Snek is a Good Boy Pt 15 (Patreon)

Part Fifteen: Pride Cometh Before

[A/N: This chapter commissioned by @Fizzfaldt and beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]

Mouse Protector

Diane had no idea what to expect next, but that was kind of the norm with Snek. It was one of the reasons they got along so well. He was so matter-of-fact about every weird and cool thing he did while not making a big noise about it. On top of that, he was unfailingly polite, except with the people he ate. Who were, Diane was happy to say, assholes one and all.

Firmly astride his neck, she leaned forward. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."

"Mouss hold on." The usual portal formed in front of Snek's nose and they blurred through it.

On the other side, the terrain was heavily wooded, strongly resembling a tropical rainforest in nature. Diane looked around with considerable interest, almost sure that she'd been here before (albeit briefly) when Snek did his mad dash to get them both away from the Siberian. It was cool and green under the trees, with ferns and other types of undergrowth. Much of the plant life wasn't familiar to her, though she wasn't sure if that was because it was extinct in the modern era or if she'd just never seen it before.

"Ssharp tooth lizard world," Snek said brightly. "Iss fun placce."

"From the looks of it, and knowing you, I can see why." A flock of loudly squawking birds flew from one tree to another, though she was pretty sure each one had four wings, and teeth instead of a beak. "But I don't see your sharp tooth lizard friends."

"They are very ssneaky," Snek said, raising and half-turning his head so she could see his smile. "Iss why Ssnek likess vissiting thiss world." As he spoke, they never stopped moving, Snek slithering through the undergrowth and between the massive trees like the way had been specifically arranged for him.

And then Diane saw something dashing through the undergrowth on a parallel path; it was barely visible, a flicker of green on green. She only really caught it because of the motion, but by the time she turned her head to look, it was gone. A smile grew on her lips as she glanced to the other side and saw another flicker of green, so well camouflaged that she had to work to make it out.

"They're all around us, aren't they?" she asked.

"Mouss has good eyess," Snek confirmed. "Playing chasse game now."

"Oh, we are, are we?" On a hunch, Diane looked behind her.

Sure enough, while the pursuers on either side were falling back (Snek was absolutely powering through the rainforest) three of them had leaped up onto Snek's broad back and were running up his length toward his head. Toward her.

About four feet tall, they strongly resembled the raptors made famous by such movies as Jurassic Park and its sequels. She'd enjoyed the movies immensely, though she'd been dubious about the choice to add capes to the sequels. Seeing the team Brute grab a Tyrannosaur by the tail and use it to beat the Plotosaurus Rex over the head had been (to her, anyway) the highlight of the movie, but in her opinion, it didn't add anything to the overall plot.

These raptors, however, were feathered. Shimmering green plumage covered most of their bodies and spread out sideways from their arms, possibly to aid in balance. Their heads, however, bore flaring crests in gorgeous reds and blues; she guessed this was a threat display. Or a mating display, though she hoped not. Buy a girl a drink first, geez.

They were also remarkably agile, considering how they were leaning into the turns even as Snek's body swayed from side to side beneath their feet. She attributed part of that to their arm feathers, and the rest to their tails acting as counterweights.

Rising to her feet, she dropped a marked puck on Snek's head, then ran back toward the oncoming raptors. Just before the first one reached her, she leaped up and over, booping it on the nose as it reached up to snap playfully at her. The instant she landed, she threw herself into a slide straight through the legs of the second one, causing it to screech and tumble off Snek's back into the undergrowth.

Tossing another puck straight up, she teleported to it then dropped onto Snek's back behind the third raptor while it was still looking around for her. "Hi," she said, and glomped it, then lifted it clear off its feet. It was lighter than it looked, but it struggled like something with twice the muscle mass.

Squawking in surprise and whipping its body in all directions, it struggled mightily to escape, but Diane wasn't letting it off so easily. She recalled one time when she'd had Ravager in more or less the same position, and what she'd subsequently done. Shifting her grasp around, she brought her fingers into play … and began to tickle it.

