Halloween 13: Humpty Dumpty from Hell 1 (Patreon)

Bruce is a successful hipster who lives in Brooklyn. He broke up with his longtime boyfriend a few months back, and the finale was not very amicable, so he was surprised when, a few days before Halloween, a package arrived for him from his ex. He was exhausted, so he waited until he’d showered and was comfortably without any cumbersome clothes before he opened the box. When he did, he was pleasantly surprised. His ex knew that Bruce liked quirky art, and this statue by an artist Bruce recognized was just creepy and quirky enough to make Bruce smile. They’d been to a gallery together and had seen several sculptures depicting eroticized versions of Humpty Dumpty–sometimes whole, sometimes broken, always really creepy. The note from his ex read, “Humpty fell off the wall cuz his balls wuz too big! LOL. Saw this and immediately thought of you.” At that point, Bruce decided his ex must have forgiven him.

Later that night, he wouldn’t be so sure.