Snek is a Good Boy Pt 9 (Patreon)

Part Nine: Together Again

[A/N: This chapter commissioned by Fizzfaldt and beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal].

Noelle

"Okay," said Cody. "So … I have a question."

He was looking at Noelle instead of the Master of the Castle, who was giving them space to talk, so she nodded. "Sure, what is it?"

"Now, don't freak. Hear me out." He spread his hands, palm up. "You said Krouse and the rest are in PRT custody, right?"

"Right." She said it guardedly. "What's your point?"

"My point is …" he paused, apparently trying to think of how to phrase it, "… why don't we just … well … leave them there?"

She blinked solidly, going back over what he'd said, trying to wring another meaning from his words. "You have to be kidding. Why would I ever agree to that?"

"Listen. Listen, listen, listen." He was in full wheedling mode. She recalled a time when it had worked on her. Too much had happened since then for it to have any sort of effect now. "Ever since Krouse joined our group, things have gone to shit. Name one good thing that's happened to us."

She stared him down. "Now you're pushing it. The Simurgh, that wasn't Krouse. We were Simurgh bombs from then on, so all the arguing …" Recalling the words of the Master of the Castle, she amended her words. "… okay, most of the arguing was down to that."

"Krouse gave you that shitty formula." He grinned as he said it, evidently sure he'd scored a winning point.

"The Simurgh made him find it," Noelle countered. "She made sure we'd drink the ones we did. She wanted me to be a monster. Everything after the Simurgh, us becoming the Travellers, was basically down to her." She pointed at Cody. "But you were the one who nearly got Mars killed by Accord."

From the expression on his face, he knew he was on the back foot now. "That was the Simurgh, too," he protested. "You said it yourself. And anyway, the guys have all committed crimes. The PRT will put them in jail, they'll break out and go their own way. Meanwhile, you and me …"

She shook her head. "No. Krouse has stuck by me through thick and thin. Yeah, I know it was the Simurgh's influence that probably caused you to mess up all those times, but I was with Krouse before we ever came to Bet."

"So why am I even here?" asked Cody. "I thought we had something."

"We did, once," she agreed. "But not anymore. I asked for you to be rescued because you were once my teammate, and I'm hoping we can still be at least friends. But the others get a choice as well."

"Well spoken, Miss Meinhardt," said the Master of the Castle approvingly. "Snek, if you can retrieve the other members of her group, please?"

"Yess, Masster," the massive snake agreed at once. "Ssnek will do that." Turning, it wriggled out through the door, which closed behind it.

"Is it just me," murmured Cody, "or does that thing get creepier every time you hear it talk?"

Noelle stared at him, absolutely certain that the Master of the Castle had just heard his words. "No!" she protested. "And you're a horrible person for even thinking that! Snek is a perfect gentleman!"

Cody made an abortive gesture, then blinked. "Crap," he muttered. "What happened to—?"

"Your temporal rewind powers?" The Master of the Castle's smile was wintry. "They are currently in abeyance. And I will thank you to be more polite in general. This castle possesses an abundance of both dragons and dungeons." Though his tone was light, there was steel beneath it.

Cody gulped.

<><>

Regional Director Emily Piggot

PRT ENE

Emily relaxed in her chair, looking over the morning reports. Nothing drastic had happened overnight, which she decided to chalk up to a minor miracle. The day before had been impressively chaotic, or chaotically impressive, whichever way she wanted to describe it.

Not only was Coil in captivity, but he was also Thomas Calvert, which explained so many things that had been going wrong since he'd slimed his way back into the PRT from being a mere civilian advisor. Also, the Travellers were under lock and key (all except for the semi-mythical monster that had reputedly been accompanying them) and finally Tattletale was spilling the beans about Coil, just as fast as she could manage it.

This situation was not without its complications. She'd had to call in extra manpower from everywhere to cover for every person with whom Calvert had had even a tangential part in placing within the building. And that didn't include those who had been cleared by his stooges, all of whom were now also under intensive investigation. Tattletale had (somewhat unexpectedly) been of assistance here, willingly pointing out the ones she claimed to be his moles. Emily wasn't so gullible as to take these assertions at face value, or to immediately clear the ones Tattletale said were fine, but she was happy to use said assertions as a data point for or against.

As part of this, she'd automatically assumed the PRT building's computer system was compromised—if she knew Calvert, it was the first thing he would've done—so she had IT guys with suitable clearance going through it with the electronic equivalent of a fine-toothed comb, snagging out the bits and pieces that should not be there. So far, they weren't even half done, and they'd already found enough evidence of tampering to make her consider raising their salaries. She also wanted to tear her hair out, but she could do that later.

