A Darker Path Pt 36 (Patreon)

The Heat Is On

[A/N 1: This chapter beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]

[A/N 2: Last chapter for the next couple of weeks. You know how it goes.]

[A/N 3: I loved the PHO suggestions but it's been pointed out that five pages is a bit much, so the next time I do a PHO segment, I will incorporate as many as I can, but I might have to be a little selective.]

Theo Anders

I miss Kayden.

He didn't even know if she was alive, but he hadn't seen her since before that fateful night when he'd been awoken by the sound of shouting and running boots, and PRT troopers bursting into his bedroom. Not knowing what was going on, he'd followed their instructions implicitly. It was easier not to resist, anyway. His father had taught him that.

Flex-cuffed and flanked by men armed with guns and containment foam sprayers, he'd sat through a tense interview with a PRT officer where they'd asked him a dozen times in a dozen different ways if he had powers. He'd answered in the negative, of course; to his father's then-disgust, he hadn't yet triggered with his own set of powers to add to the service of the Empire by the time it came to an end.

Then they asked him if he'd known that his father was Kaiser.

The use of past tense had been his first hint that his father was dead. He'd nodded numbly, still trying to make sense of all this. Of course he'd known. He still remembered the night he'd been taken up Captain's Hill so he could look out over the whole city while Max gave him the 'one day, all this will be yours' speech.

But I don't want it, he'd replied.

Max had ignored him, because that was how Kaiser dealt with opinions he didn't have time for. To him, they didn't exist.

He'd been pulled out of his reminiscences by the officer asking another question. Why hadn't he told anyone, if he knew his father was a dangerous supervillain?

Theo had looked at the officer as though he were stupid. If you knew Max Anders, he'd said, you would know the answer to that. Nobody crossed him. Nobody.

Not even if you were his son?

Not even then.

The interview had wrapped up with the officer saying something about 'Stockholm syndrome' and indicating that Theo would get therapy, and be placed in foster care. He'd been left alone then, to wander through the echoing rooms of the Anders mansion while the forensic accountants decided what were the proceeds of crime and could be confiscated, and what was legitimately earned and could be inherited. His bedroom had been thoroughly tossed, requiring him to spend more than an hour putting his personal possessions roughly back where they'd been before. That, the TV room and the kitchen were about all he had access to; there was enough food there to last him and his caretakers (appointed by the PRT) for a month at least.

The comfort notwithstanding, he would have much preferred to be with Kayden in her apartment, taking care of Aster. Where he was now reminded him far too much of his father; every room, every corridor, echoed with the now-silenced criticisms.

He supposed he was the last of the Anders male line; his father had had no brothers, and he knew of no uncles or great-uncles. If he failed to marry and produce an heir, it would end with him. Good. The two generations of evil that had gone before him deserved to vanish without trace.

Passing the TV room with its insanely huge plasma TV, he ended up in his bedroom. He'd done a lap to the kitchen for something to do, but the reason for making the effort was beginning to slip from his grasp. It wasn't like he was hungry. He hadn't eaten in a while. He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the wall. Maybe he should nap before one of the PRT did one of their regular welfare check-ups on him? That would kill some time, right?

Not really feeling like a nap, he meandered out onto the balcony that adjoined his bedroom. The view wasn't quite as expansive as from the top of Captain's Hill, but it was still impressive. Or it would've been, if he hadn't seen it a thousand times before. He might sit on one of the chairs for a while—

"Hey."

His heart jolted in his chest for a second as he turned and saw the black-clad figure. She was leaning casually in the niche between the doorway and the balcony rail, just where she wouldn't be visible from inside the room. Her legs were crossed at the ankle and she had one hand resting on the rail, but he had no illusions about her preparedness for action.

He knew who she was, of course. Ever since his father's death, his nightmares had been populated by grotesque shadowy figures that stalked him relentlessly, gleaming shears seeking his life's blood. If anything, he was surprised it had taken her so long to get to him.

"Atropos." His voice was empty. There was no real point in begging for his life, and he didn't care anyway. Everyone in Brockton Bay knew the truth; if Atropos came for someone, they died. "You've come to finish the job."

"Seriously, wow, no." She shook her head. "Why do people I've got no reason to hurt keep thinking I'm there to kill them, with no warning? I warn people, and then I kill them. Maybe I should hand out business cards, or something. 'You get two warnings first'."

