Grand Game 361: A Crisis of Mind (Patreon)

Sitting at the entrance of Adriel’s underground complex, I stared out into the dungeon, pondering the path ahead.

What was the right thing to do here?

Adriel had killed hundreds, perhaps thousands, if not directly then indirectly.

Every one of Elron’s soldiers that had died, every New Haven citizen that had perished because of the void, and every young player whose life had been stolen to feed the possessed’s undying existence could be laid at the hands of Adriel and her fellows.

Why do you care what Adriel did, or did not do, in the past, Michael?

Her crimes were not my own. And, it was not like I would be allowing the possessed’s persecutions to continue. Just the opposite, in fact.

I pondered the question for a silent minute before the answer finally dawned on me.If I was not careful, my path could end up mirroring Adriel’s. What troubled me was less what she had done than what I might be forced to do in the name of my own quests and those I protected.

Adriel’s actions could be described as gray. She had only done what she did to protect those under her charge. As I had in the past...

Perhaps her actions were more morally repugnant than mine had been—a debatable question—but who was to say I wouldn’t be pushed to the same lengths in the future? Whatever choices I made as an alpha or Prime, someone, somewhere along the line, would get hurt. This was something I would have to accept.

A burden I would have to bear. Just like Adriel did.

I might not agree with the choices the lich had made, but did that make her evil? Ruthless, callous, certainly. But not necessarily evil.  I did not discount Ghost’s opinion either. She liked Adriel. That meant something. And the lich’s own regret was plain to see.

There is no right choice here, only a least wrong one.

Healing Ghost was a good thing. As was securing Adriel’s aid to free the New Havens. And as long as I committed no atrocities in pursuit of both these goals, I could live with myself for allying with Adriel. The lich’s past crimes were her own to answer for.

Settled in my choice, I swung around and headed back into the complex.

✵ ✵ ✵

Adriel began Ghost’s healing as soon as I gave her the go ahead.

Sitting quietly by the sidelines, I looked on, but there was little for me to see. Since Ghost was reclothed in a physical form, I could no longer see her spirit, and therefore, could not tell how Adriel’s efforts were progressing. One hour into the process, though, I got my first clue.

The lich was frowning.

I tensed, waiting to hear what she would say, but Adriel did not stop casting. She kept going, spinning spell after spell over the next few hours. All the while, though, her frown kept deepening.

Finally, around midday, no longer able to stand the suspense, I blurted out, “What’s wrong?”

The lich glanced over her shoulder, her face smoothing instantly. “Nothing, but perhaps it’s time for a break.”

“It’s not nothing,” I began. “I saw you—”

Adriel held up a hand, cutting me off. “We can talk in the other room. Let Ghost rest.”

I glanced at the wolf, and sure enough, saw her eyelids were already drooping despite the earliness of the day.

“She needs all the rest she can get,” Adriel added and headed for the door.

Nodding in reluctant agreement, I followed her out.

✵ ✵ ✵

“Something’s wrong,” the lich said the moment we entered one of the rooms at the other end of the corridor.

“But you just said nothing was wrong,” I protested.

“I lied,” she said smoothly. “It is best Ghost does not realize something is amiss.”

I frowned, not liking the idea of lying to my companion. “And why’s that?” I asked, at least willing to hear her out.

“It’s the spirit healing,” Adriel said. “It is not going as well as I thought. Something is holding the spell back from working.”

My alarm grew. “Is it the harbinger? Did he do something to—”

“No, nothing like that. It’s Ghost, I think.”

I blinked. “Ghost? You’re saying Ghost is hindering the healing?”

Adriel nodded gravely.

“Why would she do that?” I asked, confused.

The lich did not answer directly. “Have you given thought to what happens after Ghost is healed?”

I frowned. “We haven’t solidified our plans for the immediate future yet, but I suppose we would—”

Adriel brushed aside my words. “I don’t mean your plans. I mean what happens to Ghost.”

“Ghost?” I was growing more lost by second. “Why, I expect she will leave that awful body and—”

“Exactly.”

I still wasn’t any more enlightened. “You better spell it out,” I growled, finally out of patience, “because I’m not following you.”

The lich smiled lopsidedly. “What happens next is that Ghost leaves that ‘awful body’, as you called it, and returns to being a disembodied spirit.”

“And?” I asked, when she said nothing else. “What’s wrong with that?”

Adriel threw up her hands. “Everything! Existing as a pure spirit is not easy, especially when you have spent the greater part of your life as one. Ghost has just been given a taste of what’s it like to be a physical being once more, and she doesn’t want to let go.”

