April 2024 Battle Plan (Newsletter) (Patreon)

Its been a wild grind the past couple weeks, but I'm glad I took a little bit of a break. Big post this month, buckle up.

Patreon updates

April 2024 MoEx
As mentioned before, the March MoEx got delayed because I over-scoped a little, so I've extended it into the April slot too. I love working on larger projects, but I really do need to be fully supported over here in order to justify spending a hundred hours or more on something like that. My ass is too ambitious and I need to scope down for future projects. I really need to start using patreon funds as a budget for patreon exclusive content XD

Project Trackers
As mentioned in the MoEx updates, I've started breaking up larger projects and creating Project Trackers for a more incremental look at the larger items I've been working on. When I get stuck working on an animation for 40+ hours, its not fun for anyone. I feel like it makes the patron experience pretty lacking too. This way I'll update the post periodically as I complete shots and make changes to keep you lovely patrons more informed about the current state of projects and showcase all the work I've been doing day to day.

Quickies
You may have notices "Quickies" as a new tag/title I've been putting on things. This is essentially just a new name for impromptu fan art. Small stuff that "I could get done in a day" famous last words. I've been feeling the itch to draw some more fanart recently so if I feel like I can get something done real quick, I will.

"In The Loop" Polls
Alright, originally this was going to be a little pitch for supplementary content while I work on the MoEx, but I've been thinking more and more about it and honestly its just creating more work for myself. I do still want to do them, I just need to figure out how I want to run them so I don't end up doing soulless work on them. Well, here's the pitch anyways:

In The Loops (ITLs) are small animation loops dedicated to monthly fan art of popular media characters suggested and voted on by the community! I feel like I live under a rock these days working all the time. So to keep me in the loop with what's popular these days, I'm going to need a hand!

I think I want to run them a little differently than the MoEx's but I really don't know how exactly I want to do that. The main thing is that I want to be invested in whatever it is I end up drawing so I think I want to have a little bit of control over the options that appear in the final poll. However the whole point is cashing in on what's popular these days and keeping up to date with current trends. I think what I'll do is keep the suggestion thread fully open, then reduce the number of entries in the poll down to a limited set of 4 or so with some kind of theming. I think I'll do single choice voting, and set it up as a weighted poll like the recent MoEx's. Let me know what you think, I'd love to get some input.

Commission Stuff

I'm behind on commissions still because I keep allocating my time incorrectly. I need to better dedicate my time to stuff that pays me but I also want to see things through to completion. and with tax season and car insurance both hitting this month I need to put even more focus on commission work this month too.

Mental Health (CW: Overwork)

I feel like I'm constantly running up against a financial wall working on things that I love. I have to balance commission work, personal work, and public posting, all while making sure I can pay my rent and taxes (yay April). I'm so amazingly grateful that I can do this for my job and I can't thank everyone enough for supporting all this time, but man some days it just sucks.

I feel like I'm taking financial losses every time I work on the stuff I'm truly passionate about. I put so much love and care and time into every single piece, I just want people to see that. To notice the little details. To see all the blood, sweat, and tears that go into every single animation. I want to give every piece the love it deserves and make it something I can be proud of. I don't want to do things for the sake doing them. I don't want my work to feel soulless. I just struggle because I want to do more, I just don't have the time or money to do so. I already work every day of the week, sometimes putting in 10, 12, 14 even 16 hour days and I still just don't have enough time. Am I overburdening myself? Am I happy? Is it worth it? I don't even know. I just want to be free. I want to be free to do what I love. I want to be free to just draw fanart for people all day. I want to be free to make people happy. I just feel so chained down all the time, like I'm constantly overworking myself for things to stay the same. It just sucks.

I feel like I'm constantly out of time. Like I can never get enough done in a day. Like I'm constantly chained to my desk, working. I shouldn't feel bad for taking breaks during a 12 hour shift. I shouldn't feel bad for playing games with my friends. I shouldn't feel bad for going outside. I shouldn't feel bad for sleeping in every now and then. I shouldn't feel bad for not working on the weekend. But I do. I've been constantly feeling like I'm not putting my time where I need to and that I'm juggling so many obligations that I'm struggling to keep up. I keep having to fight my ambition to make a living. The time I want to put into things for the quality I want keeps going up but the deadlines always stay the same. I know what I'm capable of. I know I can do so much more. I just don't have time. It just sucks.

I've been getting a little jaded recently. Maybe jealous is a better word. Either way, I hat this feeling. I just keep seeing other artists and animators out there doing well and instead of being proud of them, I just feel bleh. Like every time I see their work it feels tainted. I always think "man I wish I didn't have to spend so much fucking time on my work and could get away with doing what they do" <- and that's a really shitty thought to have. I don't get to see the BTS side of things, I don't get to see the struggle and pain that goes into that work. Their situation is entirely different to mine and I have no right to judge their work like its my own. I'm a hypocrite for thinking that way, but its really hard to fight those thoughts when I'm putting in 70+ hour weeks. It just sucks.

All that said, Just because things suck doesn't mean I'm not doing fine. I'm a tough cookie, I'll manage, I just wish I didn't have to work so hard all the time. I've never really been a person, so I've always had to make up for it by just getting really, really good at stuff. I guess I'm just used to putting in a lot of hard work to get places. Regardless, I appreciate everyone who's reached out with kind words and another thank you to everyone who's joined the patreon recently, your support really does mean the world to me. You guys are the best and I love you all. ~Trevo