But I'm Also Ashley (Ch2) (Patreon)

Second Chapter of my fun and sexy Autobiography is up! Check it out below, I just copied and pasted it from where I normally post these on fictionmania - so just ignore anything that seem impersonal or my social links run down lol ❤️

Prologue:

So, I’ve been asked my story so often over the years, I figured instead of continuing to piece meal it together via tweets or Tumblr posts, I would write it out, in full, in the same way that I would write any of my other fiction pieces… the catch of course is: this time, it isn’t fiction.

You’ll notice a lot of similarities to my other fiction stories from the past but, I mean. That makes sense — where do you think a lot of those ideas came from? ;) And just like my other stories, yes, it gets pretty erotic. If you think this is gonna just be some boring autobiography - don’t worry, I’m writing this like I would write any of my erotic stories - the build up and tension is worth it for the release.

So strap in, and enjoy. Hopefully this will be as much of a ride for you, as it was for me.

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Chapter Two:

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During the next couple of days after my drunken bout of crossdressing, I spent most of my mental power to try and convince myself I hadn’t actually done what I thought I did… I hadn’t really tried on anything feminine. I hadn’t actually looked pretty okay in what I put on.

This was actually fairly easy to do, as I spent those next couple of days fairly hungover, so I didn’t really have much brain power that I could devote to think about it at all. But by the end of that week, I could definitely feel the “shame” roll in on the occasional wave.

I was bartending as my full time gig at this point, so I definitely used the hustle and bustle of that job to distract myself as well. But, I couldn’t help thinking about what I had done, and also tried on some level to understand why. The act had really given a huge blow to my chauvinistic, alpha male ego, and it felt pretty badly damaged post incident. I kept trying to think about getting back in the game - after all, my breakup had happened long enough ago I should have been moving on.

But as soon as I spotted a hot girl, or an opportunity to flirt, that little voice in the back of my head would chime in, reminding me of how cute I had looked in similar underwear to what the woman I was currently talking to was probably wearing.

I felt like this whole other little voice in my head had suddenly emerged to punish me, mostly there just to chide me, or remind me of what I had done. And all week I hadn’t been able to find a way to toss it back behind whatever door it had opened and was giggling at me through.

Ultimately, the severing of ties with my ex’s friends, and my current state of depression left me feeling rather isolated. And I can probably blame that feeling for what happened next.

With the weekend off, I spent a little too much time in my own apartment… too much time with nothing to do, and that growing, nagging voice in the back of my head reminding me of what I had done the week before.

The voice asking me to dwell on what had happened filled me with anxiety all day until I finally had enough of it, and I decided to look up more about what I had done online. I hoped it would give me a little normal perspective, and also allow me to maybe shut that voice up with some answers, so that I could move on.

I sat down at my computer and I made extra sure to go to a separate, private browser in an attempt to comfort myself in knowing there would be no “paper trail” as it were of my search history for ANYONE to find. I went to Google first and was immediately disappointed in the search results I was getting. Typing “I tried on my girlfriends clothes, why?” And “What is crossdressing?” Was only either getting my fetish crap, or the generic “Webster’s Dictionary defines” explanations. Nothing that spoke to me at all. Admittedly, I was afraid to even click on any of the fetish associated stuff.

I realized quickly I should probably search on Reddit, it was something I did often for computer hacks, gaming conversations, and movie reviews. I didn’t have a username, I was always just a reddit creeper. But I knew that I could get away with a slew of random terms in a search bar and probably get some people’s opinions back on what I had done, without having to actually start a conversation or admit anything.

I was relieved when the first search term results actually got me some decent looking posts to review. Conversations like “I tried on my ex’s clothes” or “I wore my girlfriend’s clothes while she was out” had a handful of comments attached to incidents described by these guys. Mostly short stories of their first attempts at “crossdressing”. I tried to read a few of these first posts but didn’t get much more insight at all - honestly, it was mostly either taken as a joke by the commenters, or came from subreddits were people were just lying for attention or thought it was funny to put a post like this in a gaming subreddit for the LOLz.

