Chapter: 297 - Considering (Patreon)

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Tala stepped out of Master Simon and Mistress Petra’s modest house. It stood near the center of an affluent, residential block.

It seemed to be a great home in which to raise children.

She was rather pleased with how the evening had gone, if she were being honest.

They were a sweet family, and while Tala would prefer no one, she needed help.

The next best would be one, or at most two people, but it would be difficult to truly find people who would be so unattached.

She glanced back towards the house as she stepped from their very small front yard out onto the street.

It was a bit bigger than her own family home, but not very much. It was also set back a bit, hence the small area of front vegetation

To be fair, they don’t have an alchemy shop in it either. It was purely a residence, rather than being a mixed-use building.

-Just one more benefit of Magehood.-

Decidedly.

It was yet another beautiful winter evening, and Tala decided to focus outward and enjoy the walk back to Lyn’s house.

Rest and recover. Sadly, her conviction didn’t last for more than ten seconds.

-And get an improved sheath for Flow. You asked me to remind you about that.-

Right, that too…should we merge it with the weapon?

Alat was about to respond, but Tala continued.

No, no that’s silly. We need to avoid permanent solutions to a temporary problem.

-Exactly.-

She realized she was focusing inward again and intentionally closed down her rampant thoughts so that she could enjoy the ambiance around her.

There were still a good number of people bustling about, but they were all moving relatively quickly. In all likelihood, their speed was aimed to get them home and out of the cold, or to facilitate the rapid completion of whatever their current errand was, in order to head home as soon as possible afterwards.

There are probably some people going to pubs, taverns, or restaurants to meet up with friends, too.

Snow had begun to fall once again, and Tala looked up towards the sky, closing her eyes and letting the flakes fall on her face.

She used her mirrored perspectives through her bloodstars to show her which way to go so that she didn’t trip or run into anyone.

It sparked a bit of childish joy within her, and she was soon unconsciously grinning up into the dark, cloudy sky.

Even taking her time, Tala still arrived at Lyn’s home in less than an hour.

She wasn’t quite ready to go inside. So, she sat off to one side on a little bench that she never really considered. It was tucked behind some bushes from the perspective of the street, parallel to the front walk but set a few feet away in the shadows of the surroundings.

The result was that Tala was hidden from the road, looking toward the short path to the house, simply able to gaze at a small patch of garden that she almost never considered, day to day.

There she stayed, content.

She didn’t really get cold or sore.

She wasn’t bored, though she didn’t allow her mind to wander.

Tala simply sat, reveling in the stillness and peace of the moment at hand.

It was close to midnight when the front door opened, and Lyn walked out, seemingly heading out to the street.

When she was right in front of Tala, she squeaked and jumped back, landing facing Tala. “Tala? What are you doing out here?”

Tala shook herself out of her revery. “Hmm? Oh. I was just enjoying the evening.”

“You’re covered in snow.”

She looked down at herself and saw that she was, indeed, dusted with newly fallen flakes. “This is hardly covered.”

“Either way, you’ve clearly been out here for a while.”

Tala shrugged. “It was peaceful, and I could use a bit more peace.”

Lyn seemed to hesitate, considering. “Do you want to stay out here?”

“That’s not necessary. Where are you off to at this hour?”

“I was going to see if I could see you coming, and if not, I was going to send you a message.”

“Ahh. Well, I’m here.”

“I can see that.” A smile pulled at her lips. “Do you want to come inside?”

Tala shrugged again and pushed off her knees to rise to her feet. “Sure. Let’s go.”

The two women entered the comfortable, warm house.

As the door closed behind them, Tala locked it. “Did you really stay up, waiting for me?”

Lyn paused, then finished tucking her sandals into a small cubby off to one side. “No. I woke up and noticed that your sanctum door wasn’t in place in the hallway.”

“I’m sorry, Lyn. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

The older woman shrugged. “You don’t make me. I choose to because I care about you.”

Tala smiled at that. “Thank you.”

