All Right! Fine! I Will Take You! – Chapter 22 (Patreon)

There’s a turning point in almost every anime production. A crossing of the Rubicon, as Zaimokuza would put it, after which things can no longer be the same. It is something that broadcasts a great change to the audience in the most unsubtle way possible.

It is…

Sorry, the matter is of grave importance, and I hesitate to even bring it up. Allow me to gather my strength.

It is… The recap episode.

It is the episode where the animation budget has hit such a low point not even Koreans can work with it, and so the studio has to resign themselves to recycling clips from old episodes—also known as Naruto’s go-to. Sometimes it will be masked as a necessary step to allow the audience to take stock of what’s already happened and properly process it, but, more often than not, it will just start a downward spiral from which there’s no hope of escape, with every future conversation being haunted by a flashback waiting to happen. Also known as Naruto’s other go-to.

Seriously, everyonehad a traumatic past in that series. Ninja therapists must be rolling in the dough. Unlike baker therapists—those are rolling in pseudo-hentai and time travel.

To add insult to injury, sometimes the studio will even bother putting a sepia tone on top of the recycled clips, as if proudly proclaiming their material hasn’t been renewed since the Showa era (or whenever it was that they did use actual sepia tones—I don’t know why that is even a thing).

Still, at least it’s better than the ending of the Evangelion series.

… Slightly.

“So… Where were you yesterday?” Komachi says, in a pointless transition to my impending, and completely unwilling, flashback sequence.

“Ah, you know, Zaimokuza—” Ouch. That is a sharp gaze. At least it has too much emotion and too little smile to be actually yandereish.

I think.

I hope?

‘Fly, you fool!’

Oh, a reference to that thing Record of Lodoss War plagiarized. Nice, Brain-chan.

‘Not referencing anything! I live in your skull, and I don’t need extra ventilation!’

Surely, you’re exaggerating—

“Gack!” I eloquently protest Komachi grabbing my necktie and pulling me down to her level, in front of the impassioned flames burning in her eyes—

‘Oreimo.’

“Gah!” I masterfully display my discomfort at Brain-chan’s admonition. Also, at Komachi dragging me to the sofa.

I swear to Fushimi, if she sits on my lap to keep me from running away, I’m forcing her to frame our birth certificates and hang them up in her room.

Thankfully, she doesn’t. She just forces me to sit down and then sits on the armrest, perpendicularly facing me.

I think she’s trying to say that she has the high ground.

“Speak,” she orders.

“Uh… I mean… Didn’t this go quite badly for you the last time you tried?”

Oh, she’s flushing. Cute.

“Tha—that won’t happen again! Just tell me where you actually went last night, brother!”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously!”

“Like Majikoi? You know, ‘Love Me Seriously?’”

Komachi looks at me askance before slowly dragging her hand down her face.

“Please tell me you didn’t make a joke with your sister about the title of an eroge. A bad, forced joke.”

“It’s also a comedy anime.”

“… Based on an eroge.”

“A very good eroge.”

“That… That doesn’t make this any better.”

“It doesn’t have an incest route?”

Ah, there they are, those dead eyes of hers. I almost missed them.

‘And you still wonder what happened to Sense of Self-Preservation-kun…’

… Suicide?

‘Let’s just say he wasn’t aptly named.’

“Brother, Komachi’s going to start hitting you. She doesn’t know when she’ll stop.”

“That seems fair,” I answer, my voice measured and calm.

Then I get up and run up the stairs.

“Stay still and take it like a man!”

“That’s notwhat Shizu said!”

“Agh!”

Taking advantage of the stun effect I just masterfully applied (and people say status effects are garbage), I dive into my room and close the door behind me, leaning on it with my whole weight.

Seconds after, the knob turns, and I’m almost thrown into the room.

Ah, right. She’s the athletic sibling.

“Let me in so I can inflict untold violence upon you!”

“That doesn’t sound like my cute, dumb, younger sister! There are too many complicated words in there! I refuse to allow access to such an obvious impostor!”

“Insulting my vocabulary won’t earn you any leniency!”

“Seriously, have you been talking to Zaimokuza? What’s up with that?!”