At the time, it had turned out that Ravager was indeed ticklish and hated it. The villain never stopped cursing her out, even between fits of laughter. Still, it had kept her helpless long enough for Diane to get the restraints on her.

Burrowing in through the feathers, her fingers found its ribs and began seeking out the sensitive spots. She knew she'd found them when the raptor's wriggling and squalling changed dramatically. If she wasn't much mistaken, it was doing the dinosaur equivalent of laughing, and its attempts to free itself were now a lot less effective.

When Snek slid to a halt, Diane looked around and discovered that they were now in the middle of a clearing under the trees. More of the feather-crested raptors crowded around Snek, chirping and chattering between themselves. More to her surprise than she would really have expected, she saw that some were emerging from rudimentary huts built up against the trees. What really opened her eyes were the stone-lined firepits in front of each hut. They've got fire too?

"Well, hello there," she said, releasing her ad hoc prisoner and jumping down off Snek's back. The raptor slid down as well and scrambled to its feet, then rejoined its fellows. They began poking it and pushing it around, squawking and keening and producing that laughter-like sound.

"Thiss iss Mouss," Snek said, and they all quieted, looking up at the giant reptile as he raised his head to look at them all. "Mouss iss friend." He followed it up with a series of chirping noises almost exactly the same as they used.

Why does it not surprise me that he speaks their language too?

The raptors responded by regarding her curiously, then moving closer, chirping at her in what she chose to interpret as a friendly manner. She thought she recognised the three which had joined her on Snek's back, two pushing the third one along. That one said something in their language (it clearly wasn't just random chirps and squawks) and then handed her … the marked puck she'd left on Snek's head.

"Thank you," she said, tucking it away in a pouch. "I appreciate it." Unfastening her helmet, she hung it on her belt, every motion followed by the bright eyes of the dino-critters. "I'm Diane, but you can call me Mouse."

<><>

Home Base of the Crowley Branch of the Fallen; Kansas

Jake Crowley

"Fetch me a beer." Jake didn't care who did it, so long as he got a beer in his hand. He didn't take his eyes away from the TV screen as he watched—yet again—the horrific imagery of that serpent, the Defiler, slithering out of the receding waves with the leg of The Lord of Waters in its mouth.

One of his wives brought it to him and he cracked the cold can without even looking at it. As he slammed half the contents back in one hit, he became aware of his younger brother dropping onto the ragged sofa beside him. "You've been watching this over and over for days," Vince said. "What are we gonna do about it?"

And that was the big question, wasn't it? What could he do about it? All the worship in the world wouldn't bring Leviathan back, though he'd had his followers trying exactly that ever since the Savannah attack. A bunch of the devout had volunteered (or been 'volunteered'; he didn't give a fuck which it was) to be ritually drowned as a sacrifice, but that had just ended up with more bodies to be disposed of and no sign that it had worked.

As if his brother's question had finally crystallised the answer in his mind, Jake knew what had to be done. "We need to deal with the snake."

Vince tilted his head questioningly. "Well, not saying no, but how do you mean that? Kill it?"

"If we have to." Jake was thinking hard, now that he'd gotten past the mental block that had sprung up the first time he saw the heretical creature. "Either that, or co-opt it."

"Wait, what?" Now Vince was actually startled. "Bring it on board? What if it's not interested? What if it's just a projection or something?"

"If it is," Jake said patiently, "we find the cape behind it and bring him on board. Or kill him, or whatever. However we do it, we've got to deal with this thing before more people just walk away."

"Okay, yeah, got it." Vince looked at him expectantly. "How are we gonna do that? Any of it? I'm good, but I'm not that good. Even with Sabrina helping out."

Jake snapped his fingers. "I'm aware. For this, I'm going to need to make some phone calls."

"Wait." Vince finally seemed to have figured out where he was going with all this. "You're calling on Mathers for help?"

"And McVeay," Jake confirmed. "If that damn snake is good enough to destroy Leviathan—"

"—or drive him off," Vince hurriedly added, that being the stopgap explanation they were using at the moment.

"Or drive him off," Jake amended, "then we're going to need all the throw weight that we can get our hands on."