"Oh." He was almost disappointed. "Then what are you here for?"

She tilted her head. "Actually, I need a favour."

He blinked as his brain finally engaged with the world again. "Wait, what?"

"Favour." She flared her fingers as though promising that there was nothing up her sleeve. He was wondering if he should care. "I just need to borrow something. You'll get it back."

It wasn't his intention to antagonise her, but there was something he wanted to know. "May I ask you a question first?"

She didn't hesitate. "Yes."

That was easy. He'd honestly expected her to stall until she had what she wanted. "Uh ... Kayden ... Purity ... is she still alive?"

"What part of 'yes' didn't you understand?" She gestured out over the balcony. "I gave her the heads-up to get out of my city less than an hour before the PRT kicked her door in. She had no choice but to run for it, but she got away safely, and she and Aster are well out of state by now. She's still apparently trying to be a hero, so kudos to her. I hope she figures it out."

"Oh." She got away, but she left me behind. He felt himself sinking back into the funk. "So, uh, what did you want to borrow?"

"One of your swords, actually. The Louis the Fourteenth hand-and-a-half from seventeen-oh-five. You okay with that?"

Theo blinked. "Keep it. I don't care."

Atropos tilted her head. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Uh, you're welcome." The only real satisfaction he could glean out of this was that if his father were still alive, it would piss him off. And even that didn't help much.

She stepped up in front of him; when she spoke next, he found her voice oddly comforting. "The best thing we can do with asshole parents is try not to turn out like them." Her fingertips pressed against his sternum, and he involuntarily looked down at them. "You're down but you're not out, Theo. You're the one still standing, not him. Don't let him take that from you too."

He continued to stare at the spot where her hand had made contact, almost lost in the moment.

"I hope you get the help you need, man."

His head came up at that, but she was already gone.

With a quiet sigh, he went and sat on the end of one of the chairs and stared out at the horizon.

<><>

Danny

The back door opened to his key and he stepped inside, then locked it again. "I'm home!" he called out, just in case one of the girls had heard the door but didn't know who it was.

"In here!" Cherie replied from the living room.

"Just a second." He unlaced his boots and left them beside the door; no sense in tracking dirt through the house. "Is Taylor here too, or just you?"

She looked up from the sofa as he entered the living room. "No, just me. She said she had to go to New York. I'm making sure nobody does anything stupid at any of the clinics."

"Oh. Well, that's a good thing, then." He frowned. "One of the guys on the Committee seemed rather certain that there would be a problem, and was annoyed when there wasn't."

She snorted. "Yeah, I'd kick that guy off the team if I was you. Someone paid a bunch of assholes to cause trouble, until I reminded them that they were more scared of Taylor than they liked money."

"Son of a bitch," he said softly. "I can't just boot him from the Committee because someone owes someone else in the Mayor's office a bunch of favours. But if we can prove that he was in on it, I can have him arrested instead."

"Don't bother." She shook her head. "Taylor already knows who he is and what he's done. I'd bet money on it."

"But I don't want him dead …" he said uncertainly.

She shrugged. "If she decides to end him, she will, and then he'll be out of your hair. But if she does do it that way, everyone will know exactly why he's dead. We both know this."

"True." He lowered himself into the armchair. "So, what's in New York?"

"She didn't say, but we'll definitely find out." A sudden grin crossed her face. "I find the reveal is always worth the wait. Also, she got back to town a little while ago. She's talking to people, but before you ask, I have no idea who they are."

Danny sighed and rolled his eyes. "My daughter, the international woman of mystery."

"You think you're joking." Halfway through smirking at him, Cherie sat up. "She's on her way back now."

The last word was barely out of her mouth when a shadowy doorway formed in the middle of the living room, and Taylor stepped out of it. She was wearing her Atropos costume, which was to be expected. Less so was the sheathed sword she was carrying; it had to be at least three and a half feet long.

"Oh, hey," she said as the portal dissipated behind her. "No hassles with the Committee today, Dad?" Taking off her hat, she tossed it onto the sofa, followed by her mask.

"Just the same two troublemakers." He huffed out his breath in remembered irritation. "Cherie says Paul King paid a bunch of guys to cause problems with the clinics. Probably so he can siphon some of the money off once it gets returned to the budget."

