[MA] 307. Barely Functioning (Patreon)

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[A/N: We're back!

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Shen moved diagonally from Zyn and stopped some distance from the battalions. Once there, he sat down, closed his eyes, and focused inwards.

In this place where the air was thin—and Shen didn't mean it as in a mountain peak—the very Laws that made himself were distant. He was confident a C-rank mana-wielder could not do more than use their Path's Laws in this place. Even he, an Ethereal Harmonization cultivator, could only attempt what he was doing because he had a True Self.

Abbav had mentioned nothing on that matter, but Shen could extrapolate that having a Counterbalance Truth at the core of his being made Reality firmer inside him. A Truth was a sapient construct of logical meaning, thus drawing from all three Aspects: Will, Time, and Space. That Truth took root in his existential core, making him more of Reality's creature than natural.

So, while his existence was anchored to that unique subspace, he wasn't as far departed from Reality as someone with a Raw Will would be. On top of that, having a Law as part of his True Self likely helped further...

Shen frowned at that.

He was thinking too fast when it came to this matter. He was also taking logical jumps that he could only explain by having triggered his talent, but his life wasn't being threatened. Moreover, he was sure his reasoning was correct, just as he didn't fear being unable to better comprehend his Laws despite the circumstances.

The answer to that self-questioning came to him at once.

Having a True Self in place of his Raw Will allowed him to understand himself better because everything was much more deeply connected. That was why he had felt wholer after the Will-Path Merging. Shen didn't have a conscious understanding of his willpower, some abilities, and some limits, but he instinctively knew himself like never before and just knew how far he could push and succeed.

Shen also realized with a scare that his Truth would've been his downfall if not for what he did with True Boundlessness, as Abbav had hinted when he let Shen use it.

A Truth about having limits didn't merely make Shen intellectually aware of said limits. It meant acknowledging them as a core part of his fundamental existence. Without True Boundlessness, he would've become unable to exist beyond those limits. For instance, if he had known meditating now would've killed him despite it being as relatively safe as it currently was, yet someone had forced him to do it, he would die. Not because he would get killed but because he would've discovered the certainty he had placed his Truth upon was a lie. It would've shattered his being.

Luckily, True Boundlessness gave him just enough freedom that, despite knowing he had limits, they could be challenged without his demise. It would still be hard and painful if he was ever corrected from believing a wrong limit, but it was much better than dying.

Not that Shen had to use the Law now.

One of his certainties was that his plan would work, and it did.

When Shen first looked inwards, his Laws were like distant wispy flames in the darkness, almost soundless whispers in absolute silence, tiny stars billions of light years away. But as he let go of all the useless things his mind was feeling from his surroundings and focused exclusively on them, became got closer, more prominent, brighter, and his.

Shen reached for each of his Laws, and his horizons expanded with each touch.

Mastering a Concept was like reading from a book page. Improving one's comprehension of a Law was writing the book himself—and there was some danger to it.

Everything Shen currently knew about his Laws had been pulled from the cosmos when he touched them. Back then, he had experienced a world of knowledge for each Law, drinking directly from the source. Now, he had to mix what he already knew with new ideas, observations, and experiences to kind of guess what else was in the book.

One had to progress carefully. Shen could write stupid stuff in his book. However, whatever he wrote would be matched against the actual Law in Reality as soon as he was done.

He would receive a minor backlash if he wrote just a few wrong things. The more stuff he got wrong, the worse the backlash would become until it killed him. On top of that, each attempt took a toll on the soul regardless of how much he wrote. It was a small toll individually, but doing it too many times within a short period would injure the soul, and no one wanted that. It didn't help that the toll became heavier when you wrote anything wrong.

So, brute-forcing the way ahead by trying to write anything and seeing what stuck was impossible. On the other hand, testing every idea before writing more was possible, even if it took a while. In fact, everyone in the Alliance acknowledged that the best way to move forward was by accumulating ideas and gains for a while, constantly double-checking them, then writing them in a calm environment. C-rank progress was a matter of taking your time and being sure.

Of course, one's lifespan was limited. Indecision could be as big an obstacle as the backlashes. Each person had to find their own balance or risk never reaching peak C-rank.

Shen would take things more slowly if he could, but he didn't dare risk Abbav's displeasure in this place. At least he had enough accumulated ideas. They came from his training under Liya after his breakthrough, training with the talents, fighting Uya, watching everyone else fight her, dealing with Zyn's Law Suppression, learning the military martial arts, training with the military, and learning some things about Reality and the military.

Now, on top of that, there was all the feedback he felt from his more profound connection to his Laws.

When one progressed their comprehension of a Law, the connection deepened and widened. The Will-Path Merging had already deepened Shen's link. It didn't make him stronger, but he instinctively knew more about his Laws than he was supposed to with his current mastery. That could be accomplished with special treasures or unique techniques, both supposedly rare and scarce.

It was almost a cheat. Shen could match ideas against what he sensed from his Laws before attempting anything and see how he felt about it. It wasn't as precise as what Reality itself did after a session, but it helped. The sensory feedback from the Laws themselves also gave him new ideas about what they meant.

His True Self wasn't as much of a cheat as using mana, though. To mana-wielders, C-rank was just like D-rank. They connected to the "books" of each of their Laws through enlightenment and read more from it. They also didn't have to deal with the Domineering Harmonization Tribulation that cultivators needed to overcome to become the masters of a Law.

Shen owed all that cultivation knowledge to the military's basic course. Without it, he would be as lost as Liya had been when she said she didn't know how he would progress.

After closing his eyes, he spent the first half of his allocated time just sensing his Laws and throwing his ideas against what he felt.