Vince grimaced. "I dunno. I mean, I know we've got to do something, but … you know they're going to hold this over our heads forever, right? We're going to owe them so hard."

"Doesn't matter." Jake started looking around for his phone. "Either the snake dies, or it becomes our new Lord of the Waters. And any debt we owe will look like chickenshit next to the cred we'll have once we've got our very own Endbringer to deliver judgement to the wicked when and where we say."

"I guess …" Vince shrugged. "But I can't help feeling there's something we haven't factored in."

"Are you sure this isn't just you being a little bitch?" Jake muted the TV then started looking through the phone's directory for the numbers he wanted. "Now shut up, I need to make those calls."

"Whatever you say, bro." Vince got up and wandered off, leaving Jake in peace.

"Damn right." Jake selected the first number and hit the call icon, already composing in his head what he was going to say.

<><>

Mouse Protector

Diane had been surprised already that the raptors were hut-builders and could use fire, but her next revelation came once the tribe had gotten more used to her. That was when the little ones came out of the huts to see what was going on. The youngest of them were about a foot tall, and they were covered in the cutest green fluff that made them into little floofy puffballs. Even better, when they were excited, they let loose with gravelly peep-peep sounds like baby chicks with a pack-a-day habit.

Having shed her armour to better enjoy the experience—the raptors had been intrigued by it, but not puzzled by its existence—she'd decided that a bunch of cute little raptor-babies cuddling up to her was about the best thing that had happened to her all month. They seemed to like her too, especially when she burrowed her fingers in through the fluffiness and scratched them down the back or rubbed their bellies. A couple of the mature raptors, ones she figured were the equivalent of stay-at-home moms, were lingering nearby to keep an eye on the kids, but they seemed relaxed and tolerant of their youngsters' interest in her.

These dino-people had no shortage of brains, she decided, or empathy toward their own. From what she could see, they cared for their young, their old and their infirm. All they were really lacking was the infrastructure and opportunities afforded by a technological society, and she couldn't really say they were missing out on much there.

Snek came slithering over from where he'd been playing some variation of tag-me-out with some of the other raptors. "Musst go. Mouss come with?"

Reluctantly, Diane let go of her armful of wriggly floof, and climbed to her feet. "Sorry, kids," she said apologetically. "Mama Mousey's gotta go pretend to be a responsible adult. Catch you all next time."

As she began to strap on her armour, the ones she'd tagged as moms came over and began to calm their brood, who were starting to show signs of unhappiness that their newest playmate was leaving. One of them chirped at her and put a clawed hand on her arm.

"Sshe ssayss it wass nicce meeting you," Snek translated helpfully. "Little oness like you."

Diane paused in her armouring up to give the reptilian mother a hug. "Tell her that I really enjoyed myself, and I'd love to come back and see them again sometime."

Amidst more goodbyes, Diane donned the last of her armour and put her helmet on. She hugged the other raptor mom and waved goodbye to the rest; as an afterthought, she pulled out her phone and took a selfie with them. Then she swung her leg over Snek's neck.

"Mouss hold on."

"Woo hoo!"

<><>

The Boardwalk, Brockton Bay

Kid Win

"So, where were you thinking of transferring to?" Chris asked the question idly as he drifted along on his hover-skateboard, about six inches off the ground.

Gallant looked around at him, the set of his mouth conveying irritation. "Two questions. First, what makes you think anyone's transferring anywhere? Second, can't you walk like a normal person?"

Chris just snorted and shook his head. "Seriously? Let me count the number of major villains that have been eaten alive or chased the hell out of Brockton Bay since Snek started hanging around. Oh, wait. All of them. In case you hadn't noticed, non-cape crime is way down too. That's what happens when a sixty-foot boa constrictor is known to look over a safecracker's shoulder and ask him what he's doing."

"Hah, yeah." Gallant cracked a grin. "I'm pretty sure the poor bastard ended up with fear of snakes after that."

It hadn't been the only incident of its type, or even a rarity. Snek, so it seemed, was both remarkably curious and able to go basically anywhere he wanted. Humorously enough, he had a talent for interrupting crimes in progress with his 'innocent' questions.