"Correct. And Janice Templeton keeps trying to push the idea of issuing physical checks instead of handing out debit cards so she can arrange for a certain number to be 'lost'." Taylor nodded. "I'll deal with it." Danny went to speak, and she raised a finger. "Non-lethally. I get it."

"Thank you." He indicated the weapon she was carrying; although it looked to be in excellent condition, it was unmistakeably old. "Where did you get a sword from?"

"Oh, it's just a loaner." She grinned. "I'm going to be needing to make a point sometime soon."

Both Danny and Cherie groaned at the pun, but he still had a question to ask. "And you need a sword for that?" He spread his hands in an unspoken query. "Don't you already have a large number of pointy metal things?" God knew, she could use them better than he ever could.

"Oh, plenty. But they're not this sword." She drew it from the sheath and held it up, apparently admiring the way the light reflected from the blade as she turned it from side to side. Then she slid it back into place with one long sssshhhhhnk. "Nice. Oh, and I'm gonna be making a little bit of noise downstairs for a minute or so. Won't be long."

<><>

Taylor

Cherie jumped up off the sofa. "I'll come down with you, if that's okay?"

I shrugged. "Sure. Come on, then." She was still keeping an eye on the drug clinics, I knew, but nothing untoward was going to happen since she'd discouraged the paid troublemakers.

People around the city still had small stashes of drugs; I knew that for a fact. I also knew that they weren't getting any more. The supply lines from out of town had been well and truly cut. Some would burn through their stashes in a day or two, while others were stringing themselves out. They would all show up at the rehab clinics sooner or later, but they wouldn't all run out on the same day, so the clinics would not be overwhelmed.

All according to plan.

"You know," I said idly as Cherie followed me down into the basement, "if there's one thing about being Atropos that's totally different from my life before, it's the way I keep running into people who've been seriously fucked over by being in close proximity with villain capes during their formative years. I mean, look at you and Heartbreaker."

It wasn't just Cherie; Theo had been messed up in the head by Kaiser, and Riley had been severely brainwashed by her replacement parental figure, in the form of Jack Slash. Even Amy Dallon had the same problem from the other direction, due to her mother's fixation on who her father was (puh-leeze. His peccadillos as a murdering gangster aside, Marquis had been ten times the parent Carol Dallon was).

The Laborns were the odd pair out; it was Celia's perfectly normal drug addiction that had messed up Aisha's head. And Brian's powers and the constraints of his circumstances had more or less forced him into villainy, though to his credit he was trying to be a good male role model.

"The people you visited before you came home?" Cherie guessed. "So, it's not just me you're trying to help, then." It was a statement, not a question.

"Well, no." At the bottom of the stairs, I headed over to the entrance to the old coal-chute. Taking the cover off, I stashed the sword inside and put the cover back on. Then I went to the work-bench, where the angle-grinder lay next to the vise. "You're just the one who gets to sleep on my lumpy sofa bed."

While their individual circumstances were improving, largely due to my actions, there were many more out there with similar (or worse) problems. I couldn't fix all their situations individually, but I could do what I was currently doing, which was improve matters as a whole throughout Brockton Bay. And with Dad helming the Committee that was making use of the Slaughterhouse payout, I didn't even have to spend time figuring out how to do that, or spend effort toward making it happen.

Delegation. It was more than just a corporate buzz-word.

"Pfft, it's not that lumpy," she said with a grin. "And I'm pretty sure I've already said my living conditions could be a lot worse."

"True, true." Taking Ravager's (Ravioli's) double-barrel sawn-off from inside my coat, I broke it open and unloaded it, then put it in the vise and tightened the jaws until I was sure it wouldn't come loose.

"Wait, what?" Cherie stared at the firearm. "Why did you have to go all the way to New York just to get a shotgun? I'm pretty sure that gun shop owner would've picked out any of his stock and cut it down especially for you, for free and all."

"You'll see, once I show you and Dad the footage." With that, I handed her goggles and ear protectors, and put a set of each on myself. Angle-grinders were loud, and high-speed metal fragments in the eye were no joke. As I spun the disc up and ran it down along the barrel of the shotgun, skipping and turning it exactly where I needed to, I considered my next move.