“Who did you think I would call after you told me to tell our parents you would be spending the night at Mister Chuuni’s?!”

The door rattles once again, the vibrations traveling through my shoulder.

Yes, I can certainly see why Sense of Self-Preservation-kun is no longer among us.

“All right! Fine! I’ll tell you!”

“Too late! Now’s time for revenge!”

Fuck, what would Haruno do?

‘… Wait, you really expect me to have an answer to that question? Oh, you are adorable.’

I know, Brain-chan, but now’s not the time to delve into an elaborate analysis of my superlative charms.

‘The fact you really believe that—’

I have two girlfriends, an unspecified, older girl on kissing terms, and I maneuvered my two former first loves into ending up with one another.

‘… Oh gods, you’re about to become insufferable.’

Praise me more.

Also…

Just as the knob turns once again, I step aside, and Komachi barrels into the room, too fast and uncontrolled to account for me hugging her and throwing us both on the bed.

So, now I have my younger sister immobilized against the mattress, her face almost smothered by my pillow, my own body pressing down on hers.

…

If dad saw this, I would be dead.

I don’t think he would even be that surprised. Just… resigned. Lethally resigned.

“… Brother, Komachi has elbows,” she manages to bite out despite my pillow’s best attempts at silencing her. You have failed me for the last time, pillow-chan.

“Very cute and dainty elbows that I’m sure my adorable sister won’t—ouch!”

“Let go!”

“Not until you calm down!”

“And how am I supposed to calm down while you’re holding me like this?!”

“Lie back and think of England?”

That… may not have been the right answer.

Mostly because of the all-consuming pain radiating from the core of my being as a thousand unborn Hikigayas scream as they are erased from the time continuum.

When I finally open my eyes, I’m cradling the remains of the family legacy while in the fetal position.

Komachi is looking down on me.

There may actually be some regret in her eyes, but if that’s the case, she’s making an effort not to show it.

“Ready to talk?” she says as she cracks her knuckles, Ryouga Hibiki style.

… With the fang and everything.

… I need Rule 63 Ryouga fanart.

“Why do you insist on suffering?” I finally ask, my voice at that high note that would allow me to dub most shounen heroes. The screechier ones.

“Why do you insist on hiding the obvious from me?”

And… Damn it, how come I’m the one feeling guilty now?

“Fine… I spent the night at Shizu’s,” I finally confirm.

The mattress sinks, and Komachi is sitting right in front of me, her head turned so she can still look down on my unworthy self.

“And?”

She’s blushing.

… No. No, I refuse. That does not compute.

“Komachi, are you asking me for details about my sex life?”

The blush just intensified. I hope it’s with blinding rage.

“I mean… It’s not like I have that many people I can talk to about this…”

It isn’t rage. Gods, why? Why isn’t it rage?

“I… I am not sure what I can tell you—”

“So you did it?”

I don’t answer. I mean, other than choking on my own saliva and loudly coughing while trying to regain my breathing capabilities without resorting to an impromptu tracheotomy.

Komachi pats my back with a resigned air on her face.

It’s not very reassuring.

‘This room has a window. Just saying.’

Are you telling me to jump to uncertain salvation or to throw my captor through it?

‘Yes.’

“So… Was Iroha involved or—”

Gathering my untapped reserves of strength that have been recklessly cultivated through my (mostly off-screen) training arc, I shut Komachi up with my hand.

I hope she doesn’t bite.

… Not like that!

“Dear sister. My adorable, cute, younger sister. The holder of far too many Komachi points. You aren’t asking me that.”

Her eyes are a bit wide. I guess she’s impressed by my physical prowess or my deep voice—damn it!

I let go as fast as I can.

Something between my legs reminds me I may not be up for quick movements, but the few sanity points I still have urge me to push past the limits of my body and surpass—oh gods, too much shounen. Never mind, I’ll just rest my back against the cool, soothing wall and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

“I mean… You can’t blame me for being curious.” The world, in turn, insists on continuing to exist.

World-chan, I’ll have you know that’s very unsporting of you. Almost every worthy opponent will respect the unstated rules of combat and allow for an undefined pause where no time’s passing so that the planet that will blow up in five minutes actually takes fifty-three minutes and three seconds to give Greenpeace nightmares for years to come. There have been studies made.