What to do with Tattletale after the dust had settled was another matter. The girl clearly did not want to go anywhere near juvenile detention, and Emily could see why. With the smart mouth on her, it was a fifty-fifty crapshoot as to whether she'd be running the place or losing all her teeth inside the first month.

Pulling a Shadow Stalker and inducting her into the Wards was a second option, one which Emily was starting to reluctantly lean toward. She clearly had zero loyalty toward her ex-boss (considering the means of her recruitment, Emily was hardly surprised) and was working hard at projecting an image of a helpful, cooperative, potentially law-abiding, useful teenage parahuman. Not all of which Emily actually trusted, but it was a good start.

Armsmaster had of course ferreted out the girl's real identity and spoken to her regarding her family; the response he got back about informing them about any of this had been a solid nope. Which, given that Tattletale was over sixteen and currently of sound body and mind, meant that Emily didn't have to if she didn't want to. And she really didn't. People who could cause their daughter to trigger from emotional stress did not fit her view of suitable parents in any shape or form, ever.

She still had to make her final decision, and of course the girl would have to pick a costume far different from that skin-tight purple monstrosity, but—

A triple knock resounded through her office; not from her main office door, but the one leading to her ensuite. Which she knew for a fact was empty, since she'd used the facilities not twenty minutes beforehand. There was no connecting door anywhere else, and even the air ducts were only three inches square and trapped with electrified monowire, so the chance of someone sneaking in there from somewhere else in the building was vanishingly small.

Her hand slid down into the foot-well of her desk, where her service pistol resided in a holster clamped to the solid wood. Carefully, she eased the firearm from its place, the weight of the cold metal comforting to her hand. Her other hand took hold of the duress button under the edge of the desk, ready to jam it to its stop if this went bad.

The knock came again, but it wasn't a sharp rapping; more of a boomp-boomp-boomp, as if someone were thumping their knee against the door. "Hello?" she called out warily. "Is there someone in there?"

"Ssnek iss Ssnek. May Ssnek come in?"

She froze. The voice was eminently recognisable from the recordings she'd listened to, time and again. If it didn't belong to the giant snake that had been occasionally seen around Brockton Bay (and, she reminded herself, had been instrumental in Coil's downfall) then it was the best imitation of it she'd heard yet. Which still didn't rule out an amazingly ill-advised prank, merely reduced the chances of it.

Best to hedge her bets. "If this is Assault, I swear I will have you scrubbing every latrine in the building with your toothbrush." After you show me how you pulled this off.

The voice came back. "Ssnek iss not Asssault. Ssnek iss Ssnek. May Ssnek come in?"

She pulled the duress button—more of a sliding toggle—back to the first click. This alerted the security station to the fact that something was going on, and gave them video and audio to her office, but let them know she was handling the situation at the moment. Almost as an afterthought, she thumbed back the hammer on her pistol. "Come ahead."

The door handle clicked, then the door swung inward. And out through the doorway slithered the giant fucking snake, or at least a dozen feet of it. Emily had no fucking idea where the rest of it was; there literally was no room in the ensuite for fifty feet of horror-movie reptile.

Also, it wore a regular-sized fedora in the middle of its broad head. What that was about, Emily couldn't even begin to imagine.

It actually smiled at her, or at least that was how she interpreted the expression. "Hello, blue ssuit lady. Ssnek iss pleassed to meet you."

Not the way she'd ever expected to be greeted by something that big and with that many teeth, but it was infinitely preferable to being immediately attacked. Carefully, she lowered the hammer on the pistol and pointed it at the floor; she'd seen how ineffectual lasers and bullets were against the thing, so the gesture was more diplomatic than meaningful. She remained ready to pull the duress button back to the full emergency level, though.

"It's … interesting to meet you as well," she replied. "Why are you here?"

"Ssnek hass resscued not-monsster Noelle and Masster has fixxed. Not-monsster Noelle hass assked for funny hat man and hiss other friendss for Masster to fixx. Ssnek iss here to tell blue ssuit lady that Ssnek will be taking them."

That took a few seconds for Emily to parse out. Finally, she recalled that Trickster habitually wore a top hat. And if 'not-monster Noelle' was the missing, mysterious member of the Travellers …

"The Travellers," she said. "You're saying you want to take the Travellers."

"That iss the name not-monsster Noelle ssaid, yess." Snek managed to look even more pleased with himself? Itself? "Ssnek will be taking them. Masster hass ssaid sso."

Part of her mind was saying, what are you doing? Don't argue with the giant snake! but she resolutely ignored that part. "They've committed crimes," she said firmly. "They've done bad things. I can't just let them go."

"Not-monsster Noelle ssaid they are Ssimurgh-bombss," Snek informed her. From the tone of its voice, it didn't know what the phrase meant, but knew it was important. "Sso wass not-monsster Noelle. Masster fixxed her. Masster can fixx other Travellerss too. If blue ssuit lady wantss, Travellerss will not come back."