Even with all the help I was getting, there was some stuff I had to do on my own, mainly because nobody else could connect all the dots like I could. Bastard Son was still in the planning stage, but I was going to let him plan all he liked. I was going to let him send people into the city to gather information, though he wouldn't get what he wanted out of that.

When he actually came at me and mine, I would stop him, but only then. It was the same reasoning I'd used in the extremely public executions of Lung, Kaiser and Skidmark: people only feared a consequence if they saw it happen to someone else. If I stepped into Bastard Son's presence and put a bullet in the back of his head while he was plotting in his hideout, nobody would notice. It would be a waste of a perfectly good cautionary tale.

Better to let him activate his plans, allow him to be seen, and then stop him. And of course, I was taking note of his various side-plans. The intent to kill me was par for the course; I wasn't even going to hold that against him, apart from the fact that he was going to die. But going after my father, after Aisha, after Cherie?

He was getting special attention for that.

<><>

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♦ Topic: RIP Ravager

In: Boards ► Brockton Bay ► New Capes ► Atropos

Atropos (Original Poster) (Banned) (You Wish) (UnVerified Cape) (Can Actually Kill Anything) (Yes, Really) (Watch Me)

Posted On Jan 14th 2011:

Hello to my faithful fans!

Midnight has struck once more. Yesterday was a somewhat different day than my norm. No blood has been spilled, no corpse of my making will decorate a morgue, yet murder has been done.

The sad and sorry tale (your mileage may vary) began not so long ago, when a certain B-list supervillain reached out to me, in the hopes that I would rid her of her nemesis.

The screenshot of the chat log can be found [here].

So today I took myself off to the Big Apple, where I found the person in question, in the process of robbing a jewelry store.

Okay, so I was waiting for her to come in, but that's more or less my thing. She really should have been expecting me.

(To paraphrase the old Chuck Norris meme: I don't chase. I *wait*).

The ensuing confrontation can be seen [here], and the downloaded security footage [here] (involuntarily supplied by PRT New York - thanks, guys!). The latter shows a few more angles, but without sound.

The Funniest Home Video version, with the swears edited out and humorous sound effects edited in, can be found [here]. She's never been so famous.

So, as you can see, Ravager is *dead* (or wishes she was). In her place, now and forevermore, is Ravioli. In fact, I might have heard a whisper that Ravioli is one of the aliases that she's going to be tried under.

What do you say, guys? Has her credibility been Ended for all time?

(And Ravioli? If you're harboring secret plans to go back to that shop, or attack that shop assistant, for some kind of revenge ... don't. I'll know, and I'll be waiting with my good friend Mr Pump Action Shotgun to have a conversation with you about how Kneecaps Are A Privilege).

Oh, and just by the way, Bastard Son of the Elite has decided that he can take me. Even now, he is laying his dastardly plans. (This is an official warning not to).

As for the rest of you wonderful people, have a safe and fulfilling day.

Toodles!

(Showing page 1 of 19)

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Holy Mary, mother of God.

I would ask exactly what Ravager (sorry, sorry—Ravioli) did to offend Atropos, but it seems the answer is clear. What's also abundantly clear is that death is *not* the worst punishment she can mete out.

Any reputation, any credibility, any *anything* Ravioli ever had is dead and gone.

She can't even claim bragging rights for surviving the fight, because Mouse Protector very clearly requested that Atropos not kill her.

So, I'm going to say this yet again for the hard of thinking:

Don't challenge Atropos. Killing you is not the worst she can do. Not even close.

I leave you all with that oh so pleasant thought.

Gotta say though, this is the first time one of her videos made me laugh out loud.

PS: Bastard Son, you idiot. Don't. Just ... don't.

►BigMouthFish

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

That reputation didn't just die, it was murdered, buried, exhumed, cremated, mixed with glitter, and then tossed out of a plane to be literal Dust in the Wind all on camera with Yakety Saxx playing.

And just as we finished off one challenger, another has decided to step up to the plate! Bastard Son, it appears we have an award waiting for you in Brockton from some guy named Darwin.

►Darwin_Award_Committee (Verified Darwin Award Committee)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

It has been decided by our committee that any deaths resulting from blatantly ignoring a direct warning by Atropos will officially be classed as deliberate suicide and thus be ineligible for an Award. Anyone punished in a non-lethal fashion (such as this one) will, however, be given Honorable Mention status.

