recognize that he was just as flawed as anyone else. Maybe more so. And he’d passed some of those flaws on to me.

“How do I figure that out?” I asked.

“You’re asking me like I know the answers,” he said. “I don’t, Mira. But no matter what, I’ll support you. If you want to go on a rampage, I’m right there behind you. If you want to take off into the universe and become a pacifist farmer, I’ll be there, too.”

“Is that your purpose, then? Supporting me?”

“One of them, sure,” he said, shaking his head. “But I’m not some side character in your story. I have goals, Mira. I have things I want to accomplish. But I love you, and that means I’m here to support you, even if it means putting my own stuff on hold for a little while. And I know you’d do the same for me.”

I wasn’t so sure that was the case. I wanted it to be. Desperately. But I wasn’t sure if I was built like that. I was a little too selfish. But I guess that was just my uncle’s influence shining through. Maybe recognizing that was the first step to changing my attitude.

“You’re too good for me,” I said.

“I know. But I’m here all the same.”

After that, he leaned in and planted his lips on mine. The kiss didn’t last long, but the following embrace was comforting in a way nothing else could have been. We lay there for a long time, just enjoying one another’s presence.

Finally, after some indefinitely amount of time, he said, “Come on. If we don’t get up, we’re going to be late.”

“For what? You never said.”

“You’ll see.”

“You said that last night…”

“Just trust me,” he said with an impish grin.

I just shook my head and said, “That’s not worrying at all. But okay.”

With that, we both got out of bed, went through our morning routines, and then we were on our way. The flight only took a few hours, during which Patrick refused to let me know what was going on, but just after noon, we began our descent. When I looked out the window, I saw a city I didn’t recognize.

It was old. Maybe the oldest city I’d ever seen, with weathered stone buildings and crisscrossing canals. It was also completely abandoned, with none of the trappings necessary for survival in the wilderness.

“What…where are we?” I asked.

“Just a place I found a couple of years ago,” he said as he landed the Leviathan in a small filed near the city. “I don’t know its name. But it’s strange. Nobody comes here. Animals avoid it. But when I came here before, I just…I don’t know – it just struck me as beautiful. And ever since then, I’ve wanted to show it to you.”

“It’s abandoned? No animals or anything?”

“That’s what the local guide told me,” he said. “And when I was here before, we didn’t see any reason not to believe him. C’mon. I want to get settled in before dark.”

“What happens then?”

“You’ll see.”

After that, he refused to tell me more. My stomach twisted into knots of anticipation as we disembarked and headed into the city. Up close, the age of the buildings was evident. They must have predated the Initialization by hundreds of years, and as we walked down the cobblestone streets, I found myself wondering about its history. How many people had lived there over the years? How many families had been raised? How many people had fallen in love? It was a humbling setting, and a little sad in its abandonment, too. But it also gave me a strange sense of hope, knowing that such a place had survived intact. It felt like people could simply move back in at any moment and resume their old lives.

A silly notion, of course. It had obviously been abandoned for a reason. But that idea clung to my mind all the same.

“You really do love this kind of thing, don’t you?”

“What?” I asked, startled out of my reverie.

“History. You love it.”

I shrugged. “I like thinking of what the world must have been like before all of this happened,” I said. “My uncle told me a few stories, and I’ve heard a couple of other ones over the years. But it all feels so mysterious. It’s fascinating. They built all this without Mist or alien technology or anything else. Just human ingenuity and hard work.”

I had seen other evidence of the world that had been left behind. Monuments to my ancestors’ abilities. A huge stadium where some unknowable sport had been played. Giant buildings where people had lived or worked. Huge craters where they’d used terrible weapons. It was evidence that humanity was more capable than our current situation might suggest.

There were some anachronistic features of the city as well. An old car here, a bicycle there – there were even a few more modern looking buildings. But it was clear that the people in charge of the city had gone to great lengths to preserve their history.

We walked through that city, stopping ever so often to admire particular buildings until, at last, we reached our destination – an ancient church with a belltower that was taller than any other building in the city. Patrick led me inside, and as we climbed the stone steps, I asked, “What brought you here before?”

“Resources. You’ll see what I’m talking about when the sun sets.”

“You keep saying that.”

Clutching my hand, he looked down at me and said, “Because you keep asking the same questions. Just go with it, Mira.”

That really wasn’t my strong suit, but I resolved to do my best. The stairs were steep, and the climb took us quite some time, but eventually, we reached the top. When we did, I let out a gasp.