"As Clock would put it, couldn't happen to a nicer guy." Chris tilted his head. "What I'm saying is, once the villains go away, there's less call for heroes in the city. So, the way I figure it, they're going to start offering transfers to places where there's more need for us."

Gallant sounded dubious. "Are you sure about this? What do the others think?"

Chris shrugged. "Haven't talked to everyone yet, but Vista's already packing her bags."

"Wait, Vista?" Gallant seemed taken aback by that. "She wants to go that badly? I thought ..." He trailed off before he could say any more, but it didn't matter. Chris already knew.

"Dude. Chill." He patted his buddy on the armoured shoulder. "The way I hear things, it's not about you. It's her parents. She wants to get away from ... how did she put it again? Their 'passive-aggressive pseudo-parenting'."

"Wow, okay." Gallant actually stopped at that point and did the 'time-out' gesture. "No matter what she did or did not say, I don't think here and now is a good time or place to air that sort of dirty laundry, do you?"

"Okay, yeah, sorry. I thought maybe you'd heard her in the common room before we came out on patrol. Clock got a real earful. She was kind of ranting a bit."

"I see. Think I should talk to her? Offer a shoulder?"

Chris thought about it, then shook his head. "Probably not the best idea in the world. You've already made it clear you're not interested in her. Something like that would send only mixed messages."

"Okay, yeah, granted." Gallant gestured sideways at the flying skateboard. "Next order of business. Why can't you just walk?"

"Image," Chris intoned piously, having had time to think about it. "The PR guys said that the public loves to see Tinker heroes using their equipment when we're out and about. So it's totally not my call. I'm forced into it by my adoring fans."

Despite the visor, Chris knew Gallant was giving him the stink eye. "You do know I can tell when you're full of shit, right?"

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it." Chris knew Gallant probably couldn't see it, but he raised his eyebrows behind his visor. "Anyway, Glory Girl barely walks anywhere in public that I can recall. It's like she can't help reminding most of us mere mortals that she can fly and we can't."

"It's not like that," Gallant protested weakly. "She's just … you know … Vicky."

"Yeah, we know." Chris grinned at the way he'd managed to turn things around on his buddy. "Hey, how about we grab some lunch and give the Fugly patrons a photo op?"

"That's actually not a bad idea." Gallant grabbed onto the notion quickly enough that Chris suspected he wanted to distance himself from the mention of his girlfriend rarely touching foot to ground. "At least both of us can eat in public. I still have no idea why Clock went with the full-face helmet."

Chris shrugged. "I think he likes the idea of nobody knowing where he's looking. Or maybe he was a hard-boiled egg in a previous life."

Gallant sputtered laughter. "Okay, that's it. When Aegis graduates to the Protectorate, I'm putting my foot down. You won't be patrolling with Clock for at least a month. His sense of humour is rubbing off on you, and not in a good way."

"What, I'm not allowed to have a sense of humour of my own?" protested Chris.

"Buddy, you're a Tinker. I'm pretty sure becoming one of those requires leaving your sense of humour at the door." He activated his helmet radio. "Console, this is Gallant. Kid Win and I are catching a bite at Fugly's."

"Copy that, static at Fugly's." That was Clockblocker on the other end. "Bring me back some curly fries, over."

"Sure, but they'll be cold by the time we get there, sorry. Gallant, out."

They climbed the front steps of Fugly Bob's and entered the partially open-air establishment. The server's eyes widened as they approached the counter. "Uh, hi? Is … is there a problem?"

"No, no problem," Gallant said smoothly, in his particular talking-to-girls way that made the server—her nametag read MARCI—relax and smile. Chris knew he'd never be able to emulate that tone, not in a million years. It was just a talent on his teammate's part, one envied by everyone who knew him. "We just dropped in for a bite to eat, that's all."

"Oh, that's okay then." Marci indicated the illuminated menu up behind the counter. "So, what would you like?"

"One of these days, I'm going to bring Aegis in here and see if he can take out the Challenger," Chris mused. "But right now, I'm thinking a Fugly's Extra Bacon with curly fries and a vanilla shake."