What I should have been doing was looking at what subreddits these posts were coming from, because my first mistake was clicking on a post that said “Tried on my girlfriends clothes. What do you think?”. I clicked on it because It had a huge amount upvotes and like 80 comments — so I thought maybe this was what I was looking for: an actual discussion about this scenario.

But instead of a paragraph describing the incident - there was a picture. It was a dude dressed in a tight little black dress, kneeling on a bed… or at least, I had to assume it was a dude. I wouldn’t have been able to tell by the picture. He had curves, and even a little bit of a bust? How was that possible? And why did his face look so feminine? I assumed this also had to be a joke put on by some woman who this picture obviously belonged to - until I went to the comments to confirm this theory.

Every single comment seemed to confirm this was a dude. Every single comment was positive. Every single comment seemed to be encouraging this behavior. And every single comment was thirsty.

Nobody denied this was a guy in the picture - but everyone liked it that way. Everyone loved that he looked just like any other girl in a tight dress. But that made sense, because I had inadvertently stumbled across the r/traps subreddit. A place were the whole concept was posting or encouraging posts from hot “traps”. The term is a bit “faux pas” now, but at the time, it was a fetish term - and this subreddit’s fetish was getting off to guys who looked like women.

I was utterly dumbfounded. I did not understand. Obviously I had heard of things like this before - Trap and Ladyboy were not terms I didn’t know, thanks to the wide world of the internet as a whole and meme culture. But, I had no idea that there could be such a massive, positive, reinforcing group of people - literally thousands and thousands of people - obsessed with and wanting more of this kind of thing.

I went through every single comment on that post. And I could not wrap my head around just how much attention this Redditor who had posted this photo was getting. Not only that - but it was nothing but lust and admiration.

My curiosity got the best of me, and I couldn’t help exploring the whole subreddit more, finding all the top posts, and feeling my mind explode as I had to admit to myself that yes - these men were hot as hell. And often, there was proof right there in front of me that the hot chicks I was seeing - had dicks.

One of the tops posts at the time of my search had a post title that said “If you can’t get a girlfriend, became one instead.” And it was a before and after picture of a somewhat nerdy looking guy on the left - and the sexy femme version of him on the right wearing lingerie and showing no signs that he was once masculine in anyway.

It wasn’t until I was a few comments deep into this post before I realized something - I was getting turned on.

I immediately backed away from the computer and processed… In my mind I justified easily: What straight guy wouldn’t be turned on by a hot woman. That was how they presented. That was perfectly fine. I had nothing to be ashamed of…

The problem was, I also knew deep down that it wasn’t the only reason I was turned on. Part of me couldn’t help but think back to what I had done last weekend… couldn’t help having to admit that in that reflection, wearing those panties - I definitely looked like the hot girlfriend.

The feelings going through my head where overwhelming. This had not really helped - if anything I was only more confused now.

And not only that - part of me was jealous and envious of all the attention these posts were getting on reddit. I hadn’t been hit on at the bar lately, I hadn’t allowed myself to even get into a situation where I might get a compliment from anyone post-breakup… I really wanted it I realized. And my weight gain from the post-breakup alcohol had definitely bruised my confidence a bit out in the real world… Would a subreddit like this think I was just as hot as I thought I looked in my mirror last week?

My mind was doing spins - what was going on?? I yanked myself out of my chair and from my computer and sat down restlessly on the couch. I sat there all night, watching anything to distract my brain - and realizing it was only Friday, and I had way too much weekend left to go…

Way too much free time for a spinning mind… a mind that started feeling a slight pull towards those clothes in the other room…

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End of Part Two! How does an autobiography even have a cliffhanger every chapter ending?? Because it’s more fun that way! Hopefully you enjoyed this! If you wanna see where I am now check out my socials!

You can find me (Ashley Barron) on several other media platforms: Twitter (@AlsoAshleyB), Tumblr (AlsoAshleyBarron), Reddit (AlsoAshley), and you can find all my modeling stuff on Patreon (Patreon.com/AlsoAshley) and OnlyFans (OnlyFans.com/AlsoAshley)! Feel free to jump on and say hi to me anywhere!