Aileen Wuornos' Childhood: Excerpt (Patreon)

An excerpt from my book, where we deep dive her childhood, along with some watercolor art I created of her. 

Aileen was born on February 29th, 1956, a leap year day, and ironically entered the world bottom first with her feet up near her head, experiencing her first moments of life in a stressful environment as doctors tried to ensure that she would survive her birth. Her mother, Diane, was a teenager who had already been divorced for two months before she had Aileen, her second child. There is little information about Keith and Aileen’s foundational years of life but based on how their mother had discarded them before they were 5 years old, one can be certain that she was not overly maternal or attached to them, which is devastating for the developing mind of a child. There was also no sign of their father; he had left the home to serve in the army, agreed to divorce Diane, and was never seen again. This turned out to be a good thing, seeing as he turned out to be a child rapist who suffered from Schizophrenia and took his own life in prison; perhaps the kids would have been even worse off had their parents stayed married?

Aileen and her brother were, at first, handed over to Diane’s cousins, and were later dropped off at their grandparent’s house, who had two children of their own. To have moved around so much and change hands in such a short space of time was the opposite of the love, nurturing, and care that they needed in their most vulnerable stage of life. Did they have toys? Teddies? Warm and comfortable beds? Healthy food? According to Aileen, her grandmother (who she believed was her mother until she was 7), while strict, took care of them and played with them in the garden, showed them insects, birds, and garden creatures, and made sure that they were bathed, fed, and had their basic needs taken care of. The problem was, it was not consistent, based on both grandparents struggling with alcoholism and wafting in and out of mental clarity as they raised four kids. When her grandfather was drunk, he took his rage out on the two misfits of the house, enraged that they were the product of Leo Pittman, the criminal that their daughter had created little monsters with. While Aileen’s story shifted significantly between being raised in a “clean and decent” household and being beaten black and blue with a razor belt, her childhood friends were able to verify that she and Keith were severely beaten by their grandfather, usually with a razor belt after being forced to strip naked. Aileen and Keith likely did not behave as well as Barry and Lori, based on their initial phases of development lacking any structure, discipline, or love. Sadly, the lack of parenting on Diane and Leo’s part ended up costing their children, where their ex-army sergeant of a grandfather decided that the only way to correct their behavior was through violence. Forensic psychologist, Dr. David Holmes, said, “On a daily basis the strict regime that he imposed became quite militaristic, he was quite vicious. The beatings were very regular, it was done in a ritual manner, she would have to actually clean the strap that she was beaten with and she was beaten in quite a pseudo-sexual way. This may have loosened her morals but then again they may have been loosened already.” The physical stopped when they found out that they were adopted: Aileen allegedly told her grandfather that because he was not even their real father, he had no right to beat them. Somehow, this stirred some guilt in him, and he stopped beating them, instead, punishing them by grounding them like his own two children were used to. But they still had to call him ‘Sir’ and would get a bar of soap in their mouths if anyone caught them swearing, at least an upgrade from what they were used to. Dr. Helen Morrison, the infamous American forensic psychiatrist (who has John Wayne Gacy’s brain and other organs stored in her basement) said, “She didn’t have a healthy relationship with anybody, male or female. There was never a sense of attachment emotionally to anyone. There was never any sense of safety and security, which most people need desperately.”

When Aileen was 9 years old and Lori, her stepsister, and biological aunt was 11, they often hung out together and played in the nature surrounding their home. Aileen said that she had always felt a sense of protection over Lori and that she naturally looked out for her, but Lori did not really reciprocate. On one occasion, they had come across some flammable liquid in an empty duck shed adjacent to their house, which seemed like a lot of fun to play with at the time. Having underestimated its power, they were soon bolting out of a burning shed, where Lori received minor burns on her legs and Aileen received 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns all over her body, including her head, that she spent 3 days in the hospital for. This incident destroyed her hair and she said that since that day, her hair had never grown properly again. According to her friends, she became obsessed with brushing and caring for her hair as best she could, a ritual that was still evident on death row when she was interviewed by Nick Broomfield.

It is unclear at what age Aileen started to explore her own body or had been sexually violated, but it was long before she had gone into puberty. One of her childhood friends, Cindy Shovan-Dolmage said that she had witnessed Aileen confronting her family about the sexual abuse she was suffering from her brother(s), but instead of listening to what she had to say, they threw a glass of water in her face and kicked her out of the house. She had said that she wished that Barry, who was 12 years older than her, would stop coming into her room at night, but her complaints had fallen on deaf (and drunk) ears and nothing was done about it. Within three years of finding out that they were adopted (and essentially discarded by their own parents), Aileen and Keith started experimenting with each other sexually, which was evidently a coping mechanism. Perhaps this was also Aileen’s way of getting Barry to back off and helped her to find the unconditional love and acceptance that she was not getting anywhere else. In her child-mind, who better than her own brother, the other rug rat of the family who had suffered in a similar way? When kids in the community started noticing, Keith shrugged it off in a way that unfortunately objectified the young, blonde, Aileen, and seemed to create the impression in other boy’s minds that her body was available for experimentation. They approached her with things that they knew she could not turn down, such as food, cigarettes, and alcohol, and one by one took advantage of her, using her for sexual satisfaction and practice, labeling her as the “Cig Pig”. Having already suffered the self-image blows in her home, Aileen’s self-worth was shattered to the point where she believed that her value was determined by the small comforts that she earned from offering sexual favors. There was no one to teach her otherwise- her view of the world was one-sided, where it all became a game of what you could give and what you could get, without any regard for one another. Most of what she was after were things that she could instantly soothe and numb herself with, a habit that followed her throughout her life, including cigarettes, booze, marijuana, prescription pills, food, and maybe even some much-needed affection. When children are not given the appropriate touch and affection that they need, they often resort to finding inappropriate ways to meet that need, and unfortunately, there are more predators available for this than one might initially expect (in every phase of life). This cycle had a snowball effect, where the consequences of selling herself out included escalated aggression at home, increased alcohol consumption, accepting offers from older boys and eventually men, isolating herself from her peers, performing poorly at school, and derailing her entire life to the point where she could no longer survive. Some of her childhood friends recalled how much Aileen was bullied and abused in her youth and how they felt sorry for her, even they had no capacity for knowing what to do to help her. There was not one person in Aileen’s life who protected her from harm, especially in her childhood, which is why she became the independent tyrant that she was known to be in later life; she was not going to take orders from anybody because she never had anyone to look up to or listen to before, at least not in her best interest. She was, in fact, so neglected in her childhood, which is a terrible form of abuse, that she had no sense of what self-care even meant- she had learned to totally neglect herself and therefore had no capacity to relate to, connect with, or trust anyone else. One of her classmates, Karen Gamble, from Troy Union Elementary School said that Aileen always sat quietly by herself, totally withdrawn, and unable to relate to her peers. She struggled with selective hearing in class, something which could have been a form of dissociation caused by stress and was likely a skill that she had learned at home, where she was able to block out certain sounds while tuning in to others. Unfortunately, it only served her negatively in school and slowly but surely, she withdrew completely. Karen said she looked scared and lonely and usually sat on the step by the door leading back to class. While Aileen enjoyed biking, swimming, hanging out, and singing along to her favorite songs, her childhood had dissolved prematurely and by the time she became a teenager, she might as well have been an adult. The problem was, by becoming a woman so soon, she had stunted her development and cut her life short because of the choices she would make with her immature, but corrupted mind.

Love, 

Gisela.