“I can, in fact, blame you.”

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“Komachi, you just made sure you will never become an aunt. Any male you care to query on the subject will agree with me that that grants me a certain leeway with how much spite I’m allowed to throw your way.”

“I’m sure Taishi—”

“Keep talking. I’ll just add it to the pile.”

Komachi grumbles and lies back, her legs dangling off the bed, her head resting on my stomach.

“I just… I trust you, all right? And I can’t really ask anyone else. Please?”

…

“You could’ve started with this and saved us both the physical violence.”

“You could’ve agreed like a rational human being and saved me the spike in blood pressure.”

“No, I couldn’t have.”

She sighs. Then she chuckles.

“Does it… really hurt that much? It was kind of an accident; I wasn’t aiming… there.”

Then it’s my turn to sigh. I definitely don’t chuckle.

“It’s fine. It just hurts, but it doesn’t feel like it’s… you know. Damaged.”

“You can always ask Shizuka to—blegh. All right, not ready for that kind of joke.”

“Yet you insist on asking.”

She shuts up for a moment, and I can see her face settling on… not determination. Not quite. But something close.

“I do,” she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper.

I look at her, at the warm weight resting against my belly, and I ruffle her hair.

“Fine. You win. But you aren’t getting any Komachi points in quite a while.”

She smiles at me, turning her head under my hand, and I know she knows that’s a lie.

***

The conversation is… Not quite like I expected.

There’s barely any gagging, for starters.

“So… Iroha was there?”

“I mean… I didn’t focus on her, for obvious reasons, but—”

“What obvious reasons?”

“It was Shizu’s night.”

“But Iroha wasthere.”

“She’s… part of the relationship. I didn’t even think about excluding her.”

“But you can do… things without all three of you?”

“Yes, I mean, I’ve gone on a date with Shizu. As you already know.” Heh, I always wanted to say that line. Take that, Captain Exposition.

“But that was before she was also your girlfriend. What was she, a study partner?”

“… I fear any answer to that question will come back to bite me in the not-so-far-away future.”

“Oh, you are learning. Having two girlfriends has done wonders for you.”

“Haruno—”

“I’m not ready to even guess at that.”

I sigh, once more letting my fingers thread through Komachi’s hair as she keeps staring at the ceiling while using me as the lumpiest pillow she’s ever had.

“Yeah. Me either.”

“… You saw her today, didn’t you?”

“How did you—”

“Because you couldn’t let yourself enjoy a full day after losing… you know. You needed to do something for her, as some kind of atonement for being happy.”

“You really shouldn’t speak with Zaimokuza.”

“I know! Komachi’s poor brain hurts! What do you do to take care of yours after speaking with him, brother?”

‘Not. A. Word.’

“I fear Brain-chan wouldn’t want me to reveal her secrets.”

“… Brain-chan?”

‘You fool! You’ve doomed us all!’

“Forget it, just your gross brother being gross.”

“Ah. That fits.”

‘… You’ve earned my begrudging respect.’

And I only had to call myself gross to my cute, adorable, completely blood-related—

‘That didn’t last long.’

“So… What did you talk about?”

“I… I told her I loved her.”

“Wha—”

“Then she asked me what that means.”

“Why—”

“And I told her I don’t know.”

“…”

“Komachi?”

“And they say I am the dumb sibling.”

“I was just being honest.”

“Then tell her you need time to figure things out! Don’t pull out the ‘love’ thing just like that!”

“She understood!”

“No, she didn’t! Nobody would—”

“We kissed!”

Komachi twitches under my fingers. Then, slowly and deliberately, turns to me, uncaring of the hand being dragged by her movement.

“You. Did. What.”

“We… Kissed?”

“After… After having sex with Shizuka, you went and kissed Haruno—”

“She knows.”

“What.”

“I... I called earlier. Told her everything that happened and wasn’t a violation of Haruno’s privacy.”

“… What did she say?”

“She expected me to do something like that. Said we still need to have a talk. All of us.”

“Didn’t… Didn’t she get into a fight with her the last time she…”

“It’s… complicated.”

