Laughter is the Best Medicine - Are you coming? (Patreon)

Not gonna lie I copy these from other sites, but I'm hoping some of you may not have seen them and will get a much needed laugh! 🙂 

Probably an old one but here goes...

I went to the pet shop and the owner said he had a talking centipede for sale.

I said ‘no way, centipedes don’t talk.’ 

The owner promised me it was a talking centipede so I purchased it and took it home with me. 

A little later in that evening I went up to its tank and said, ‘alright mate, I’m just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?’ 

The centipede said nothing, I scoffed and went to the pub. 

The next evening I thought I’d give it another try so I went to its tank again and said ‘alright mate, I’m just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?’ 

Still absolutely no response from the centipede, so I went on my way, cursing the pet shop owner. 

The following evening I thought I would give it one more try, so I went over to its tank and asked ‘alright mate, I’m just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?’ 

The centipede replied ‘I heard you the first time I’m just putting my fucking shoes on!’

~End