I stared at Adriel. “You’re saying Ghost is scared?” I asked slowly.

She nodded. “I understand you may not realize what it is like to be disembodied yourself, but trust me, for the uninitiated, it can be disorientating.”

“Actually, I do understand,” I said absently, recalling my time in the Mind Trials. That experience had not lasted long, but I could still vividly recall my happiness at being rejoined with my body. Finally, I got an inkling of what Adriel was driving at.

“So, you’re saying there’s nothing actually wrong with your spells, only that Ghost doesn’t want to leave her new body?”

Adriel nodded.

I bit my lip. “Where does that leave us?”

Adriel tilted her head to the side. “Other than hope Ghost accepts the healing? We could rehome her in a more suitable physical vessel, I suppose. The one she is in now was never meant to last long.”

“Rehome,” I repeated stiffly. “You mean like you do with the possessed?”

“Ghost is nothing like the possessed,” Adriel replied, not responding to the sudden anger in my tone.

“How is she different?” I demanded.

“If you remember, I said the former scions’ spirits could not be fully severed from their bodies. A part of them still resides in their original bodies—a finger bone to be exact—making them less complete spirits than Ghost.”

I stared at her blankly.

“As spirits, the possessed cannot see, move, or hear as Ghost does,” she clarified.

I nodded slowly. That tallied with what Ghost had observed of the dead Avery. “Where do the possessed keep their… finger bones?” I knew I was getting sidetracked, but given what Adriel was proposing, I realized I needed to more fully understand the possessed’s nature.

“The bones must be sewn into the possessed’s new shells after they are spirit jumped,” Adriel answered.

“Why?” I asked, fascinated.

“Because they act both as an anchor and vessel for the possessed’s spirits. When their bodies are slain, the possessed’s spirits do not venture off as they normally would, but stay leashed to the physical plane by that portion of their spirit still residing in the bones.”

“But since a ‘dead’ possessed lacks full awareness or the appropriate spells they cannot revive themselves without the aid of a lich,” I deduced.

“Very good,” Adriel said.

I rubbed my chin. “So, if the finger bone is destroyed, then so too, is the possessed?”

“Correct.”

“Alright, I understand all that, but what does it have to do with Ghost?”

“It means Ghost can be rehomed in a flesh golem, whereas the possessed cannot,” Adriel answered.

“I see. But a flesh golem?” I asked skeptically, not sure how I felt about the idea. “Like one of your human ones?”

Adriel shook her head. “No, no, those would not suit Ghost. A bipedal form is foreign to her whole identity and her spirit will reject it.”

“Oh.” I paused. “Then if not those…?” I trailed off, waiting for her to fill in the blanks.

“I could always craft her a dire wolf golem—” Adriel began.

My eyes lit at the suggestion, but she quickly dashed my hopes.

“—but I lack many of the proper materials, and I doubt we will be able to source them in this sector.”

I sagged slightly. “Is there anything else we can do?”

Adriel glanced down at her phylactery. “I suppose I could create something like this for her.”

I stared at the small, glass object hanging at the end of the lich’s necklace. “How will that work?”

“Any physical object, properly prepared, can serve as a vessel for a free spirit like Ghost. She will be able to shelter within it whenever she feels the need. However,  the vessel will not be a substitute for a true body. When Ghost leaves the vessel, she would still manifest as a spirit.”

“Still,” I mused intrigued by the possibility, “surely that is better than leaving her as she is?”

“It is,” she admitted. “But there are downsides too. The binding will be permanent. Nor will Ghost be able to roam freely as she once did. She will be forced to remain in close vicinity to her vessel.” She held up her phylactery. “And if the object is destroyed, so too is the spirit within.”

“Hmm,” I said, less enthused by the idea now. “What about another form of golem? One made of stone perhaps?”

Adriel snorted. “I’m not an enchanter. I can’t work with inorganic material. I can only mold flesh.” She paused. “But there is something to what you say. Perhaps a bone wolf golem...”

I perked up. “Could that work?”

“It could, but it will require a lot of bones,” she muttered. “Or maybe…” Falling silent, the lich eyed me.

No, not me. My backpack.

“What do you have in there?” Adriel asked suddenly. “Anything organic?”

Wordlessly, I upended the contents of my bags before her.

The lich frowned at the items that spilled out. “Yes,” she said finally. “I believe I could make use of some of this.”

I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, Adriel held up a restraining hand. “I advise not rushing. Permanently binding Ghost to a physical vessel is a drastic step—irrevocable too—and it’s not one I’m sure we should take just yet.” She picked through the contents of my backpack. “Leave these with me and let me think further on it.”