►BrickFrog

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Hahahaha WHAT?

►Sikan

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

For those slow on the uptake, normal FAFO is linear. You Find Out in direct proportion to how much you Fuck Around. With Atropos FAFO is *exponential*. The rate of Find Out increases so once you pass the critical threshold of Fuck Around very little more brings very much more Finding Out.

►GreatAndTerribleAisha (Verified Head of Atropos Fan Club)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Okay, so my girl Atropos is OFFICIALLY so scary that even the Darwin award guys rate going up against her as suicide.

DA-yum.

►TwoFacedCat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Seeing as I am apparently the only one brave and/or stupid enough to be asking Atropos questions beyond 'Hopy Ship How Did You Do THAT?!', I shall now take it upon myself to represent today's youths and their inevitable interests in the practices of social and interpersonal dynamics. Allow me a moment to get into the mindset of the abstract stereotypical teenager lounging at their phone far away from threat and consequences.

Ahem-hem hemmm...

OMG Atriops u r sooooooooooooooooo cool! r u teh gayz or teh straits or boof? o do u hav a harem? wut do u loo pardnar? uhav any turnofs? Ima rite a fic wer u and [INSERT CELEBRITY CAPE HERE] hav sloppy makouts!

(In all seriousness, please do not react poorly to the inevitable shipping, Atropos. Humans are social and imaginative creatures, and you yourself know full well some people don't know when to stop. You would not believe some of the death porn out there...)

►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Atropos - thank you for holding off until midnight, so I could see the security footage for myself.

We at the PRT have taken note of the restraint you exercised, but I'm reasonably certain R doesn't appreciate it.

So instead I'll thank you in her place, for doing as Mouse Protector asked.

As always, my door is open (by now, I'm certain you know where it is) if you ever want to come in for a sit-down.

►Atropos (Original Poster) (Banned) (You Wish) (UnVerified Cape) (Can Actually Kill Anything) (Yes, Really) (Watch Me)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

GreatAndTerribleAisha - School night. Don't make me call your brother. (Though yeah, it is pretty cool).

TwoFacedCat - I appreciate the concern. I shall ignore them as needed.

Reave - you're welcome. Not today, but I appreciate the offer (by the way, I watered your plants for you).

End of Page. 1, 2, 3 ... 17, 18, 19

(Showing page 2 of 19)

►GreatAndTerribleAisha (Verified Head of Atropos Fan Club)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

This is an automated message. This user is asleep and has been for hours.

You saw nothing.

►EdBaccarat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

If we hadn't seen what happened to Ravioli, this would be a Noodle Incident.

But I think Atropos went far pasta that line.

►Atropos (Original Poster) (Banned) (You Wish) (UnVerified Cape) (Can Actually Kill Anything) (Yes, Really) (Watch Me)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Well let's face it - I'd penne'd it down back when Rava- sorry, Ravioli tried to hire me. So Ravioli tortellini deserved it.

►Mouse_Protector (Verified Cape) (Veteran Member) (Independent Hero) (Verified Atropos Fan)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Atropos - Can I steal that? It was really gouda. Also, thanks once more for the hit on Ravioli's credibility. That footage was *(pasta) chef's kiss*.

►Atropos (Original Poster) (Banned) (You Wish) (UnVerified Cape) (Can Actually Kill Anything) (Yes, Really) (Watch Me)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Mouse_Protector - Farfalle-ing instructions, sure! And you're welcome.

►EdBaccarat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Glad you got permission from Atropos, MP. We wouldn't want her cheesed off with you. :D

►FauxDemon

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

EdBaccarat - I mean, MP got plenty of things from that failed heist to take as a trofie :) If nothing else she can share the pic to any Ravioli fans, drive emmental :p

►hjcallipygian

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Sikan - Rather, I propose that Atropos provides a binary amount of Find Out: either None or Complete. You have either attracted Atropos's attention, in which case you shall Fully Find The Fuck Out, or you have not. This is the only value which she provides.

►Tangle

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

I must say that I usually don't like pratfall and slapstick humor (I used to - I'm old enough to remember the Three Stooges, let alone Steve Martin and Chevy Chase), but I about busted my gut watching Ravioli's lifestyle change.