With a groan, she leans back and stares at the ceiling.

I don’t stop patting her head. Just in case.

“I just wanted some healthy gossip, a bit of a hint about what… that is actually like. I didn’t sign up for love polygons.”

“You could always talk with Yui and Yukino.”

“Have they—”

“I won’t everask. But’s it’s Yui. So yes.”

“How are you so sure?”

“… Have I told you Haruno is currently living in Yukino’s apartment?”

“… Brother, have you ever thought about writing soap operas?”

“Not until about a week ago.”

“And?”

“I don’t want Zaimokuza to feel bad. Maybe after his next rejection letter.”

“So you can rub it in?”

“Obviously.”

She chuckles. So do I.

I mean, it’s the expected thing to do, isn’t it? A buildup of tension that’s released by a timely joke? That’s surely healthy and not a way to avoid tackling the actual problems—

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love,” Komachi says. And I stop laughing.

I stop everything, actually.

“It’s… I know I’m still young, but I look at you, at how much you have started pushing yourself since… Since you kissed Shizuka, and… I’m kind of jealous? I know I always tried to set you up with Yui or Yukino, but… I don’t know. You are in love. It’s a bit—”

“I’ll always be there for you, Komachi.”

She closes her eyes, and her breathing slowly steadies.

“I know,” she whispers. “I know, but… Maybe you shouldn’t have to? Not if I’m holding you back—”

“Never. You’ve never been anything but good for me, Komachi.”

“You never pushed yourself like—”

“Don’t be an idiot. Why do you think I know how to cook?”

“Yes, but… But not with others. You suffered by yourself, alone, and didn’t reach out—”

“And I could go through that because I had you. I didn’t hide from the world because I used you as an excuse: I could stand the world because you were in it. I love you. Always have. Always will.”

“… You use that word far too lightly.”

“Or not enough.” I lean down and grab her beneath her arms before dragging her up, spooning her before whispering in her ear, “I love you, little sister.”

She stills for a moment, before she relaxes and leans back, her body trapping our warmth against my chest.

“And I love you, grossther.”

I smile and kiss her hair.

Then, like the not at all siscon I am, I close my eyes and enjoy having my sister near me.

***

Through some unspoken agreement, Komachi leaves to prepare dinner without mentioning any single detail about the diabetes-inducing scene that just transpired between us. Once again, fraternal telepathy proves it was a good perk to invest in. I mean, it was that or gaining strength when suffering radiation poisoning, and that only seemed marginally useful on character creation.

If I had known I would be born in Japan, I might have given it a bit more thought.

Still… Well, we talked about quite a few things and…

With a sigh, I grab my phone.

Going through my still quite short list of contacts, I let my finger hover over a name and, with a resigned sigh, I press it.

I’m half expecting to hear the ringtone from the ceiling.

“Senpai?” Iroha’s voice answers without anything in my room suspiciously shifting, proving that she has, at the very least, learned the sophisticated stealth skill of putting her phone in silent mode.

It doesn’t look like much, but one only needs to purchase a ticket to the movie theater to discover how dreadfully underused such a skill is. The true mark of a master.

“Hey, Iroha, I was wondering…” I, uncharacteristically, dither.

‘Yes. Totally unheard of.’

Shut up, Brain-chan.

‘See? That’s the problem: I tend to do that, and look where it gets you.’

“Yes?” Iroha asks me, a bit of a nervous note on her tone.

“Would you…” Come on! Just man up! Where’s that social bulldozer now?!

“Would I?”

Deep breaths. It’s not that hard.

Correction. It shouldn’t be that hard.

‘Phrasing. Also, you just missed a golden opportunity to add “after talking with Komachi” at the end of that line.’

… You don’t even care how many lines you cross, do you?

‘Praise me more. Also, Iroha’s waiting. And her breathing speed seems to be approaching dangerous levels.’

Right. Right. I just have to—

“Would you go out on a date with me?” I blurt out, the words almost jumbling together.

Though I guess she understands the question.

Mostly because I feel like I just lost a few decibels of audition in my right ear.

What is it with my girlfriends and squealing over the phone?