Lyn narrowed her eyes. “Don’t go disappearing on me, again. I’ve even bought a personal Archive device; I’ll have you know. There is no reason you can’t keep me in the loop of your goings on.”

Tala huffed a laugh. “You really are trying to be my mom, aren’t you?”

Lyn turned and walked deeper into the house. “Well, someone has to look after you. You don’t have to go it alone, Tala, and you can’t be careless with yourself.”

“I know, I know. I’m not really in a place for a talking to, though.”

“Oh?” She settled into one of the chairs. “What are you in a place for?”

Tala thought for a moment before grunting and just asking, “What is the point of having children? I mean I know the utility of children in general, but why would anyone want to choose to have them, specifically?” She groaned. “I’m not wording this well. I want children, eventually, but on some level even that doesn’t make sense?” She rubbed her hands across her eyes. “Maybe, why would someone put having children before working for the betterment of society? Having children means you have to focus inward, on your own family, more than outward, at least for a time… I’m not saying this well. Do you know what I’m asking?”

Lyn chuckled. “I think I do, yeah, and I assume you aren’t asking about the motivation of those who feel genuine pleasure in the rearing of the next generation.”

“Yes, aside from them, yeah.” Tala knew of such people, but she believed that she wasn’t one.

Lyn quirked a smile. “Well, I’ll try not to think too deeply on why this is coming to mind.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll tell you what my mom told me.” There was a light of pride in the woman’s expression.

Tala sat down in another chair, leaning forward to listen with interest.

“Imagine that I am absolutely amazing and could contribute greatly to society with my time and energy. That is one hundred percent of what I am capable of.”

“Alright.”

“Now, imagine I have three children, and that I am a terrible mother. After years of raising them, they each are only capable of contributing to society at fifty percent of my capacity.”

Tala chuckled. “Alright.”

“Then, if I did nothing for the rest of my life, I would have contributed to society, indirectly, one hundred and fifty percent of my original capacity.”

She blinked at that, leaning back in thought.

But Lyn wasn’t done, “While I am raising the children, I am still doing other things for society as well. Additionally, as a Mage, once the children are out in the world, I can then get back to my full capacity without really having lost that much in the grand scheme of things. Even for mundanes, though, the incentives are heavily in favor of having children, if you think about it.”

“Wouldn’t that apply to men too?”

“Of course?” Lyn frowned, clearly confused. “Why wouldn’t it?”

Tala grunted. I suppose that makes sense… “But couldn’t that be used to justify having as many children as you could possibly squeeze out?”

Lyn practically snorted. “Lovely image, that. But I suppose? For me, there’s the fact of diminishing returns. I also don’t feel particularly called to motherhood, though I know that I do want children one day. Even so, I can’t imagine hundreds of years of rearing one child after another, no matter how much it would arguably benefit society.”

“I can see that.”

“This isn’t a mandate, nor an argument to convince you to do something you aren’t willing to do otherwise. It is simply another way to think about something that we often take for granted.” She shrugged.

“Yeah…” That brought something to mind. “Lyn?”

“Hmmm?”

“Where does your family live? I can’t say I’ve ever really heard you talk about them, at least not much.”

Lyn briefly stiffened, but it passed quickly. “They aren’t around anymore.”

“A schism? Argument? Something like that? It sounds like you hold your mom in high regard.”

Her voice was soft as she responded, “No. Though, I’d give anything for it to be something so fixable.”

Tala hesitated, reconsidering the line of discussion. It was clearly something heavier than she’d really anticipated.

Lyn continued before Tala could change the subject, “I was one of the youngest, the pride of the family, the first potential Mage in a few generations. As a potential Mage, I was off at the Academy when our city began to wane.”

There was a long silence, and Tala allowed it to rest.

