[MA] 313. True Self Notwithstanding (Patreon)

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[A/N: Sorry I'm late. I misremembered how time-consuming and tiring releasing a book is.

Chapters this week: 3/3

Next chapter: Wednesday (I need to take Tuesday off to rest)] ‎

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Shen woke up in his bedroom—and almost fainted again.

Nine miles. He could feel everything within nine miles except what was blocked by magic formations. His sensory range had tripled, meaning the area had increased nine times. Even his improved mind struggled to deal with all that at first.

Still, he persisted and worked around his limitations. He organized his feelings and prioritized some sensory feedback but was ultimately forced to decrease his range to five miles. That was the soft spot where he could give his all in battle. He could also increase the range to seven miles for scouting purposes and still react in time if facing imminent danger.

That seven-mile range was also the point where he would fight as well as he had been fighting in the Expeditionary Training. That was more than four times the area of his previous three-mile range. It evidenced just how much pressure his mind had been under.

That wasn't all. Shen's mind felt swift and light. Thoughts came quickly to him, conclusions were easy to reach, and he didn't feel encumbered.

Speaking of which, the time ring was gone, even though his body was all there, without a scratch. Moreover, his armor had also been restored, and three spears that he was sure had been broken or lost in battle were lying beside him on the floor.

Shen had a feeling that every trainee's losses had been recuperated or reimbursed, including potions and similar items. Guardians were expected to purchase their own resources in the military, but the trainees had been forcibly made weaker during this deployment. It would be unfair to also punish them with financial loss, no matter how good their gains were regarding battle experience.

Shen sat up and went through everything that had happened to him. He reviewed his decisions, gains, and losses.

He was still impressed by the military's means. His willpower gains spoke for themselves. He was less impressed with Abbav, a B-rank who had manipulated a mere C-rank for personal gain. If the man wasn't lying, Shen's talent might come to bite him in the future. He would need to look into it.

Zyn felt like a good little soldier who did as told and didn't care to question things too much—or Abbav's avid supporter. Only time would tell which was true.

Shen was more than satisfied with his improvements as a fighter. Fighting the Void Spawn had inspired him in two novel ways.

First, the Channeled Expansion, in which he used his Law of Shaft to counter a Void Spawn in a more raw form. That should also work in Reality, though he wouldn't do it again before he understood the technique.

Second, he had pushed his Law of Extremity into the cracks of that Stillborn Phasephase to use space itself against his enemies. That wouldn't work here. His Path couldn't slip into any gaps in Reality because his Laws felt much more closely knitted together. On the bright side, neither could any Void Spawn hide in the cracks between any Law.

His decision to cultivate his Laws on the farm slightly upset him. He could think of multiple possible ways of improving now. His deepened connection to his Path was also much clearer, letting him instinctively match many more ideas against his senses. He could've progressed further if he had waited.

On the other hand, he was confident he wouldn't have felt the stealthy Void Spawn if he hadn't previously grown stronger. He even suspected the trick with the Law of Shaft might've been beyond him. Therefore, many of the possibilities he entertained now wouldn't occur to him. He could have progressed further even without those, but there was no telling precisely how much.

Progress in the Ethereal Harmonization realm was indeed about balancing accumulating insights and using them at the right time; every cultivator had to gamble with their lifespan.

Shen could also think of better ways to fight, but now wasn't the time to pursue that. He had to talk to Alicia. She had been on the edge the last time they spoke.

He stood up, stored his spears and helmet in his spatial ring, and left his room.

He wasn't the only one leaving their quarters. In fact, the entire corridor was filled with C-ranks. He clearly had woken up now by design, not naturally. The notification he received as soon as he stepped out further confirmed it.

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| First Lieutenant Zyn (C): Assemble in Rally Point VZX-JKS-993 at 2 AM.

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Shen checked the system's clock. The Brigade had been in the Voided Subnode for precisely three days. It was now 1:30 AM, and thirty Standard minutes should be enough for everyone to find out where that rally point was and reach it.

Every C-rank was looking around, many hesitating before talking to each other. The expedition affected them in unexpected ways. They had grown stronger but also revealed vulnerabilities, and many lost friends or family members.

By Shen's estimates, at least 30% of C-ranks and a whopping 50% of D-ranks had died for real. The latter had messed up the most during the Void Stampede; many tried to escape into the darkness or just stopped fighting in shock. Both C and D-ranks had also decided that if they were going to die anyway, they would at least use the chaos of the Stampede to kill the people they hated and ensure they fell with them.

The death toll was brutal, yet Shen felt those people deserved it. Filtering out the cowards, stupid, and useless ones now was for the best. He would rather not die or lose someone he cared about because such people messed up at the wrong time.

That entire universe might depend on them acting correctly; there was no taking chances with that.

Shen passed by Wu Bai and his other Staff Lieutenants as he walked toward the D-rank dorms and gave them a nod. They had impressed him. None of them had misbehaved, not even the women who hated each other. In fact, he recalled seeing them fight back-to-back at one point.

But as much as he wanted to talk to them, Alicia was the priority. New potential friendships and connections could wait until he guaranteed the old ones hadn't been destroyed by his orders to pretend to be paranoid.

He kept walking.

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* - * - *

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"Alicia?" Shen said loudly as he knocked on her door.

"Come in!" she yelled back.

He complied, only to find her sitting on the ground in a corner, hugging her legs, her face hidden on her knees, crying silently.

"Alicia?" he asked softly as he closed the door and approached.