Still, I think we learned something new about Atropos here. Beyond the fact that messing with Brockton Bay gets you a paddlin' (or more likely a gankin'), doing something nice for Brockton Bay (or at least agreeing to do so ahead of time) gets you OUT of a paddlin'.

Ravioli tried to pay Atropos to kill someone who Atropos stated was a net gain for society. Atropos not only said no, but turned around and offered her services to Ravioli's target, Mouse Protector. And so, for the low price of a charity visit to a children's cancer ward in Brockton Bay, Ravioli earned herself a lifestyle change. I have no doubt in my mind that, had Mouse Protector Not requested that Atropos not kill Ravioli, Ravioli would have ended up most sincerely and very completely dead at the end of what we just watched. So good on you, MP.

And just how dumb can Ravioli be? I mean, there's clear evidence that Atropos does NOT care about money, and she tries to hire the deadliest killer around to take out Mouse Protector? That'd be just about as dumb as trying to hire the Slaughterhouse Nine (hope their relocation to Hell is everything they deserve) to do... well, anything! Maybe even dumber because Atropos nixed the ninnies!

►BattleLoaf

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

No one ever accused her of being smart. This is the same Stooge who regularly picks fights with MP, despite the Mouse-themed defender of justice constantly, and repeatedly, clowning on her.

I mean, Our Lady of Murder took it to another level with her slapstick routine, but it's just an increase of scale. Ravioli has been bumbling her idiot self into the role of unintentional joke-villain for a while now.

End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4 ... 17, 18, 19

(Showing page 3 of 19)

►TwoFacedCat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

So now I'm wondering about a hypothetical world where Atropos decided to put on a magician's suit instead of a pinstripe one. A comedian whose act is killer.

►Underwater_Flower

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

I can't believe nobody is talking about Bastard Son.

If he's still planning to take on Atropos, he must be one stupid bastard.

►FroggyMojo

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Arrogance combined with power both para and otherwise can cause any motherfucker to become pants on head stupid.

►AntAuthor

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

TwoFacedCat - And for my next trick, I'll make this villain disappear, with this magic woodchipper!

FroggyMojo - It's even worse, because the pants are also soaked/filled with diarrhea and piss, yet they insist on putting them on their heads anyways. And then they act surprised when the liquid poop and piss gets into their eyes and mouth.

►WingsOnHigh (Verified Not the Simurgh)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

*Vague angry disgust noises at having to read that*

►AntAuthor

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

It's true though! There's so much proof about how effective Atropos is at Ending Things that anyone who, at this moment, still thinks "meh, I can take her", is soo blind/stupid/arrogant that it is beyond "pants on head stupid". We are now at the level of the pants now being soaked in toilet contents, and them putting those horribly soiled pants on their heads anyway stupid.

To put it another way, this isn't normal stupid. This is...

*ADVANCED STUPID*.

►TwoFacedCat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

It is theoretically possible to kill Atropos.

It is also theoretically possible to extinguish the sun.

►WingsOnHigh (Verified Not the Simurgh)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

If it weren't for, ya know, the era of superpowers I'd say just wait 80 years or so. As it stands, even without whatever new cape power pops up Atropos would probably kill "Bad lifestyle habits" for herself and outlive everyone the normal way. Be that tough as hell, scary 118 y/o lady who drinks whiskey at every meal and beats people with her cane if they do stupid shit. And the cane is just to give you a chance.

►AntAuthor

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Dollars to doughnuts that the cane has a sword hidden in it too, for when someone is behaving soo poorly that they need a gouda skewering.

►DoctorHooTheOwl

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

What was it that Einstein said once? Ah, yes! "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Really, at this point there's going to be a new category specifically for "Death by Atropos" in the Darwin Awards.

I, for one, am eagerly pondering who wins first place.

End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 17, 18, 19

(Showing page 4 of 19)

►IWarnedYou

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

DoctorHooTheOwl - Maybe you missed it earlier, but the Darwin Award folks weighed in on it and said that death by Atropos was being counted as suicide, but non-lethal punishments would be Honorable Mentions.

TwoFacedCat - I see what you did there. Though hopefully she doesn't pull a rabbit out of her hat... because it won't be a harmless bunny.