“They decided to leave Audel—the previous one, not the current one, obviously. My parents, my siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, everyone. To them, the dangers of a waning city just weren’t worth it. They paid extra to all be in a single caravan. Their reasoning was that they would all feel awful if one of the other caravans was lost, taking some of their family from them. This way, their fates were bound, and they only needed to make one roll of the dice. Unfortunately, they were unlucky.” Lyn shrugged slightly, water shimmering in her eyes even though it was clearly an old, well-known sadness. “No trace of their caravan was found, nothing but churned earth and the scars of an intense battle.”

“Lyn… I… I don’t have words. I’m sorry that I didn’t know, that I didn’t ask about them sooner.”

Lyn shrugged again, waving Tala’s words away even as a few individual tears traced paths down her cheeks. “I still remember their faces, even though that should be difficult. I can hear their voices in my mind. It’s not like they talk to me, but I can imagine them so clearly.”

Tala stood, shifted a chair next to Lyn and sat again, taking her hand in her own.

The two women sat in silence for long minutes as Lyn seemed to lose herself in memory.

Finally, the older Archon shook herself free of the reminiscence. “But, it’s been more than twenty years. The pain is mostly gone by this point.”

Tala huffed, reaching out with her free hand and wiping away one of the newer tears from her friend’s face. “That’s obviously not true.”

“Oh, I still miss them, Tala, but it’s not a raw wound. If I live a millennium, I’ll still miss them.” Lyn gave a sad smile. “But they loved me, and they knew I loved them. We had no silly arguments waiting to be resolved. We were at peace, just like they are now.”

Tala squeezed her friend’s hand. “I’m so glad. That is worth the world.”

Lyn nodded before huffing a laugh and pulling out a handkerchief to clean her cheeks and blow her nose. “It really is.”

Tala looked back at Lyn for a long moment before sighing. “I know. I’m heading to see my family as soon as my Refining settles.”

“Good.” Lyn reached out and squeezed Tala’s shoulder. “Love those you have, while you have them.”

They sat in silence a while longer.

Eventually, Lyn nodded and let out a long breath. “Well, that’s enough introspection for one night.” She smiled as she stood. “Are you feeling better? Whatever that was, it seemed to hit you pretty hard.”

Tala stood as well but glanced away. “Yeah, it did.”

“It didn’t hurt your magic, did it? Shouldn’t your inscriptions be keeping you in functional shape, even if they couldn’t directly expel whatever that was?”

“No, not hurt, but my magic is still settling.”

"After that thing with the door…" Lyn frowned in concern. “I know you’re in a bad way, and need to Refine, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

Tala blinked at her a few times, then colored. “I… I am Refined.”

Lyn’s eyes widened, and there was only a moment’s pause before power flowed through the woman’s magesight inscriptions. “Oh!” Her eyes widened further. “That’s amazing, Tala!”

Tala found herself grinning as Lyn gave her a huge hug. I suppose it’s a mixed blessing, having the through-spike make my magic obvious. I know I can suppress it, but I almost never think about it.

-It doesn’t harm you within human cities. You could start taking it off when you’re in the wilds, though.-

Yeah, that’s an interesting thought.

“I had no idea.” Lyn lightly smacked Tala’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? Is that why you went to see Mistress Holly? Was it that easy? I won’t say quick, because you were there for nearly a day.”

“Hold on, one question at a time.” Tala felt a bit of Lyn’s excitement infecting her.

“Is that what you did with Mistress Holly?”

Tala opened her mouth, then paused. Will Lyn choose to Refine if she knows how painful it is?

Was Tala willing to let her friend miss out on immortality because of fear of pain?

She was undoubtedly angry with Mistress Holly for hiding the extent of the pain, but in truth, when looking back, Mistress Holly had been explicit in what would happen. Tala had not asked about specifics of fallout or pain levels.

Could Mistress Holly have warned her? Yes.

Would it have helped?

Tala had to think about that.

No. For me, it would have made the pain so much worse. Really, for anyone it would have made it worse. If Tala had been told it would hurt, the very fact that she had in her mind that the working would be painful would have emphasized the painful nature of the spellform in her own mental framework, activating the spell.