He then took a few minutes to decide how much to try to improve. Not progressing enough might attract the Captain's ire, but an intense backlash here would weaken him for a time. Dying to the Void Spawn wouldn't be any better than being squished by the B-rank half-dragon.

In the end, Shen went for a series of three quick sessions. He just knew it was within the limits of what his soul could take.

In the first session, he wrote only things he was absolutely sure were part of each Law. Everything went smoothly except for a tiny issue with Stream. Validating those ideas once and for all also endorsed most of the theories based on them, which he pushed next.

In the second session, he pushed the envelope a little more. To his surprise, nothing was wrong with his understanding after he discarded what the previous backlash proved wrong.

The third session was riskier. Shen didn't go wild, but he added many things only indirectly hinted at by everything he knew about his Laws.

Although he used the writing-a-book analogy, the process was more akin to grabbing the threads that connected him to the cosmos and adding to them. Shen waved his knowledge into thin ethereal strings that he placed on top of each thread. He had to do it just correctly, using proper knowledge, or the strings would snap and hurt him.

The moment he finished his third session, dozens of strings snapped.

The backlash made him dizzy. The toll on his soul became enormous, but it wasn't a pressure like what he had been feeling on the front lines.

It felt like his existence was being stretched.

When Shen weaved each string, he was gambling with his soul in more ways than one. He was both his Law and his soul, and one of them would fill the ethereal thread he assembled. If the thread was accepted by Reality, the Law itself would fill and strengthen it. Otherwise, his soul did it instead, and, on top of that, the thread "snapped" because he didn't have the strength to maintain it. It wasn't a literal snap and didn't injure him, not at first, but it got close enough in that session.

Shen had pushed too much.

It would take him years before he could try to progress again.

Yet, Shen was elated because he doubted Abbav would be disappointed with the harvest.

Shen improved the power of his connections to his Laws by 30% to 50%. The starting value wasn't high, so he didn't become much stronger. Still, he expected a 10% increase in his fighting power. Maybe 15% if he was smart about how he used his Path.

So, despite feeling out of breath in a way that breathing harder wouldn't fix, he had to do his best not to smile proudly as he wordlessly returned to the orb and stood there as if nothing had happened.

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* - * - *

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Shen's Battalion's turn to rest ended, and they stood guard at the perimeter like everyone else.

The cold darkness eventually started turning too dark. Light started working wrong in dark space. Shen perceived it as becoming myopic, nearsighted, and night blind. Only those inside the orb's area of influence didn't suffer anything.

The D-ranks complained less about it than the C-ranks because they weren't as connected to the Laws being bent. Mana-wielders, on their part, had it easier than cultivators. Shen couldn't feel any Laws beyond himself, but just physically perceiving their twisted version was bad enough. It felt like tasting shit.

Yet, Zyn never ordered them to leave. It took Shen longer than it should to do the obvious math: 301 Battalions resting for half an hour each was around 150 hours—over six days. This deployment was supposed to take three days, and they had spent one approaching the farm. The D-ranks should've already died from not being anchored to Reality.

Time was obviously not working as it should.

Shen couldn't determine if it was Abbav's or the Void's doing, but it showed Zyn hadn't been lying; his tier-2 leadership clearance was indeed limited. There was a lot they were still hiding from him.

The troops' morale plummeted as the days passed. People talked about voices in their heads, and it spread. A few looked at the orb and openly discussed breaking the rules by leaving their posts for a little while, but none dared.

Then, conversations became sporadic whispers.

People moved slowly and behaved lethargic.

They were barely functioning.

Alicia approached Shen multiple times. He rebuked her until she said the magic words: hearing voices. A paranoid Shen would pretend to care about it because he had been ordered to. And so, they talked.

"I feel so lonely," she shared with a tiny voice while hugging herself. She was pale, with a heartbreaking sadness in her deep eyes. "So cold. Why shouldn't I just... Embrace the loneliness? The final loneliness. Sweet, sweet release."

Shen hated seeing her like that but replied with a neutral voice, "Because it's cold. You talked as if you dislike it. Do you want to be cold forever?"

Alicia frowned. That had not crossed her mind. And somehow, it was enough. "Thanks," she said with a nod, then stared hesitantly at him. "What happened, Shen?" she asked gently.

"It's Battalion Commander Shen for you, Sergeant. You're dismissed."

His words hurt her again.

That hurt Shen again.

He did his best not to stare daggers at Zyn.

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* - * - *

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Abbav's superior strategic and manipulation skills were displayed again when a D-rank started stepping into the orb's area of influence but never completed the movement.

"Time's up," the Captain's voice boomed at once, and he wasn't lying. The last battalion's resting period had ended. The orb simply disappeared, which surprised everyone so much that no one seemed to wonder how Abbav could speak without a string. "You've rested enough. Commander's orders: get into breach formation; we'll invade the farm; threshold set at a hundred yards within the farm. It's time to kill Void Spawn and gain some AP."

Abbav decreased some of the mental pressure as he spoke. People livened up, and the words "gain AP" seemed to light a fire even in Shen. He hadn't noticed how apathetic the environment seemed to be making him, his talk to Alicia notwithstanding.

Killing Void Spawn and being rewarded AP for it after the terrible last days sounded like the best thing to ever happen to him, and he knew what was going on.

From how people cheered around him—though he couldn't hear—and stood straighter, looking happier than ever, they had it even better.

The Brigade quickly got in position because they were already almost in a breach formation. The resting Battalion simply joined the others in the circle, which changed into a water drop form, with the C-ranks on the outermost layer. They would move pointy-end-first into the farm, killing the Void Spawn on the way, and stop after the last C-rank was one hundred yards into the farm.

Shen was just as ecstatic as everyone else. Maybe more because he would have a chance to display his power. He would prove his value to Abbav.

Shen would survive this place still.

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