Reluctantly, I conceded the point. I wasn’t sure waiting would make any difference, though. Ghost was headstrong, and once she set herself on a course, she stuck stubbornly to it. But it was a big decision, and not one that should be rushed.

“Good,” Adriel said. “In the meantime, I will resume Ghost’s healing. Perhaps, given a bit more time, she will prove more cooperative.”

She didn’t sound any more hopeful than me, though.

✵ ✵ ✵

The day passed slowly.

Returning to the casting chamber, we found Ghost in the same position we’d left her. After shaking the spirit wolf awake, Adriel resumed her casting, working through her repertoire of spells again.

I kept a close eye on Ghost the entire time and conversed with her periodically. There was no immediate sign that something was wrong, but now that I knew to look, I sensed a certain heaviness in the spirit wolf’s responses.

Her cheer was forced, and she avoided talk of the future. Adriel was right. Ghost was depressed—or something very like.

Hour by hour, I could see Adriel grow more frustrated, but she remained patient with the spirit wolf throughout. Towards nightfall, she called a halt, and turning towards me, shook her head minutely—a signal that the healing had not worked.

I bowed my head, contemplating the unhappy news. Her confirmation was nothing more than I had expected after my own observations. Sensing she needed the distraction, I said, “Perhaps it’s time we spoke further about Draven’s Reach?”

Adriel glanced at the already-drowsy Ghost. “Let’s talk in the other room.”

“Go ahead, I’ll be with you shortly.” I turned back to my companion. Her eyes were closed, but her mindglow still flickered with activity. She wasn’t asleep yet. “Ghost and I need to have a quick chat first.”

Halfway to the door, Adriel paused to study me carefully. “Are you sure about this?”

I nodded. I knew the lich didn’t want to confront Ghost on the matter for fear of making things worse, but I believed I knew Ghost well enough to know that a direct approach was best. “It’s necessary, I think.”

Inclining her head gravely in a gesture that I took to mean “good luck,” Adriel left the chamber.

Once Ghost and I were alone, I strode up to her and kneeled before her. “We need to talk,” I said gently.

“I’m tired, Prime,” Ghost replied, not opening her eyes. “Can’t it wait for the morning?”

“This won’t take long,” I said.

She sighed. “Alright. Go on.”

I sat down cross-legged, and after contemplating her for a moment longer, began. “This is a conversation we should have had long ago, but for one reason or the other, the occasion never arose. Still, now is as good a time as any.” I paused. “You’ve stuck with me all these many days in the dungeons when, truthfully, you could have left at any time. I’ve never asked before, but I am now. Tell me, Ghost: what is it you want?”

“To sleep,” Ghost quipped.

I smiled at her attempt at humor. “I don’t mean immediately. I mean in general. What do you want for your future, Ghost?”

The spirit wolf seemed to shrink from the question. “I’m not sure what you’re asking. I want what I’ve always wanted.”

“And what’s that?” I asked.

She did not answer.

I went on. “Adriel says you’ve been rejecting the healing and—”

“I haven’t!” Ghost protested weakly.

“—I believe her,” I finished.

I waited to see if Ghost had anything to add, but she remained silent.

“You can’t stay like you are now,” I said softly. “The body you’re in will waste away soon, and when it does, your situation will be even worse. Adriel has nothing else readily available.”

I took a deep breath before going on. We had come to the crux of the matter. “As I see it, you have three choices. The first is to return to spirit form, but considering your resistance to Adriel’s healing, I take it that is not something you want. Am I wrong?”

Ghost said nothing.

Taking her silence as agreement, I continued. “Your second option is to die.”

Ghost’s eyes finally creaked open. “Die?”

I nodded, doing my best to keep my tone smooth and my words matter of fact. “You’ve lived a long time as a spirit, and no one will blame you if you want to move on, Ghost.” I paused. “Is that what you want?”

“I don’t want to die,” she whispered.

Not letting my relief show at this admission, I waited.

“You said three options… what’s the third one?”

I smiled. “There is a chance, Adriel can craft you another body.”

Ghost raised her head. “A permanent one?”

I raised a hand to reign in the sudden excitement I sensed bubbling in her. “I’m not sure. She has some ideas. Do you want to discuss them with her?”

“Yes!”

I rose to my feet. “I’ll send her right in then,” I said as I headed for the door.

“Prime,” Ghost said, stopping me.

Pausing, I looked back at her.

“I know what I want,” Ghost said.

“And what’s that?”

“To serve. To help raise House Wolf again.”

I smiled. “Then you best attend to your recovery. We have lots of work ahead of us.”