And more pain would probably have killed me.

The pain she had experienced was simply a side effect of the working, not a part of her mental model of the process at all.

And once the working started, my change of mindset was irrelevant. All that mattered was that I did expect it to be overly painful when I began.

Even with the knowledge that she was was frustrated at Mistress Holly for hiding things, Tala could do differently. She internally shuddered. There is no way I’m going to tell her something that would increase her pain. Not one bit.

Lyn was patiently waiting an answer, and Tala realized that she had only been standing there with her mouth open for a couple of seconds or so. “Sorry, sorry. Yes, Mistress Holly helped me Refine. It was difficult for me, because of my particular circumstances.” Tala smiled reassuringly. “From my understanding, your own Refining should be much easier, plus you can take your time, doing it over the course of multiple sessions rather than doing it all at once like I was forced to do.”

Lyn cocked her head to the side. “Hmm… I can see that.” She shrugged then. “But I’m barely Fused. It isn’t a concern for the moment.”

Tala grimaced. “I still can’t believe all you had to do was read a book.”

Lyn chuckled. “That is a gross oversimplification, but yes, I did have an easier time Fusing than many. Regardless, I’ll likely start getting the pre-Refining inscriptions in a year or two. I’m in no rush.”

“I suppose I can understand that. Your job isn’t that dangerous.”

“I do want to go see Alefast, waning, though. That trip can be dangerous.” She gave Tala a mischievous look. “You’ll protect me on that trip, won’t you, oh brave Mage Protector?”

Tala laughed, placing a hand over her heart. “Alas, I am retired. Though, for one such as you, I could be convinced to take up the sword once more.”

“I wouldn’t dream of dragging you out of retirement.” Lyn shook her head with mock severity. “I suppose I will simply have to throw myself at the mercy of the burn wolves.”

Tala huffed. “Fine, fine. I’ll take you with me when I go to Alefast, and it won’t be too hard to take a short trip to bring you back after your visit.”

“Oh?” Lyn perked up. “You were already planning on going?”

“Yeah.” Tala shrugged. “I need time to consolidate everything that’s changed, and I want to see a Waning. I learned about them at the Academy, but I want to see one for myself. Toward that end, I think I’ll use Alefast, waning, as a base of operations for a while.”

A different type of mischievous light entered the older woman’s eyes. “I hope you won’t be alone until the city finally fades. That would be… what? Twenty-one years without a good friend nearby?”

Tala shrugged. “I made a couple of friends there, and Rane will likely be in the area.”

“And what brought your mind to the thought of having children, again?”

She gave Lyn a withering look. “I don’t need any of your sass.”

Lyn laughed. “Fine. Come on, we both need sleep.” She glanced Tala’s away, then gave a mock, deep bow. “Refined Tala, please allow this lowly Fused to depart from your presence.”

Tala sighed, shaking her head. “You’re in rare form, aren’t you?”

Lyn gave a wan smile. “Well, it’s better than focusing on the negative.”

That sobered Tala a bit. “Yeah, I can understand that.” After a brief pause, Tala continued, “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yes. I’ve cried myself to sleep over their passing enough. Tonight won’t add to that count.”

“Lyn…”

“I’m alright, Tala. We all lose people, now or later. It’s the way of the world.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“But it does make it necessary to bear through, to look past, and to move on from.”

After a moment’s thought, Tala found herself nodding. “I suppose you’re right. So, you’re really going to be okay?”

“Yes.” Lyn rolled her eyes and smiled. “Sleep. You have a Refining to recover from, and knowing you, more besides added on top.”

Tala huffed a laugh. “You’re certainly not wrong. Alright. I’ll leave you be.”

The older woman smiled gratefully, “Goodnight, Tala.”

“Goodnight, Lyn.” Tala watched her friend walk down the hall and close her bedroom door.

We are surrounded by the wounds and scars of this world, aren’t we?

-It’s easy to forget at times, isn’t it?

Far, far too easy.

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