[MA] 397. Crushed Under His Own Weight (Patreon)

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Shen looked at the world for a couple of hours. He felt his Laws and how they interacted with each other and the physical realm. He concentrated, relaxed, tried everything he could to get any sort of enlightenment.

Not a single insight or question about his Laws surfaced in his mind.

His Laws were what they were. He understood what he understood of them. There was no improving his mastery over his Laws until his tribulation was over.

Maybe that was why his Laws were hidden from him when he focused on his True Center. He could only see his Will and Honor, and likely only because he had directly reshaped them. They had become visible from the moment he decided to change them. Everything else was beyond his senses.

Shen's failure to improve his Laws tasted sour in his mouth, but he didn't give up on growing more powerful. Even if he couldn't cultivate his Laws, it didn't mean he couldn't cultivate himself.

Shen closed his eyes while E'livia's words echoed in his mind: "To cultivate is to seek Truth."

E'livia was strong. Stronger than him, actually. Her beliefs were not his, and her Path was not his. But maybe there was something to be gained from her experience. People listened to old cultivators talk about cultivation for a reason. E'livia was wrong to disconnect one's Path from the power one gained walking it, but that didn't mean every word coming out of her mouth was wrong.

So, he found nothing wrong with asking himself a simple question: What was his Truth?

Well, his Truth was that he had no idea who he really was.

Ever since Shen had woken up, he had found signs of someone erasing many of his memories before this tribulation. Now, for the first time, he stopped to think deeply about it. Seeing as how the Tribulation Lightning kept a tight grip on his remaining memories and even his movements, it was safe to assume this tribulation was related to his missing memories. The way he couldn't fully feel his True Center led him to infer a big chunk of his Path had been altered, and Reality didn't want him to see the new whole for whatever reason.

The change he had been subjected to had broken Reality's rules. Whenever anyone broke an important rule, Reality either obliterated them or, if it was done within certain boundaries, tested the offender; that's how cultivation tribulations worked.

He didn't recall breaking any rules, but maybe he had done it. Alternatively, even if someone had forcibly changed him, as long as his existence offended Reality, he would also undergo a tribulation regardless of his willingness in the process.

Whatever the case, Shen concluded this tribulation was caused by his Path changing in a way it wasn't meant to—even further than what E'livia had hinted at with her talk about power cementing oneself.

His Path hadn't changed in a way any random idiot could or how E'livia claimed to be able to. Instead, it had been altered in such a fundamental way that it broke one of Reality's rules in just the right way to summon a tribulation. When that happened, Reality gave the offender a chance to prove themselves. The way people cultivated nowadays, for instance, had been forged throughout the eons to occur in just the right way and order to provoke tribulations instead of death by messing up—or an actual attack from the Heavens if you offended it.

Based on his state of mind and the hole in his chest, Shen could also assume Realty wanted to see if Shen could withstand his own changed self. That's why some key memories were blocked, and he arrived with an almost empty mind. Shen had to prove he could withstand himself when many of his preconceptions were removed. That his changed self was genuine and True, in a way. That he could live with what he had become.

And he had already messed up once.

Shen had fixed his Path. He hadn't accepted living with a Will that dominated his actions so thoroughly. By fixing that, he had shown to Reality that whatever he had become was, indeed, unworthy of living. That his existence had been defective.

Reality had enacted a price for that; the time for changes was past. That should only have been done before the tribulation. Any imperfections remaining in his Path had to be withstood, not fixed. He had to learn to live with himself, not touch up things here and there.

Or had Reality punished him for it?

Thing is, this tribulation was also an opportunity of sorts.

Shen would've died when he figured out part of his Will before fixing himself. His Will almost overwhelmed him after his change. If he had known from the beginning what his Will was, his existence would've been unmade as his Will overwhelmed him. And he would have known his Will if he hadn't been forced to forget it.

So, this tribulation was also a chance for him to correct any imbalance in his Path before it was subjected to his own memories—before his own existence crushed him under his own weight.

Why, though? Shen didn't understand why the Heavens were being that kind. If someone messed up while changing Shen's Path—even if he had done it himself—he should just die. To cultivate was also to risk one's life. The Heavens were not known for their mercy.

He was confident of his conclusions until now but was missing that key piece of the puzzle. The one thing that made the Heavens' involvement make sense.

What rule had been thoroughly broken yet was special enough for the Heavens to send such a convenient tribulation?

It was almost as if the Heavens wanted... Warriors... To have experienced... Through... Confirmed Self... Anchored Truth... Change... Order...

Chaos—

Shen's mind froze.