Shit. Fuck. Okay, then. That's something I definitely needed to know yesterday. "So, what you're telling me is that the Travellers are Simurgh bombs, that your Master can fix that, and that he can arrange matters so they never return to this city even after he fixes them?"

"Travellerss will not come back to thiss world if blue ssuit lady does not want," Ssnek corrected her blithely. "Not-monsster Noelle wantss to sstay on Masster'ss world. Otherss may sstay there too."

This was sounding better and better all the time. "And if I said you couldn't take them?"

Somehow, the giant shoulder-less reptile managed to shrug. "Ssnek will take them anyway. Ssnek jusst likess to assk first. Masster ssayss politenesss iss important."

Well, that definitely laid everything out in black and white. "I suppose I can't stop you then. I'll notify the guards to not get in your way." A thought struck her. "One more thing. Is Tattletale a Simurgh bomb as well?"

Snek paused. "Ssnek doess not know. Pleasse excusse Ssnek for a minute?"

Emily had long since decided to go with the flow. Placing the pistol on the desk, she waved her hand magnanimously. "Go right ahead."

"Thank you, blue ssuit lady." A portal appeared in front of Snek and the gigantic reptile poured itself? Himself? down it. All fifty feet of missing length whipped out of the cramped ensuite and into the portal before it snapped shut.

She took a deep breath and spoke to the air. "You've seen and heard all that, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am." It was Hendricks, in the security station. "You've been having a conversation with a giant snake called Snek, which is giving us notice that it intends to take the Travellers off our hands." She had to admire his ability to state the utterly ridiculous in a matter of fact tone like that.

"Correct." Which meant she wasn't going insane, or at least not in ways that were immediately obvious. "Note that I'm inclined not to fight this situation, mainly because I'm pretty sure we can't."

"Affirmative, ma'am. For what it's worth, I agree with you. Also, Simurgh bombs."

That was an excellent point. She opened her mouth to make another observation, but then the snake slithered out of her ensuite again; this time, as the door was open, it didn't need to knock. "Hello, blue ssuit lady. Ssnek iss back. Masster sayss that purple girl iss not Ssimurgh bomb. Iss jusst naturally annoying. Masster alsso sayss that purple girl will make good Ward."

Emily bit back a snort of amusement. Just naturally annoying, indeed. Well, he's definitely got her number. "Thank you," she said, trying not to crack a smile. "I'll take that recommendation under advisement."

"Blue ssuit lady iss welcome," Snek said politely. "Ssnek will be taking Travellerss to Masster now."

This time, instead of vanishing into a portal, it wriggled backward into the ensuite. The door closed behind it.

Slowly, Emily got up from her desk. She approached the door and opened it, then looked within. The porcelain fixtures, including the cramped shower cubicle, were as pristine as ever. Of the gargantuan reptile that had slithered out of it—twice—there was no sign.

Shaking her head, she closed the door and headed back to her desk. She'd just gotten there and lowered herself into her seat when the hidden speakers in her desk came to life again. "Hendricks here, ma'am. The guards in Holding have just reported that the Travellers are missing from their cells. Should I fill them in?"

She pursed her lips thoughtfully. Damn, that thing works fast. "Not until you've had them pull all the security tapes, to see if you can spot how it pulled it off. After all, the next eldritch menace that comes through here might not be so polite as to give us advance warning."

Hendricks' voice may have held a smile. "Right you are, ma'am."

"Oh, and Hendricks?"

"Ma'am?"

"Could you send someone up to reset my duress button?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Leaning back in her chair, Emily Piggot shook her head. It was never dull in Brockton Bay.

<><>

Noelle

The dining hall was huge and well-lit, with a long cloth-covered wooden table running most of the length of it. Large windows let in the afternoon sunlight, and richly woven tapestries added colour to the walls. When they'd sat down to the meal, the same hearth-dragon that she'd met earlier—or at least, she thought it was the same one—had swooped in through the window and perched on the arm of the chair to her left.

Servants had trooped through, depositing platter after platter of enticingly smelling food in front of them, before leaving them in peace to eat. The crockery and eating utensils appeared remarkably modern, compared to what she had read about in books on medieval customs. Most surprisingly, the tiny dragon—and its friends, who had also shown up, looking hopeful—didn't immediately start stealing food, but waited for it to be offered instead. For creatures with scales and wings instead of fur, they had an amazing line in puppy-dog eyes.

Krouse, sitting on Noelle's right, took a bite from a large drumstick—if that had come from a chicken, she wasn't sure she wanted to meet the original bird—and waved it around. The iridescent red-scaled hearth-dragon beside him watched it hopefully.