►AeturnumSPQR (Unverified Immortal)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

WingsOnHigh - Eh give it time. Afterall she only has a human lifespan and what is threescore and ten years? Hardly an eyeblink in geological terms.

►UnconcernedFox

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

*lugs another barrel of popcorn in, and starts the footage running again*

►Atrim

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

You do realize there's at least two capes that are theoretically immortal right? Alabaster eternally resets, and there was that one S9 member (before Atropos got to them).

Not to mention the average Case 53. No one knows if they die of old age.

Plus if those rumors about Panacea are true that's a whole nother ball game.

►AeturnumSPQR (Unverified Immortal)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Immortality is a CURSE. It is unnatural. Man was not meant to live centuries. To quote one show the secret to Immortality is this. "If you win, you lose. If you lose, you win."

►NinetyNineShadows

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Hey, if immortality does end up being a curse, they have all the time in the world to change their mind and find somewhere to die.

►Horsefish

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Hey, anybody else feel like pasta? I suddenly have a hankering. And some grana padano in the fridge...

►MostlyInsaneWriter

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

I see Ravioli is now Past it ... Yes, I'm terrible. But Honestly? Ravioli is probably going to have to choose a new career. Would the laws governing how capes use their powers stop her from being recruited to taking part in a slapstick comedy act? Because that's all she's going to be able to do from now on.

►KeijiAsuka

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

IWarnedYou - It may LOOK harmless, but if anyone but her got too close, it would probably tear their heads clean off. I mean, she'd probably pull out the Killer Beast of Caerbannog.

►TwoFacedCat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Dude, real rabbits can bite you through the hand. Never underestimate something just because it's cute.

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(Showing page 5 of 19)

►AeturnumSPQR (Unverified Immortal)

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Cats as well. A cat is an assassin by trade. It attacks from ambush. It will go for the throat. Where if the prey is much smaller than itself it will find the vertebrae in the neck and separate them or is will go for the front and crush the animals windpipe. Then there are the four sets of claws a cat has.

Anyway, I do wonder what they will charge Ravioli with this time. Public Nuisance? Repeat Offender as in she keeps offending people? Being a crime against nature?

►BigTopper

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Attempted Robbery there on the day, getting foiled counts if it's after you've started the crime. Plus whatever outstanding warrants there are on file. And after that humiliation she'll probably admit to anything they put to her in questioning so's to have a good long time out of the public eye in a nice quiet jail somewhere. Which will help along the NY PRT's clear-up rate, so everyone's a winner.

Except Ravioli, who lost. Hard.

►TotallyMads

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

TwoFacedCat - Please stop with the butchering of the language.

Atropos will legitimately defend grammar. With lethal force.

►TwoFacedCat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Are you sure? I mean she's friends with GTA, and I've seen some of her posts...

►BigTopper

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

After her non-lethal performance against Ravioli, we now know that lethal force is her being *merciful*.

►EdBaccarat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

And now, we know Ravioli's first name is Dee. [long pause] Short for Boy-Ar... ;)

►OtakuAnonymous

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

That's unfair. Besmirching the name of the late, great Ettore (Hector) Boiardi (Boyardee). His legacy of the Gold Star of the Order of Excellence, spreading the love of Italian cuisine and making life easier for struggling parents to feed their kids should not be tainted by the reputation - or lack thereof - of Ravioli the failed Villain Cape.

Also, I am now wondering about how many pasta puns Mouse Protector will work into her future. That and if Atropos' latest victim will now make noodles part of her daily rotini...

►EdBaccarat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

At this point we're just milking the joke. But that's just the whey we roll here on PHO. We're the pro-tein where puns are concerned.

►OtakuAnonymous

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

Ramen to that! Think of all the pastabilities. They mac (and cheese) me smile! Can't wait for all the PHO-natics to really go for it. The pesto's yet to come for SURE.

►EdBaccarat

Replied On Jan 14th 2011:

I wonder what else they'll get get her on?

Impersonation of a can of pasta?

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PRIVATE MESSAGE

To: Atropos

From: TheRealPanacea

Subject: Can we talk?

I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me, and I tried it out, and it kind of worked, but now I need to know … how much am I allowed to do before you start looking in my direction?

Amy

■

Part 37