Replay and Lessons (Patreon)

Here's the latest YouTube members replay from today! I forgot to tell this incredible story, read here: https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2023-06-09/4-children-lost-in-the-jungle-for-40-days-after-a-plane-crash-are-found-alive-in-colombia 

And let me share some bullet points with you, as promised, from the Coercive Control course I completed with Laura Richards: 

• The following Netflix shows were recommended: Dirty John, The Puppet Master, The Tinder Swindler, and Bad Vegan
• Case studies for this course as part of homework: Alice Ruggles, Sally Challen, Dirty John, Vicky Cilliers
• 50% of stalkers who make threats WILL act on it, so it must not be taken lightly and needs to be reported to the police (and let's hope the police take it seriously and do something about it)
• DV perpetrators, coercive controllers, narcissists, abusers, tend to "flip the script" when confronted i.e. "Poor me syndrome", where they play the victim and put all the focus on them. Don't fall for that crap.
• If someone has suicidal ideation (in context of a toxic/DV relationship), homicidal ideation is a huge risk too
• What type of victims do aggressors/perps/abusers look for? MALLEABLE ones i.e. ones who are empathic, compliant, polite, do not have strong boundaries. So what can one do about this? Know that being nice is a choice, have strong boundaries, don't be too malleable, stand firm in what you believe and who you are (especially in the context of the start of a relationship, where love-bombing and coercive control are starting to happen)
• What is coercive control? In one word: UNFREEDOM. Also, a psychological undoing (and so much more, but this is what I wrote down).
• What is love bombing? Psychological abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, excessive flattery, praise, an intense campaign to win a victim's heart, a whirlwind of gestures, communication, and gifts designed to make the victim fall in love, mirroring your needs and wants until you are under their control
• If it feels "too good to be true", it IS
• Coercive control victim's time is monopolized and they become isolated 
• According to Laura, charm is a huge red flag: it increases likeability, it disarms, and it's a choice, usually used to manipulate
• The pace of a relationship could signal a red flag: if there's a rush or it's too much too soon, as fun as it might feel, it's probably not going to end well and coercive control is a risk in these types of scenarios. "Intimacy takes time" (Laura called herself the "grim reaper of dating advice", haha, but said for her it's all about safety and sharing advice that would help keep people safe)
• Anyone trying to shrink your world does not have your best interests at heart i.e. trying to isolate you from friends/family/work, etc.
• What does a coercive controller want? To create dependence, to isolate, control, exploit, entrap, and dominate you
• "The person who desires intimacy the least in a relationship controls it" - Laura Richards
• 51% of victims of coercive control do not realize it is abuse

After completing both the DASH (domestic abuse/stalking/harassment) and Coercive Control course, here is my opinion: 

• Each course has 15-20 hours worth of homework to do, but the way the course is presented touches very little on the actual homework, which frustrated me, to be honest. We bounced around between many different cases with what felt like hundreds of examples, which made me wonder why I worked so hard on the homework (the homework had lots of value, though). As you know, I am a focused/immersive type of person and appreciate visual learning. But if you like a course that is more chatty, casual, and not such a deep dive, where you learn a few good things in-between, perhaps this would be a different experience for you? 
• The course had lots of interactive Zoom/virtual classroom moments, where everyone was asked to share their thoughts/answers. Because there was only 2.5 hours per day (for a 2 day course), to me, this wasted lots of time and we ended up rushing through the final 10 slides on both courses (and those slides had some of the best info, so I scribbled them all down as much as I could)
• My best advice would be to listen to "Real Crime Profile", the podcast, and "Crime Analyst": the nuggets of wisdom are all there and on one case at a time, in general. It helps intensify the learning experience and feels more immersive (and it's free, these course are pricey)

Thank you so much for your support! It's been a busy month and I look forward to another season ahead of Grizzly True Crime with minimal distractions (aka no courses for a while haha, I now have course babelas!) 

Love, 

Gisela.