"So, what's the catch?" he asked. "We're all out of PRT holding. We're not Simurgh bombs anymore. Okay, we had to give up our powers, but I'm pretty sure most of us agree they were more trouble than they were worth."

Noelle offered 'her' dragon a chunk of meat, which it accepted politely from her fingers. "Well, duh," she said. Looking around, she could see Oliver and Marissa and Jess—the latter of whom had arrived in the dining hall escorted by the kid called Riley, walking on her own two legs—nodding in agreement. But Luke looked dubious, and Cody was outright scowling. "Come on, guys. All they did was get us out of one hole and straight into another."

"I know we can't go back to Bet," Luke said, "but we could've been heroes on Aleph."

"Fuck being a hero," Cody grumbled. "What right did they have to say we couldn't go back? Accord sold me into slavery, guys!"

"And Snek got you out," Noelle said. "The only way you're ever going back there is if Snek or his Master say so. Good luck with changing their minds. Especially since Director Piggot said she didn't want any of us ever going back." She was reasonably certain it hadn't been Piggot's decision, but the regional Director of the Brockton Bay PRT had a reputation of being enough of a hardass to agree with it.

"So what do we do now?" Krouse asked her. "You've been here the longest. Do you think we should go back to Aleph? We've been away for a year and a half. They probably think we're dead."

"Well, you can do what you want," she told him. "I'm staying right here. It's a whole world, set up for the kind of adventuring we used to pretend we were doing when we were playing Ransack. With enough convenient magic to prevent it from being horrifically medieval."

"Then I'm staying too," he said immediately. "You think it'll take us long to, I guess, train into a class? Or however it works here?"

"What? No!" Cody jammed the tines of his fork into the hard wood of the table, through the cloth. "Krouse, you were gonna go back to Aleph! Just go, why don't you? Nobody wants you here!"

"I want him here." Noelle spoke firmly, looking Cody in the eye. "You can go, or not, if you want. We don't have powers anymore. There's no reason for us to stick together as a group. But if Krouse wants to be here with me, to see if there's still something between us after all the shit we've been through, I'm willing to give it a try."

"Aarrrgh!" Cody jumped to his feet and stormed out. The door banged shut behind him. Two hearth-dragons jumped onto the table and started eating the food that he'd put on his plate, dividing it neatly between them.

Jess let out a heavy sigh. "Well, that happened."

"Yeah, it did." Oliver shrugged. "I'll try to find him and talk to him once he's cooled down a bit."

"Probably not a bad idea." Marissa looked across at Noelle. "So, two questions. Is there ballet here on this world? And I've been meaning to ask: what's that outfit you're wearing? Because it's absolutely kick-ass."

Noelle shrugged. "I don't know if ballet's a thing here, but I'm willing to bet that Snek's Master can make it happen. Maybe you can teach it."

"Ooh." Marissa looked pensive. "That … wow, I have no idea what to think about that."

"And what about your leather armour?" Jess leaned forward. "Where did you get it from? Because I absolutely want a set."

"That shouldn't be too hard." Noelle could feel the grin trying to take over. "I got it from a magical wardrobe in my room. As for what it is … dragon riding leathers."

That got everyone's attention.

"What?" asked Krouse. "Did you say dragon riding?"

"As in riding dragons?" Jess added.

"Real dragons?" Marissa said. One of the hearth-dragons squawked at her, and she fed it a piece of meat. "Sorry, sorry. You're very pretty. But actual, rideable dragons?"

Even Luke leaned into the conversation. "You've got my attention."

Noelle nodded, her grin widening. "Yup. Guys … I've absolutely ridden a dragon. I've done it. It's amazing."

Oliver seemed to be trying to catch his breath. "Can we … can we do that too?"

"Ahem." The Master of the Castle was abruptly sitting in an ornate chair at the head of the table. Noelle wasn't sure if he—or it—had been there all along, but her brain seemed to think so. "Yes. You may indeed ride dragons. Does this mean that you wish to stay?"

"Do we!" Luke turned to Marissa, Jess and Oliver. "You in, too?"

Jess nodded her head definitively. "You had me at 'we can ride dragons'. Mars?"

Marissa gave her a high-five, while Oliver merely nodded. "Well, duh."

The Master of the Castle nodded. "Very well. Your absent comrade has chosen, through sheer spite, to travel on his own for now. I wish him well in his endeavours, and you in yours. If you need assistance, call Snek's name and he will attend your needs. In the meantime, enjoy your meal."

As abruptly and soundlessly as he had appeared, he vanished once more, chair and all.

Jess and Marissa stared at where he'd been, then turned to Noelle. "Okay, give with the deets," Marissa demanded. "Riding dragons. What's it like?"

Noelle fed her hearth-dragon another chunk of meat. "Okay, the first thing you've got to understand is that they're big. I mean, huge. The next thing? They're huge dorks."

Part 10