During our trek through the city and the subsequent climb up the steps, the sun had begun to set. So, when we reached the top of the belltower, the lights floating throughout the city were clearly visible.

“What…”

“Mistflies,” he said.

“You remembered.”

I’d only mentioned it once, but Patrick had clearly been paying attention when I’d told him the story of Jorge pointing out the stag and the Mistflies outside of Mobile.

“Of course. This is what I wanted you to see, Mira. I know the world can seem like a terrible place. And it is. I know that,” he said, turning to face me. He took both of my hands as he continued, “But there’s beauty, too. You sometimes have to look for it, sure. And maybe you won’t always find it. But it’s there. Just waiting to be appreciated.”

Jorge had said much the same thing back in Mobile, but when Patrick said it, it just hit differently. He led me to the edge of the belltower, and I watched as the city’s canals lit up with pink, phosphorescent light.

“It’s an algae. I don’t the name, but it’s useful for some internal cybernetics. When I came here to gather some of it for experimentation, I couldn’t help but think of you and that story you told me,” he said. “And I thought maybe you needed a reminder of what your instructor taught you a few years ago. Plus…you know…it’s kind of romantic, isn’t it?”

At that, he released my hands, and a second later, a basket appeared in his hands. It had obviously been in his storage space, but it still came off as impressive – especially when he opened the basket, and all the smells of some of my favorite foods wafted out.

“Would you like to have a picnic with me?”

I smiled at him. “You really are too good for me.”

As a response, he only pulled me close and kissed me.

What followed was one of the best nights of my life. Not because it was extraordinary – it was, but that wasn’t why it meant so much to me. Instead, I cherish that night because of what it represented. The world was full of terrible things. I had seen plenty of them to recognize that much. But it was also beautiful.

Most of all, though, I knew that, no matter what else might happen, I would always have Patrick.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and the next morning, Patrick and I returned to the Leviathan and headed back to Fortune. It had been a good break – one I had very much needed – but with the return to the city, my responsibilities came crashing back down. However, when I looked at the things I needed to do, I did so with a new perspective.

“Purpose,” I said, watching Patrick cross the dock and head back to Cyrilla’s workshop. I’d been thinking a lot about what he’d said, and I had come to realize that he was right. I needed something to strive for that wasn’t simply survival or more power. I needed to find my purpose.

Was it saving people? Maybe.

Could it be fighting against the aliens? Certainly, that felt like the direction I was going, especially with Alistaris’s offer. There were plenty of other potential answers to the question of my purpose, but none seemed quite as right as fighting for humanity’s independence, for Earth’s future. But something was holding me back from committing.

I needed to confirm some of the things Alistaris had told me. Only then could I approach the problem with all the information I needed to make valid decisions. So, I headed back into the ship and, after telling Patrick where I was going, I returned to the remnants of Nova City so I could head back up to the Bazaar.

My trek through the city – and the Bazaar itself – was uneventful, and I soon found my way to Gala’s shop. There, I asked her about Alistaris’s claims.

To my surprise, she confirmed everything he’d said. There really was a universal conflict between the Gomari Confederation, who even Gala considered the bad guys, and the Ark Alliance to which Alistaris belonged.

“They aren’t saints,” she said. “But they try, which is more than most can say.”

After spending a little more time with Gala, I headed to Kith’s premises and asked her the same thing. She ended up selling me a packet of information that more or less confirmed everything Alistaris had told me. There were some details he’d left out – like the fact that most of the universal powers thought the Ark Alliance cared more about beating the Confederation than about saving recently integrated populations, but from a practical standpoint, his story checked out.

So, after thanking Kith, I left the Bazaar and the new version of Nova City and, once I boarded the Leviathan, headed back to Fortune where I started to make plans. They weren’t terribly complex, but once I was finished, I felt a little better about my future.

I knew there was a chance that everyone was lying to me. I hadn’t forgotten how adamant Alistaris had been that I ask my friends in the Bazaar about his organization. However, I knew I couldn’t go through life without trusting anyone. So far, Alistaris had treated me well enough. He’d had every opportunity to kill or, if he wished, enslave me. But he hadn’t, which told me that he was either playing the long game, or he was exactly what he claimed to be.

Either way, I intended to use him to fulfill my purpose. Perhaps it was naïve. Maybe I was making a mistake. But if I could help humanity maintain its freedom, then that was what I would do. Anything else, and I wasn’t sure I could live with myself.