"I let him die, Shen," she uttered quietly. "I knew he would die, and I just watched it. I saw his eyes almost pop out when he realized what was going to happen, when he despaired in the end. The last thing he saw was me looking heartlessly at him."

Shen guessed she was talking about the traitor she had saved once. "You were ordered not to help the traitor, Alicia," he said while removing his armor. He wore his white robe below.

He sat beside her, his body almost touching her for human warmth, but not crossing that final gap because he was unsure of how she felt about—

She laid her body on his and let her head rest on his shoulder. "I missed this."

The sudden change in the subject made Shen feel lost, True Self notwithstanding. "Huh," he replied wisely.

Alicia smiled slightly. "The last time I felt safe about anyone other than you was with my nanny. I mean, not really. But everyone else who approached me after that wanted something from me. The ones that offered a personal touch and I let in... They all betrayed me in the end." She chuckled self-deprecatingly. "Fuck, I'm an unlucky bitch, ain't I?"

Shen didn't know what to answer but tried to go with witty, "It was worth it because it all led you to me?" He wasn't very good at it.

It worked nonetheless. She giggled, then kept silent for a few seconds before saying, "Did I tell you I would've gotten raped in the tutorial if the system didn't teleport the fucker away? I tracked him down after you left. Someone else had already gotten to him. Motherfucker didn't even have the decency to wait for me to avenge myself."

That reminded him, "How did it feel to get revenge on your relatives?"

She kept silent for a while again. "Don't let anyone ever tell you revenge tastes bitter. It gave me closure, and I don't remember ever feeling so... free. Justice was met, you know? True, actual justice. They paid for what they did." She sighed. "But it didn't last. I started feeling like shit for enjoying killing my aunt and uncle. They were fuckers, but they were family. It tastes wrong."

Shen finally found something he could talk about with some knowledge. "I come from a culture with a heavy emphasis on familial ties. If it's any help, I would've tortured them before killing them."

Alicia was filled with surprise as she took her head from his shoulder and stared wide-eyed at him. "You would torture them?"

He smiled, glad he had shown himself honorable enough for her not to understand his declaration, despite how merciless he was to his enemies. "Not really, but no one would bat an eye if I did. I would be expected to do it. Blood is thicker than water. That's absolute. But that truth runs both ways. You trusted them because of blood, and they betrayed you. You suffered greatly for it. Exploiting such a bond is one of the worst sins someone can commit, and a blood debt must be paid in the very same coin: pain and blood." He paused, then added, "My father... He did something terrible for my sake. He betrayed the Feng Clan. I was expelled and will be physically punished if a member of the Feng Clan ever meets me."

"Wait, what?! You will get punished? Did you ask your father to betray anyone for you?"

"No, but that's what I'm trying to say. Blood is thick, even when the connection is old and thin. The rest of the Feng Clan was far removed from my father's direct family. A price must be paid, nevertheless. It's not about whether I did something to deserve it; it's about the expectations when blood is involved."

Alicia was having none of that. "Shen, you do understand this makes absolutely no sense, don't you?"

He widened his smile. "Some lines shouldn't be crossed, regardless of one's culture. That's the point. Your relatives deserved what they got."

"I'm not sure what you just said makes me feel better about what I did."

Shen shook his head. "Ask other people here, in the front lines. Anyone at all. I refuse to believe a single person will condemn you for your revenge." He softened his voice. "Or for letting a traitor die, as you were ordered to. It was the right thing to do, Alicia."

She bit her lip, looked down, and silently rested her head on his shoulder again. They remained like that for a few minutes. At last, she said, "Deep down, I know I did the right thing. I mean, about the traitor, not my relatives. It's just... It's all so stupid. So brutal. I wish none of this was necessary."

He tentatively raised his hand to her head and caressed her hair. That was very improper in his culture, but he was finding some relationship boundaries to be set in places he didn't fully agree with. He and Alicia were friends and single; it was somewhat acceptable for him to comfort her like this.

It quickly backfired. She was preening under his caress. He pretended not to notice and said, "I hate to tell you this, but you know what to do about things you find unfair."

She sighed. "Become strong enough to make things the way I want them to be."

"Yes. And that will be much easier to accomplish if we're not executed for being late to a military assembly. We have 25 minutes left, and the fortress is big enough that we might need that long to reach our destination."

She didn't budge an inch. "Fuck that. Don't you dare take your hand from my hair, Lieutenant Shen. Be more delicate with those fingertips, too. What are you, a fucking ogre? I'm affection-starved and vulnerable. You owe me five minutes for behaving like a dick on the farm."

"About that—"

She interrupted him. "I know something was up. Well, I know now. In hindsight, you talked a little too much in private with First Lieutenant Zyn. But you pushing me away and acting uncaring hurt a lot at the time. I needed a friend back there, Shen." She teared up. "I fucking hate this place."

Shen felt worse about those words than any accusation or yelling. She didn't blame him; she understood. She had hurt all the same, and he had been impotent to do something about it.

He pursued omnipotence yet wasn't strong enough to care for his friend when she needed him.

"I'm sorry," he Murmured. "One day, that won't have to happen again. Don't take too long to change the multiverse, Alicia, or I will."

She nodded and hugged him sideways. That was a little too much for him, but he gave in to her emotional blackmail this time. She wasn't doing it with bad intentions; she was merely as vulnerable as she had stated and needed a caring touch.

They said nothing for the next five minutes, then stood up without a word and left the room to search for the assembly point.

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