"Aegis's power is redundancy, not miracle working," Gallant retorted with a grin. "I'll have the same as him, but with a diet Pepsi, thanks."

Chris glanced back as more people came in through the front door, but they didn't seem to be in too much of a hurry. "Hey, were you working here when Snek came through the drive-through that one time?"

Marci finished typing up the order, then nodded. "Yeah, but I was on the front counter, not on the window. I only got to see him go past, then he just vanished. Krystal was working the window, and she had to go and sit down in the back room for half an hour afterward. Your orders should be done in a minute, gentlemen. If you want to take a seat, I'll bring them out to you."

Gallant inclined his head. "Thank you, Marci. We appreciate it."

He and Chris stepped away from the counter so that the next group could place their orders. One of them, a wispy blonde, went to walk past Chris, but a kid a few years younger than Gallant pushed between him and the woman. Chris felt himself being jolted aside with surprising force and he looked back in surprise. Gallant was also staring at the group, and Chris heard the click as he activated his radio. "Console, we're—"

"Everyone! Listen to me!" Another member of the group, a skinny teenage girl with long blonde hair, raised her voice. Chris noted that she had makeup pasted on her face, imperfectly concealing tattoos around her mouth. "Sit down, shut up, and don't communicate with anyone!"

Oh, shit, Chris realised far too late as the compelling gaze passed over him. Master. The eyes flashed, and his will dissolved into warm jelly …

<><>

Wards Base, PRT Building

Vista

"Gallant," Dennis said urgently. "Come in, Gallant. Can you hear me?"

Seated on the couch, Missy looked around at the unaccustomed tone of his voice. "What? What's happened?"

"Dunno. Come in, Gallant. They called in a stop at Fugly's, then he started to call me, then the call dropped out." He paused. "Wait, I can hear a woman talking, giving orders. I don't get … huh?"

"'Huh' what?" Missy rolled off the couch and made it to him in one long stride. He was shaking his head and slapping at his free ear. "Dennis! What's going on?"

Pulling off his headphones, he shook his head again, then turned toward her. "What? What the hell? I can't hear you. I can't hear anything!" His voice was oddly nasal as he stared at her with growing panic in his eyes. "Say something! Yell at me! Anything!"

Discarding the headphones, he jumped to his feet as though trying to escape whatever was happening to him. He started wiggling his fingers in his ears, as though trying clear water out of them. At the same time, he worked his jaw in the way they'd been shown to clear his ear canals.

Missy grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands away from his ears. "Calm down," she ordered him. "Just tell me what's going on!"

From a range of six inches, he yelled in her face, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Oh, shit. Missy didn't know exactly what was going on, but she knew this was very bad indeed. Normally, she would've suspected a Clockblocker prank, but she could see the terror in his eyes. Also, he just wasn't that good an actor.

Grabbing up the headset, she flicked it over to internal comms and held the earpiece to her head while she spoke into the mic. "Vista to PRT Console. Vista to PRT Console. Clockblocker's under a cape effect. We need people here now-now-now!"

There was no answer. She tapped the button to make their console flash.

Nothing.

<><>

Mama Mathers

Christine looked at her two latest cape followers. Now under Valefor's influence, Gallant and Kid Win would be fine additions to her flock; Gallant's powers even fitted neatly with the Mathers family theme. Though she'd have to change that name.

It was too bad for those who had been listening in on Gallant's open radio channel. They had heard her voice, and so their hearing was hers, but she couldn't have them telling their colleagues what she was doing. Once her business in Brockton Bay was finished, she would speak to them as only she could. Either they would come to her, or they would go mad.

She didn't much care which.

<><>

Vista

She had to act. Whatever it was that could make Dennis go deaf over a radio link and incapacitate the PRT listeners at the same time was definitely bad news.

The word "Fugly's" sparked a memory association that brought back to her a polite conversation with an enormous snake, one who liked to help people and eat Endbringers.

She did the only thing she could think of.

Dropping the headset on the desk and tilting back her head, she called out, "Snek! Snek! Heeeeelp!"

Part 16