A few moments had passed when he came back to his senses. He recalled almost everything except the conclusion he had nearly reached in the end. Moreover, whenever he tried to think about it, red lightning flared and blocked his thinking process. Only a vague feeling that he had been on the right track yet still missing something crucial remained.

Shen sighed. Once more, he accepted the fate of the weak and moved on.

Back to the matter of his Truth, at least his musings made him better prepared for the tribulation. The first part of this tribulation was to figure out his path's Laws. He had accomplished it. The second part was about his Will. Maybe there was a third part, but maybe not. He'd better play it safe, looking for and fixing issues in his Path before actively trying to recall his Will.

As for how many things to fix... He had one other chance. One one. By the hole in his chest, another two changes to his True Center would cause his entire existence to be blown into nothingness and replaced with Heavenly Lightning. He was pretty sure that would count as a failure. So, he could only somewhat safely change one thing in his True Center.

That didn't mean he could look for stuff to fix for the whole three years he had. If there were too many steps after figuring out his Will, he might need some time to complete them.

He considered it for a bit and settled on a two-month deadline. Shen would give himself two months to analyze his beliefs, Laws, and personality. After that, he might or might not fix something. Only then would he dedicate himself to figuring out his Will again.

As for whether the tribulation would regenerate his holes after it was over... Well, he had to hope for the best. He didn't want to face the Gardener after getting the guy killed, so he couldn't ask for help. He also doubted he could sneakily find an S-tier treasure in the Myriad Worlds without attracting the man's attention, so even if he found one, he might need to think twice before acquiring it.

Of course, he would seek such treasure anyway. In fact, two extra months searching for soul-healing treasures before focusing on figuring out his Will sounded reasonable. It didn't even need to be S-tier, either. Maybe A-tier treasures would work. Perhaps he might find an A-rank healer kind enough to help him, too.

At least Shen knew healing his soul was possible. He had experienced the Gardener's Law when it infused the area and killed the Prophet. At least S-ranks could do that.

Heavens, he really hoped he didn't need to ask the Gardener for help after what he had done. He didn't know if his Honor would even allow him to do so without asking for forgiveness first, and that was a sure way to get killed.

Anyway, his plan sounded as good as any he could make with his current knowledge for now. He'd follow it. There was only one extra thing he wanted to add:

Crafting.

Shen didn't recall any experience crafting anything, but he knew crafters had to be very intimate with their Path. A minor inconsistency in their self-knowledge would be reflected as imperfections in whatever they created, be it a pill, a piece of equipment, or even a technique. Likewise, the better they knew themselves, the better they could prevent their Path from infusing their creation in a way they would rather not.

The Way of Crafting was also called the Way of the Externalized Self for a reason—and it was time for Shen to dib his toes in it.

As for the specific art... Forging would be too time-consuming; he barely recalled that there were too many things involved in high-level forging. Developing techniques was too likely to give him an insight into his Will, as it was related to Power. Woodworking or leatherworking might also cause him to touch on matters related to his Will because any battle equipment was so close to Power—and he'd rather not craft furniture. He didn't want to be that disconnected from his Path.

That left other arts unrelated to his Path and...

...alchemy.

Shen could safely say he knew almost nothing about alchemy. He was also confident in asserting that he had had minimal contact with it throughout his life. His memories seemed nearly intact when it came to alchemy, except for one time when he drank some liquid that someone gave him, and it did something to him.

In other words, he also saw no reason for alchemy to even exist. Cultivation was enough for any cultivator. Cultivators could deal with almost any issue anyone might have, cultivator or not. At most, they would require some special object or resource to help, but not a healing pill or something.

Almost always, raw, pure Power sufficed unless one was too weak to use qi and knowledge to deal with their issues.

So, alchemy was related to Power in just the right amount. Even high-level alchemy merely filled gaps for the weak, even if it was battle-related. He wouldn't get huge insights about Power by dealing with stuff to help weaklings. It might even provide hints about where to find A-tier or S-tier people or resources—natural or crafted—that might help with his soul.

In fact, in hindsight, learning alchemy looked just perfect for his current self!

Shen smiled and felt considerably lighter as he guarded E'livia. The ritual was still going, and he used the remaining time to think about how to convince her to travel the world with him for months while he practiced alchemy—without doing anything that looked politics.

And, Heavens, he really hoped Big Bad Dad didn't kill him for running around with his daughter or something like that. Dying would most definitely suck. He'd know—

Lightning flared, and his mind trembled.

When it came back to normal, he considered how dying would likely suck. Probably. He'd need to ask the Gardener to know, and he wouldn't do that anytime soon.

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